It’s the same story with all of us. You meet a great guy, he seems perfect and then WHAM, he does something that makes your skin crawl. And while some turn offs are universal (negativity, bad in bed, the dude straight-up smells), some hold more weight than others. Below is my personal (and lengthy) list of turn offs.

Stank breath– I wouldn’t make out with a shoe….sooo…yea, go brush your teeth. And Floss.

Chomping– This is a personal turnoff of mine! I can’t handle when people chomp their food, that’s an instant deal breaker.

“Texas…Fight!” – In the midst of getting it on, an old flame once sat up and yelled, “TEXAS!” …So I sat up and said, “…Fight?” I get that you love UT but really? Interrupting the mood to chant TEXAS FIGHT is a definite no-no.

Dick Slap– Hey, I’m right there with every other girl who loves Jason Segal! But unless you’re starring in a Mila Kunis movie, please spare me the sight of your junk swinging back and forth, making slapping noises against your thighs.

Too big- I want to enjoy sex…not feel like you’re piercing my insides.

Too small– Wait, I said I want to enjoy sex, right? Read More »

When it comes down to love, I’m a picky jerk. Prince Charming can march his white horse right up to my doorstep with roses and I won’t answer the door because he’s not ‘challenging’ enough. Let me take a moment to recount the ‘problems’ with my most serious of lovers over the last few years.

Guy A didn’t pay enough attention to me.

Guy B paid too much attention to me.

Guy C wasn’t reliable enough but

Guy D just had his life way too planned out.

Guy E wasn’t smart enough while

Guy F wasn’t social enough.

And this is how it always works.

I know deep in my soul that if I ever wanted a relationship to really WORK, I’d have to stop expecting it to be perfect. I’d have to stop throwing in my cards whenever there’s an argument and I’d have to stop climbing up on my pedestal every time I’m offended by a guy.

And I think this is an issue that a lot of people deal with, especially women. It seems to me like guys don’t need too much from a girl to be satisfied. In fact, most of my guy friends would boil it down to: Not being a crazy b*tch, being good in bed, and…uh….not being a crazy b*tch. But for girls, I think it’s a whole different ball game.

He should be funny but not obnoxious, smart but not pretentious, strong but still sensitive, supportive but with his own life, sexy but not sex-oriented, loyal but not obsessive, stable but not predictable, outgoing but enjoy nights in…

Oh. Dear. God. Read More »