The newest installment in the Harry Potter series came out this week and so did my inner (well, mostly inner…sometimes outer) geek.  My friend Google helped me satisfy some of my more nerdy urges to gaze upon the faces of my favorite wizards (past and present).  That’s when I was reminded that Robert Pattinson was in Harry Potter once-upon-a-time.

After spending some time re-watching The Goblet of Fire and considering a double feature with Twilight, I started thinking of the similarities between Daniel Radcliffe and Robert Pattinson.  As much as I love those two, sometimes they can get annoying.  And pale.  Why are they so pale??  So, for a special magical edition of Celebretard Showdown, we have a wizard and a vampire.  Giggity.

Career
Daniel Radcliffe has tasted some seriously sweet success as Harry Potter himself.  Even his stage production, Equus, was a big hit (of course, that may have been due to his nightly nakedness).  He says that he’s excited to move on to more serious projects…but I’m pretty sure any movie I see him in, I’ll still be thinking he’s Harry Potter.

Robert Pattinson was also in the Harry Potter films as a hottie Quiddich player, but is far more famous for his lead role in Twilight.  Aside from those two roles, he’s been in a couple made-for-TV movies and not much else.  I wonder how long his career can rest on his good looks…

Point: Robert Pattinson. Daniel is three years younger, but light years ahead in his career.

Fashion
Daniel Radcliffe tries, bless him, to be as stylish as his co-star Emma Watson.  He doesn’t quite make it, but I do appreciate his efforts.  He seems genuinely interested in his appearance.  Now, if only he could take a break from filming and go outside to get some sun…

Robert Pattinson dresses like a hobo.  Seriously – I’m never quite sure whether he just rolled out of bed or he really tries to look that sloppy.  Also, he always looks like he has pot stashed somewhere on his person.  Not the best look, but I’m used to it since every guy on my campus seems to be rocking the RPatz style.

Point: Robert Pattinson. You used to be a model!  Try dressing up once in a while…or just try trying.

Geekiness
Daniel Radcliffe is lord of the geeks.  Not only does he have the undying love of every geek girl out there (mine included), but he also looks quite geeky.  A wizard is a pretty geeky fiction character…capes are just not cool.  Yet, we can’t help but love Harry Daniel.

Robert Pattinson is not a geek.  I mean, his most famous role is for a sparkly vampire, but he’s pretty anti-geek.  Geeks love him, however.  Boy, do they love him!  In real life, he plays guitar and models and whatnot.  One kind of wishes that he were more geeky…

Point: Daniel Radcliffe. Even though we adore you, you might want to scale back the geekiness…just a tad.

Love Life
Daniel Radcliffe has no love life.  Having recently split from his girlfriend, actress Laura O’Toole, he says that he feels out of the dating scene.  Um…boring?  And how could he miss the legions of nearly-rabid women heaving themselves at him?  I’m thinking Little Danny needs a good night out at the pub.  I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t be going home alone.

Robert Pattinson isn’t dating anyone…I think.  There are, however, about a thousand rumors of “secret girlfriends” and whatnot.  He’s been linked to his Twilight costar, Kristen Stewart, more times than I can count (they’re not dating).  Twelve-year-old girls ask him to bite them.  I’m slightly confused, a little bored, and no longer interested.

Point: Daniel Radcliffe. C’mon, dude! Man up and go get some action.

Fans/Cultishness
Daniel Radcliffe has the entire legacy of the Harry Potter franchise behind him.  He’ll never lack for fans as long as children read/watch Harry Potter.  I mean, when you have people dressing up like you on a regular basis (and having successful careers doing so), you can claim some cult status.

Robert Pattinson shares many of the same fans with Daniel Radcliffe, plus a healthy serving of the goth population.  It doesn’t seem like this Twilight thing is going away any time soon, so I’m pretty sure Robert will be rolling in the fans for a while.  Cult status? That’s debatable.

Point: Robert Pattinson. While he enjoys major Teen Beat success right now, I’m not sure if he’ll be able to sustain it much further into his career.  Twilight doesn’t have the cult following that Harry Potter enjoys.  Hope he saves some of his money for “independent projects.”

Celebretard Prize Goes To: Robert Pattinson. He always looks like he’s about to yawn, he doesn’t seem to care much about his acting career and I’m getting sick of his bed-head hair.  Plus, vampires are lame.  So there.

- Finish making S.P.E.W. buttons to hand out at movie theater

- Buy a new wand – mahogany, 14 inches, essence of unicorn hair, please

- Play as Ravenclaw Seeker in Quidditch match against Slytherin

- Get arms, left leg, spleen looked at (note to self: brooms can’t really fly, and kickball Bludgers can hurt like a bitch).

- Tell off that idiot on the Harry Potter forum who thinks that Cornelius Fudge was a competent Minister of Magic because, seriously, xoRonLuvr592 has no effing clue what she’s talking about

- Listen to Harry and the Potters and The Remus Lupins.

- Potter Puppet Pals reenactment! Snape, Snape, Se-ver-us Snape!

- Buy some chocolate frogs, Droobles Best Blowing Gum, Bertie Botts Every Flavour Beans, pumpkin pasties, and butterbeer to smuggle into the movie.

- Perfect maniacal laugh to complement Bellatrix Lestrange costume.

- Hold memorial service for Sirius Black.

- Two Minutes Hate for Voldemort Wait, wrong book.

- Call Post Office to see if they’ve found the Hogwarts acceptance letter that got lost in the mail seven years ago.

- Set up tent outside movie theater at 6 p.m. to ensure getting best seats at midnight showing.

- Find new friends, because the ones I got will definitely dump me after realizing what a Harry Potter dweeb I am.