So Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon are married. Reasons this is awesome:

1) Cannon quote: “Since we’ve been together, we’ve been inseparable,” i.e. 6 weeks. Incidentally, I got my new American Apparel dress around the same time the couple started dating, and we too have been inseparable. Perhaps it’s time we tied the knot? I’ve always wanted children, and we’re not getting any younger…

2) Mariah Carey is 48, and Nick Cannon is 17. I also heard a rumor that Nick Cannon was created in a lab from a strand of Carey’s hair and grape soda. All facts.

3) They celebrated their wedding by renting out a Six Flags Magic Mountain for a reported six figures. (On Cannon’s tab, not like it frickin’ matters. He is clearly the one marrying up in the situation.)

4) At said celebration, Mariah Carey had hair and makeup stylists on hand to fix her up after every ride. Mmmm, bottom-of-the-barrel self-esteem issues and rampant navel-gazing…exactly what I look for in a mate. Read More »

The crazy train that is Mel Gibson, Britney and her dad arrived in Costa Rica this morning to stay in Mel’s home for a mini-vacation.

Before I found out that Mel Gibson was indeed crazy, I would have been high-fiving Britney Spears in my head upon hearing this news. In fact, I might have still high-fived her in my head, but WTF, you’re bringing your dad with you?

Are these two friends? Like Hollywood kind of friends that are wink wink nudge nudge friends? Is this a publicity stunt?

Maybe they are going to do a project together. “Mad Max in the Britney Dome“? She can wear Tina Turner’s gear and sing “Gimme More” but this time she can do it with feeling.

As much as they seem to make an unlikely pair, I think that I like them spending time together. Lots of crazy plus lotsa crazy = a couple that isn’t so crazy. Once the crazy cups runneth over, there’s no where else to go but back down to normal, right?

Special thanks to ET for posting this important story with such urgency. They totally know what matters.

This is just too great for words, but I’ll try to come up with some anyway.

I guess it’s all coming back to the surface that a couple years ago, Enrique Iglesias said something about having a “small package.” In one of the magazines – either OK! he apparently was quoted saying,

“I can never find extra-small condoms, and I know it’s really embarrassing for people – you know, from experience.”

Then, after the media got hold of this fantastic quote, he went back on what he said, saying,

“I meant I needed a penis reduction, not an enlargement! The people who wrote I had a small willy misunderstood.”

Okay, let’s not forget that Enrique Iglesias was popular for like, one hot minute back in 2000 when he was the Poor Man’s version of Ricky Martin….or maybe the less gay version….whatever, it doesn’t matter.

Neither of them are popular anymore. So this could all be some really strange plea for media attention. Not the kind of attention one would really want though…

Anyway, now condom companies are trying to get Mr. “Small Willy” (seriously, who uses the word “willy”?) to be the spokesperson for their smaller condoms! Like Lifestyle!

If that’s not embarrassing enough, “Lifestyles Wants to Dress Enrique’s Tiny Weiner” is about the only headline this guy has been makring since he removed his mole and broke up with the blond tennis player. Ouch. Read More »