It doesn’t mean that some things aren’t better faked.

Sometimes you just don’t have the time to read the New York Times every morning, or take up sailing to impress the hot preppy guy in your economics class, or even make sure your life isn’t a complete disaster. In this case, sometimes a girl just has to fake it. Hey, you think I actually have time to read the whole Economist every week to fit in with my superstar Ivy peers? Hells no.

How to Fake Knowing About Current Events:

1. Pick up the Economist from the library, read the first 5 pages where they summarize all the major events that happened in the past week in bullet points.

2. Skim the world section of the Times every morning, usually you can pick up the main points in 10 minutes- things in Iraq continue to go to hell, terrorism lives on, etc.

3. Every Sunday the Times summarizes all the major news stories of the previous week. Plus all the stories rock.

How to Fake Sexual Skill

1. You don’t really have to; most guys are thrilled to have you naked at all.

2. Reverse cowgirl. It’s so easy, but so effective. It’s like girl on top, only you face backwards. Guys love this move, especially if you’re wearing cute underwear.

3. A little moaning always fixes everything. No seriously, it does. Bonus points for a hair toss now and then.

How to Fake Being Preppy (in case your boyfriend invites you home … in CT)

1. Put on cable knit sweater, add pearl earrings, throw on some Sperry’s. Bonus points for sporting pink and green.

2. Apply pink blush to the apples of your cheeks so it looks like you just got back from brisk row.

3. Throw a copy of “The Official Preppy Handbook” in your monogrammed L.L. Bean tote (you know – in case you need to sneak off to the bathroom for a reference).

How to Disguise the Freshman 15:

1. I can’t stress this enough; A black turtleneck. It makes your chest look huge and your waist tiny.

2. Dark denim jeans, knee length skirts, empire waists, black leggings. Whatever you do, avoid flats and skirts together like the plague.

3. If you don’t have time to exercise, 50-100 lunges a day will firm things up in a couple of weeks.

How to Fake Knowing About New Music:

1. Always have an obscure band to reference. Even better, have two: “Yeah, the new stuff from Arcade Fire is great, for sure, but doesn’t it sound a little like the Coke Squirrels’ second album?”

2. Memorize the names of the top bands on College Music’s Top Lists and listen to a clip from each on www.myspace.com. Throw around names liberally.

3. There is nothing like iTunes for checking up random bands without actually bothering to listen to, or pay to hear their full songs.

How to Fake Looking Good After Pulling An All-Nighter:

1. Visine and an eyelash curler for your bloodshot eyes; apricot blush for your pasty complexion; a high, tight ponytail for that sophisticated European scholar look.

2. Take off those grim sweatpants and throw on a pair of equally comfortable low slung cargo pants, tight camisole, topped off with a little cardigan. It feels like PJs but looks so damn good.

3. Lay off the coffee unless you want to kill your stomach lining; wash down a caffeine pill with a tall glass of orange juice instead. It’s a buzz with vitamins and minerals.

I can’t tell if this is something I really want to know, but I kind of think I do.

But not about myself, of course; my mom tells me I’m pretty/I may cry if my cell phone tells me I’m ugly.  But this app could come in handy in so many other instances. For example, my sister always boasts that she is the beauty of the family. Oh yeah, Kimberly? Fibonacci says differently. In your ugly face, lil’ sis!

Or maybe you’ve donned your not-so-trusty beer goggles for the night and you’re just about ready to take home that stunning piece of man-meat you’ve been eyeing up all night. The “Fit or Fugly” app may just save you from making the worst mistake of your college career. Without it, you might have been waking up next to Alf tomorrow morning. The iPhone saves the day again.

So instead of putting your picture up on “Hot or Not” and letting strangers judge your overall attractiveness, let technology and math give you the empirical evidence you need to know that you (or your unsuspecting victim) are beautiful…. or not.

Take off those sweats and put a little effort in! You never know who you're going to meet.

No matter how many times I lecture my friends about how we, as single girls, need to look cute wherever we go, I can’t seem to follow my own advice.

I was sitting on the stationary bike at the gym yesterday, sweating out my scholastic stress to some Drake, when a cute boy sits on the bike next to me. A very cute boy, whom I happened to see around a lot last year, but never talked to that much. Apparently, I should have biked next to him months ago, because we enjoyed a long long, drawn out, get-to-know-you conversation as we pedaled our little hearts out.

I was so excited and in luuuurve, but instead of focusing on engaging in witty banter, batting my eyelashes, and basically just knocking the socks off this kid, I was wondering if my eye makeup from the day had made its way down my face yet, and if sweat could ever be remotely flattering. I was also questioning my decision to wear bright, floral shorts that rep my school (I thought they were so tacky that they were cute…my friends later informed me that sadly, they were just  tacky) with a shirt that completely clashed with them. I was all, “Hell, it’s just the gym, I can go looking crappy and no one will ever be the wiser.”

THAT right there, that sentence, is my problem. Dannia, honey, I feel your pain. I’m here to keep you from having to learn it the hard way: it’s a smart to look adorable no matter where you go.

I’m not saying you need to be completely decked out in your sexiest outfit on the way to class, or vamp it up by using your best smokey eye technique for 9 a.m. lecture. It’s just that when you feel like you look good, that confidence really does come across. People say this all the time, but it can’t be stressed enough: confidence is such an attractive quality! If you’re too lazy or rushed to make yourself feel pretty or good about how you look, people are going to think you’re too lazy to care about anything else. Also, when you don’t have to worry about how you look when you unexpectedly run into someone you want to impress, you can completely focus on the conversation. You don’t want to be asking yourself why you wore ratty sweatpants when he’s asking you if you want to go out on Friday night!

I completely understand wanting to be comfortable. I am the queen of being laid back. I swipe some mascara on for parties or special occasions, but my day-to-day routine revolves around face moisturizer and Chapstick. This isn’t about being someone you’re not, it’s just making sure you present your best self because you never know what will happen. I know that we, as single girls, hear it all the time: “It’ll happen when you least expect it! Don’t go looking for love, let it find you!” But I doubt it’s going to find me when I’m still dirty from last night’s gym sesh and my sweats have a hole in the crotch.

Since we’re unattached, it’s easiest to make a guy’s heart go pitter-patter with our looks first, so it just makes sense to make an effort even though, at times, it can be annoying. So wake up 15 minutes early so you can actually think about what you’re going to wear when you leave your dorm room! You’ll look good, you’ll feel good and you’ll focus on more important things, like school wooing the kid in your Art History lecture.

And now it’s time for me to invest in some new gym clothes…

]]> http://collegecandy.com/2009/10/02/single-and-looking-good-if-i-do-say-so-myself/feed/ 7 Zahra- Northwestern University dress up http://collegecandy.com/2009/03/12/sexy-time-sex-for-your-health/ http://collegecandy.com/2009/03/12/sexy-time-sex-for-your-health/#comments Thu, 12 Mar 2009 12:39:12 +0000 Elizabeth - UC Berkeley http://www.collegecandy.com/sex/17571 We all love to sex because, frankly, it’s fun and it feels good. But what if there was another benefit of gettin’ down? What if I told you that engaging in various sexual activities is actually good for you? As in it makes you healthier. Might just make you feel a little better about snuggling in bed instead of hitting the gym the morning after…

It reduces stress – According to an article on msnbc.com, having sex releases endorphins …

We all love to sex because, frankly, it’s fun and it feels good. But what if there was another benefit of gettin’ down? What if I told you that engaging in various sexual activities is actually good for you? As in it makes you healthier. Might just make you feel a little better about snuggling in bed instead of hitting the gym the morning after…

It reduces stress – According to an article on msnbc.com, having sex releases endorphins and oxytocin, increasing relaxation, easing anger, and thus improving your relationship. Sex may also cause you to heal faster, get sick less frequently, and even live longer. However, the beneficial effects start to fade when there are problems in the bedroom. According to the article, the situation is a “catch-69, the cruel irony that a proven cure for stress — a hot sex life — is exactly what stress destroys.” That’s definitely enough reason for me to get goin’.

Sex burns calories – Okay, so you can’t exactly skip the gym (every day, at least) to have sex. However, according to webmd.com, a half hour of sex burns about 80 calories or so, depending on your weight. Foreplay can also torch calories – 50 per half hour for a 150 lb. person. Go to this site and enter your own weight and time and see how much you’re burning off during your hook up sesh.

Certain, ahem, fluids reduce tooth decay – Semen contains zinc, calcium, and various other minerals. Zinc, calcium, and “various other minerals” are known to prevent tooth decay. You do the math.

P.S. My source even continues to say: “Sexual etiquette usually demands the brushing of one’s teeth before and/or after intimacy, which, by itself, would help promote better oral hygiene.” Double whammy if you brush those babies after receiving that healthy dose of zinc and calcium…

It makes you prettier – According to some, at least. A study at the Royal Edinburgh Hospital in Scotland found that the more sex you have, the younger you look. Now, that’s not too important to us youthful and vibrant college students, but how about healthy skin and hair? Apparently, sex causes a surge in estrogen, making hair shinier and skin smoother. Hey, you don’t have to tell me twice.

Go down and watch your breast cancer risk…go down – Now this one is my absolute favorite. According to a study published on CNN.com, women who perform fellatio on a regular basis have a lower chance of getting breast cancer. Now ladies, here’s the catch – you have to actually swallow the semen to reap the benefits. I’m not sure if this is fact or just a ploy by the men of the world to get us to swallow, but I do know that:

1) Dr. Helena Shifteer “…tries to fellate at least once every other night to reduce my chances.” Thanks for the overshare, Doc.

2) Dr. Len Lictepeen hopes that the research “will hopefully change women’s practice and patterns, resulting in a severe drop in the future number of cases” and should probably call Helena.

3) “Fellate” may be the best verb/vocabulary word I’ve heard since I learned the word “palindrome” in fifth grade.

Do you get your doctor-recommended daily dose of the dirty deed? Or are you still looking for that perfect “prescription”? Let me know what’s on your mind.

[Photo courtesy of the Sugar girls.]

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[Every week, CC and John will bring you some of the weirdest, funniest, saddest things he hears on his college campus. Join the Overheard revolution! Leave your own overheard convos in the comments.]

“So this sandwich – portabello and provolone, I mean, it should have been good — but I mean, it was, like, a slab of provolone. Like, exactly a blob. Like I was trying to eat a brick. And so then I ate it, and I went back to my room, and I threw it up, and it was like ‘Yup, now I get to have dinner again’.”

“My mom, you know, she’s pretty, but she’s not that pretty.”

“Yesterday, I did that thing where – you know? You’re, like, Wal-mart, and you’re Halloween shopping, but you end up in that weird kinda retail fog. And so you go, hey, furniture, maybe I want a … futon, and hey, mechanical stuff… I want some turpentine, and then you walk around some more and then you’re outside and it turns out all you bought was an industrial size thing of Cheez-Puffs.”

A child — six, maybe seven — is at the counter in a Salvation Army store. He has a small bag of plastic Wild West action figures in his hand, and some change in the other.

“That’s one dollar and five cents,” says the old lady at the counter.

“There, now, give the lady the dollar,” says the boy’s father, behind him.

Slowly, carefully, the boy takes out each coin. He needs to make sure that he counts them perfectly — he needs this to be absolutely correct. He pushes them across the counter, looking up solemnly.

“Is this right?” he asks.

“Yes, that’s right.”

He smiles.

“So I went back to my room, and of course I figured nobody was there, so I opened the door and was just ‘All right! Masturbation seems like a good idea!’ And then my roommate’s girlfriend was on the couch, just kinda looking at me.”

“I wanted everyone in high school to call me ‘blow me down’. Then it sorta came back in my face. Like, the blowing.”

“Maya Angelou’s coming here?”

“Yeah, I’m imagining it sorta like this: Maya Angelou sets up a half pipe on the stage, and just takes an Impala and does tricks for an hour. Then she flies off a jump into the audience and the crowd goes crazy.”

“It’s a shame that ‘penis’ defines what it does, you know, because it’s such a good word.”

First of all Ali, if you are serious about becoming your sister, I have some advice:

Lindsay would not have taken that shiz! One false move and that’s a Grey Groose martini down the front of your Betsey Johnson.

Ali asks Dina if she can be home-schooled, but Dina’s only advice is that she’d love to see Ali on stage…at graduation. Dina goes to other members of the LoClan for help. Nana (yes!) suggests that Ali needs to stand up to these mean girls. Michael Lohan Jr. (I didn’t know he existed?) adds that every girl has to cope with a few megabitches throughout life, but it’s just part of growing up.

Dina ignores both of them and continues to baby Ali and give her special attention, like in dance class. Dina found IMPACT online and thinks it’s great. Ali thinks IMPACT is “STUPID”. I can’t tell if this is just a typical weird mom idea, or an attempt to showcase Ali’s multi-cultural appreciation. And then Dina gets down while Ali watches embarrassedly. I love her more and more every episode.

Anyways, Ali is being targeted because she is a) very pretty and b) the daughter of Dina Lohan…and the sister of Lindsay, I guess. These reasons are fodder for any 14-year-old girls who are jealousy prone (um, all of them.) Alexis adds that Ali is already ten times better than these girls.

Ali decides to be the bigger person and ignore their petty viciousness. Having friends isn’t Ali’s priority. Her family is her best friend. Well, yeah mine would be too if my little brother was that badass and my mom was that fabulously cougar-like.

Everyone finally comes to the conclusion that Ali is awesome. She’s special–even called “gifted” by her vocal coach, Eileen (a hand-me-down from Lindsay). And when she sings Eileen’s touching poetry about her deceased daughter, Ali does sound halfway decent.

To test Ali’s newfound confidence, Dina arranges an interview with Access Hollywood. She informs Ali that some of the reporter’s questions won’t be easy to answer and drills her with practice questions. Cody adorably attempts help by asking a “hard” question–who her fave brother is.

When Access Hollywood‘s interviewer comes, Dina beams proudly as Ali handles herself gracefully throughout the interview (minus the nervous ticks and speed talking.) The whole family is warm and fuzzy after Ali has learned this important life lesson and Dina has nailed another publicity opportunity. She really is the original Mom-ager.

Next week: Ali wants a dog– but what she gets is a cat fight. Dina/Ali Smackdown!

The prodigal Lohan comes home with girlfriend in tow, drama ensues. Sadly it isn’t Lindsay with Samantha…

[photo of little Lo from www.flixster.com]

BEFORE YOU GO:

Don’t forget your passport — You will need it even if you go to Mexico for a day. If you don’t have one already, it’s not too late to get one.

Get your work done — Dig your heels in before you leave, so your trip can be a real vacation without work looming.

Make yourself pretty — If you want to be pampered with a manicure or wax job, do it before you go. It may be cheaper while you’re on your trip, but satisfaction is not guaranteed.

Consider different weather and occasions — You might not be on the beach all the time, so prepare some clothes for lounging, going out, and cold/wet weather.

WHILE YOU’RE THERE:

Bring two bathing suits — Have two different types, and don’t go generic. Nothing is worse than seeing another girl wearing the same bathing suit. Also, putting on a damp bathing suit is never a nice feeling. Having two lets you dry one while you wear the other.

Establish a budget — Prevent overspending by coming up with a daily budget. Research costs for food, accommodations, and other expenses in the currency of where you are going, then convert it back into dollars so you know the different rates.

Beware of scams — Even when you book your room, clarify if the price is for the room or per person. Don’t buy items packaged in a box. I once spent 150 Euro on a “Sony camera” in a box holding what turned out to be a bag of sand.

Protect yourself — Don’t accept drinks from strangers and keep a condom in your purse.

If something goes awry, there’s always Advil — so don’t leave that at home either.

The countdown ‘til Spring Break starts today. Prepping now will keep you worry-free later.

Have fun!

Too often, the advice is being given but no one is hanging around to do the instructing. Painting your face (and yes, I will stoop to this level) so that it looks natural is actually quite an artistic gift that one needs to work long and hard at honing.

It requires actually understanding the difference between your real lip color and candy apple red. It requires putting your purple eye shadow in detention until that glamorous-hipster-weekend party rolls along. (Or not so glamorous groupie rock show…either or). But if you can bear to face your day without these neon signs that scream “She might be UGLY under all of this!“, you’ll succeed in not only looking hotter than you actually do when you wake up, but also in fooling a whole lot of people that you’re ridiculously naturally gorgeous.

So here are some tips I’ve got for you. I do not bring them to you in vain. These tips have collected themselves in the beauty corner of my brain only after numerous glitter spills and eyeliner smears.

1. Mascara. You’ll need it. But lets keep it real, shall we? Your eyelashes aren’t blue. G et a color that makes sense for your natural complexion. If you’re one of those born blonde babes, try a light brown.

2. Concealer. Sometimes you simply have some stuff you wanna…ugh….CONCEAL. Dark circles. Pimples. Yeah, they’re the “real you”, but who needs to know? Try dabbing the makeup around the area you’re covering instead of wiping it in. Making sure you cover the area under your eyes can really lift them and make you seem way more awake than you probably are.

3. Lipstick. Yes, you’re allowed to wear it. And you’re even allowed to wear gloss. But wear a natural color. Put your purples and blacks away for 80′s night at the bar.

4. Blush. No, you don’t want to look like a clown…however, a little bit of blush can add to this whole natural look quite a lot. A good way to make the whole look flow? Instead of actually using blush, use the very natural lipstick color that I trust you pick, and smear it into your cheek bones. This way, your colors will match.

5. Powder. Shine is natural, but who cares, powder yourself, babe!

At this point; you’re good. You’ve actually enhanced the beautiful features you already have instead of steering your face down the Amy Winehouse lane of gnarly. You’ve graduated with a degree in deceptive face painting that is somehow honest at the same time.

Congratulations.

When it comes to being trendy, anything computer-controlled seems to get overlooked. Usually seen as too geeky to be truly chic, when it comes to fashion, science need not apply.Until I came across Skintiles.

To be quite honest, it took me a few times reading through the write-up on these things to really get what the hell they are, so let me give you a simplified run-down:

It’s like a mood ring that you can stick on your body, much like jewelry, except instead of whatever mystery substance is in those rings, Skintiles are completely electronic!

Get it?

As silly as they may seem, I can see these catching on big time. It’s kind of like an illuminated middle-ground for people who can’t make the plunge into permanent body mods. And what’s better is that it’s fun!

Can’t you see celebs walking down the red carpet with these babies stuck to their chest? I want to hate on these things and just give it a big “What the f*ck?” but it’s too weird to hate just yet.

It won’t be until I see a Hilton sister sporting one on the beach in LA that i’ll be able to question Skintile’s novelty.

It won’t be long…

In the end, I think if you’re adventurous, you owe it to yourself to give this a shot.