I’m going to say what everyone is thinking. Ludacris is a modern day Shakespeare. Yeah, I said it, someone had to. If you don’t know every word to “Roll Out (My Business)” then I’m not sure you can be considered an American.

What could be better than a modern day Shakespeare? Pair him with today’s JFK or some other awesome leader of yesteryear. That of course, is Barack “Yeah I did coke, so what?!” Obama. Luda plus Obama? It’s like Batman and Robin, peanut butter and jelly, Paris and Nicole, boxed wine and passing out on a sidewalk! They just make sense together.

Naturally I was psyched when Barack and Luda first met up to talk about AIDS, empowering the youth or bling. My hopes were built up by a conversation that I could only assume they had.

Ludacris: YOU’S A HOOOO, OHHHHH!

Barack: Together… we can change America, Ludacris.

Ludacris: Yeah man, you’s going for that number one spot.

Barack: I want you, to be… my running mate.

Ludacris: YEAHHH Baby. Hells YES we CAN OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! LUDA! YEPPP!

My dreams started to become closer to reality when Ludacris dropped his new song “Obama’s Here”. Brilliance, sheer brilliance. I’d even call it poetic if poetry wasn’t so boring. He even dropped the idea of him being the Vice President! I felt faint with excitement, Ludacris said all the things I simply couldn’t articulate. My personal favorite line? “Hillary hated on you, so that bitch is irrelevant.”

However, things have taken a turn for the worse. Obama wasn’t as crazy about Ludacris’ single as I was. He formally REJECTED Luda’s delicately put-together song. I’m crushed. According to Ludacris, Obama would’ve even give him a “special pardon if [he’s] ever in the slammer.”

Barack! You’re going to pardon him for a future drive-by or shoot up of a club, but you won’t accept his praising lyrics? Ludicrous.

I digress.

Anyway, the democrats got all pissy and whiney about the ad and made some comments that didn’t do anything to help the situation, but I’m sure they’re still whining about it, not being productive, you know, the usual. I didn’t really see the problem with the ad, mainly because I was psyched about Paris Hilton being president.

I’m not really wild about either candidate, so I’m going to have to say we all write-in Paris Hilton for president for 2008. Mostly, because who couldn’t do a better job than what’s his name? Also, because she would hopefully implement some great policies that would bring this country out of it’s depressing state.

She’s a perfect representative for America. She has tons of super sweet connections with people, even if the majority of her network is people she’s given blow jobs to. She’s concerned with appearances and does not approve of anything “not hot,” like terrorism, hate crimes, animal cruelty and flannel. She doesn’t seem to care about either the Democrat or Republican party, but she does party, thus making her the perfect middle ground this country needs.

I’d start tuning into C-SPAN if she passed a law that mandated everyone in the House of Representatives to bring a tiny pursedog or other cute animal to every meeting. I’d watch her speeches, even if most of them were interrupted by her answering text messaged on her bedazzled BlackBerry. I’d even watch her speeches if they were filmed in Night Vision!

Maybe John “I Just Wet My Depends” McCain has a solid point. Maybe all this country needs is a little hotness. So, who’s with me?

“Hilton ’08: Yes, We CAN, bitch! Loves it!”