“I don’t know if we should talk about this…”

“And why not? Everybody has sex!”

“Yeah, but everybody should be making love.”

“Come on, how many guys do you know making love?”

–Salt N Pepa, “Let’s Talk About Sex”

In the past six months, I’ve had sex. I’ve been laid. I f*cked. However, it’s been a long time since I’ve made love, and I kind of miss it. Some people might argue that there’s no difference – physically, they are the same. But emotionally, passionately, and mentally, the two deeds are very different.

1. The First Time.

The first time you make love with your partner, it’s usually a very special moment. It’s often planned out in advance, especially in new relationships. There’s often sensual foreplay, and your bodies fit together perfectly.

If it’s your first time with a new partner and you’re just having sex, it may be spontaneous. Your partner may not be your boyfriend, or even your crush, and the decision to go all the way is frequently a hormonal (thanks, booze!) impulse. First time sex can be sloppy and awkward as you try to find the right position, and after everything’s said and done, it feels like there was something missing. Read More »

The random hook up. Probably the only thing more common at a college party than drunk people screaming to Journey. That’s why people are there, isn’t it? That’s why we girls spend hours picking out outfits that are sexy without being too slutty, and risking third degree burns with a flat iron.

We want guys to want us. And we want them to want us now.

I’m a big fan of the random hook up. Obviously, I’d prefer a more constant booty call in my life (read: a boyfriend), but there’s nothing wrong with sharing the milk while I wait for someone to buy the cow. I love the challenge of seeking out what I want (the guy in the worn-in baseball cap) and getting it (in my bed). And quite honestly, sometimes a girl’s got needs, ya know? Sometimes I just need a little pleasure in my life that doesn’t come from the fro yo machine and unlimited sprinkles in the caf. And by “sometimes” I obviously mean “when I’m drinking.”

That being said, I’m not gonna go home with just anybody. I have standards, thank you very much. And just because those standards get a little lower when I’m wearing the beer goggles (which I don’t realize until after the fact, of course; I always think the guy is sexy until I wake up in the morning) doesn’t mean I’m going to do the horizontal mambo with anything that happens to have man parts. Read More »

This is a sad story. It begins, as most of my stories do, with me spilling coffee all over myself. I ducked into the nearest clothing store to pick up a cheap new shirt, and found myself staring at a lime-green, rhinestone-encrusted t-shirt reading “My Boyfriend Is Cuter Than Yours.” Next to it, a similar horror, this one reading “I May Be A Flirt, But My Boyfriend Likes It.” Above it, “I’m A Diva! Just Ask My Boyfriend!” Literally every single shirt on that wall featured the word “Boyfriend.” It was a perfect storm of condescending t-shirt copy. But it opened my eyes a bit.

For girls, having a relationship is not just a fun bonus – it’s practically a requirement. We’re told from birth that it is our job to make people desire us. Being single, in this light, is a violation of the Lord’s almighty commandment to girls: Thou Shalt Committedly Bone. When you break up, there are precious few resources to support your decision.

The fact is, you don’t have to be in a relationship just to be there. And, when a relationship passes, you don’t have to stop having fun. It’s just that being miserable is really easy. I have been guilty, many a time, of taking this stuff too seriously. Having salvaged just enough from these wrecks to learn something, I hereby pass down to you the cardinal sins of the heartbroken. It may not be much – but avoiding these things will, at least, allow you to emerge into your fun new single life without sacrificing your dignity. Read More »

There are lots of things you don’t know about a man when you meet him at a bar. Like, where he lives. Or who he knows. Or, sometimes, his name (which makes the phone number exchange mighty awkward the next morning). It is all part of the mystery, the fun…and the nature of the situation. Usually it’s better that way; knowing that kid likes Star Wars is not going to help set the mood.

Or, I don’t know…knowing he has a girlfriend?

I found myself in that precarious situation this past weekend. I was hangin’ out when I was approached by a fine specimen of a man. He was tall, dressed really well and his smile made me melt. We totally hit it off and soon found ourselves making out in the bar like we were Freshmen at a frat party.

He invited me back to his place and, eagerly, I obliged.

When we arrived back at his place – which was a far cab ride from my own abode – he went to the kitchen to get some much needed water and I started to look around. And I began to notice a recurring theme: cute kissy photos of him and a very adorable looking girl. Tons of them. Everywhere.

Clearly, this boy had a girlfriend. Read More »

Remember when you were little, and your parents gave you that “Don’t talk to strangers” lecture?  Well, approximately a decade or so later, we find ourselves in college. At bars. Talking to strangers.

And by “talking” I mean… letting a few rounds of Patron turn into a one-night-stand. What’s up with that?

Look, I’m not a slut. But I have certainly made some bad decisions. And with one in four college students carrying an STD, it’s really important to follow Mom’s advice.

There are plenty of reasons why it’s best to actually get to know someone before you go home with them. You don’t want to run into any “surprises” in the sack- e.g. you think he’s a nice fellow, until you’re astride him and he’s requesting that you spank him and call him Sally. You also don’t want to feel awkward about things in the morning. Let’s face it, it sucks to wake up to a selfish stranger who doesn’t even care about your walk of shame because he wants to get a few more Z’s, even though he has a car parked right outside and could easily give you a ride home. Read More »

I used to think that guys who carried condoms in their wallets were big cocky jerks…until I found myself naked in bed with a super hottie who not only didn’t have one on him (or, rather, in his wallet), but didn’t have one anywhere in his apartment. Talk about a buzz kill.

Now I like a man who comes prepared. Like a Boy Scout (only without the weird uniform…or maybe that could be fun). I mean, I’m not going to carry condoms around in my purse; women supply the birth control pill, so it’s up to the dude to bring the rubbers. At least that’s my feeling on the sitch. Besides, my going-out-bags barely have room for my camera, wallet and keys, let alone a box of Trojans.

The topic of birth control is one that comes up often in a relationship – long term or one night – so I wanted to see what the guys were thinking about it. Looks like we’re not the only ones freaking out about babies, ladies! Read More »

It’s amazing how universal the college experience is and how readily we all accept it as normal. Talk to any college student on any college campus in the country and you will easily find common ground: in the drinking games, in the fake ID horror stories, in the theme parties, in the hook ups.

It is only when an outsider (Read: An Old Person) looks in and comments on the college scene that we take a second look and realize that our choices really aren’t that…acceptable.

My friend recently sent me this article, in which some old dude jumps into the college scene and reports what he finds. And what was it? Just your typical weekend at any college campus: parties, makeouts, puking, etc. Only, when he talks about it it sounds a lot different than when we share our stories in a typical Saturday morning recap. Read More »

I’m horrible at transitions and I don’t really do change. But apparently in a few months I won’t have a choice. I’ve completed eight semesters, finished all my required classes, and grown out of my fake ID.

It’s not that I don’t know where time went; it went towards the long class lectures, te bar-hopping, the “Tennis Pros and Golf Hoes” parties, the blizzard sledding (and subsequent frostbite), the jello-shot making, the endless Sex and the City viewings, the random hook-ups, the awkward morning-afters, and the all-day brunch recaps. And while I’ll leave college with amazing memories and textbooks the bookstore refused to take back, I’ll also leave with no idea of what I’m going to do with my life (and how I’m going to afford it.)

So, even though I have an entire semester left, I can’t stop myself from stressing myself into oblivion as I sit in my room with growing anxiety. I WebMD-ed myself to figured out what my problem was and all I came up with was a diagnosis that gave me a month to live. (Sidenote: I have to stop using WebMD.) My mom claims this is normal, my friends are experiencing the same thing, and yet I can’t help asking around for Xanax. Read More »

We all know that it’s horribly wrong to hook up with your friend’s boyfriend. Or the guy she likes. Or the guy she hooks up with every weekend. But when exactly does a guy from your friend’s past come back onto the market? It’s easy to say that exes are off limits, but in today’s relationship scene, where hooking up is more common than actual dating, it’s tough to draw exact boundaries.

I have a friend who “claims” guys. She sees him, she likes him, she claims him; and that’s it, no one else can ever touch him (even if nothing happened between them).  I have other friends who have all hooked up with the same guys and have no qualms about discussing it with each other. Both of these are extremes — but what makes girls think they have the right to “claim” a guy in the first place? Why should you be able to dictate who a guy you had no serious emotional connection to dates?

The truth is that girls (and guys to an extent) are just jealous of each other by nature. Read More »

A guy meets an amazing lady at a bar. They connect on every dot and the night becomes physical, eventually leading to sex. When the two used-to-be-strangers awake, all of the sparks that were there the night before are still there. The two are excited and make plans to see each other again as soon as possible. And they continue to see each other.

The random hook-up at the bar turns into a passionate relationship — whether titled or untitled is irrelevant. It could have been a one night stand, but because of the chemistry between the two people, it wasn’t.

Think this never happens? Well, you’re wrong. Plenty of my friends’ relationships started in this exact fashion and a few of my own past relationships started in the same manner.

Of course the sparks aren’t always there on the morning after, but you know what, the sparks aren’t always there after long-anticipated sex, either. Read More »