Dear (See Below) Bands,

I love your music. Love, love, love. But can you maybe try to be a little less annoying? It makes it so hard to defend you when I tell my friends about my favorite artists. Actually, it makes it hard to admit to anyone that you happen to be one of them.  And I want to make them like you, really, I do. But like that friend who has a minor character flaw that now pisses you off enough that you really can’t see the good in her anymore,  I’m finding it difficult to enjoy your music knowing how annoying you are.

Here are some heart-to-heart tips from your loving (secret) admirer to be a little less annoying and a little more rock and roll.

Fall Out Boy

You always have a spot in my 6-CD player in my car. Sugar, you’ll never go down on the playlist for me if you continue to make some of the sweetest pop punk music out there. But please, Pete Wentz, I’m begging you – cut your hair, lay off the eyeliner and put on a damn shirt when you are on a magazine cover. You need to settle down – you play bass. And, um, you have a kid?

Also, Patrick, can you please enunciate your song lyrics so I can actually sing along and not just randomly open my mouth while humming the tune to look like I know what I’m singing? And what’s up with the weird syntax and bizzare punctuation in the song titles? Thnks Fr Th Confusn. I mean, e.e. Cummings was a legit poet, while you’re just… an antithesis of all semblance of reason. And grammar. My English teacher highly disapproves. Read More »

The other night, I was listening to the radio (yeah, I heard I was the last one on earth who still does this) and the DJ was discussing a new ailment claiming pretty much anyone under the age of 25. This new disease: The Hills Syndrome.

No, it’s not what you would think, not an obsession with trashy TV, trying to keep up on the latest fashions, or incestuous dating, but instead a nearly non-existent work ethic. That’s right, watching The Hills is making you a bad employee.

Initially, I scoffed at the woman’s assertions (I will give her the Spencer points though, since he has no job – unless he considers being Heidi’s boyfriend/ “manager” a full time gig.) I have been known to watch The Hills from time to time, and am still capable of holding down a job. And, for whatever points it’s worth, I’ve even commented to my friends during a Hills viewing about the amazing yet easy seeming jobs the cast snags. How the hell they manage to get them with no degrees or really any intelligence, and how they hold on to them considering the better part of their day is spent out around town, texting, partying , chatting, or twirling their hair, is beyond me. I think it is safe to assume if it wasn’t for MTV, LC and the gals would be living solely off their Laguna Beach allowances.

But I digress. After taking a moment to ponder the work ethic of early twenty-somethings such as myself, I have to admit I don’t think I have the same desire to “get my hands dirty” as say, my parents or grandparents did in their early twenties. Rather than it being a result of “The Hills” though, I think it has a little something to do with a sense of entitlement from being what I like to call, a Millennial. (Millennial is great word huh? I wish I could take credit for that little catch phrase, but it was actually a friend of mine who mentioned it.) Read More »

These days, the radio is a serious disappointment. I long for the days when the number one hit was Mariah Carey singing Vision Of Love (I’m sorry but that sh*t was QUALITY). When I listen to say…something like, “This Is Why I’m Hot”, I find myself feeling so incredibly–unhot. Instead, I feel ashamed for listening to junk. Listening to most of the todays Top 40 tunes is like eating a Big Mac.

So, I’m going to bring you MY version of the good stuff, old school style, spanning several decades. Holla!

1. She’s Got A Way and Piano Man- Billy Joel

Ok, if you really want to go there….just buy a Greatest Hits album, so worth it.

2. Gypsies, Tramps and Thieves- Cher

Yeah, Cher. And no, I’m not a gay man.

3. I Have Nothing- Whitney Houston

Whitney would MURDER any of those American Idol b*tches. Read More »

If Maxim radio host and model Diana Falzone can’t catch a break with the fellas, is there any hope for the rest of us mere Photoshop-less, fluorescently-lit plebians? Well, following that whole Spitzer thing and Glamour Magazine’s jackass blogger, Falzone has had enough–and is starting a revolution! Well, sort of.

Here’s an excerpt from her blog:

“There is only so much infidelity a person can handle before they stop believing in love. In order to keep women of the world from becoming bitter, cynical spinsters I ask that we as a gender stick together and have a weekend without men!…In fact, this Saturday March 15th. Take back your night.

Dress up for yourself, go do something for you, don’t worry about him. Let him sit on his couch playing Halo with his buddies who suffer from Peter Pan Syndrome and wonder, “I wonder what (insert your name) is doing right now?” Let men see that women are not willing to deal with their crap anymore.” Read More »

Days a Freshman: 109

Mood: totally surprised

“At first I thought I didn’t remember anything.” Sammy walked over to her desk, touching the knickknacks and papers surrounding her small laptop. “But every couple of days or so little bits of sound or a weird flash of a picture would pop up out of nowhere.”

“Your hallway bathroom is disgusting.” Rebecca pushed through Sammy’s door, droplets of water falling onto the carpet from the hot pot. “I didn’t want to touch anything.”

As soon as she closed the door, the energy must have hit her, because Rebecca stopped walking and stared at the back of Sammy’s head. “What?” she asked, letting her eyes slide over to me. “What?”

“I started telling Grace about what happened.” Sammy kept her attention on her desk, playing with a small green stapler. “I think she should know.”

“Oh.” Rebecca set the hot pot on Sammy’s puffy comforter. “Okay.”

“If it’s a big deal…” I leaned farther against the dresser, wishing I could lean myself right out of the room. “If it’s a big deal you really don’t –”

“Well, I was super wasted, so it’s not as big of a deal as you would think.” Sammy picked up the stapler and spoke to it. “Its not like I have all the gritty details. I got to the party drunk, hung out with Justin and some of his friends in the house, smoked some pot…and then I was sitting on a couch…” her voice wavered, fading in and out like a radio with bad reception. “And everyone tells me I was making out with some guy for a while…Sasha, I guess…”

Rebecca’s eyes slid over to me, but I looked away. Read More »

Wow! I stumbled upon this gorgeous little audio clip on PharmaGossip.com and OMG- this will absolutely kill you.

The long and the short of it is, This guy is about to propose to his girlfriend of 4 years, when he finds out she was caught giving some “oral dictation” to her Boss in the bathroom stall at the company Christmas Party. So, instead of breaking up with her in person, he recruits some help from a local radio show.

The result is painfully cruel- Gorgeous, I tell you.