There’s a new plague making its way across college campuses from coast to coast. Take one step into your local incorporated coffee shop, vegan restaurant, Urban Outfitters or American Apparel store and you will be afflicted. (Or blinded by all the neon spandex and overwhelming scent of cigarettes.)

I’m talking, of course, about hipsters.

Don’t know what I’m talking about? Don’t worry’ they’ve even got a Wikipedia page.

I don’t truly despise these people. In fact, some are my dear friends. However, the ones that aren’t my friends are becoming an issue – a taking-all-the-tables-at-my-favorite-coffee-shop issue – and here’s my top 10 reasons that they piss me off. Obviously, not all apply. And obviously there are many, many more.

1. OHMYGOD just because I don’t wear weird clothes doesn’t mean I don’t like good music, too.
Hipsters pride themselves on liking the most unique, underground indie music. And if they like something outside that realm? Well, they like it “ironically.” In fact, I’m pretty sure their entire subculture is based on irony. (Editor’s Note: Maybe Alanis Morisette started the hipster movement?!) They automatically assume if someone is in a polo shirt that their music taste only expands as far as Dave Matthews and OAR. WRONG. Not everyone wears their music taste on their American Apparel sleeves. Get. Real. Check my last.fm; I listen to just as much Arcade Fire as you do and my mom was at Pavement concerts when you were in diapers.

2. The corporations you support are just as bad as the ones you hate.
So, you enjoy taking over Urban Outfitters? Well guess what – UO supported Proposition 8, the recently passed proposition that banned same sex marriage. Urban is owned by the most anti-gay bigot ever. Maybe you should think twice before you go heading over there for your next ironic tee and skinny jeans.

3. Life’s tough. Get a helmet.
Adorn the helmet with Bon Iver stickers. Do what you must, just stop bitching and moaning and sucking down Parliament Lights and PBR cans like it’s your job. You’ve got a trust fund, you unitard-wearing complainer.

4. Hypocritical much?
So, you spend your time hating on people for being judgmental a-holes? While you sit there and judge them based on the fact that they’re wearing mainstream clothing and maybe enjoy rap music? I don’t think that frat boy gives a crap about your life, so why do you care how he lives his?

5. Sports are not the anti-christ.
I like basketball. It’s fun to cheer for things (I know. Enthusiasm. Scary.) and maybe you should try watching it. Just because a lot of people love it doesn’t mean it sucks.

6. People eat animals. They taste real good.
Don’t tell me how my burger came to be. Veganism is your choice, not mine. Do I tell you how your lungs are turning black when you smoke? No. Do I not-so-politely inform you that your skinny jeans are permanently damaging your nerves? Nopers. Don’t remind me that my sandwich was once a living thing.

7.  It’s okay to like things without being ironic.
I’d love to meet a hipster that can openly admit that they un-ironically enjoy Britney Spears or Fall Out Boy. Even just a couple songs. Come on! It’s catchy! I’m not judging you!

8. Starbucks is tasty. Organic coffee tastes funky.
Enough said. Maybe it’s overpriced, but oh my god, I have never had a decent frappucino at an indie coffee shop. Side note: your indie coffee shop is most likely a franchise, too!

9. PBR is gross.
Enough. Said.

10. Smile.
Sunshine, I don’t care what you’re wearing, but for the love of spandex and Ray-Bans, can you please brighten someone’s day and smile? Scowling is super unbecoming.

Melanie currently interning in NYC, taking full advantage of all margarita specials and those blonde summer boys. Stalk her on Twitter: @tinkermellie

[lead image via CREATISTA/ Shutterstock]

A federal appeals court knocked down California’s Proposition 8 — an amendment to the state constitution that banned gay marriage. In 2008, California voters decided to restrict marriage to just a man and a woman. Now, four years later, the court has found that measure to be in violation of the equal protection rights of lesbian and gay individuals. This is big news for California, but doesn’t mean much for other states. The court was ruling on the constitutionality of Prop 8 specifically, not the restriction of gay marriage in general. And, despite the decision, gay couples still can’t get married in Cali — they’ll have to wait ’til the decision goes before a larger panel of justices. However, the debate is now only a couple steps away from the Supreme Court, which means the gay marriage issue could come before the nine almighty justices by the beginning of next year.

President Obama backed off (somewhat) on a rule that would require religious organizations to provide their employees with health insurance covering birth control. Now, groups can “opt out” of this type of coverage, as long as they offer their employees alternative healthcare options that provide contraception. This comes after weeks and weeks of criticism from religious groups that believe contraception is immoral. Maybe Obama came up with a good compromise…but still, getting birth control will require an extra step for lots of people, including students at religiously affiliated colleges. Read More »

Great news out of California this week! Proposition 8, the voter-approved ban on same sex marriage in California, was ruled unconstitutional by a federal appeals court on Tuesday.

Prop 8 has been very controversial since 2008, when it was narrowly passed by a vote of 52 percent to 48 percent. You probably remember the Yes on Prop 8/No on Prop 8 campaigns. Even though the law only affected California, people from around the country got involved with the issue. And even though countless celebrities and big companies like Google threw their weight behind the No on Prop 8 campaign, it still managed to pass.

Read More »

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It’s wonderful to learn from your mistakes of the past year, I really believe that. Not wearing white undies under black leggings, always putting those comfy inserts into your super-high heels, throwing an extra tampon in your handbag – they’re valuable lessons that should be embraced and carried into the New Year.

That being said, there are some horrible oversights, mistakes, and trends that should be shoved under the rug and never to be spoken of again. Put your head in the sand and make like these tragedies never happened.

Here’s what we’re leaving behind in 2010: Read More »

There’s a new plague making its way across college campuses from coast to coast. Take one step into your local incorporated coffee shop, vegan restaurant, Urban Outfitters or American Apparel store and you will be afflicted. (Or blinded by all the neon spandex and overwhelming scent of cigarettes.)

I’m talking, of course, about hipsters.

Don’t know what I’m talking about? Don’t worry’ they’ve even got a Wikipedia page.

I don’t truly despise these people. In fact, some are my dear friends. However, the ones that aren’t my friends are becoming an issue – a taking-all-the-tables-at-my-favorite-coffee-shop issue – and here’s my top 10 reasons that they piss me off. Obviously, not all apply. And obviously there are many, many more.

1. OHMYGOD just because I don’t wear weird clothes doesn’t mean I don’t like good music, too.
Hipsters pride themselves on liking the most unique, underground indie music. And if they like something outside that realm? Well, they like it “ironically.” In fact, I’m pretty sure their entire subculture is based on irony. (Editor’s Note: Maybe Alanis Morisette started the hipster movement?!) They automatically assume if someone is in a polo shirt that their music taste only expands as far as Dave Matthews and OAR. WRONG. Not everyone wears their music taste on their American Apparel sleeves. Get. Real. Check my last.fm; I listen to just as much Arcade Fire as you do and my mom was at Pavement concerts when you were in diapers.

2. The corporations you support are just as bad as the ones you hate.
So, you enjoy taking over Urban Outfitters? Well guess what – UO supported Proposition 8, the recently passed proposition that banned same sex marriage. Urban is owned by the most anti-gay bigot ever. Maybe you should think twice before you go heading over there for your next ironic tee and skinny jeans.

Read More »

Yesterday, two years after Prop 8 – a proposition to ban gay marriage in California – was passed, Federal Judge Vaugh Walker released a 136-page document deeming the proposition unconstitutional. To say it was a big day for the gay and lesbian community in this country is an understatement. In fact, to say it was a big day for this very straight woman is an understatement, too.

Having been raised in a liberal household before attending an extremely liberal college, I literally cannot understand the idea of banning gay marriage. Say what you will about the whole “marriage is between a man and a woman” thing, making it illegal for a gay couple to get married is unfair, unjust and in opposition to the morals and ideals this country was built on. Read More »

There’s a new plague making its way across college campuses from coast to coast. Take one step into your local incorporated coffee shop, vegan restaurant, Urban Outfitters or American Apparel store and you will be afflicted. (Or blinded by all the neon spandex and overwhelming scent of cigarettes.)

I’m talking, of course, about hipsters.

Don’t know what I’m talking about? Don’t worry’ they’ve even got a Wikipedia page.

I don’t truly despise these people. In fact, some are my dear friends. However, the ones that aren’t my friends are becoming an issue – a taking-all-the-tables-at-my-favorite-coffee-shop issue – and here’s my top 10 reasons that they piss me off. Obviously, not all apply. And obviously there are many, many more.

1. OHMYGOD just because I don’t wear weird clothes doesn’t mean I don’t like good music, too.
Hipsters pride themselves on liking the most unique, underground indie music. And if they like something outside that realm? Well, they like it “ironically.” In fact, I’m pretty sure their entire subculture is based on irony. (Editor’s Note: Maybe Alanis Morisette started the hipster movement?!) They automatically assume if someone is in a polo shirt that their music taste only expands as far as Dave Matthews and OAR. WRONG. Not everyone wears their music taste on their American Apparel sleeves. Get. Real. Check my last.fm; I listen to just as much Arcade Fire as you do and my mom was at Pavement concerts when you were in diapers. Read More »

Considering we had an extra day this weekend, this past week has been ROUGH. That Monday BBQ was awesome, but Tuesday just felt like the worst Monday of all time. It didn’t help that we ended up with a mullet because we were afraid of  offending our stylist.  Or the fact that we’re just now realizing our current “intimacy lite” situation with the boy we thought was our Prince Charming. But I guess we can’t really complain; at least we have the right to get married, unlike some of our friend in California.

But let’s not go there.

Instead, we’re going to enjoy this lovely spring weekend. Our toes are perfectly pedicured for flip-flops, and we’re going to head to the spa for a luxurious sperm facial (Note: don’t Google that…).  Then we plan to head home, settle in under our Snuggie and get suckered into buying even more crap we don’t need.  Hopefully there is some sort of miracle product on there to keep our abs in tip-top shape.  Nobody wants a mid-summer muffin top crisis.

Here’s to the weekend, even if it is only two days long this week!

Move over Octomom – there’s a more fertile mofo in town.

It’s possible to break your boyfriend’s penis?

Natalie Portman sets the record straight.

Mary Kate and Ashley team up with Steve Madden.

Lady Gaga‘s got eyes for the ladies.

The Governator says there is good news for Prop 8.