Question?! Answer: Ask Tuffy Luv.

Dear Tuffy Luv,

Question?! Floop it. Ask TuffyLuv@collegecandy.com.

Dear Tuffy Luv,
I recently lost my virginity about a month ago. I’ve had sex a couple times with this guy (we’re dating) and I’m always on the bottom. What do I do while he’s…going into me? I always feel bad because I’m just lying there while he’s going at it pretty hard. I haven’t tried anything because I don’t really want make a mistake and be embarrassed or something. What should I do? This is probably a little awkward to give me tips so if you could me some helpful links that would be so helpful.

Thanks,
Ex-Virgin

Dear Ex-Virgin,
Welp, you came to the right place. Because Aunt Tuffy ain’t givin’ you no helpful links. (Well, okay, I will. But first:) Aunt Tuffy gonna give you some school.

The first rule of ex-virgin club is, you do not talk about ex-virgin club.

Wait, scratch that. It’s the opposite. The first rule of ex-virgin club is, you better be the floop able to talk about it.

Didn’t your momma ever tell you?! IF YOU CAN’T TALK ABOUT IT, DON’T DO IT. In other words, you shouldn’t be effing some guy you don’t feel comfortable talking about sex with. I mean, you’re letting him put his hooho in your hooha. Penis, okay?! SAY PENIS. IF YOU CAN’T SAY PENIS, STOP HAVING SEX.

But, let’s assume you CAN say penis. (SAY IT. He he. Made you say penis.) If you CAN say penis, then you can ask him what he likes. And if you ask him what he likes, chances are, he will tell you. And sex will get much more awesome.

Furthermore, once you’ve gotten up the courage to ask him what HE likes, you can most certainly get up the courage to tell him what YOU like. And then sex will get awesomer yet.

The two of you need to get into a groove, to understand each other’s bodies and what each of you like and don’t like. Try different positions (missionary [him on top], you on top, etc.–here are some good ones from Cosmo) and try to notice what feels good for you. Also try to notice what turns him on more. Are there overlaps?! Chances are, there are many overlaps. Note those things. Repeat ‘em.

But maybe you don’t know what you like. I mean, after all, you are a very recent addition to the ex-virgin club.

The best way to get to know what you like is to masturbate. You can do this with your fingers or a toy. If you use a toy, definitely use lube and make sure the toy is clean and intended for sexual use. Explore your body. You’ll figure out what feels good and what doesn’t.

Porn is another good helper. I mean, most of the stuff they do is crazy. But every now and then, you might find something that looks like fun to try. Or you might just find some good fantasy material. Either way, pretty good deal.

And, um, if you’re too embarrassed to even think about either of the above, you’re not ready to be having sex.

Look, girl. Here’s the truth:

The most important thing that you need to do during sex is to be in the moment. Stop worrying about what he’s thinking. TRUST ME. BOY AIN’T THINKING A DAMN THING. (And if you don’t believe me, maybe you’ll believe a dude.)He’s feeling lucky he gets to eff you. Just relax and have a good time.

Oh, and, please. USE PROTECTION. Because you know what’s not a good time?! Unwanted pregnancies and STDs. CONDOMS EVERY SINGLE TIME. Or else. For real.

Hearts & Skulls,
Tuffy Luv

[Want more tough love? Get it.]

This year, Valentine’s Day kicks off National Condom Week (coincidence? I think not), and it’s time to give these little rubbers the appreciation they deserve! I mean really, what would life be without them (besides there being a lot more episodes of Teen Mom...)?

We (and by “we” I mean “our boyfriends”) tend to look at condoms as a nuisance that take away from the pleasure of lovemaking, so I’m here to bring you a list of crazy condoms that will make using protection fun! (As if safe sex isn’t fun enough already…)

Political Statement Condoms – In honor of us young people becoming more aware of politics since the 2008 election, we bring you Obama and McCain condoms! Featuring witty double entendres and portraits of the candidates, they’re the perfect BC for those who are both politically and sexually active.  Just be warned- things could get awkward if you and your guy both whip out opposing-candidate condoms.  For some, party affiliation is a deal breaker.

Tuxedo Condoms – Introducing the tuxedo condom, for all of your black-tie events!  Getting your guy to dress nice may be no easy feat, but at least you can get achieve a touch (or taste) of formality in the bedroom.

The Condometric – Finally, a condom that kills two birds with one stone: protection AND measurement. Stop the speculation and find out how many inches he’s packing before letting him into your love tunnel.  Best of all, make these your preferred brand and you can compare him to your previous and future love (and lust) makers.

Glow in the Dark -  To me, there’s nothing more hilarious than turning off all the lights and seeing nothing but a neon green penis flying around (like a glowstick at a rave!).  For nights when you feel a bit Jersey Shore-ish, there’s the Love Light Technosex.  Go ahead, blast the house music, beat up the beat, and slip this on for a night of silly, glowy fun.

Fun Flavored Condoms – From our favorite fruit, to chocolate, to giving HARD liquor a whole new meaning (ha ha), there’s a flavored condom out there for everybody.

Remember, you ARE supposed to use condoms for oral sex, and with a condom that tastes like hot cocoa, why wouldn’t you?

Trojan Her Pleasure Ecstasy Condoms – Okay, so I have yet to try these (I don’t want to talk about it, OK?), but you’ve seen the commercials, people!  These new condoms claim to have a new, more secure fit so you both feel the pleasure, not the rubber. If that’s not something you can enjoy, I don’t know what is.

Happy humping, everyone!

Got a question for the Tuffster? Email her at

Dear Tuffy Luv,

So I’m home from college for the summer and kind of lonely. I dated around this year at school but nothing serious like my high school boyfriend (let’s call him K). Anyway, K is home from school today and we’ve been hanging out but I know he wants to hook up and I think I do too. But I don’t want him to be my boyfriend when I go back to school. Should I hook up with him or not? I’m pretty sure I’m going to. Would that be screwed up?

Tricia

Dear Tricia,

So, like, this is a trick question because you’ve obviously already decided to hook up with him. Right? I mean, why are you gonna write to me and say you’re gonna do it then? Well, anyway, I think you should go for it, so I guess you’re in luck.

Here’re Tuffy’s thoughts:

You can hook up with anyone you want. Just don’t forget to use protection if any kind of sex (oral included, kids!) is gonna go down. But since you’re already emotionally involved with this guy (you DID date him in high school, after all), you’re gonna have to have a Talk.

Splain to him that you wanna hook up but he shouldn’t expect you to go back to how things were. You should also make it very clear that this is For-The-Summer-Only. Summer fling? Fun. Summer Fling That Turns Into Irritating Obligation: Not so much.

However, if you think you’re still going to be friends after all this, prognosis is bleak. Yeah, if you guys are both super well-adjusted AND both have exactly the same amount of no-feelings for each other, you might, just might, be fine. But chances are, history will repeat itself and one of you will have stronger feelings than the other. This happens to everyone, people. Very rarely do both people feel exactly the same way. Anyway, just so’s you know.

Basically, Tuffy sez go for it. But be aware of the probable consequences, okay? Plus, don’t underestimate male jealousy. That shiz just hits us time and time again.

And always use protection!!!

Hearts & Skulls,

Tuffy Luv

Back in the day when Speedo one-pieces were cool, I had no interest in tanning. Although I fought through “sunscreen smear down” sessions with my mom, my skin was still, for the most part, shielded from the sun all summer long. It wasn’t until my friends started wearing bikinis and lots of Hawaiian tropic, that my Irish complexion got it’s first taste of sunburn. I quickly realized that getting the perfect tan wasn’t really in the cards for me…well unless I wanted to look like a leather handbag years later.

It’s scary how many times my skin has peeled, even blistered. I’ve accumulated many freckles, and one of them could easily be cancerous. At least that’s what I hear. Freckles appearing after a sunburn have been associated with an increased risk of melanoma skin cancer – the fatal kind. And even worse, it’s been estimated that nearly half of all Americans who live to age 65 will develop skin cancer at least once, according to MedicineNet.com.

Clearly we are all guilty of neglecting our skin for vanity’s sake. I mean, who doesn’t enjoy that bronzed glow? But ten, fifteen years from now, we’ll be kicking ourselves when the wrinkles, blotchy sun spots or melanoma develop.

So what can we do now to prevent further sun damage?

1. Always wear sunscreen, SPF 15 or higher, and reapply every 2 hours. Those of us who are fair-skinned, freckled, red-headed and blue-eyed really need to pay attention to this one since we are at more risk that our dark-skinned counterparts.
2. No more tanning beds. You know why!
3. Examine yourself regularly for abnormal skin growths or changes in existing moles and freckles. Self-examination can ensure an early detection of skin cancer.
4. Visit your dermatologist. It is recommended that everyone get a clinical skin exam annually, especially if you spot a new lump or mole.

I hate being a Debbie-downer before summer, but we need save our skin. So wear a higher SPF, go the self-tanning route — anything to keep that precious epidermis young and healthy.

For more information on skin cancer symptoms, please visit www.skincancer.org.

[The following post is courtesy of Vanessa Cullins, M.D., Vice President of Medical Affairs at Planned Parenthood. If anyone knows anything about the importance of testing and sexual health, it is Dr. Cullins.]

Here’s a disturbing tidbit:  A U.S. government study found that an average of 14 percent of college women become infected with a human papilloma virus (HPV) each year. At the end of a three-year study, 43 percent of college women were infected.  Why should you care?  Because in some cases HPV can lead to cancer. To avoid HPV infection, girls and women should be vaccinated with Gardasil, which prevents infection of the types of HPV that cause 70 percent of the cases of cervical cancer in the U.S.

Here’s another: An estimated 19 million Americans are infected with a new sexually transmitted disease (STD) each year and, by the age of 25, half of all sexually active young people will contract an STD. In fact, at least one in four teenage girls already has an STD.

STDs continue to pose a serious public health threat in this country, particularly to young women, who are more vulnerable to infection than men, due to biological factors.

Because many STDs do not cause any symptoms — and most doctors do not automatically test for STDs — many women and men may not even realize that they are infected and at risk of spreading the infection to their partners.

Yet, without treatment, STDs can lead to serious short- and long-term health consequences, including infertility. Some untreated STDs, such as chlamydia and gonorrhea, can cause pelvic inflammatory disease, with the potential for other serious health problems. Others, like HIV, permanently jeopardize a person’s health and can kill.

STDs are preventable, treatable, and in some instances, curable. Women and men should minimize their STD risk by practicing safer sex. The use of condoms significantly reduces the risk of contracting an STD during vaginal, oral, and anal sex. Monogamy is better than latex but it only works if both partners are uninfected and both remain committed to monogamy — the problem with relying on monogamy is that one can only be sure of one’s own behavior.

Regular STD testing is critical. Health care authorities suggest that young, sexually active women and men be screened annually for the most dangerous and common sexually transmitted infections: HIV, chlamydia, and gonorrhea, if rates of gonorrhea are high in your community. Your local Planned Parenthood health care provider can talk with you about STDs and help you get the testing or treatment you may need. Visit www.plannedparenthood.org to locate your nearest health center. Or visit http://gyt09.org to learn about the “Get Yourself Tested” campaign, a partnership between Planned Parenthood, MTV, and the Kaiser Family Foundation.

Denial and embarrassment are the two most dangerous risks to your sexual health. Both can keep you from getting tests and treatment.  This is the real deal:  All sexually active people are at risk for getting STDs — no matter how faithful, how clean, or how cool you may be.  So don’t let denial or shame jeopardize your health.  Practice safer sex, and get checked out every year to make sure you can enjoy your sex life for many more years to come, in addition to ensuring that you and your partner can experience pregnancy when the time is right.

[The following post is courtesy of Vanessa Cullins, M.D., Vice President of Medical Affairs at Planned Parenthood. Upon speaking with Vanessa and asking for information on STDs we began discussing HIV/AIDS. Naively, I mentioned that college kids are safe and know to protect themselves against this deadly disease. Turns out, I was wrong, and thinking that way is incredibly dangerous.]

Once in a while, we get a variation of this question via e-mail: “I’m a woman in college, and I’m wondering if I still need to be worried about getting HIV. Isn’t it pretty much under control by now?”

HIV/AIDS is definitely still a threat — especially among young people and women. Today, women account for more than one-quarter of all new HIV/AIDS diagnoses, and women of color are especially affected by HIV infection and AIDS. The growing complacency about this deadly disease is alarming.  You cannot tell from looking at someone whether that person is infected with HIV or any other sexually transmitted disease (STD). That is why all sexually active people need to protect themselves against HIV.

The U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention report that more than 56,000 women and men are infected with HIV every year. And the American College Health Association has found that the rate of HIV infection among college students is about the same as it is for the general public. It seems that a lot of people — especially women — aren’t getting the message.

So what’s a girl to do?

First, get tested regularly. Know your status and the status of your partners. Planned Parenthood Federation of America has partnered with MTV and the Kaiser Family Foundation to launch the GYT — Get Yourself Tested — campaign. Visit http://gyt09.org to get information you can rely on about STDs, including HIV, and find your nearest testing location.

Second, plan your safer-sex strategy. Condoms used correctly and consistently are the best protection against HIV and other STDs, including HPV, gonorrhea, and chlamydia. Condoms reduce the risk of HIV infection substantially.  In fact, aside from abstinence and other forms of intimacy that result in no contact with another person’s genitals, condoms are the best protection against HIV.  Some studies show that about one out of two college students used a condom the last time they had sex. That’s good. But it also means that one of two didn’t.  And that’s not good — that’s a whole lot of people playing Russian roulette with contracting HIV/AIDS.

Having a good safer-sex strategy means knowing your risks and deciding which ones you are willing to take.  Here’s a step-by-step walk-through of some of your options:

•    Use a latex or female condom during vaginal, oral, and anal sex.
•    If you are not using a condom, it’s safer to have oral sex than vaginal or anal sex.
•    Rubbing against your partner, whether clothed or naked, is safer than sexual intercourse. Rubbing against your partner clothed is even safer.
•    If you and your partner are engaged in mutual fondling, it is safer to wash your hands before touching your own genitals.
•    Masturbating alone or together — or having phone sex or cybersex — is the safest sex option.

But the most important safer-sex strategy of all is to assume that all potential partners may be infected — and then take precautions.  The reality is that people will lie in order to have sex.  Another reality is that many people with HIV don’t know it!  Given these odds, you can’t rely on anyone else to protect you.

Remember: all sexually active people are at risk, and we need to protect ourselves.

Is sex better with a condom?

The perfect stocking stuffer for bacon lovers in your life.

Fight the urge to splurge, people.

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Maybe our thirties won’t be so bad, after all.

The perfect holiday gift for your more earth conscious friends.

Presenting: the best facial cleanser of all time.

Ok, before everyone gets up in arms about every generalization I just made, let me clarify: if you disagree with everything I just said, you probably don't need this column. But if you're nodding along because you're officially an adult and still don't know how to manage your money, then you might want to pay attention every week, because I'm going to (try to) get you through this, and make you a successful saver and a wise spender. Starving college students of the world, I bring you Money Matters: a Guide to Handling Your Income (or Lack Thereof).]

This week, I’d like to introduce you to a splendid gem called Free Student Checking. Now, normally, banks will hold your money for you, but they like to find sneaky ways to make a few bucks back themselves. Some checking accounts, for example, have a minimum balance that you always have to have in your account. If your balance goes below that minimum, you get a fine.

Yeah, that’s right. You have to PAY your BANK for being too poor to have any money in the account that consists entirely of your own money that you started out with in the first place. I understand credit card late fees– with credit, you’re spending money you don’t necessarily have– but a fine on your own money? That’s bullsh*t.

Luckily, the banks have caught on to the fact that college kids won’t open accounts if they know they won’t be able to keep up with the minimum account balance… and the fact that once we’ve graduated and become successful career men and women, they can switch us to premium accounts and fine the ever-loving sh*t out of us.

Free student checking comes with a variety of perks. First of all, it’s free. No interest, no fines (unless you overdraw), no minimum balance, and they usually only require about $50 or so to open them. So, just put off buying one textbook for about a day and you’ll have the money to open a checking account and become a real grown up, personalized checks and all.

Before you hop over to the first bank in sight, however, it’s wise to do some research. Because college students should ALWAYS be on their toes for a bargain, whether it’s free food sponsored by the PanHellenic Society, Penny Night at the Pub, or a free toaster with every new bank account.

Seriously, though, shop around. Some banks will give you MONEY just to sign with them. I got $50 last summer for opening a new direct deposit account with M&T Bank, for example, and when I used Wachovia in the past, they were always advertising bonuses for students who got friends to open checking accounts as well. Search for banks in your area on Google Maps and see if there are any perks for opening a new account.

Then, proceed to step two:

Check out the long-term benefits of the account. Remember, you and your new bank are going to have at least a four or five-year relationship, and you want the relationship to be as much a one way street as it can be (in your favor, of course).

Currently, Bank of America has an online student checking offer, which includes a “Stuff Happens” card, good for a one-time fee refund (read: if you overdraw once, you can waive the pricey fine); a free check card (read: debit card); free online banking with unlimited bill pay (read: no fees for paying bills online); and an easy way for your parents to deposit money into your account (read: you can still beg for cash).

Wachovia’s Free Student Checking also offers one-time overdraft protection, but also includes a free savings account, for those of you motivated scholars who actually hope to put some cash away for a rainy day. AND Wachovia’s plan includes a “Way 2 Save” program, which encourages students to make debit card purchases and pay bills online, allowing you to accrue cash-value points for every check, purchase, and payment, in addition to a rebate on the money you’ve saved in your account each year. Talk about rewarding responsibility!

Other perks include Key Bank‘s ATM fee reimbursement plan, Washington Mutual‘s reward-earning debit card, and Meta Bank‘s checks with your school logo on ‘em (for you spirited savers out there)!

The bottom line is, you’re going to have to start managing your money eventually, so you may as well take advantage of the student-friendly perks of free checking accounts. Along the way, you’ll learn to balance your checkbook, make financial transactions, and become more aware of how much you’re earning and spending. Even if you take advantage of the “no minimum balance” advantage and constantly flirt with overdrawing your account, at least you’re getting started.

By the end of this series, you might even have enough to call “savings.”

A: Ladies, listen up: Plan B is NOT the abortion pill. Not by any stretch of the imagination.

So what is it if it’s not the abortion pill? Basically, Plan B what it sounds like — it’s your backup plan, meant to be taken up to 72 hours after unprotected sex or contraceptive failure, to prevent pregnancy. In fact, Plan B contains levonorgestrel, an ingredient found in many regular birth control pills — but in a higher dose and in two pills, taken 12 hours apart. Again, Plan B only prevents pregnancy; it doesn’t terminate an existing one, like the abortion pill would.

That being said, yes, stock up! Plan B is now available at pharmacies without a prescription if you’re 18 or older. Whether you’re boinking every hour on the hour or in a dry spell, it will give you some peace of mind to know you have a “sh*t happens” plan. My friend recently needed it, and although she was able to get it within a few hours, not everyone is so lucky. Plan B reduces the chance of pregnancy by up to 89%, but it’s more effective when taken sooner rather than later.

Get it now, on your next tampon run, and you won’t have to deal with any what ifs down the road. You may never need it, but if you do, whether it’s because of a broken (or forgotten) condom, or a sexual assault, the last thing you need to be doing is freaking out and driving at 3AM in search of an open pharmacy. If you’re shy about asking for it, you can print out a request card for it on www.go2planb.com and just hand that to the pharmacist. Don’t worry, you won’t be the first to do it.

Of course, once you have it, it shouldn’t be your primary method of birth control. It’s up to 89% effective, so if you use it irresponsibly, you’ll soon become part of the other 11%. Have safe sex, have extra condoms on hand (enough for you and a friend!), and consider using a birth control pill if you’re having sex regularly.

For more information on how to use Plan B, head to www.go2planb.com.