[I’ll be the first to admit that I’m not the epitome of prim and proper- heck, who really is nowadays? But looking around at the misguided youths of today *ahem drinking buddies*, I’m starting to think that Miss Manners might have been onto something.

While you may never need to know how to greet a duke or how to tell which fork is REALLY the oyster fork, knowing how to deal with people whom owe you money, how much to tip, and how to address the ever annoying licorice-in-teeth conundrum without being rude might actually come in handy in the real world. I'm not trying to be your mother - oh goodness, no - I'm just here to help you out of those little etiquette dilemmas. So here goes: a quick lesson in etiquette. The sh*t you might actually need to know]

One of my oldest childhood friends is getting married this Saturday and, quite frankly, I am horrified by the thought of attending his wedding. Not that I have anything against the lovebirds; on the contrary, I’m glad he’s happy. It’s just, well… I never know how to act at weddings. There are just too many unspoken rules, too many unanswered questions: What do I wear? Black? White? Should I go casual or dressy? What do I bring? Who do I bring? Can I bring someone? And so on.

It’s enough to keep you from going to the blasted wedding at all. Well, I’m here to speak those rules and answer those questions. Buckle up my lovelies…

Dress code:
Can I wear white? NO! Never, ever wear white to a wedding.

What about black? Yes, black is perfectly acceptable at weddings. In fact, most people do. As long as you keep from looking like part of a funeral procession, you should be fine. Read More »

[I’ll be the first to admit that I’m not the epitome of prim and proper- heck, who really is nowadays? But looking around at the misguided youths of today *ahem drinking buddies*, I’m starting to think that Miss Manners might have been onto something.

While you may never need to know how to greet a duke or how to tell which fork is REALLY the oyster fork, knowing how to deal with people whom owe you money, how much to tip, and how to address the ever annoying licorice-in-teeth conundrum without being rude might actually come in handy in the real world. I'm not trying to be your mother - oh goodness, no - I'm just here to help you out of those little etiquette dilemmas. So here goes: a quick lesson in etiquette. The sh*t you might actually need to know.]

Just for fun, I’ve decided to lighten up this week’s column with an article on urinal etiquette. I get such a laugh every time a guy friend walks out of a public restroom screaming, “He was staring at my penis!! EVERYONE KNOWS YOU DON’T LOOK AT ANOTHER GUY’S SHLONG!” Come to think of it, this seems to happen an awful lot. Hm.. what does this say about the company I keep? Perhaps I should work on being a little more suspicious of my friends..

Anyway, while I do that, here is some suggested reading for you guys (and interested gals). Since I lack the appendage in question, I had to enlist my dear friend and urinal expert, Justin G., to clue me in. Enjoy! ** Warning: This post is pretty crude. If you’d much rather learn about something a lot daintier, feel free to read up on how to be a good house guest or what to do when you meet his family. Read More »

[I’ll be the first to admit that I’m not the epitome of prim and proper- heck, who really is nowadays? But looking around at the misguided youths of today *ahem drinking buddies*, I’m starting to think that Miss Manners might have been onto something.

While you may never need to know how to greet a duke or how to tell which fork is REALLY the oyster fork, knowing how to deal with people whom owe you money, how much to tip, and how to address the ever annoying licorice-in-teeth conundrum without being rude might actually come in handy in the real world. I'm not trying to be your mother - oh goodness, no - I'm just here to help you out of those little etiquette dilemmas. So here goes: a quick lesson in etiquette. The sh*t you might actually need to know.]

This past weekend, my bf invited me to have Easter dinner with his family. After already weaseling my way out of both Thanksgiving and Christmas dinner, I knew I was going to have to come up with a GOOD excuse this time. Unfortunately, he caught me off guard and I think I stammered something along the lines of “Er… can’t…. brother… stay home… babysit… sorry!” into the phone. His response? “Great! Bring him with you.” Crap. So in honor of my 2 hours of awkwardness (kidding!!! uh..sorta), here is how to manage: Read More »

[I’ll be the first to admit that I’m not the epitome of prim and proper- heck, who really is nowadays? But looking around at the misguided youths of today *ahem drinking buddies*, I’m starting to think that Miss Manners might have been onto something.

While you may never need to know how to greet a duke or how to tell which fork is REALLY the oyster fork, knowing how to deal with people whom owe you money, how much to tip, and how to address the ever annoying licorice-in-teeth conundrum without being rude might actually come in handy in the real world. I'm not trying to be your mother - oh goodness, no - I'm just here to help you out of those little etiquette dilemmas. So here goes: a quick lesson in etiquette. The sh*t you might actually need to know.]

I know that times are tough. The economy is in the dumper and our wallets are just getting emptier and emptier. These days it seems like I can’t turn a corner or walk into a bar without having to pay somebody something. Though I know it’s hard to choose between blowing your last dollars on another pitcher of beer or tipping the bartender, as a one-time waitress, I would never ever suggest skimping on tips. These service providers work hard (usually on a tiny salaries) and their paychecks rely heavily on your tips.

The other day, I was appalled when after ordering a heap-load of Chinese food, a “friend” of mine flicked the delivery guy a quarter and closed the door. A quarter. As in twenty-five cents. I literally had to chase down the guy and shove a few dollars at him. When I confronted her, she said she wasn’t sure how much to tip. I called bullsh*t, but it got me wondering if this is a real problem for a lot of people. So in case you were wondering, here is a tipping cheat sheet on who to tip and how much to tip them.

Read More »