Remember that line Charlotte said in an episode of Sex and the City?

“I’ve been dating since I was 15! I’m exhausted! Where is he?”

Yeah. That’s pretty much where I’m at right now. I mean, really, between meeting guys who beer bong in the wrong places and giving my number to rather questionable dudes…seriously! WHERE IS HE?!

I’ve got the “learn to be by yourself and love yourself” BS down pat… I’m ready for my prince charming g-dammit!

Then I had a revelation mid-fatburn program on the elliptical: Women have a come a long way and nowadays, we’re practically equal to men. So why should I just sit back and wait for prince charming to come up in his white horse…or BMW? I should get out there, strut my stuff, and find Prince-Effing-Charming myself!

Can I get an ‘Amen’?!

It’s time to get tough with men; no more games, fellas. I’m here for the real deal. I’ve got to be aggressive…be be aggressive!

Then I came back down to earth, and off the endorphins, and  I realized that might not be the best approach for me. I don’t do aggression to well. I need to have a serious sit-down with this guy – he seems to know more things about dating than I do.

I mean, if Heidi Montag can get hitched…then there has to be hope for the rest of us!

There’s a great many things to do and places to see in this world of ours.  As humans, our lives are pretty short (and if you party like I do, it’s probably going to be even shorter).  So we have to prioritize!  We have brains for a reason and that reason is…reasoning (well, at least some of us use them for that purpose: see comment about partying above).  Let me be your voice of reason as I show you all the things you should be doing right here, right now.

It’s a stereotype that’s been pounded into our brains since we were old enough to spend our entire weekends watching Disney movies – your Prince Charming is going to be tall, dark, and handsome.  Sounds pretty good, right?  Sure…except for all those guys who don’t fit into that category.  Why not give a short guy a chance?  Here’s some reasons why you should date a short dude:

Clothes Swapping - Quality jeans are hard to come by and if your short dude has a sweet pair, then borrow those suckers!  The boyfriend jean look is totally in and if he wears a tighter, more tailored style then all the better for you!  Shirts, hats, scarves, etc.  You will be an adorable hipster couple with no awkward walk-of-shame incidents (because you can just borrow his clothes and make a fabulous outfit for your early-morning jog home!). Read More »

It’s the subject of half the love songs out there: soul mates and the idea of a happily ever after that awaits those lucky enough to find the so-called Knight in Shining Armor.  Take Taylor Swift’s “Love Story” for example, the poster child for a happy ending:

And I said,
“Romeo save me – I’ve been feeling so alone.
I keep waiting for you but you never come.
Is this in my head? I don’t know what to think-”

He knelt to the ground and pulled out a ring and said,
“Marry me, Juliet – you’ll never have to be alone.
I love you and that’s all I really know.
I talked to your dad – go pick out a white dress;
It’s a love story – baby just say ‘Yes.’”

Beautiful, right?  Makes your eyes mist up a bit?  Of course it does, it’s the quintessential love story.  Girl meets guy.  There is drama. Guy leaves. Girl waits for guy.  Guy comes back.  Cue the happily ever after.  Except…wait a second.  He left her, right?  And she waited around for him without any indication he was coming back?  Um, we might need to reconsider this. Read More »

Considering we had an extra day this weekend, this past week has been ROUGH. That Monday BBQ was awesome, but Tuesday just felt like the worst Monday of all time. It didn’t help that we ended up with a mullet because we were afraid of  offending our stylist.  Or the fact that we’re just now realizing our current “intimacy lite” situation with the boy we thought was our Prince Charming. But I guess we can’t really complain; at least we have the right to get married, unlike some of our friend in California.

But let’s not go there.

Instead, we’re going to enjoy this lovely spring weekend. Our toes are perfectly pedicured for flip-flops, and we’re going to head to the spa for a luxurious sperm facial (Note: don’t Google that…).  Then we plan to head home, settle in under our Snuggie and get suckered into buying even more crap we don’t need.  Hopefully there is some sort of miracle product on there to keep our abs in tip-top shape.  Nobody wants a mid-summer muffin top crisis.

Here’s to the weekend, even if it is only two days long this week!

After reading this article in Glamour, the only thing I can think is: Why would any woman ever date a baby daddy? (Conversely, I don’t see why a guy would ever date a baby mama, but for the sake of this article let’s just focus on the baby daddies)

I know what you’re thinking, “What if he’s super cute, funny, smart, has a great job—essentially the picture perfect prince charming, except for the fact he already has a kid?” Alright, so what if he’s Brad Pitt? I still wouldn’t date him. And yes, I wouldn’t date him just because he has kids.

While plenty of my friends wouldn’t turn down Brad Pitt, most of them also wouldn’t turn down a baby daddy. The way they see it, if you really, really like a guy and he really, really likes you, why let the fact that he has a kid come between the two of you? This is true. Very true. But let’s not forget that in most cases, dating a baby daddy means not only dating the baby daddy, but the baby mama as well. So, really, your relationship wouldn’t just be you and your man but you, your man, his kid and his Ex (or whoever happens to be his baby mama). Read More »

Let’s get one thing straight; I am absolutely obsessed with Disney movies. But as much as I love watching them, the princesses walking around those movies always manage to make me feel terrible about my love life. They create unrealistic expectations about love and relationships all while maintaining a search for ‘happily ever after’.

So how does one attain this happily ever after? According to a Disney princess, by finding love! And how does one find love? With a song and dance, of course!

Gone are the days where meaningful conversation and actual chemistry are needed for a relationship, Disney princesses show that chiseled features and a great singing voice are all a girl really needs. Beauty and the Beast seems to be one exception as the Beast definitely ain’t no looker but Belle likes him anyway. The only downside to this love affair is that the Beast is holding Belle captive in order to make her fall in love with him so he can turn handsome again.

Ariel, in The Little Mermaid, has yet to speak to her man before claiming her love for him. She defies her father, runs away from home, and makes a deal with an evil sorceress to give up her voice, all in hopes of meeting this guy. But lo and behold, Ariel and the prince do meet and by the end of the movie they have fallen in love and are ready to live happily ever after. Maybe it was all the stimulating conversation the two had together that attracted him to her. Or the great pair of legs she traded her voice for. Read More »

T.G.I.F.

Remember when that meant a night of Full House and Family Matters? Now it just means a night of heavy drinking followed by a day of serious sleeping. And I still love it just as much.

This week was a long one. We lost Estelle Getty. Our boyfriend, Christian Bale, was arrested for yelling at his mother. And we found out that all the not-so-hard work we are putting into college isn’t worth crap anymore. Awesome.

But even though another week has passed, crazy girls are still around, we are still too picky when it comes to picking boys, and freaky guys are still all about peeing on us in bed. WTF?

Maybe we should stick to being single? It is far too hard to find a tall guy anyway. And getting into a relationship only means adding another ex to the list…who you will never be able to avoid thanks to our generation’s problem with oversharing.

Ugh. I need a shot.

At least boys are starting to appreciate more comfortable undies. I’ll keep that thought close to my heart as I enjoy yet another awesome summer weekend.

When it comes down to love, I’m a picky jerk. Prince Charming can march his white horse right up to my doorstep with roses and I won’t answer the door because he’s not ‘challenging’ enough. Let me take a moment to recount the ‘problems’ with my most serious of lovers over the last few years.

Guy A didn’t pay enough attention to me.

Guy B paid too much attention to me.

Guy C wasn’t reliable enough but

Guy D just had his life way too planned out.

Guy E wasn’t smart enough while

Guy F wasn’t social enough.

And this is how it always works.

I know deep in my soul that if I ever wanted a relationship to really WORK, I’d have to stop expecting it to be perfect. I’d have to stop throwing in my cards whenever there’s an argument and I’d have to stop climbing up on my pedestal every time I’m offended by a guy.

And I think this is an issue that a lot of people deal with, especially women. It seems to me like guys don’t need too much from a girl to be satisfied. In fact, most of my guy friends would boil it down to: Not being a crazy b*tch, being good in bed, and…uh….not being a crazy b*tch. But for girls, I think it’s a whole different ball game.

He should be funny but not obnoxious, smart but not pretentious, strong but still sensitive, supportive but with his own life, sexy but not sex-oriented, loyal but not obsessive, stable but not predictable, outgoing but enjoy nights in…

Oh. Dear. God. Read More »

Everywhere I go, I see couples of all shapes and sizes. I’m no Supermodel, but I’m not a total trainwreck either; I’m literate, have seen “Iron Man” at least six times, and shower almost everyday. So why isn’t anyone spooning with me?

After analyzing all of my failed attempts into coupledom, I realized it’s not me doing something wrong–it’s every guy I’ve ever been with: they never meet my standards. But what are my standards? Two words: have mercy!

…Okay, two more: Uncle Jesse.

That’s right, Uncle Jesse is my dream man. The Prince Charming to my Cinderella, the McDreamy to my Dr. Grey, the Richard Gere to, well, everybody’s mom.

John Stamos’ portrayal of Uncle Jesse on the sitcom “Full House” entered my life at the young and impressionable age of literally the day I was born. I mean, it’s kind of weird to say that he shot me into puberty before I was out of diapers, but since I could process emotions, I’ve known who the man for me is.

Why waste time on the frat guy with premature male-pattern baldness in Philosophy 101, or the dude with those cheese whiz-stained pants that used to live on my floor? I’m still a young sprite, and am in no rush to lower my standards, thankyouverymuch.

Here are the top 5 reasons why Uncle Jesse is the reason I’m still single: Read More »

Some girls want roses and romantic music. They want Prince Charming to sweep them off their damn feet and whisper sweet nothings into their ears. They want sex to be the ultimate expression of love and passion; candles lit and wine. They want their man to go slow and worship every inch of their body one minute at a time. But those aren’t most girls.

Sure, sure, this sounds good to most girls…but only as an occasional thing. Who wants THIS every night? (Besides the aforementioned ’some’ girls)

Some new research has been released that testifies to the fact that most people — women included — want their sex to be rather simple. This survey was led by sex therapists across the US and Canada and the results are in: Most people consider 7-13 minutes of sex desirable. 3-7 minutes is apparently ‘adequate’ and 10-30 minutes is said to actually be ‘too long’.

So what happened to all of the damsels in distress who crave long love making sessions? Are they just too busy now? I mean, lets face it, women certainly do have more opportunities across the board these days to work whatever job they want and to pursue whatever else in their free time. Maybe women don’t care about how long their man spends smooching their thighs anymore because they simply have better things to do than have Romance Novel sex with a wanna be Fabio?

What do you think? What’s YOUR desired sexy time??