Dear Dude,

This question is more about satisfying curiosity than searching for advice. Do guys think about happily ever after? We all know that girls often think about love in terms of the fairy tale, Prince Charming, etc. How do guys think about love?

Sincerely,

Candidly Curious

Dear Candidly Curious,

Do guys think about love? Of course we do. What is a guy’s idea of love? Porno! JK. Mostly…we’re a visual minded gender…

There’s a different sort of guy for every scenario you could think of. There are some who want their lives to run like When Harry Met Sally… or even Knocked Up (in part because most guys hope they get to have pity sex with Katherine Heigl, her bitchy reputation aside).

Then you have the guy who wants his dick to be rarer than tritium. His idea of happily ever after is to sleep with more women than Walt Chamberlain and Picasso combined (we’re talking five figures there, allegedly). He’s Charming without much Princely to his persona.

You could maybe try to chart a guy’s definition of happily ever after according to what age bracket they check off on their OKCupid profile.

Every guy wants a fairytale ending. We’re just not all in the same fairy tale. To most guys in their early 20’s, forever isn’t something they think about. To guys in their 30’s, the long-term become more imperative and to guys in their 40’s, well, the long-term feels like it’s starting to pass them by. So what’s the most important aspect of creating our happily ever after? Location, location, location!

Or maybe just a confidence thing.

What makes you happy tends to change over time. To a lot of the sexually secure specimens, going off into the sunset with a gal by his side isn’t the main drive. To those who’ve learned to be lonely sitting at a café table by themselves is a miserable fate. We have the confident versus the codependent. Sounds good, right?

My idea of a happy ending is to be with someone. But I’ll be the first to admit that there are some guys who shouldn’t get married and have no interest in ever being tied down unless it’s for foreplay purposes. And you know what? Both ideas of a happy ending are valid.

No one need say there’s a right answer to “what’s your idea of happily ever after?” There’s only an answer that’s compatible with your idea. When a guy’s endgame is in common with yours, then you might just have found a fella to stick it out with.

The End,

The Dude

It’s a stereotype that’s been pounded into our brains since we were old enough to spend our entire weekends watching Disney movies – your Prince Charming is going to be tall, dark, and handsome.  Sounds pretty good, right?  Sure…except for all those guys who don’t fit into that category.  Why not give a short guy a chance?  Here’s some reasons why you should date a short dude:

Clothes Swapping - Quality jeans are hard to come by and if your short dude has a sweet pair, then borrow those suckers!  The boyfriend jean look is totally in and if he wears a tighter, more tailored style then all the better for you!  Shirts, hats, scarves, etc.  You will be an adorable hipster couple with no awkward walk-of-shame incidents (because you can just borrow his clothes and make a fabulous outfit for your early-morning jog home!).

Portability - In case you were wondering, this doesn’t mean you can put your short dude in your purse and carry him around like a Designer Dog.  This means that because he’s probably around your height, he can go all the places you can go…and you can squeeze yourselves into compromising positions in places that a tall dude could never go (small closets, behind bushes, under the stairs, etc.).

Cuteness Factor – Short dudes are adorable. Period.  Also, what is cuter than being able to look eye-to-eye and kiss without straining your neck/back/legs to reach his lips?  Nothing, my friend.  Nothing.

The Green Option – Apparently, short people are more environmentally friendly because they are smaller (mostly) and require less resources.  Imagine if you two were living together and your house was solar powered and you recycled literally everything; you would have the most environmentally friendly relationship ever! Go green!  Date a short dude!

Long Term – Short guys live longer on average because they are smaller and have less cells to duplicate.  That means more time with your man!  Very good news if you feel like pulling a Beyonce and puttin’ a ring on it.  Of course, you still need to be healthy and exercise no matter your height; shouldn’t be too hard to find some ways to burn calories with your short dude, though!

These are only a few of the myriad of reasons to be with a short dude (the most important of which would be if you click or not).  The rest you’ll find out once you start dating them!

[This story was originally posted by Katie - Michigan State University]

Likey? There’s more. Check out some of our favorite posts!

Success?

I was a huge Disney princess fan growing up; I had the Sleeping Beauty sleeping bag, I dressed up as Belle for Halloween…every year, and I even still know all the songs by heart. And can occasionally be heard singing them in the shower. Recently, as yet another way to procrastinate studying for my finals, my suitemates and I Netflixed the Disney version of Cinderella and spent a girls night enjoying one of the greatest classics of all time.

Much like the Golden Girls and The Simpsons, looking at one of my favorite childhood movies from a slightly more mature perspective was a completely new experience. I was alarmed by some of the things I saw. No, there weren’t any dirty jokes that once went over my head, but there were some seriously flawed messages being conveyed to the young and impressionable viewers. One, that evil people all have really big butts. The other, Disney’s very jaded, very antiquated definition of success for a woman.

At the end of any princess movie (or romantic comedy, for that matter) the girl is successful because she gets the guy. It doesn’t matter how awesome her life was before (Hello, Ariel was a princess and got to live under da sea!), she isn’t successful unless someone’s put a ring on it.

I hate the idea that success for women is defined simply by meeting the man who can make everything better. And I hate that I spent a good chunk of my life buying into that crap. As a single lady in the 21st century, I very much believe that before you can fall in love with someone else, you have to know and be confident in who you are. That’s what a healthy relationship develops from. And that confidence is what ultimately leads to a woman’ success, married or not.

So while Cinderella may not be successful until she finds the man that makes her a princess, I know that in real life there are so many more options to define success for us girls. Like dominating your university’s academics. Or making a name for yourself in student groups. Or surrounding yourself with some pretty kick-ass people. Because, yes, the people around us are important, but that doesn’t have to include some dude.

We all spend so much time getting dolled up to go out and meet guys at parties, in class and in student groups. And when we’re not primping, we’re analyzing. And talking. And sometimes stalking. But for what? If we spent half as much time trying to woo some guy, we could focus our attention on more important things. Things that truly make us successful. Things that make us feel good on our own.

Because independent success feels good.

Eventually our Prince Charming might show up, but until then, I am just fine being a successfully single Cinderella twirling at the ball with my girlfriends.

See? Weird.

Talk about the British Invasion.

Yesterday, this post on Jezebel pointed me towards this utterly, utterly ridiculous Times of London article that claims college-bound British ladies are increasingly enrolling in American universities—primarily to meet “Ivy League educated males.”

The article is crazy enough that it blames “hit shows such as Gossip Girl, The OC, Dawson’s Creek and even Twilight”—yes, that noted television program, Twilight—for the pseudo-phenomenon it’s investigating. Author Luisa Metcalfe also cites Ivy League hotties including Barack Obama, Jake Gyllenhaal (both of whom went to Columbia. I’m just saying), and “aspiring Dartford College student Dan Humphrey” as bait for English girls.

I repeat: Dartford College. Never mind that Gossip Girl’s Dan actually ended up going to NYU, or that he originally wanted to go to Yale, not “Dartford”—Metcalfe actually writes the word “Dartmouth” just three paragraphs after she initially mangles the name of the beer-happy New Hampshire Ivy, so how did the term Dartford even make it into the final version of this article? Don’t they have copy editors across the pond?

And even if this article is right and female Brits are really applying to American universities just so that they can meet guys with argyle sweaters and perfect teeth—not, you know, because they want to get a good education at a top school—I have to speak up.

I’m sorry to burst your bubble, mates, but here’s the truth about Ivy League guys: they are weird. At least, the straight ones almost all are.

The only long-term boyfriend I had at Columbia once tried to make his own beer by boiling hops and wheat, then letting the mixture sit for a week. My best guy friend on campus, a chemistry major, straight-up watches videos of scientific graphs on Youtube sometimes. My brother, who went to Yale, used to have “books and hot sauce” listed as his interests on Facebook.

Metcalfe quotes Dr. Dona Matthews, who used to work at New York’s Hunter College Center for Gifted Studies and Education, as saying, “In order to get in to any of the Ivies — in addition to exceptionally high academics and SATs — they have to be athletic and they need to demonstrate exceptional social abilities.” But if Ivy League guys are all “athletic” and “social,” I’m the freaking Pope.

Sorry, girls—although there are a few Nate Archibalds scattered across Ivy campuses, the vast majority of dudes who attend the Ancient Eight are quirky at best and just plain odd at worst. So are the girls, actually. That’s one of the things I love most about Columbia.

If I wanted to find a Prince Charming in college… well, I guess I’d try transferring to some school in England.

“I’ve been dating since I was 15! I’m exhausted! Where is he?”

Yeah. That’s pretty much where I’m at right now. I mean, really, between meeting guys who beer bong in the wrong places and giving my number to rather questionable dudes…seriously! WHERE IS HE?!

I’ve got the “learn to be by yourself and love yourself” BS down pat… I’m ready for my prince charming g-dammit!

Then I had a revelation mid-fatburn program on the elliptical: Women have a come a long way and nowadays, we’re practically equal to men. So why should I just sit back and wait for prince charming to come up in his white horse…or BMW? I should get out there, strut my stuff, and find Prince-Effing-Charming myself!

Can I get an ‘Amen’?!

It’s time to get tough with men; no more games, fellas. I’m here for the real deal. I’ve got to be aggressive…be be aggressive!

Then I came back down to earth, and off the endorphins, and  I realized that might not be the best approach for me. I don’t do aggression to well. I need to have a serious sit-down with this guy – he seems to know more things about dating than I do.

I mean, if Heidi Montag can get hitched…then there has to be hope for the rest of us!

There’s a great many things to do and places to see in this world of ours.  As humans, our lives are pretty short (and if you party like I do, it’s probably going to be even shorter).  So we have to prioritize!  We have brains for a reason and that reason is…reasoning (well, at least some of us use them for that purpose: see comment about partying above).  Let me be your voice of reason as I show you all the things you should be doing right here, right now.

It’s a stereotype that’s been pounded into our brains since we were old enough to spend our entire weekends watching Disney movies – your Prince Charming is going to be tall, dark, and handsome.  Sounds pretty good, right?  Sure…except for all those guys who don’t fit into that category.  Why not give a short guy a chance?  Here’s some reasons why you should date a short dude:

Clothes Swapping - Quality jeans are hard to come by and if your short dude has a sweet pair, then borrow those suckers!  The boyfriend jean look is totally in and if he wears a tighter, more tailored style then all the better for you!  Shirts, hats, scarves, etc.  You will be an adorable hipster couple with no awkward walk-of-shame incidents (because you can just borrow his clothes and make a fabulous outfit for your early-morning jog home!).

Portability - In case you were wondering, this doesn’t mean you can put your short dude in your purse and carry him around like a Designer Dog.  This means that because he’s probably around your height, he can go all the places you can go…and you can squeeze yourselves into compromising positions in places that a tall dude could never go (small closets, behind bushes, under the stairs, etc.).

Cuteness Factor – Short dudes are adorable. Period.  Also, what is cuter than being able to look eye-to-eye and kiss without straining your neck/back/legs to reach his lips?  Nothing, my friend.  Nothing.

The Green Option – Apparently, short people are more environmentally friendly because they are smaller (mostly) and require less resources.  Imagine if you two were living together and your house was solar powered and you recycled literally everything; you would have the most environmentally friendly relationship ever! Go green!  Date a short dude!

Long Term – Short guys live longer on average because they are smaller and have less cells to duplicate.  That means more time with your man!  Very good news if you feel like pulling a Beyonce and puttin’ a ring on it.  Of course, you still need to be healthy and exercise no matter your height; shouldn’t be too hard to find some ways to burn calories with your short dude, though!

These are only a few of the myriad of reasons to be with a short dude (the most important of which would be if you click or not).  The rest you’ll find out once you start dating them!

It’s the subject of half the love songs out there: soul mates and the idea of a happily ever after that awaits those lucky enough to find the so-called Knight in Shining Armor.  Take Taylor Swift’s “Love Story” for example, the poster child for a happy ending:

And I said,
“Romeo save me – I’ve been feeling so alone.
I keep waiting for you but you never come.
Is this in my head? I don’t know what to think-”

He knelt to the ground and pulled out a ring and said,
“Marry me, Juliet – you’ll never have to be alone.
I love you and that’s all I really know.
I talked to your dad – go pick out a white dress;
It’s a love story – baby just say ‘Yes.’”

Beautiful, right?  Makes your eyes mist up a bit?  Of course it does, it’s the quintessential love story.  Girl meets guy.  There is drama. Guy leaves. Girl waits for guy.  Guy comes back.  Cue the happily ever after.  Except…wait a second.  He left her, right?  And she waited around for him without any indication he was coming back?  Um, we might need to reconsider this.

Let’s look at some more examples.  Movies like The Notebook, A Walk to Remember, When Harry Met Sally, hell, even He’s Just Not That Into You, and many more all have the same theme of love overcoming huge obstacles.  But are these movies ruining us?  Should we be waiting around for our soul mate to show up and magically make our life into some romantic movie?  Where is our happily ever after??

Well…it’s here right now, if you want it.

You can have your happy ending any time you want and then go out and have another one (and another one and so on).  “Happily ever after” doesn’t have to mean years of pining alone, waiting for your knight to have his adventures and come back for you.  Um, what about your adventures?

I’m not saying throw romance out the window, not even close.  However, romance isn’t only to be found patiently loving your prince from afar, Disney-style.  Sometimes your prince needs to be hunted down.  And guess what?  This sweet world of ours has a lot of princes.  I even met a prince last weekend at a club (he doesn’t speak English fluently, but that’s okay, I don’t discriminate among princes).  The world of our generation is even bigger than Cinderella’s – we have planes, trains, automobiles, and the internet.  Places like plentyoffish.com and nerve.com are pretty much smorgasbords for guys in hypothetical crowns.

Just be warned: in real life, princes are effed-up.  They come from highly selective and traditionally inbred families and are often brought up to develop narcissistic tendencies (um, yikes).  So prince is a relative term and often misunderstood.  Just saying, maybe you should be looking for a nice dude who you can have a good time with rather than some crazy-ass royal.

You have a choice, my friends.  You can sit at home and have your Disney romance (you better have TiVo because you’re gonna have a lot of down time) or you can go out and seize your love life by the balls (literally, if you like).  In my opinion, it’s about time to get a handful of genitalia.

But let’s not go there.

Instead, we’re going to enjoy this lovely spring weekend. Our toes are perfectly pedicured for flip-flops, and we’re going to head to the spa for a luxurious sperm facial (Note: don’t Google that…).  Then we plan to head home, settle in under our Snuggie and get suckered into buying even more crap we don’t need.  Hopefully there is some sort of miracle product on there to keep our abs in tip-top shape.  Nobody wants a mid-summer muffin top crisis.

Here’s to the weekend, even if it is only two days long this week!

I know what you’re thinking, “What if he’s super cute, funny, smart, has a great job—essentially the picture perfect prince charming, except for the fact he already has a kid?” Alright, so what if he’s Brad Pitt? I still wouldn’t date him. And yes, I wouldn’t date him just because he has kids.

While plenty of my friends wouldn’t turn down Brad Pitt, most of them also wouldn’t turn down a baby daddy. The way they see it, if you really, really like a guy and he really, really likes you, why let the fact that he has a kid come between the two of you? This is true. Very true. But let’s not forget that in most cases, dating a baby daddy means not only dating the baby daddy, but the baby mama as well. So, really, your relationship wouldn’t just be you and your man but you, your man, his kid and his Ex (or whoever happens to be his baby mama).

Essentially, dating a baby daddy is like begging the deities for major DRAMA — not to mention suddenly becoming semi to completely responsible for a child. Who needs all that? Right now, not me. Which is why I’ll be sticking to the super cute, funny and smart guys with great jobs who DON’T have babies. Lucky for me, there are more of those guys to go around.

What about you? Would you consider dating a baby daddy or baby mama?

[photo from www.aromababy.com]

Let’s get one thing straight; I am absolutely obsessed with Disney movies. But as much as I love watching them, the princesses walking around those movies always manage to make me feel terrible about my love life. They create unrealistic expectations about love and relationships all while maintaining a search for ‘happily ever after’.

So how does one attain this happily ever after? According to a Disney princess, by finding love! And how does one find love? With a song and dance, of course!

Gone are the days where meaningful conversation and actual chemistry are needed for a relationship, Disney princesses show that chiseled features and a great singing voice are all a girl really needs. Beauty and the Beast seems to be one exception as the Beast definitely ain’t no looker but Belle likes him anyway. The only downside to this love affair is that the Beast is holding Belle captive in order to make her fall in love with him so he can turn handsome again.

Ariel, in The Little Mermaid, has yet to speak to her man before claiming her love for him. She defies her father, runs away from home, and makes a deal with an evil sorceress to give up her voice, all in hopes of meeting this guy. But lo and behold, Ariel and the prince do meet and by the end of the movie they have fallen in love and are ready to live happily ever after. Maybe it was all the stimulating conversation the two had together that attracted him to her. Or the great pair of legs she traded her voice for.

Another idea that Disney princesses seem to instill upon us is that one day Prince Charming will just show up and make our lives better. But in the meantime we should probably be sitting around waiting for him. Look at Cinderella, for instance. Instead of telling her step-sisters to ‘f*ck off’ and then leaving the household to find a real job and house to support herself, she lets herself be treated like a slave to her step-mother’s whims. She is only let off the hook from this life when Prince Charming shows up and whisks her away to his castle. She doesn’t know him that well, but he has a ton of money and power, so I guess that equals out to a happily every after.

Instead of the cookie-cutter Disney Prince Charming, I’d rather go out and find a man with flaws. To me, that perfect Disney prince sounds boring. Every relationship needs a little disagreement and meaningful conversation, not just physical attraction. I think a relationship can have a happily ever after, but only if you’re realistic about it.

No guy is ever going to act perfect all the time like Prince Charming, nor are you always going to look flawless like Cinderella, but with the right amount of time and commitment, you two can make your own happily ever after. And If a guy still loves me even when I wake up looking like the Beast, that’s my idea of a Prince Charming.

What do you guys think? Do any of our relationships really turn into happily ever afters, or has the idea just effed us up when it comes to dating?