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GQ magazine has unveiled its annual “Men of the Year” list. They have men in every category from Leader of the Year: Obama, to Badass of the Year: Clint Eastwood. While GQ did a comprehensive job of compiling the best men out there (who will all have starring roles in my sexy dreams tonight), it got me to thinking.

What about Best Gay Man of the Year?

It seems like every day I fall in love with yet another unattainable man. There are just so many of them out there showing off their goodness and reminding me that I can’t get a slice. But I love them anyway. So I decided to compile a wishlist of my favorite gays; the best of the best from all corners of the entertainment biz. And no that does not include Dwight from The Real Housewives of Atlanta. (Editor’s Note: Wait, he’s gay?!) That dude may look great in a pair of heels, but he’s got some real ‘tude that I don’t appreciate.

Intelligence:

Anderson Cooper is my personal hero.  An anchor on CNN, author and television personality, he is living my dream. He epitomizes journalism eye-candy and for that I admire him. Although he keeps his personal life private, his recent trip to India with his boyfriend Benjamin Maisani left women’s hearts shattered across America.

Fashion Design:

Just looking at Marc Jacobs makes me giggle. As far as fashion designers go, he definitely tops the charts of the cutest gay men in the industry. Honestly, who can pull off a Spongebob tattoo and the red M&M dude on the same arm? But all of his poor body art choices aside, I would die to sport his threads. That man knows how to create a show-stopping look and if there’s one thing I want (besides a chance to bring Marc back to our team) it’s one of his signature quilted bags.

Humor:

Neil Patrick Harris had me at “Hello, my name’s Doogie.” And he may be gay, but I still chuckle at his womanizing antics on How I Met Your Mother.  What’s not to love, really? He’s cute, he’s funny, he’s sexy, and maybe the only example of a child actor not gone horribly awry in their later life. He has been dating actor David Burtka since 2004 and admire them for being an openly gay couple in Hollywood.

Style:

If anyone is going to publicly humiliate me on television, throw out my entire wardrobe and mock me to my face, it better be Clinton Kelly.  A fashion consultant known for his role on What Not to Wear, Clinton is the only man in my life who could tell me I look fat in these jeans without getting smacked across the face. Partially, because he knows what he’s talking about, and partially because he won’t care if I withhold sex that night.

Adorableness:

Sometimes the only reason I tune in to Oprah is in hopes that Nate Berkus will be giving me design advice. He’s super talented, totally generous, funny and pretty much the sexiest guy alive. If Nate was my interior designer and decorator, I’d have to seriously consider re-doing every single room in my house. He’s just that fun to look at.

Style…again (Come on; gay guys just know their style):

Tim Gunn always has that quizzical eye when he’s looking over designers’ work on Project Runway and he may instill fear in the contestants hearts, but not mine. It’s all love and adoration for Tim Gunn. The man knows what he’s talking about and his presence just commands respect. Plus, there’s something about an older gay man in a suit that just makes me swoon. When he tells you to make it work, you better make it work, or you know you’re screwed.

If only I could find one of these fabulous men wrapped up with a bow under my Christmas tree this December. We would have the best time getting dressed up for New Year’s Eve together.

When making my decision between drinking a glass of red or white wine, I usually pick vodka. But sometimes that is simply not an option. So my thought process usually goes something like this:

Who doesn’t drink a glass of ice-cold vodka at dinner time? Strange. Wine it is then. But the only people who drink white wine are those trashy housewives in Atlanta and Kirsten from the O.C. We all remember those infamous words before she sent herself off to rehab, “I may like my Chardonnay, but I won’t end up alone! And that’s more than I can say for you!” Wow, that was a train wreck. Better opt for a glass of red. But I’m trying to meet some boys tonight and I don’t think purple teeth are going to work to my advantage. Plus, I’m trying to maintain a glowing smile so I can one day become rich and famous for my million-dollar smile. So I better stick to white wine.

That entire inner monologue could have been avoided had I know this fun fact: White wine is actually worse for your teeth than red.  White wine is high in acid, and that can wear away tooth enamel and intensify the stains left by the double espresso you slammed at the library the night before.

Ub40 was so, so right: Red red wine, you make me (and my teeth) feel so fine. You keep me rocking all of the time….

So for all of you winos who drink soda through a straw and religiously brush your teeth before and after every meal, your best bet is to skip the 2-Buck-Chuck Sauvignon Blanc and order a bottle of red. Or just chug some Listerine. That should do the trick.

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You know those times when that little monster inside of you just wants to lash out? Well, here are some bold (and bitchy counterpart) responses to ease the inner bitch while still putting someone in their place.

You go girl.

Someone Cuts You in Line
Bitchy: Get the f out of my way, you line cutting ho.
Bold: Excuse me? I believe I was here first, but feel free to get in line behind me.

Someone Macks on Your Man
Bitchy: Back off before I go Jerry Springer on you. HE’S MY MAN.
Bold: I appreciate the compliment of you admiring my man, but he is taken…. by me. (Smiley aggressively)

Someone Tries to Steal Your Idea at Work
Bitchy: Isn’t it funny how that idea wasn’t yours at all, but my idea? I think our boss will also think it’s funny. When I tell him. RIGHT NOW, bitch.
Bold: I find it interesting that your “idea” was so similar to my input and original thought. I guess, in the future, I won’t collaborate with you at all.

Someone Insults Your Outfit:
Bitchy: I was actually going to tell you that I saw your outfit on Hollywood Boulevard on one of the regulars. Men seem to really like her.
Bold: Sometimes it is hard being an individual and actually thinking for myself in terms of fashion. Some praise me for it. Some don’t, obviously.

Be a classy lady, dip your insults in sugar, smile, and relish in the thought of all the good Karma you’ll receive for keeping your cool rather than bitching it out. Because, really, no one wants to look like a Real Housewife of Atlanta, right?

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Let me make no mistake: Anderson Cooper is a stone cold F-O-X. They should change the call letters of his station from CNN to E-F-F, because when I tune in, all I see are Anderson’s steely blue eyes telling me he wants to jump my bones.

But Anderson isn’t just a journalistic automaton–the guy’s got substance. After graduating from Yale, he didn’t have a job and simply decided to fly himself to far-flung locales like Burma and Somalia to cover wars as a freelance journalist, which he wrote about in his book. He gained recognition for his hard-hitting news coverage, landing him a spot as a CNN reporter and anchor of the program Anderson Cooper 360. Known for his grit and endurance for reporting across the globe, Anderson also starred in the documentary Planet in Peril, about the most critical environmental issues facing the earth today.

But all work and no play would make Anderson a very dull boy. He is well-known for being down-to-earth and plugged in to today’s popular culture. He’s a BIG fan of Real Housewives of Atlanta, (as he’s professed on many talk shows), and has a Facebook and a Twitter. He made a big splash a few weeks ago (literally!) when he challenged Olympic swimming legend Michael Phelps to a mini-swimming race. Anderson may have lost the race, but ladies won the chance to see our favorite journo jock shirtless on national television. Most recently, he co-hosted CNN’s New Year’s Eve special with Kathy Griffin (whose wild remarks have been the talk of bloggerati since yesterday), where he professed his resolution to blog more in 2009. Will I be hanging on his every effable word? Yes, yes I will.

Don’t worry, I’ve read all the gossip. I could care less if he loves men, women, or panda bears–I’d like to dispatch Mr. Cooper to my bed to experience some of his hard-hitting coverage. “Anderson Cooper’s Effability” is the only breaking story on my news feed.

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