"What the eff am I supposed to do with a pap smear?!"

Oh, how I love Christmas morning.

There’s nothing quite like waking up to the smell of slow-roasting, honey-baked ham and my dad’s own personal off-key rendition of “Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire.” But, let’s be honest, as much as I love food/my family/blah blah blah, I (like most of you reading this) like getting presents the most. But, if there’s one thing I’ve come to learn in my 23 yrs. as an expert-present-opener, it’s that some presents (or maybe, some people?) just SUCK, plain and simple.

Believe me, as a poor college girl, there’s almost nothing I won’t take (or take and then pawn), but there are some presents that even I wouldn’t appreciate hiding out under my (fake) Christmas tree.

1. Smooth Away pads. From the boyf. Equally as awful: A gift card for (facial) laser hair removal. From anyone.
2. A Weight Watchers membership. Self explanatory.
3. A pap smear. Remember, CBS cares.
4. Self-help books: Namely, “Why Men Love Bitches,” or “He’s Just Not That Into You”… from the long-term boyfriend.
5. A gift card to Match.com. Because I wasn’t depressed enough about being single during the holidays. Or for the past 4 years.
6. Over-the-counter sleeping pills. This sends a message loud and clear. And that message is: everybody needs their beauty sleep…especially you.
7. Paris Hilton’s Pefume. Any of the 7 she’s come out with. Eu de Toilette has that name for a reason.
8. Proactiv. Thanks for informing me that the 11 minutes I spend every morning with the cover-up is time wasted.
9. Re-gifts. Uh, thanks bro, but I gave you this Saved By The Bell box set last year.  See? The card I gave you is still attached.
10. Spanx. Butt pads. A water bra. You get the idea…

You ever get a bad gift? What was it?

I went from cracking jokes about Jessica Simpson’s ProActiv ads to wanting to be in my own acne treatment ad basically overnight. I never had acne problems as a teen. Even buying something as simple as face wash seemed like a foreign concept to me-after all, I had perfect skin. Of course I’d have the occasional tragic zit that would drive me up the wall — but that was as far as my derma-traumas were concerned.

Until I switched my birth control.

Once I switched my birth control my hormones went completely out of whack. A few months ago, after the switch, I started breaking out ALL OF THE TIME. I felt uncomfortable going outside without makeup on. As a singer, I didn’t want to be on stage. As a model on the side, I stopped showing up to interviews. I felt gross and about as far from pretty as a girl can possibly feel without having to be a D list Hollywood drunken starlet.

I wasn’t about to give in to a bleak marriage with acne. My skin’s future needed to be free and happy, not tied down to bullsh*t anxiety.

I finally got to that breaking point where I caved and decided I would try ProActiv-or something like it. Something like it is what I went with when I saw Acne Free at the drug store. It was right there in front of me and for much less than what I hear ProActive goes for (it was $20 for the package). I rationalized with myself for a while before the purchase.

“Elizabeth…you spent $20 at a bar on drinks in an hour. You can chance it for better skin…”

And so I did.

I have been using this stuff for about two weeks now and my skin is TOTALLY CLEAR. Sure, there are still a couple faint red marks from ugly skin past, but I’m confident now that those will clear up in time. I know that skin seems like such an unimportant topic, but it really was making me miserable.

Jessica Simpson may very well be a dim-witted alien, but I can’t blame the girl for speaking up with ProActiv. The only problem with her campaign, besides her, is the fact that one must ORDER ProActiv, and pay a lot more for it than Acne Free. If you’re struggling with acne, like I was, you might as well try it. It definitely worked for me. Now go crack jokes about me for endorsing a brand. I don’t care. ‘Cause my skin rocks now.

Anyone else have acne recommendations? Anyone else out there tried Acne Free?

I just recently came across this great list—The Drunk Tank; 10 Wasted Celebrities—and man, are these clips fuuuuunnnny. While I’ve seen many of them before (who didn’t see Paula Abdul off her rocker on live morning television), to have them all in one place is such a good laugh.

Personal favorites? Puff Daddy, or P Diddy, or—what is he called now?—talking about ProActiv. He’s not nearly as hard core when he’s had a few wine coolers. Brit Brit having a drunken convo with K-Fed. She should really just never, never talk unless she’s singing. Never. And my number one? Ben Affleck wasted during an interview trying to get the host into bed. I don’t know what’s better about this one—him being all over her, or the fact that she wants so badly to do him when the camera shuts off.

So, on this lovely spring day, please enjoy the public displays of drunkenness. And on your next night out, remember no one is safe with camera phones and YouTube in the mix!