With all this talk about the new take on Wonder Woman, set to hit our televisions next fall, the girl with the golden lasso has been getting a lot of hype these days. From her costume to her hair just about everyone has an opinion on just about every part of this franchise. So I had to ask myself, Self, why is our culture so fascinated with superheros? Is it the costumes? The vigilante thing? The status? Nah. What I think it really comes down to is the power. The superpowers, that is.

I mean think about it. How much easier would your life be if you had superpowers?  I know, I know – Peter Parker’s grandpa told us “With great power comes great responsibility” and how it’s not all fun and games for these cape crusaders. But just for a moment, let’s pretend it is. Let’s pretend that college students had superpowers…

1. The power of persuasion
You know, sort of like that power the vampires have. Some call it compulsion, some call it dazzling. For the purpose of this article I’m going with persuasion. You can’t turn in your paper on time? Persuade your professor to give you an extension. Or better yet, to excuse you from that paper all together. A girl is going after the guy you like? Persuade her to go after someone else. Really want an internship? Persuade the interviewer to make sure it goes your way.

2. Superspeed
This one would completely eliminate that whole myth about girls taking too long to get ready before they go out. I mean we’d be able to try on our entire wardrobe, pick an outfit, and clean our room before our guys would even be able to walk across campus. And could you imagine the damage we’d be able to do in a shopping mall?

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LaBeouf and ‘douche’ don’t exactly rhyme, but…

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Admit it, you want a Theremin!

You might know Adrian Grenier as the slightly smug, slightly self-centered, but always adorable Vince from HBO’s hit Entourage. Although I personally think the show’s success has a lot to do with the hilarity of the character actors (including my personal skeevy love Jeremy Piven), Grenier certainly plays a major role in attracting viewers—a fact he has obviously let infect his brain and speech pattern.

As reported by a Radar journalist, Grenier recently showed up at a Lower East Side (read: skinny jeans and soul patches) party and spoke some choice words to a lady he apparently fancied. Instead of attempting to have a nice conversation like the rest of us common folk, Grenier the celebrity went straight for the kill—because, well, he thought he could.

Transcribed via Radar:

Adrian: Hi, what’s your name?

Brunette: [Giggling. It is obvious she knows who he is; she is flattered that he has approached her] Elizabeth*. What’s yours?

Adrian: Adrian.

Brunette: Nice to meet you! And what do you do, Adrian?

Adrian: I make documentary films.

Brunette: Oh really?

Adrian: Yeah. And some other stuff on the side. What about you?

Brunette: I’m in fashion.

Adrian: That’s cool. So how about we go home and I f*ck the sh*t out of you? Read More »