We all get tired of walking to class, especially if you’re running late, sleep-deprived, hung-over, a lazy jerk, or all of the above. That’s when you hop on your trusty 10-speed, or if you’re a huge tool, razor-scooter. Keep in mind that if you find yourself riding such a scooter you have way bigger problems than just being a little late. Tardiness is excusable, looking like a douche isn’t. Donate that piece of shit to someone who needs it, like a pre-teen or “tween” if you will. Actually, drop it off at Salvation Army, those brats don’t need anything else. What kind of 11-year old wins a texting competition? I can barely type my own name half the time, which may be more attributable to the fact that I’m a lush.

Moving on, that 10-speed of yours is slowly becoming, gasp, uncool. Oh no? Oh yes. Anyone who’s anyone, including any hipster worth their converse will tell you that track bikes are the new must have in transportation fashion. So what if these über-sweet bikes (yes I just said über, don’t judge) don’t have any “brakes”. Since when did brakes become a prequistatie for bike functionality? That’s right, if you want to be cool, you got to be willing to get hit by a car or better yet, mow down some unsuspecting students on route to Chemistry. Chem sucks, you’d be doing them a favor. Is it wrong that I heard about this trend in Wired? I mean…it’s so Computer Science major of me. Read More »