I am a chronic list-maker, whether I have to make a difficult decision or not.  Lists help me organize my thoughts and remember important facts and details that I need for later.  However, there are some things that I would rather forget and that’s what this week’s showdown concerns.

Everyone loves a diva.  Well, not really.  They just think that everyone loves them, despite having no real talent or anything to offer to society.  When you say “diva,” two women jump to mind – Mariah Carey and Jenifer Lopez.  The glitz, the glamor, the bad acting and the attitude (ohhh the attitude) define who they are.   Where would we be without these ladies?  Probably in a much less annoying world, but let’s make a list just to be sure…

Career
Mariah Carey is a machine, pumping out annoying hit after annoying hit.  Yes, I hate her music.  No, I can’t stop myself from trying to sing along with her in my car.  However, I categorically refuse to watch Glitter or any of her other attempts at “acting.”  Most of the rest of the world seems to refuse as well.

Jennifer Lopez used to be a good actress (Selena! I was so down with watching that movie every day in fifth grade…in between Titanic showings, of course).  Then something terrible happened and she started making movies like Angel Eyes and Monster-In-Law.  Her music isn’t great either.

Point: Mariah Carey. Every time I sing one of her songs, I die a little inside.  Plus,  you can’t beat Selena.

Diva Stock
Mariah Carey is infamous for her diva-like tendencies, from canceling TV appearances at the last minute to traveling with her own furniture.  She’s had highly publicized emotional “break downs” and reappeared in the media, batting her eyelashes, almost instantly once she got the attention she craved.  Really, Mariah?  You’re from Long Island.  Calm yourself.

Jennifer Lopez has earned plenty of diva status with her pages of requests that are sent anywhere she intends to roll into with her entourage (which, btw, includes her hairstylist and personal chef).  I just can’t see what would make her think she can order people to change entire lighting schemes just to make herself look better…although that is an amazing idea and I will so start to require complimentary lighting wherever I go.

Point: Jennifer Lopez. Jenny from the Block?  I’m so sure.  Let’s see what happens if you roll up in the Bronx with your entourage and list of demands.

Camera Whorishness
Mariah Carey loves her some photography.  And by photography, I mean she loves when people take pictures of her (and talk about her and admire her and etc., etc.).  Unfortunately, the camera doesn’t love her back and we’re all stuck with unfortunate results plastered all over our gossip mags and blogs.

Jennifer Lopez also loves the spotlight, but thanks to the influence of her intensely-private husband, seems to be stepping back more often.  I mean, her face is still everywhere, but I don’t see it even when my eyes are closed anymore.  Win.

Point: Mariah Carey. Just…stop.

Love Life
Mariah Carey has been tied to quite a few celeb dudes in her time (was anyone else supremely amused by the whole Eminem thing??) and was married early on in her career.  Now she’s married again and to Nick Cannon.  Was he drugged?  I feel like he’s a pretty chill and funny dude…what’s he doing with that diva??

Jennifer Lopez moves from high-profile relationship to high-profile relationship (by relationship, I mean marriage…she’s had a lot of those) with alarming (but somewhat impressive) speed.  From her time spent with Puffy (there was a pretty gangsta gun fight in there somewhere, I think) to her participation as half of the beast that was the original Bennifer.

Point: Jennifer Lopez. Oh, Bennifer.  How you used to amuse me.

Celebretard Prize Goes To: Mariah Carey. Aging divas are generally unpleasant creatures, but Mariah takes the cake (and definitely eats it, too) with her sliding career and increasing amount of attitude.  Unfortunately, that won’t prevent me from belting out “Touch My Body” in my car the next time it comes on the radio.  Fail.

But, all of my roommates in college currently wear contacts, so I hear about them constantly. Whether, it’s “Whoops, I passed out in my contacts last night after coming home from the bar” or “I don’t have time to clean them before class today,” the topic always seems to comes up.

Well, if you are one of those girls who wears contact in college, you may want to pay attention to a new study that reports, “Almost three quarters of contact lens wearers are risking blindness because of their dirty habits.”

It also found that over 15% of wearers will pick an unwashed contact lens off the floor and pop it in their eye and 70% of people keep their lenses in for far too long every day.

“Careless contact lens wearers rarely realize their bad habits increase the risk of their contracting eye diseases, including conjunctivitis and acanthamoeba keratitis, a rare but very painful and potentially blinding infection of the cornea, the transparent covering at the front of the eye.”Sounds pretty gross right? I was surprised that these seemingly bad habits could lead to such a severe thing like blindness.

Another interesting fact was that women have the dirtiest habits. For all the potential risks and how to avoid blindness, check out the article.

Jessica Simpson, Lauren Conrad, Justin Timberlake, Jes Whats-her-name from Rock of Love, Tila Tequila. What do all these people have in common besides pretty faces? Clothing lines of course!

It seems that every star and pseudo-star is coming out with more stuff for us to buy. You know you want to smell like Britney Spears (booze and cigarettes?) and of course we all need some Lauren Conrad boots. You can even buy Jessica Simpson hair extensions.

Every single celeb has something to sell, and we need to stop them. Immediately. Half the ladies from Rock of Love seem to be announcing clothing line launches. Mia and Jes have ties in Chii Clothing Culture which consists of cheesy t-shirts and hoodies. Nothing very interesting, but certainly helping extend their fifteen minutes of fame.

Jessica Simpson’s clothing line “Sweet Kisses” is exactly what is sounds like. Whore clothes for nice girls. Please don’t let your daughters leave the house wearing this stuff. Unless you are Joe Simpson, then you may use your daughter for your financial gain as much as you please.

Lauren Conrad’s line consists of what I like to refer to as “the bag dress,” and cheaply made scarves and shawls. These things aren’t exactly bargains, although maybe in Lauren Conrad’s world they are. You can also buy 45 dollar leggings. I wonder how long LC had to study in design school to create black leggings. Ugh, my contempt grows.

Justin created a pretty decent denim line, proving once again that JT can do no wrong. Everything this guy touches actually turns to gold. The jeans look really nice and comfortable. Probably the only celeb endorsed fashion item I would consider purchasing, however if you showed me this picture before I pulled out my credit card, I might think twice. Then there are the numerous rappers turn business men making such delightful brands as Nelly’s “Applebottoms” and Diddy’s Sean John Clothing. You can also buy Diddy’s fragrance after being inspired by the commercial.

Every person with a reality show now wants to accessorize you. What they don’t seem to realize is that slapping a neat design on a t-shirt or hoodie does not make you a “fashion designer.” Take note Tila Tequila.

Here’s a list of some of our favorite or “not so favorite” celeb inspired clothing sites:

Jes- chiiclothing.com

Lauren Conrad- Laurenconrad.seenon.com

Tila Tequila- https://secure.feamerch.com/stores/tila

Justin Timberlake- Williamrast.com

Diddy- SeanJohn.com

Mariah and Diddy are going head to head. Or should I say, smell to smell.

After Puffy’s (can we call him that anymore?) new fragrance Unforgivable hit the market (along with his unforgivably raunchy and illicit ad campaign) he issued a challenge to all his lady counterparts in the fragrance biz:

“I send out a challenge…I challenge all of my female counterparts that have fragrances…that my fragrance is better than theirs. I’m a man and I know how women should smell!”

Well, Hallelujah! A man that finally knows how I should smell.

Because, god forbid, I smell anything like I do at the present moment, which would be unshowered, with a slight scent of BBQ sauce from the hours I spent working last night. Oh! AND I’m pretty gassy because I drank too much when I got off work!

How’s that for lady smells, PUFF DADDY??

Our lady of the fragrance Mariah, decided to respond to Diddy’s challenge:

“M by Mariah Carey is about being unforgettable, not unforgivable. It’s not about a ménage à trois or a one night stand, it’s for the woman who wants the man to fall in love with her immediately, stay in love, and treat her like royalty.”

Read: Mariah is in the perfume business for the ladies, not the sluts. She wants a lady to smell like a lady and not like a common whore.

And we all know what type of lady Diddy wants to smell. And I’m guessing she would smell something like this new fragrance. Maybe they should join forces?

Just a thought.

“Kids don’t get to be kids anymore!” is what everyone seems to be saying, “They’re becoming inexperienced adults!“

I don’t usually buy all our hyper-sexualized tween hysteria (I’m pretty sure most of this stuff has been going on for decades—just without YouTube), but after coming across this story, I can’t help but wonder what the hell is going on.

According to sources, a 6-year-old boy was recently caught running a ‘sex club’ out of his elementary school in Melbourne, Australia.

The boy has recently been placed in counseling for allegedly urging another 6-year-old to “perform a sex act” and “expos[ing] himself in front of other students.”

It’s hard to tell if parents and school officials are blowing an innocent act of kindergarten rebellion out of proportion (as we are want to do these days), or if our culture has really and truly gone off the deep end in terms of sexual exposure.

Have flashes of Britney’s vajayjay and MTV’s explicit videos (and Puffy’s awful, awful commercials) saturated our society so much that children who don’t even know what they’re saying repeat what they hear from the media? Are we slowly brainwashing our kids to see sex as no big deal?

Or is it our minds that really have the issue? Could we as adults be so preoccupied with what we claim disgusts us, that we label a confused little boy’s conversation as a ‘sex club’?

…In any case, when I have kids (in 50 years or so), I’m teaching them the earmuff rule as soon as they’re born.

I have so many issues with this one, I don’t even know where to begin. So here goes nothing.

P-Diddy the Perfume? WTF??? Ok, technically it’s Sean John, but P-Diddy is Sean John- so still I say WTF? – Double WTF???

Is there really a girl out there that is going to buy this sh*t… let alone wear it? I can smell it now… hundreds of fat-backed, skank-ass, halter top-wearing honeys packing the 40 /40 club donning Diddy’s “fresh” new scent- I think I just threw up in my mouth a little.

I can only imagine it smells a bit like the enclosed storefront ATM by my apartment that a homeless man has conveniently made his own personal restroom… with a hint of “Meadows & Rain” Febreze.

Personal taste aside, MTV has refused to air the ads for P-Diddy’s unforgiveable fragrance “Unforgiveable Women” by Sean John. Although MTV has declined to comment, Puffy says the spots were “deemed too provocative and too sexual for television with cable network executives reportedly demanding the erotic content be edited.”

There is no question the ads are a bit on the racy side, but certainly no more sexually offensive than MTV’s Spring-Break and Real World gropefests. The reality of the situation is the ads are as pungent as the perfume itself… they just stink. Take a look for yourself.

See the ad after the jump.

Unforgivable

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