It’s that time of year where we all take stock of our lives, realize we’re hot messes and resolve to change our behavior…for about two weeks. Because while eating healthier, working out more and generally being a more mature person are worthy aspirations that we should all work towards, we would be remiss if we failed to acknowledge that our sex lives could always use a little work. Whether you’re having sex daily, every six months or not at all, with a long-term partner, a FWB, or a one night stand, there is always room to grow and have better experiences.  I mean, if the apocalypse or whatever really is next December, I need to go out knowing that I had the sexiest year to date, so next year, I want to do the following…

1. Stop feeling guilty about my preferences.
Sometimes I’m not in the mood. Sometimes I don’t want to be on top. Sometimes I just want to lay there and enjoy it. Sometimes I want Rihanna playing in the background. It’s totally okay for me to be selfish sometimes, because while, yes, pleasing my partner is important, so is taking my own pleasure into account. This is definitely a balancing act I don’t have down yet.

2. Take advantage of my balcony. 
It would be absolutely criminal to not take an opportunity to have a romantic romp or a tawdry quickie on my private, 18th floor balcony.

3. Try some of the Kama Sutra
I’ve never really been interested in it because I always associated it with bored middle-aged people desperate to revitalize their long-dormant sex lives (ie: not at all arousing). But there must be a reason why this tradition has endured thousands of years.

4. Explore sex toys.
I finally procured my first vibrator this year, but I have yet to be inspired to use it. But I’m definitely interested in trying to enjoy masturbation, and this is the next step that I plan to take.

5. Stop comparing myself to porn stars. 
Occasionally I watch porn with the boytoy, and while occasionally I am inspired to try something new, many times I find myself in a serious inferiority matrix and I start beating myself up for not being as aggressive, or enthusiastic, or as capable as the women in the pornos. I know this is completely irrational – even the “amateurs” are professionals, and I know that I do the best that I can, and am objectively pretty good at it,  but I still find myself getting bummed out about it, and it’s not at all productive.

6. Have fun.
If you regularly read my column, you may have picked up on the fact that I can get really caught up in the political aspect of fornication — the gender roles,  society’s general sex-negativity, all the ways in which sex can go wrong — which sometimes I forget to relax and just enjoy the fact that I am regularly have safe, consensual sex with someone who cares about and respects me.

What are your sexy New Year’s resolutions for 2012?

While lately I’ve been discussing serious topics on Sex in the News, this week I’m dedicating the column to what I’m sure is on the mind of most horny university students right now. Your bags are all packed, you’re heading home to for turkey day, and you’re thinking about one thing: How the heck am I going to hookup with someone at my parents’ house?

Well, other Americans have the answer. According to a study done by AdamAndEve.com, 80 percent of people who have had sex in public have done the deed in a car. I’m banking on the idea university students home bound for the holidays are driving this percentage through the roof.

Just over half of people surveyed said they’d had sex in public before. Besides the car, outdoor locations such as the woods, the park, and the beach were also ranked high. Participants of the survey were allowed to pick multiple choices for their public hookup locals. They survey did not ask if participants had sex in public multiple times before, so public exhibitionists could be driving up these pretty unscientific results.

So, if you’re looking to get it on with your high school crush but can’t get the fam out of the house for an evening, you could take the ole’ family minivan out for a spin. Just take along a blanket and clean up after yourself. You don’t want to have one of those conversations with mom when you come home for Christmas.

I’m a classy lady, what can I say?

Since that night, I’ve heard multiple stories from friends about how awkward it is to find a couple doin’ it in public, and knowing that I am one of those people, I feel a little guilty for giving in to my animal instincts out in the open (even though it was 4am and no one was around). I’ve also heard just as many stories about awesome public sex that make me think it’s not a bad thing, so long as it’s kept semi-private.

So, let’s discuss:

On one hand, everybody’s sex life needs a little spice from time to time. Gettin’ it on somewhere where there’s a chance – even a small one, that someone might see makes it just that much more exciting and risqué. Plus there’s something awfully freeing about being naked outside.

On the other hand, it does seem fairly inconsiderate.  While it might be sexy for the people having the sex to know that someone might see, involving other people in your sex life without their consent is kind of, well, creepy. And having no consideration for others and having sex somewhere that kids can see you is, I think everyone would agree, very wrong.

What do you guys think? Is public sex an okay thing to partake in from time-to-time, or is it wrong to bring your bedroom fun out where curious eyes might catch a glimpse?

Every college library is similar – always too hot or too cold, smells kind of bad but you aren’t sure why, phrases etched into the tables, and a mixed population of students either writing on each others’ Facebook walls or writing 20 page term papers in a single night.

Good times!

I used to be very anti-library (who isn’t), but this semester I have found ways to make it more comfortable, enjoyable and conducive to a productive day/evening/month of work-doing. It’s all about being prepared (for anything) and as long as you have these essentials in that backpack of yours, you can be successful too.

Water bottle: This seems obvious but you’d be surprised. I once pulled an all-nighter without bringing a water bottle and because I was so into the work I was doing, I never felt like going to get water. Stupid mistake! I got tired and sick, and spent my night drooling on my laptop instead of researching on it. The next time I filled that sucker up a few times per hour, got everything done, and felt great the next day. Also, drinking only coffee, tea or Red Bull (or Bawls...) will almost definitely dehydrate you, cause you to crash sooner than without caffeine and probably give you a terrible stomachache (which may explain that weird smell in the libs….).

Personal hygiene products: I’ll admit that I’m a little weird when it comes to hygiene – I carry toothbrushes with me wherever I go – but I highly suggest anyone going to the library for an extended period of time should have at least a toothbrush thrown in their backpack. Some other products that always come in handy for me are hand sanitizer, lotion, tissues, chapstick, and deodorant. Trust me, it’s better for everyone if you smell like a “Satin Pear” (whatever that is) than whatever 10 hours in a dirty library smells like for a 9:35 Italian class!

Oh and don’t forget the gum! Studies show that chewing gum helps jog memory and you are much better off bringing your own than being forced to bum it off someone you may or may not of (you just aren’t sure…) hooked up with freshman year (FML).

Electronic accessories: Bring them all. There is nothing worse than having your computer die halfway (or 90%) through a paper, or your cell phone dying and not being able to text your friend about which book you were supposed to have read for Competitive Authoritarianism in the Middle East (Oops?). You are also going to want to throw in a pair of (noise canceling) earphones to block out the loud whispers, Swine Flu sneezing fits and vibrating cell phones of those (RUDE) people around you. If listening to your favorite jams distracts you, set up a Pandora station with Ludwig Van Beethoven or any other classical music that will give you some relaxing surround sound.

Fruit*: The natural sugar in fruit will pep you up a little bit and not make you too full when you are working diligently in the library. Sometimes when I don’t feel like eating anything (which rarely ever occurs) fruit is less daunting than say, a sandwich, and makes you feel healthier than devouring a bag of peach rings. The asterisk next to fruit stands for whatever the hell Starbucks sells in the middle of the night when the last fruit cup is sold. If they don’t have fruit, go for something that has fiber or protein. Scones, bagels and other carby snacks will give you a quick fix, but aren’t what you need for the long haul on that paper (or your FB Scrabble game).

Protection: A very sophisticated study was done (aka a group of my friends chatting last week) and turns out, many students have fantasized about/have had/would be willing to have sex in a library. Put these curious students together with a desperate need for procrastination and a relatively isolated spot in the stacks, and well, all I can say is throw some of these guys in your bag too…

Parka/Bathing Suit/Etc.: I am quite certain that they put the temperature on random numbers each day just to keep the students on their toes. If you cannot personally adapt to arctic or tropical studying conditions at the drop of a hat, I’d say prepare. Just yesterday my library was pumping heat into the study rooms and it was 92 degrees outside. Trust me, I wish I had that bathing suit… and one of those ghetto sprinklers to play in while I did my Italian homework.

“Going out clothes”/supplies: Many a time, I or people I know, will spend obscene amounts of time working on a very important assignment, all the while fighting the urge to party. My post-assignment celebrations are kind of like the carrot that keeps me going and my GPA where it is supposed to be. Best to be prepared. Throw a few evening essentials (accessories, shoes, makeup, flask?) into your bag for a quick change in the bathroom. Just please do not wear your leopard stilettos and “club wear” to the library; even my earphones can’t cancel out the sound of bangles running across a desktop.

I hope I helped you pack your backpack for the library. While I (attempt to) joke a lot, seriously take care of yourself during finals. Keep eating, sleeping and getting fresh air – humans need those things! If you have major procrastination problems, consider deactivating your Facebook account during this time, or, better yet, try not to bring your computer at all if you can help it! Happy studying.

Time for me to fill up my water bottle and get to the ‘brary.

Splenda may kill you, but it’s not as bad as the other stuff you’re using!

A how-to guide for sex in some very public places.

The 12 Types of Beer Pong Players.

Prada runway roadkill.

Funniest ad ever…or most offensive?

Melissa Joan Hart can’t even get on Dancing With The Stars? HAHA.

In case you were wondering: Martha Stewart’s thoughts on long weiners…

Mmmmm. Breast milk ice cream?

The Britney Spears comeback continues. Next up: sell the house.

Nick Hogan is gettin’ out of the clink early. Shocking!

Mama Spears always has something to say.