Well folks, she’s preggers.  At 66, Elizabeth Adeney is set to be Britain’s oldest woman to give birth, beating the previous record holder by a whopping nine years.  Um, gross?

Stories like this are destined to send shivers down your spine and flash disturbing images of your mother and/or grandmother doing similar things before your eyes.  There are things that we just don’t want to see old (not older, old) ladies doing and getting knocked up is definitely one of them.

Here is a list of 10 more things that old ladies definitely SHOULDN’T be doing:

1.  Having Sex: Worse than just talking about sex, the fact that old ladies have sex is just plain awful.  Just think of the wrinkles and folds and floppiness…oh gawd.  Curse the day when pharmaceutical companies decided that it was okay for old people to get it on.  Curse it!

2.  Wearing Mini-Skirts (or any variation on that fashion): Hey, if you’ve got the legs, show ‘em off.  Just realize that they have an expiration date and it’s usually around the age of 40 (unless you’re one of the lovely ladies on Sex and the City).  Old ladies be warned.

3.  Talking About Sex: Nothing is worse than the moment your  mom sits you down to explain the “facts of life” to you.  Oh wait, unless it’s your grandmother or some other older lady…and she’s talking about her personal experiences. Welcome to way-past-the-point of blissful ignorance.

4.  Posing Nude: I’m having trouble even justifying the fact that old ladies have to be naked at all, much less reveling in it and making other people watch (you hear that, Janice Dickinson?!).  I can’t even to begin to describe my revulsion.

5.  Dancing (anything but the waltz): A waltz between old people is fine, precious even.  However, a club?  No, thanks.  If my mom feels a groove thing coming on, I hope she would get herself to a gym and spin it out there instead of heading down to a hot club and shakin’ it on the dance floor.

6.  Using Slang: Slang is a possession of the youth culture and, guess what?  We don’t like to share.  When old ladies try to use the words and phrases from our generation, it just sounds wrong.  No one wants to make plans to meet granny for lunch and have her respond with, “Fo Shizzle, Nizzle.” That’s not even cool anymore, grams!

7. Enhancing Their Assets: Let’s face it – wrinkles and a push-up bra are a toxic combination.  No matter how far those suckers fall, grandma just better let ‘em hang, ’cause I am so not down for seeing any part of your 70-year-old knockers.

8. Wearing Bikinis: A family vacation at the beach or what-have-you is cute.  Including grandma in the vacation is even more quaint.  However, when grandma packs her new thong bikini?  Vacation just got real.  Too real.

9.  Shopping at Victoria’s Secret: Everything in that store is going to lead to flirting, dancing, sex, or other activities restricted to young hotties like ourselves.  No old ladies allowed. (See above. Yes, all of it.)

10. Facebookin’: Getting status updates from my friends every five minutes is enough; I don’t need to see what some old lady is cooking for dinner (at 4 pm), or all the pictures she has from her latest reunion with the grandkids. Stay off Facebook, old people. That’s ours!

OK! Magazine is reporting that Jamie Lynn Spears, the supposed “good sister” to a psychotic, dramz addicted older sibling, is, as we speak, 16 and pregnant.

Yup. The Nickelodeon star just confirmed to the mag (and subsequently, the world) that she’s got a bun in the oven courtesy of her “live-in” 19-year-old boyfriend, Casey Aldridge.

This is:

A) horrible news… and

B) even more confirmation that the Spears clan drinks a special kind of water spiked with “bad – decisions – that – will – effect – your – entire – life – and – ruin – your – career” vitamins.

While 10pm on a Tuesday night yields no comment from Nickelodeon, one can only assume that an unwed, pregnant teenager is not exactly the kind of role model they’re looking to endorse, and The Littlest Spears is most likely going to get a front row seat to her own career meltdown.

…That is, unless MTV calls her up and asks her to do a reality series.

“Jamie Lynn Spears: My Life As a Stupid, Pregnant Teenager” anyone?

Jessica Alba is having a baby with her beau Cash Warren.

Have our tabloid magazines and entertainment TV reporters checked out for an early vacay? Has Britney been hogging the media spotlight for so long that no one thought to even speculate?

There were no excuses like past starlets who deny it by saying “I’ve just eaten too many cheeseburgers”. There were no baggy Pucci dresses trying to cover up a little bump. There weren’t even professional experts analyzing her body language, or counting how many times she’s turned down a drink. And there have been no blown up pictures circling her belly in thick magenta marker and predicting her due date.

And to take all the fun out of guessing (and ruining potential money making tabloid covers- I so would not want to be the assitant to the Editor in Cheif at Us Weekly right now. Yikes) Alba’s rep, Brad Cafarelli confirmed exclusively to People that my girl crush, will indeed be popping out a baby in late spring/early summer.

Jessica and Cash have dated since fall of 2004 when they met on the set of The Fantastic Four.

Is it just me or is the trendy thing to be preggers in Hollywood right now? Between J.Lo, Nicole Richie, Christina and now Jess, it’s like a mass message is being spread that the days of coke followed by a getaway to Promises rehab facility is sooo yesterday (Amy Winehouse clearly did not get that memo) and that babies are the new must-have accessory. I bet Kitson will make a T-shirt about it or something. Then we will know for sure it’s a must do/have trend.

Who do you think is going to be next?

Well at least fashion is in their favor.

So here is a little gossip to keep your blues at bay until the weekend finally comes!

• Ashley Olsen was spotted sucking face with Lance Armstrong at an NYC Hotel Bar on Monday. Apparently, they left together around 2 am. This Sunday, Lance will be partying down with his foundation at the restaurant where I work and if Ashley Olsen shows up, I might just pee my pants. (NY Post)

• Roberto Cavalli confirmed to the press that J.Lo is prego and he has been designing clothes for her as she grows. All this took place at the launch of his new Vodka. Yes, Vodka. Now we all knew J.Lo was preggers but what I want to know is why Roberto Cavalli is selling vodka. Last time I checked, fashion designers and disterllies had little in common. (People)

• The Catholics are fired up at Britney for pictures appearing in her new CD. In one, Britney is confessing, in the next she’s sitting on the priests lap. It’s about the only press she is getting from her new album since Jive has totally given up on her doing any promo for Blackout. And the courts agree she is still a bad mom. Oh, Britney. (ET Online, NY Daily News)

• J. Simp and Owen Wilson went on a date last Sunday out in LA. Shouldn’t he be worrying more about his recovery and less about Jessica Simpson’s breasts? Just saying… (http://www.nydailynews.com/gossip/bwiddicombe/2007/10/31/2007-10-31_for_owen_wilson_jessica_simpsons_just_wh.html”>Gatecrasher)

• Mischa’s little sister Hania has already got the troubled teen routine down. She arrived at a fashion show last week wasted and the designer wouldn’t let her walk. Apparently she already has one rehab stint under her belt. Bring on the next! (Page Six)