I’ll admit it: I’m an addict. It’s a horrible habit that, after so many years, I just can’t kick. It’s available, it’s affordable and, hey, it makes me feel good about myself. And even though it’s probably damaging for me in the long run, I just can’t stop.

Yeah, I’m a consumer of the Kardashian culture. I watch the shows (the originals, the spin-offs and Dancing With The Stars when one is competing), I read the interviews, I follow the obnoxious tweets. And recently, people like Daniel Craig, Jonah Hill and Barbara Walters are calling me out on my fascination with the most overexposed and yet untalented people on television, the Kardashians. I jumped on the family bandwagon relatively late, actually. I initially denied the attraction to what Barbara Walters referred to as “a strange mix of trashy sex, upscale excess, tabloid melodrama and suburban family life” — though the balance of these ingredients varies with each episode, depending on which siblings are in them. But when Lamar Odom proposed, Reggie Bush called it quits, and Mason was born, my interest was officially peaked for some reason. I was suddenly intrigued by these people who are so famous, and for the life of me, I seriously could not remember why.

Is it really because the late Robert Kardashian was OJ Simpson’s lawyer and friend? Because Bruce Jenner is an esteemed Olympian? Because Kim Kardashian was partying with Paris Hilton during her heyday and recording her sex-capades with Ray J — Brandy’s brother? I guess that by putting all of those famous-by-association factors together, and adding Kris Jenner as a manager and Ryan Seacrest as a producer, these people are worth watching. Over and over again. Why?!?

Daniel Craig of The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo and Casino Royale doesn’t understand it either. ”Look at the Kardashians, they’re worth millions. Millions!” he told British GQ in their January 2012 issue. “I don’t think they were that badly off to begin with, but now look at them. You see that and you think, ‘What, you mean all I have to do is behave like a f*cking idiot on television and then you’ll pay me millions?‘”

Jonah Hill — who, in Superbad and Get Him To The Greek, often acts like an idiot (with the exception of Moneyball) — feels the same way, but for different reasons: he actually watches the shows. He openly admitted that he felt duped when Kim Kardashian announced her plans to divorce Kris Humphries because, like so many of us, he bought into that gaudy and god awful wedding display. He ranted to The Huffington Post about the infamous family earlier this week:

“I have friends who work in TV and the Kardashians get higher ratings than their TV shows. Shows that people actually work hard on — writing and creating and trying to tell stories. The fact that the Kardashians could be more popular than a show like ‘Mad Men’ is disgusting. (Laughs) It’s a super disgusting part of our culture, but I still find it funny to make a joke about it. Whenever I say I like reality TV, people write about it like they’re in shock. I can’t even understand it, so I watch it. I think it’s funny and I definitely enjoy it in a making-fun-of-it sort of way, but where does the line sort of end? When do I stop making fun of it and become an actual fan?“

I personally don’t know. I’m confused about it all. And I’ve often wondered if they actually see it all as “working” when they punch mirrors, wax each other’s vaginas, lose $75,000 earrings while swimming in Bora Bora and then conveniently find them again once the cameras are pointing another way. Seriously, such scheming takes skills!

So finally, after ranking the Kardashian family as a whole one of the 10 Most Fascinating People of 2011, Barbara Walters sat down with Kourtney, Kim, Khloe and mother Kris, and asked them flat out: “You don’t really act; you don’t sing; you don’t dance…you don’t have any — forgive me — any talent!”

And then Khloe, the voice of reason within that crazy clan, revealed the truth that no one wanted to actually acknowledge: “We’re still entertaining people…None of us think we have talent. None of us think we can sing or act or dance.”

But they do call themselves businesswomen. They’re spokespeople, fashion buyers, “perfumistas” even…and now they have a store at The Mirage Hotel and Casino in Las Vegas called Kardashian Khaos that sells anything and everything with their names and faces on them. Shockingly, it’s not full of cricket sounds; paying customers are lining up to actually buy their licensed merchandise. Maybe they’re Midwestern Americans looking for a souvenir of Los Angeles celebrity lifestyle; maybe they’re foreigners stocking up on pieces of American culture. Because no matter how you look at it, or whether you’ve been looking away all this time, this random family is famous for being famous, and they’re now forever part of American pop culture.

“I think it’s more of a challenge for you to go on a reality show, and get people to fall in love with you for being you,” Kim said to Barbara Walters. But Kris Humphries filed for an annulment on account of fraud, and he’s got some pretty good grounds…who says you’re even really being “you” at all??!?

After hearing criticisms from Daniel Craig, Jonah Hill and Barbara Walters, I’m kicking my addiction; but I’m only continuing to watch to find out if they’re all for real. From watching the preview, I think that the next episode will be pretty revealing of their true character, right? Plus, it looks kinda funny.

Do you Keep Up With The Kardashians? Okay, seriously…WHY?!?

Ashley is a UC San Diego grad who is holding on way too tightly to a potential career in magazines and goes to Vegas all too often. She’s fascinated with celebrities and strawberry beer and doubles as a pathological texter/emailer/blogger. Feed the addiction with tweets @cashleelee. Thanks in advance.

When you look up reality TV on Wikipedia, at the bottom of the page it says, “See Also: Low Culture.” Umm, what? Low culture, Wikipedia? You think because I sit around on holidays watching Dance Moms marathons and almost every night I have a huge list of reality shows clogging up my DVR that I’m low culture? Excuse me, but I watch Top Chef. Gourmet Food=High Culture. I have also seen a few episodes of Work of Art. Art is high culture, wouldn’t you say, Mr. Wikipedia Man?

So obviously I admit to watching reality TV, and I’m totally not ashamed. But there are some reality stars that I am a little ashamed to admit that I love. I’m not talking about Spencer and Heidi or Omarosa; I actually do hate them. These are stars that I really love, but would probably lie about any day of the week (except the days I’m given a lie detector test).

initiating the gallery...

What reality show would you go on?

There’s going to be another Austin Powers Movie

Still not really sure what Reese’s tattoo is

The Hogan family always manages to top themselves in creepy

We’re really too excited for Missoni for Target

How to dip dye your hair

Guess which city has the most romantic men

The coffee book you need in your house

Taylor Lautner is nude in ’30 Minutes or Less’?!

And the latest in completely expected and not at all shocking news? Teen Mom ‘s Jenelle Evans headed to rehab this week (read all about it here) to get away from all the stress of her life and learn how to cope.  Not that she doesn’t have anything she’s rehabilitating from, that is. Her trip to rehab comes right after Evans pleaded guilty to possession of drug paraphernalia, but apparently Evans has been clean for weeks now and just needs some time to get her priorities in order.

Right.

If anyone has ever seen an episode of Teen Mom, it’s probably no surprise that Evans ended up in rehab. The girl couldn’t stop partying to take care of her own kid, got arrested with drugs on her and stole from her mom to take a road trip with her freeloading boyfriend. But with this latest development in an ongoing saga of reality shows gone wrong we couldn’t help but think back to a question we posed not too long ago: Should MTV be doing More for Their Teen Moms?

When watching reality TV, I think we  can sometimes forget that we’re actually watching reality, or at least some version of it. These are people whose lives continue on even after the cameras stop rolling, and often we don’t stop to think about what happens once the screen fades to black. Chuck Bass can drink all he wants, because at the end of the day he’s a fictional character. The same cannot be said for Jenelle Evans. Or for any of the other teen moms whose lives we watch unfold like soap operas.

But these girls are no Lindsay Lohan. They’re young mothers struggling with trying to raise a child when they haven’t even fully grown up yet. They’re dealing with self destructive tendencies, anger issues, and alcohol and drug abuse, and that shouldn’t be taken lightly. By the viewers or by the networks.

What do you think, ladies? Is Jenelle’s stint in celebrity rehab a step in the right direction? Or should MTV be stepping in to offer their own support, maybe focus the show more on helping these girls rather than watching their lives self destruct? Or is it solely their responsibility to get their lives together? Leave a comment and let us know!

Instead of glitzy night club scenes with boring conversations, Downtown Girls actually shows the lives and friendships of Nikki, a boutique owner, Gurj, an Atlantic Records digital marketer, Klo, a bride-to-be, Victoria, an aspiring lawyer, and last but not least, Shallon, a Glamour.com blogger.

In a world of plastic reality show Barbie dolls (i.e: Heidi Montag), seeing young women working, living on their own, and trying to figure out their 20-something lives was refreshing. With each girl offering her unique individual style and perspective, it was impressive seeing MTV tackle real people, doing real everyday things for once.

Although Downtown Girls chronicles a group of friends, Shallon Lester steals the show with her outspoken and funny personality. With a larger-than-life persona that makes Shallon seem like everyone’s best friend, her energy is contagious. Who wouldn’t want to be her friend?

With one co-written book under her belt, Hot Mess, and a collection of memoirs chronicling her dating life coming out in 2011 called Exes and Ohs, expect to hear more from Shallon. So, consider this an inside look beyond the MTV cameras…

Five Questions We Ask Everyone:

1. What’s your favorite college memory /most trouble you’ve ever gotten into?
Riding a bull freshman year of college. I went to Cal Poly, San Luis Obispo, which is way out in the country. Everyone takes rodeo—yes, it’s an actual class—and you learn how to rope and ride and brand. Our final was to ride a bull, and I went last because I was a coward. I’ve done a lot of risky and scary things in my life, but I’ve never been more frightened than when my instructor was tying my hand to the saddle and riling up the steer with a cattle prod. The chute opened and I lasted 2.7 seconds before it bucked me off and kicked me in midair, like a volleyball spike. I still have a lump on my lower back from it. Wicked.

2. What are five things you cannot live without?
Hockey, lip gloss, Tim McGraw’s greatest hits album, my mom, my Google alert on “Zac Efron shirtless.”

3. What is your motto/advice you live by?
If you trust your dreams more than you doubt them, you will get everything that you want. You don’t always have to know how you’re going to achieve it, you just have to believe that it will. It’s like Christmas morning; you don’t know the schematics of how Santa got into your house, but you knew he would.

4. What is your favorite song to belt out at the bar/car/karoke?
“Baby Got Back” by Sir-Mix-Alot. If you saw me in boy shorts you’d know why.

5. Ten years from now you will be …
Married to an NHL player, overseeing the movie adaptation of my latest novel, and explaining to my friends why being voted “Sexiest Woman Alive” by Playboy five years in a row isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. Signing autographs is exhausting, you know.

Five Questions specifically for Shallon:

1. What is most essential to a good friendship?
Loyalty. My life is pretty weird, so I can’t have a friend who will jump ship the moment I do something offbeat. Because “strange” is pretty much my only setting.

2. You seem so confident in who you are. Was there a defining moment that made you say “You know what, I truly accept myself for who I am.” If so, what was it?
When I started writing the sex and dating column for my college newspaper at Cal Poly, girls would come up to me and say “OMG that happened to me too! I thought I was alone!”  I realized that all of my experiences were pretty relatable, so why pretend to be someone I’m not?

3. After watching yourself on Downtown Girls, did any moments make you cringe or uncomfortable to see on camera?
Oh Jesus I looked so fat. I’m actually quite irresistible in person. And it’s never high on your list of goals to be caught crying over your ex on national television, but eh, at least my mascara didn’t run. The boy was a different story.

4. What was your worst break-up experience and how did you get through it?
About three years ago I fell deeply in love with a boy and was 100% sure that he was The One, and I knew he felt the same way. And he did…about someone else. A stripper, actually. He left me for her and I spiraled into a severe depression for seven months. I can’t tell you how many pro athletes I had to bone to pull myself out of it. But I finally did, and at the end of it, I’m wiser and stronger…and all he has is a scorching case of Chlamydia.

5. If you could go back and tell your 20-year-old self one piece of advice to hold onto for the future, what would it be?
At 20, I was so concerned about what people thought of me—boys, my sorority sisters, family—that I never asked “What do I think of myself?” When your goal is pleasing yourself first and foremost, having fun and attracting the right kind of people is inevitable.

Wanna see more awesome interviews? Check ‘em out right here.

We all know Reality TV is less than quality. And yeah, Rock of Love (especially that bus!) and For The Love Of Ray J are ruining the world, but it’s hard not to love those celebrity-based reality TV shows. Much like coffee, cardigans and chocolate chip muffins, I’m addicted. Whether it’s seeing how those people live or getting to know them in a different way, there’s just something about those shows that keeps me, and America, coming back for more.

Admit it: no matter how embarrassing it is, you can’t get enough of Tori and Dean or Giuliana and Bill. It’s fun to see how celebrities live, and what they’re like when they’re not all decked up on a Red Carpet repeating lines fed to them by their overbearing publicists.

Remember how surprised you were to see how almost normal the Osbournes were?
Or at how messed up Britney and K-Fed were? (…maybe  that one wasn’t so surprising.)

Wouldn’t you like to get inside Oprah’s life? Or Ryan Seacrest’s? Or, OMG, Paula Abdul’s? Talk about TV gold! I’m giddy just thinking about it. (I may even have to upgrade to a bigger DVR if that last one is an option. Mine is already full with all of the Real Housewives….) But enough about my life long dreams; let’s see which reality shows the CollegeCandy writers would like to see.

Ricki – University of Michigan: The Glee cast. They need to show us what it’s like to be behind the scenes

Emmy – Loyola University: Any show with Taylor Lautner would have me as a loyal viewer immediately.

Kim – Stanford: I’d want Jay Z and Beyonce to do a reality show. They’re Hollywood’s most interesting couple because they’re so secretive…. so obviously I want to know everything.

Leah – Ryerson University: Marc Jacobs and his adorable beau. Great fashion, very fun.

Carly – Grinnell: I kind of want to know all about the Disney stars, like the JoBros and Miley. I know parts of their lives are already splashed all over the Internets, but I feel like they have secret, exciting lives that I want to know about.

Lauren – University of Michigan: Chuy from Chelsea Lately. I just can’t get enough of that little nugget.

Nina – Michigan State University: Kanye West should totes get one! It would make even more people hate him. WTF else does he do now that he’s on hiatus, anyway?

Lexi C. – Brown: Jimmy Kimmel and Sarah Silverman. He is charming and funny and she is raunchy and offensive, so I would love to see how their personalities work together.

Charlsie – Hollins University: I think I’d like to see blogger Julia Allison finally get her dream-come-true reality show. Maybe then I can figure out what it is she exactly does and should be famous for.

Rachael – University of Miami: I’m not a huge fan of these reality shows, so I’d rather not see anymore created, but if I had to pick someone, I’d want it to be someone who was really working for something important, like Jordanian Queen Rania Al-Abdullah or Michael J Fox, or someone really off-beat and fun, like Tim Burton. THAT could be interesting. . . .

Noa – CU Boulder: Madonna and Jesus Luz. I just need to see how those two work together. Or how long Madge spends chugging protein shakes and bench pressing his hot little bod.

Zahra – Northwestern University: I want Perez Hilton to get a reality show so I can learn how he got famous for no reason and then follow in his footsteps. He freakin’ hangs out with Lady G now! Jealous.

Hannah – Assumption College: I would definitely want to see Brad and Angelina at home with their dozens of children (I honestly don’t know how many children they have, I stopped counting). I just don’t want them to suffer the same fate as Jon and Kate.

Brithny – Duke: Anderson Cooper, apart from AC360. I’ve always wondered what the Silver Fox does on a daily basis, besides being ridiculously good-looking and saving kids.

Brittany – University of St.Thomas: Besides Chase Crawford (even if he life is bor-ing I would be pleased take an extra 30 min. out of my day to stare at his brown locks and purty eyes) I would chose Katy Perry. Someone has to get behind her obsession for Russell “skinny jeans” Brand. I also wouldn’t be opposed to a Perez Hilton and a Lady Gaga combo reality show. It could be like Rob and Big, except way weirder. And gayer. Loves it!

Sarabeth – University of Texas: I want to see Brad and Angelina have their own show on TLC. They have to be more interesting than the Duggars.

Elizabeth – UC Berkeley: Joaquin Phoenix.  I’m a little curious about what he’s been up to post-breakdown/rap career.

It looks like those New Jersey Italians aren’t the only ones with prosciutto beef about MTV’s latest trainwreck, Jersey Shore. Another MTV “star” has his boxers in a bunch about the newest reality series to sweep America off its feet. Yes, everyone’s favorite ass-hat, Spencer Pratt, isn’t so happy with all the attention those overly tanned guidos have been getting.

“Spencer can feel the press moving away from him and on to the cast members of ‘Jersey Shore.’ He is desperate to keep his 15 minutes going. It’s all he has and blames MTV for paying more attention to the new show than to his old show,” laughs a TV executive.

And he should be mad. A tanner, stronger, 6-packier loser has taken his place as MTV’s biggest douche: the one and only Situation. Or has he? I mean, it’s really hard to tell which moron is a bigger dbag, but let’s try.

Workin’

Spencer Pratt: Being the evil freeloading antagonist of the world who whores himself out to anyone who will give him a buck.

The Situation:  Partying, hot-tubbing, “romantically” courting girls off the side of the street. Oh, and he also happens to sell t-shirts on the boardwalk.

Ladies

Spencer Pratt: Heidi Montag.  For the love of God, do NOT even get me started.

The Situation: Every girl he comes in contact with on the Jersey Shore.  If she’s hot, semi-hot, pretty, cute, or if he’s drunk enough and she answers yes to his favorite pick-up line – “Are you feeling me?” – there’s not a doubt he will try his dambdest to get her in the infamous hot tub.

Douche-isms

Spencer Pratt: “Well, I’m trying to be a billionaire before 30…I definitely want to go into politics later in my life. I plan to be governor, at least, and president if possible.” Big dreams, Spencer.  I’d rather live in the deserts of Africa than live in a land with you in charge.

The Situation: “This situation is gonna be indescribable. You can’t even describe the situation that you’re about to get into the situation.”  WTF? Is that English? Guido-ish? It sounds eerily similar to something George W. Bush would let leak out of his mouth.

Battles

Spencer Pratt: Lauren Conrad, Al Roker, his own sister…or everyone on this planet.  If this doesn’t make your blood boil a little bit, I honestly don’t know what will.

The Situation: Besides Angelina, the self proclaimed “Kim Kardashian of Staten Island,” and his love interest gone bad, Sammi “The Sweetheart,” the only battles The Situation is having are on the dance floor. To house music. Where he beats the beat.

Look-at-Me-Ness

Spencer Pratt:  Loves being the villain.  No matter how it affects people, he will wipe his butt with your feelings. And he’ll teach you all about it in his new book!

The Situation: With “I love the Situation” underwear, mugs, and even clothes for dogs, I don’t think this Guido minds one bit.  He even admits, “I’ll be honest, I like the attention. I’m flattered if there are guys with different preferences that have crushes on me.” (Those guys obviously have something wrong with them.)

Damn, You Fugly

Spencer Pratt:  Two words: Blond Goatee. I guess some people like that sort of thing…. just not me. Or every single person I know.

The Situation: Besides the abs, which he spends 85% of his time working on, his face isn’t anything special.  That is if I can get past the schnoz/razor sharp hair on his head.

Seriously, picking the bigger douchebag out of these two is harder than watching an entire episode of Real World/Road Rules: The Ruins. I think I hate them both equally and I know the world would be a much better place if these two fought each other to the death. And took Heidi down with them.

What do you think?

I know more about these women than I do about our forefathers.

Every Friday I head home from work, tear off my bra, put on my biggest pair of sweatpants, order in Pad Se Ew and settle in for a night of TV. Lame? Maybe. But get back to me after you’re working 60-hour weeks in the real world. Friday nights on the couch are sacred.

Last week, as I fired up the DVR to catch up on all the shows I’d missed from the week, I had a rather enlightening moment. Sorta like an Oprah “aha!” moment, only way more embarrassing. My entire DVR was taken up by reality shows. Top Chef, Project Runway, The Real Housewives, Ace of Cakes… Hell, I even had a little Real World/Road Rules Duel on there.

I looked around to make sure none of my neighbors could see my TV through the windows. I mean, I know I like me some crappy TV, but this was just mortifying. My entire life revolves around watching train wrecks on camera! But maybe it’s not that sad? I mean, everyone loves themselves a little trash now and then, right? Those shows are on for a reason. And some of them are actually really good! Maybe not anything on E!, but we can all learn a thing or two from The Biggest Loser, right?

Right?!?

To make myself feel better about my addiction (and my sad, lame life) I asked the CollegeCandy writers to share their reality TV faves this week. You know you got one, too. Share it in the comments!

Norah – Drake University: I’m obsessed with cake shows. I can’t deal with the drama of other reality shows, but I like to watch people make pretty cakes that look impossible to eat.

Brithny – Duke: So You Think You Can Dance, because of the amazing… dancing. Obvi.

Kim – Stanford: Life would be a little less complete without SAY YES TO THE DRESS on TLC. Who doesn’t love weddddings?!

Lauren H – The New School: Top Chef! I’m a big food nerd, so I watch a lot of the food-based contest shows, but Top Chef is by far the best. The only downside is I’m always hungry after!

Caitlin – University of Alabama: I love E!’s reality shows like Girls Next Door, Keeping Up With The Kardashians, and Kourtney and Khloe Take Miami.  UGH but those Lamas…that’s 30 minutes of my life I’ll never get back!

Charlsie – Hollins University: Keeping Up With The Kardashians is my favorite reality show because when Kim, Khloe, and Kourtney get into fights they refer to each other as “stupid bitch ass whores.” If it wasn’t for this show, my sister and I would have boring arguments. The Kardashians keep us fresh with insults and put-downs!

Laura – St. John’s: Rock of Love.  I never tire of the varying extremes of trampy-ness these girls will go through to prove their love to Bret Michaels. (Really? Bret Michaels is the best you can do?)

Ricki – University of Michigan: The Bachelor/Bachelorette – It’s impossible to not believe in true love when every date they have is jet skiing in Hawaii or being alone on a deserted island.

Thu – USC: The City, if it is even considered “reality.” You kind of live a fabulous life vicariously through the people.

Leah – Ryerson University: What Not to Wear and Tim Gunn’s Guide to Style because everyone should feel fabulous about the way they look.

Anna R. – Northeastern University: My favorite reality show is The City. I didn’t watch the first season, but now I’m obsessed with it. It’s SO much better than The Hills (which is really lame and pointless now), and the girls’ jobs are actually interesting to watch. Plus, I love seeing what they are all wearing!

Kiki – University of Missouri: I spent at least nine hours of my life this summer watching 16 and Pregnant marathons on MTV. It’s like True Life mixed with Maury mixed with the best damn abstinence education ever.

Samantha – UC Santa Barbara: VH1’s Tough Love! The women are such train wrecks that it’s hard not to watch! Best of all, no one gets kicked off, so your favorite tranny look-alike is there every week for your viewing pleasure. Watch as these women work through their “daddy issues” and try to find love. Priceless quotes to throw around with the roomies guaranteed.

Sarabeth – University of Texas: I may or may not have seen every episode of Say Yes to the Dress. I mean, come on, really expensive and really pretty dresses mixed with a few horrible women with bad taste? It’s Amazing!

Hillary – Columbia: I watch a ton of awful television, but my favorite reality show will always be Man Vs. Beast, a two-hour special aired by Fox in 2003. In it, people competed against animals in a variety of competitions—a sprinter raced a giraffe, a Sumo wrestler had a tug-of-war with an orangutan, and, maybe best of all, competitive eater Takeru Kobayashi had a hot dog eating contest with a bear. Seriously. Just watch a few clips. They’re amazing.

Erica – Kent State University: The Rachel Zoe Project.  LIT-ERALLY, I love watching Rachel (aka The-Walking-Panic-Attack) & Taylor (aka The-Five-Year-Old-Who-Somehow-Made-It-Into-The-Fashion-Biz) go BANANAS.  Seriously, Rachel has influenced my closet and my vocab.  LOVE her.

Kelly- Simmons College: I love the Real Housewives. My roommate and I watch the end-of-season marathons and get completely hooked for 12 hours about people we don’t like and don’t actually care about. What other show can do that?

Zahra- Northwestern University: Lately I’ve been obsessed with Tool Academy. It’s hilarious when the guys break things or get into fights to show off their manliness, but also brings me to tears when I see girls finding out about their guys’ infidelities.

Alex – Lakehead University: My favourite (yes, Canadian spelling!) reality show is Paranormal State on A&E. College students who moonlight as ghost hunters?! I’m in! Plus this show features some very unique stories, like the demon that follows them through several episodes. I’m hooked!

Jasmin – University of Missouri: HGTV’s House Hunters. Strange, I know, but it’s addictive. When I leave Mizzou for the real world, I’ll be ready to remodel my dream home.

While flipping through the channels last night during primetime, I discovered the real reason why our favorite shows go off the air during the summer: to make way for the sh*tshow that is summer television, which leaves us begging for The Office and House come September.

It’s the perfect advertising strategy: cut off the supply of good shows, and the viewers will demand that the season premiere of Grey’s Anatomy be moved up several weeks. But it’s absolute torture for the rest of us.

That is not to say all summer TV is bad. True Blood and Mad Men are perhaps two of the greatest shows on television, period, despite the fact that they premiere during the summer. But take a look the other night’s TV listings, and you’ll want to cringe along with me: America’s Got Talent, Big Brother, More To Love? Nothing even halfway decent to watch!

My DVDs are the only things keeping me going. When I find that there’s just nothing good on TV, I’ll pop one of my favorite shows in the DVD player and pretend it’s fall sweeps. Of course, maintaining the same level of interest and excitement becomes difficult after a while, especially since I’ve watched the third season of Gilmore Girls so many times that I can recite it all the way through. But when the reality shows start gearing up in the evening, I need something else to escape to.

So I spend my evenings researching when my favorite shows will return. Here’s what I’ve got so far.

So You Think You Can Dance: September 6th
90210: September 8th
Gossip Girl (woohoo!): September 14th
30 Rock: September 15th
The Office: September 17th
House and Heroes: September 21st
Grey’s Anatomy: September 24th
Desperate Housewives: September 27th

Oh, sweet September. I can’t wait to see you.

Reality shows: you either love ‘em or hate ‘em. Personally, I never liked “reality” television, and this summer’s lineup of shows gives me even more of a reason to stay away. The networks really seem to be scraping the bottom of the barrel with some of this stuff. Here’s just a handful of the trainwreck reality shows that will be gracing our TVs this season:

The Great American Road Trip
NBC, Mondays at 8/7c
What happens when you pit seven families representing different regional stereotypes against each other in a race for $100,000? The Great American Road Trip. Only there’s nothing great about it. In fact, it’s rather hard to watch. In the first episode, the families competed in an “end of the road” challenge in which they had to roll a Zorb containing one of their family members through an obstacle course. I felt so bad for the poor kids who were stuck rolling around in the giant Zorbs…although I couldn’t stop laughing through the whole thing! Does that make me a bad person?

More To Love
Fox, Tuesdays at 9/8c starting July 28
Billed as the “dating show for the rest of us,” More To Love is a Bachelor-style competition in which average Janes compete for the love of an average Joe. It makes sense: a reality show featuring “real” people. Except it’s impossible for a reality show to be 100% authentic without it being documentary-style à la the Discovery Channel. There’s still going to be drama – catfights, body image issues, the works. The only difference between this show and The Bachelor is that the women aren’t all super-skinny models. Is this really supposed to fix the problem of reality shows not being real?

Silent Library
MTV, weekdays at 5:30 ET/PT
A couple of years ago, I saw a clip of a Japanese game show that had contestants compete in a variety of wacky challenges – and required them to be absolutely silent in order to win prize money. Now that MTV has adapted it for an American audience, let the guilty pleasure begin! This is one show I can’t help but watch. It’s hilarious to see the contestants perform such bizarre stunts while trying to keep quiet. Some are painful, some are disgusting, but they are all ridiculously entertaining!

Dating in the Dark
ABC, Mondays at 10/9c starting July 20
This show takes “blind dating” a bit too literally. Three men and three women live in a house together (separated by gender) and go on dates with members of the opposite sex in pitch-black rooms. After several days of dating in the dark, the couples will finally see what their partners look like. The idea of the show is to test whether or not love is truly blind, but this is just an absurd premise for a television show. I imagine each couple fumbling around in the dark like buffoons. How can this possibly be entertaining?