No matter the size of the school or the type of environment, every student wants to find her place: lifelong friends, fun activities, and a sense of belonging in a brand new setting away from protective parents and high school stereotypes. But is such a prize worth the price?

…is there a price?

For some, it could be drinking excessively to prove you can keep up with your pledge class. Or maybe it is participating in embarrassing or humiliating acts around campus, to show your dedication to a new group. Kidnappings and road trips? Sure. Taking nude pictures? Alright, if you say so.

It’s true. This semester, new sorority girls at schools across the Southeast found themselves targeted on Facebook by a Lexie Hillbrenner, an alum of their chapter who handpicked them as potential future leaders of their sororities – what great news for any new pledge!

After hours of chatting about majors and backgrounds, Lexie felt as welcoming and friendly as any other sister…so when she asked girls to complete random tasks ranging from reporting the distance between their dorm and the sorority house to what color underwear they were wearing, it didn’t hit too far from home. It’s college and they probably thought, “we’re Greek, and this is just part of getting into the house!”

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Bethenny Frankel from The Real Housewives of New York City has recently received a lot of flack for losing 29 of her 35 pounds baby weight in just less than three weeks. She gave birth to her premature daughter, who was born at just about 4 pounds, on May 8th, and has since reverted back to her original pre-baby 122 pounds body. To be honest, when I first read this about Bethenny (I had no idea who she was) I was shocked to find out that she lost more than 3/4 of her weight in less than 3 weeks. I understand that she was already pretty small (a size 4) before she got pregnant and she had been healthily monitoring her weight while she was pregnant….but her baby, Bren, was only four pounds when she was born! What does that say about her ‘actual’ eating habits when Bethenny was carrying this baby?

The problem with ‘celebrities’ (the term used very loosely) shedding the majority of their baby weight rapidly right after they give birth is that they give an extremely unrealistic perception of baby weight loss to the general public and to the women who emulate to look like these women. Given their status and fame, ‘celebrities’ are guaranteed the opportunity and time to work with a personal trainer, have chefs cook their foods, consult with a nutritionist and happily maintain the facade that they really didn’t do anything but “eat healthy” and “exercise” to lose weight after their pregnancies. While that is partly true, we often forget that these ways of weight loss are not meant to be completed in a span of three weeks but rather a longer and more tedious time frame where it’s not merely losing the baby weight but also trying to maintain the healthy fluids that are meant to be beneficial for the babies.

I do understand that the pressures of the industry do provoke even D-List celebrities like Bethenny to look fit, but it’s one thing to be fit and in shape just for yourself, but another thing to possibly endanger the life of your baby for the sake of looking skinny. Bethenny herself has clearly stated from the past that she’s struggled with healthy weight loss and nutrition since she was a kid and even has written bestseller books chronicling how to maintain a svelte figure. I do admire Bethenny’s endurance in keeping up with her weight (she says she lost almost 25 pounds of her baby weight just via C-Section), but when ‘celebrities’ send out these type of messages, they must stress the importance of healthy weight loss and eating right.

We often forget that while we look up to celebrities for their physical attributes, most of the times, they have many more resources than us in looking good. Yes, do stay slim and in shape, but maintain it in a healthy manner.

Ah, the Shy Guy: that rare specimen of man who you’ll never overhear  talking bragging about some meaningless hook-up. You won’t find him at parties or see him hamming it up for the ladies. He’s sweet, modest and avoids being the center of attention at ALL costs. Odds are, he’ll be the one sitting in the back of class, avoiding eye contact with the professor when he or she scans the room for a volunteer.

He’s pretty much adorable, really. Mysterious, intriguing, sensitive, endearing … a diamond in the rough (“the rough” being the obnoxious, masochistic guys that are just way too common in college). Shy guys are hot. Think Michael Cera. Mmmm.

No? Just me?

Anyhoodle. You’ve caught him glancing furtively in your direction on many (many) occasions. You’re interested. He’s interested. But the two of you both know there aren’t gonna be any suave, hey-baby-what’s-your-sign moves on his part. So, short of holding up a “Hey. You’re cute. I’d say yes if you asked me out” sign, how d’ya go about meeting/cracking open the shy guy? Read More »

[For many of us, sex and college go together like Uggs and snow - you can’t have one without the other. So, we brought in one of Berkeley’s finest sex columnists, Elizabeth, to start a dialogue about the topic (and act) that is very near and dear to our hearts. Every Thursday she will get your day goin’ with a little somethin’ somethin’ that’s on her mind.]

Nina Hartley is an extremely successful adult film star with 650 different video appearances under her belt. Starting off as an exotic dancer in the ‘80s, she is now a published author and an award winning actress for both sexual and non-sexual roles. I met Nina when we both served on a panel about modern sexuality for the Commonwealth Club in San Francisco. I asked her to give me some of her wise wisdom about sex, relationships, and everything in between.

Me: Do you think sexual freedom (through porn, sex outside of relationships, etc.) is good for the advancement women, or detrimental to the advancement of their self esteem?

Nina: Sexual freedom and autonomy are vital components of women’s greater equality in society. We are adults, not children in need of protection. Whether or not a woman’s exercise of this freedom is good or bad for her depends upon her making choices that are consistent with her values and beliefs. When we do things that go against our understanding of ourselves and the world, bad things usually happen as a result. My choices wouldn’t be good ones for very many women, nor would their choices be good for me.

M: We all know the key to being sexy is confidence. Do you have any special advice for being, or even just appearing, confident? Perhaps something you picked up through the industry? Read More »

Someone very close to me is 22 years old and has never had a girlfriend. He is not gay (yes, I’m sure), and moreover, he doesn’t want a girlfriend. In my mind, I picture him as always being just by himself—that same picture with the inclusion of a romantic partner just seems weird to me.

Is there something wrong with that?

That’s the question, isn’t it? In a world where it’s normal to partner up, get married, and have children, it often seems to me that those who fall outside the norm are harassed for it. What exactly is so wrong about wanting to be single for always? In my mind, that’s a matter of preference and a personal choice for which no one should be discriminated against.

If a person is single and wants to be in a relationship or have children, that’s one thing. But if they don’t—lay off! Read More »