Dear (See Below) Bands,

I love your music. Love, love, love. But can you maybe try to be a little less annoying? It makes it so hard to defend you when I tell my friends about my favorite artists. Actually, it makes it hard to admit to anyone that you happen to be one of them.  And I want to make them like you, really, I do. But like that friend who has a minor character flaw that now pisses you off enough that you really can’t see the good in her anymore,  I’m finding it difficult to enjoy your music knowing how annoying you are.

Here are some heart-to-heart tips from your loving (secret) admirer to be a little less annoying and a little more rock and roll.

Fall Out Boy

You always have a spot in my 6-CD player in my car. Sugar, you’ll never go down on the playlist for me if you continue to make some of the sweetest pop punk music out there. But please, Pete Wentz, I’m begging you – cut your hair, lay off the eyeliner and put on a damn shirt when you are on a magazine cover. You need to settle down – you play bass. And, um, you have a kid?

Also, Patrick, can you please enunciate your song lyrics so I can actually sing along and not just randomly open my mouth while humming the tune to look like I know what I’m singing? And what’s up with the weird syntax and bizzare punctuation in the song titles? Thnks Fr Th Confusn. I mean, e.e. Cummings was a legit poet, while you’re just… an antithesis of all semblance of reason. And grammar. My English teacher highly disapproves.

Avril Lavigne

“I’m with you” on how most of your songs are about girl problems to which every teenager can relate. And I love how you have other gigs too, like co-writing “Breakaway” for Kelly Clarkson and even recording The Spongebob Squarepants Movie theme song (my little bro totally agrees).  But I’m pretty sure that hot pink hair, combat boots, and thick-enough eyeliner to paint a mural were out of fashion like 10 years ago. You remind me of the wanna-be punk-rocker chicks at my old high school who stood in their corner by the snack machine and talked about how “complicated” their life was and how their parents didn’t understand them. You’re married now, for goodness sakes, so do your husband a favor and stop wearing pink angel wings and acting like a “sk8er boi.” Oh, and learn how to play the guitar for real. You’re kinda getting “under my skin.”

Coldplay

The first time I heard “Clocks,” it changed my life. And continued to do so for the 100 times I listened to it on repeat afterward. You should even see my wall – there’s a giant banner that shouts, “viva la vida,” my adopted mantra para mi vida. But enough with the same gloomy, sad looks while you play haunting, heart-wrenching melodies on the piano, Chris Martin. I’m wondering if you’re able to play some different chord progressions as well, since you only seem to stick to one particular one on every. single. bloody. song. Can we maybe change it up a bit, with chords and tempos and basically not have the same harmonic patterns last throughout the whole album? Or four? Keep the accent though, please. Oh, and tell Gwyneth to lose the GOOP.

Simple Plan

My friend saw you in concert in Japan, and just like her, I must say: I’m “addicted” to your music. In a “perfect world,” I would hang out with you guys all day and do crazy stuff like dye the neighbor’s pool yellow or something, because, let’s face it, “I’m just a kid.” You seem like a bunch of cool, fun kids just making music because you can, and I love that about you. But unfortunately, you kinda remind me of blink182. But not in a middle-school-memories, emo-phase, dress-like-a-punk, nostalgic sort of way. More like a trying-a-little-too-hard, bad-album-titles, life-is-so-unfair-let’s-cry-about-it sort of way. Skateboarding is a sport, not a prop, and yelling at your parents on a rooftop in the pouring rain? Effective, but kinda cheesy I must say. Maybe there’s a reason you’re “still not getting any”…

Miley Cyrus

My guilty pleasure of all things guilt-full and pleasurable is “See You Again.” It’s on my workout playlist, my clubbing/dance-party playlist, and my blasting-in-the-car playlist. To the point where I’m headbanging and screaming out the lyrics with my girlfriends, and looking like a mad woman to the car next to us. But oh mah gah. There is so much advice and wisdom I wish to impart upon you that’s long enough to last a whole Oprah episode. You’re obviously not as big as a band, but your ego is big enough compete with one. Can you please act your age and stop dating older men that are probably not into you and more into your…assets? And stop taking those trashy MySpace pictures that even my 12 year old cousin knows not to take? You’re probably one of the reasons sexting is such a problem these days among teens. Or maybe just why television shows are going down the drain. Whatever happened to old Disney classics like Even Stevens and Sister, Sister? Dump the TV show and the drama queen act and just behave more like the role model you’re supposed to be for young girls. Then I won’t be so embarrassed when someone sees you on (every single one of) my iPod playlists.

Love,

Your (Not-So-Secret-Anymore) Admirer

All the musicians featured in this week’s Let it Rock have been on the music scene for quite a while. They’re not newcomers in the least bit, which means their fans are sure to have some strong opinions about their newest albums. (Duh, don’t music lovers always have strong opinions about their favorites?) It’s also the chance for the artists to get some new fans that might have never heard them. You know, those youngsters.

But the most important thing is….Kelly Clarkson is back!! OMFG! Wahooo!

And also her American Idol co-star Taylor Hicks. But I didn’t review his new album this week because, this week, Kelly is the only American Idol who matters.

Kelly Clarkson- All I Ever Wanted

I was a pretty big fan of Kelly Clarkson from the start. I loved her on American Idol and was thrilled that she separated herself from the show and became a complete star in her own right. I was pretty disappointed when I heard how awful her album was last year and didn’t really fall in love with the first single “My Life Would Suck Without You” from her new album, All I Ever Wanted. I just wasn’t feeling it and wasn’t too psyched for the album as a whole. But then I listened to the rest of it and realized I couldn’t stop listening. It is amazingly awesome! The album is the perfect mix of slow “Because of You” type ballads and fun “Since U Been Gone” pop songs. While she’s still distinctly Kelly, I heard traces of Leona Lewis in “Already Gone” and even Carrie Underwood in “Ready” and “All I Ever Wanted,” showing that Americans truly know what they want in an idol: a huge vocal range and lots of fun. Katy Perry and American Idol judge Kara Dioguardi teamed up to write “I Do Not Hook Up,” which isn’t my favorite song on the album, but I can definitely see the younger kids singing along. “I Want You” brings a bit of a Duffy’s bouncy touch to the album and shows Kelly’s wide range of versatility. Kelly is most definitely back on her game and I’m pretty sure this album is going to be huge.

Chris Cornell- Scream

I’ve heard the name Chris Cornell being thrown around quite a bit over the years, but have never taken the time to listen to him. So while I can’t compare his new album, Scream, to his previous works, I can say I’m completely in love with it. But in looking at other reviews, I see that his older fans aren’t thrilled with this new album, which made me wonder how I would feel about the old Chris. When I learned he used to be the frontman for Soundgarden (seriously, I don’t know where I’ve been that I didn’t know this), I saw how different Scream sounds from Chris’s Soundgarden days. I enjoy the album because each song blends into the next perfectly and Cornell’s voice is still the same as it’s always been. Scream is the ideal album to listen to while you’re doing absolutely anything. The lyrics aren’t anything to write home about and I probably wouldn’t just sit and listen to the album, but I think having it on in the background while I worked, actually made me more productive. The album was also produced by Timbaland, which makes it exponentially cooler in my book. My favorite tracks on the new album are “Never Far Away” and the title track “Scream.” So I think the album is a go, but check back with me in a few weeks after I start listening to Chris Cornell’s other stuff and find I prefer that. In any event, Scream helped Cornell get at least one new fan: me.

New Found Glory- Not Without a Fight

While I used to be a punk fan back in my junior high and high school days, I think those times have mostly passed. So it took me a lot to get into New Found Glory’s new album, Not Without a Fight. They definitely sound more grown up than many of the other punk groups, which makes sense since they are in fact older. I think my problem with New Found Glory is that I find myself having to listen to their albums over and over before I can tell one song from another. On the same token, I like that they never succumb to the pop-like, cheesy lyrics some punk bands are into. In a way, you could say New Found Glory absolutely refuses to “sell out,” which I truly respect. I enjoy “I’ll Never Love Again” because it sets itself apart from the other songs with a bit of “yelling” that really fits in. “Don’t Let Her Pull You Down” is another standout for me with its lyrics, “It’s time that I rain on your parade/Watch as all your hopes explode/To landmines/You ask for help but people turn away.” You’re sure to like “Tangled Up,” once you hear that it features vocals from Paramore’s Haley Williams, but the problem is her part is so subtle, you can barely hear her. While I’ll probably never be a huge New Found Glory fan, I definitely understand why their fans are so loyal and why with their sixth studio album, they’re still going strong.

Ms. Hudson is about to become Mrs. Jennifer Hudson Otunga! (She’s engaged, for everyone who missed that.)

There is nothing quite like being in love, so we are so happy for our pal, Jennifer. Her husband-to-be, David Otunga is hot, smart (a Harvard Law School grad) and has some fine taste in engagement rings. His previous taste in women is a tad questionable (I Love New York? Really?!), but he has clearly learned from his mistakes and traded up to the beautiful, talented Jennifer Hudson.

This woman proves that you can really have it all: looks, talent, a successful career and a worthwhile relationship (even if guy happened to be on one of the worst reality shows…ever).

You go girl.

You want nothing more than to slap your boss. And then to quit your job. You want to spit in your professor’s face. You want to tell your parents you’re joining the circus to make money for crack…JUST TO PISS THEM OFF. Today is the day you tell your best friend that those jeans DO make her ass look big because HER ASS IS BIG. You want to list off all of your exes to your guy who have been better in bed. That’s right. This is what I refer to as a “SCREW EVERYONE” day.

And they should never be spent without a soundtrack. So me and my Ipod went and made a playlist for these days.

“Spent on Rainy Days” BRIGHT EYES (Indie)

“Blueprint” FUGAZI (Punk)

“Gravity” DRESDEN DOLLS (Rock)

“Today is the day” MOROS EROS (Indie/Experimental)

“The Egg” SHINER (Indie/Alternative)

“The Other” ISIS (Experimental/Metal)

“The Never Aftermath” THE END (Metal/Ambient)

“In The Belly Of A Shark” GALLOWS (Punk/Rock)

“Complete and utter confusion” FEAR BEFORE THE MARCH OF FLAMES (Experimental/Rock)

“Set fire to the face on fire” THE BLOOD BROTHERS (Other/Punk)

So instead of taking your Screw Everyone day out on the people around you…why not just put on these songs and let out your angst the old fashioned way? You know…like a 14-year-old who just slammed her bedroom door in her mom’s face. And then locked the door. And then wrote “Screw EVERYONE” in her blog.

What’s better than a southern punk rock sounding band comprised of tattooed boys who have some serious chips on their shoulders? A southern punk rock sounding band comprised of tattooed boys with serious chips on their shoulders who are FROM ENGLAND.

Most people call them Gallows, but after spending a couple months on Warped Tour alongside them this past summer; I call them The UK’s Answer To The Shitty American Hottopic-esque Bands Polluting The Minds Of Today’s Teens, instead.

They’re angry. But they’re honest. They don’t prepackage themselves with the sorta fashion you’d expect out of a festival like Warped Tour these days. In fact, Gallows pretty much don’t give a f*$k about anything.

The singer literally spits lyrics about a girl cleaning his cum off of her face. Now, hold your feminist horses….because believe me….I have a point. Maybe you don’t like the idea of this dude singing with lyrical content like this, but let me ask you:

If you were a singer who was angry and writing lyrics about an ex, can you swear to god that you would never ever arrogantly reference your sexual past with that person as a sort of bargaining power for an even more vengeful song? I certainly cannot.

It’s not like Gallows are womanizing or degrading…they just tell the truth. I LIKE the fact that the singer is so brutally honest. I LIKE that he’s not some eyeliner wearing emo boy trying to serenade his way into a girl’s pants. And…I know I might be crazy, but I like the way he simulates jerking off while singing the above lyrics at a show. It’s not proper. No freaking way. But if you are into punk music and have been asking yourself:

“What the hell happened to the scene? When did it become so lame?”

Then go listen to Gallows. Now.

http://www.myspace.com/gallows

Plus, you might as well admit it: British guys can get away with talking a lot more shit than American boys. It’s the accent. End of story.

Add to My Profile | More Videos

In case the holidays are bring you down, check out this video from Taking Back Sunday, “Christmas Is For the Birds”!

Kiss Me

Add to My Profile | More Videos

Admittedly, I’ve been on this strange pop-punk kick and I’ve been listening to bands I got into in like…2001. Nonetheless, this is a brand new song (well, it’s a Sixpence None the Richer cover…) from New Found Glory called “Kiss Me”.

Get it here!