[Every week, CC and John bring you some of the weirdest, funniest, saddest things he hears on his college campus. Join the Overheard revolution!Leave your own overheard convos in the comments or send ‘em over!]

(Girl and guy, across dining hall.)

Girl: You’re beautiful! What’s your name?

Guy: Oh, thanks. You’re not very pretty at all.

(Guy, in the dining hall.)

Guy: I love space monkeys. But, you know, not in a t-shirt way.

(Girls leaving a class building.)

Girl 1: Oh, my God, that was complete bullsh*t.

Girl 2: Double bullsh*t.

Girl 3: Yeah. Fart fart fart.

(A professor, during an exam.)

Professor: Everyone, stop, take a break. This is a very challenging exam. I want you all to stop and think about puppies.

(A group of girls at the dining hall.)

Girl 1: I… I don’t know how much you guys talk about the Simpsons. It makes me uncomfortable.

Girl 2: We don’t even talk about the Simpsons that much!

Girl 1: No. You do. You don’t know what it’s like. You haven’t lived like me.

(Guys and girls clustered around a computer.)

Guy: Yeah, he’s pretty thirsty. And he walks really well for such an old guy!

(Two girls, arguing in line at a coffee shop.)

Girl: No, no, it’s like… the gay male equivalent of vagina dentata.

(Girl and guys, sitting on the grass outside.)

Guy: This whole week has been, like, hell.

Girl:  If you needed a study break, you could have come and watched me projectile vomit this morning.

(Girl, on the phone.)

Girl: … No! That’s your job! Your fat ass started all this sh*t, and your fat ass is gonna fix it!

(Guy, coming out of the bathroom.)

Guy: You know, you guys are slow. Like, if I didn’t tell you all, none of you would know I peed on the seat.

(Girl, at a computer.)

Girl: Guys, what’s “galactorrhea”? Is that where you sh*t entire solar systems?

(Guy, nervously walking up to a bar.)

Guy: Can I have… um, a Sex on the Beach? With… extra sex?

(Guy, yelling into a phone.)

Guy: No! Speak American! You’ve got a … a frickin’ Prime Minister! The only prime thing we have is prime rib! … And prime numbers!

(Girl and guy, talking in a hallway.)

Guy: How was studying?

Girl: Awesome. I got from Moses to “Space Jam” in only five Wikipedia pages.

Miley’s not dead!!! YAY!

Brad Pitt channeling Charlie Chaplin!

Men are taking advantage of Paris Hilton!

What’s the right bang?

What’s gonna change now that change has come?

Baby Simpson-Wentz tricks Mommy!

Wanna roll in the benjamins? Don’t become a professor!

Shampoo gone bad? It’s still useful…

The world’s youngest king…

…and hottest Prime Minister

Man eaten alive by tigers…yikes!

Jamie-Lynn Sigler hearts Turtle? Yes, it’s true.

How sick are you of Billy Mays?

• Think you’re going through a dry spell? “The average [amount of sex oppourtunities] in the engineering school is probably like once a semester.” Tragic. (Miami Herald)

• The French Prime Minister’s son likes poop. And Facebook! And embarrassing his family! (Telegraph.co.uk)

• “Having women well represented in the corporate boardroom can help improve financial performance.” Maybe with that extra money we can all get paid equally…maybe? (Yahoo!)

• Why is it that I could feasibly post a variation of this story everyday? Stop the madness! (Telegraph.co.uk)

• Some fat guy ate 21 pounds of grits and won $4,000. That works out to be about $190 a pound. It was for the glory, people! (seattlepi.com)