I’m a junior in college, and I’m getting really, really antsy to graduate. I didn’t think I would get sick of college, because there are so many things I love about it. But the student life is getting old. I want to be a real person with a real job! I want to get home from work and be done for the day, no homework! I want to have time on the weekends!

But I think that sometimes I get carried away imagining my glamorous post-grad life. In reality, graduation can be a really humbling experience. I’ve always had lots of older friends, and I’ve watched some of them go through some difficult (but hilarious) times after graduation. So to remind us all that things don’t always go as planned, I present Expectation vs. Reality: Graduation Edition.

initiating the gallery...

Garnet is a student at Columbia University in New York City. She is “that person” who starts dancing at a party when everyone else is standing around, and if there were a Facebook stalking Olympics, she would be a gold medalist. She also loves cheesy 90s music, and almost died of happiness when Vanilla Ice retweeted her. Once. Follow her on Twitter @garnethenderson.

[Lead image via unguryanu/Shutterstock]

This has been, by far, the craziest NCAA tournament I can ever remember. Every single game so far has increased my blood pressure, spiked my heart rate and probably shaved a few years off my life. If your bracket has survived the madness, props to you; I’m already down a two Final Four teams (I guess that’s what you get for ever having faith in a team from Pittsburgh or Notre Dame). Woof.

After a much needed break to get our heart rates back to normal, the next round of the tournament, the Sweet 16, kicks off this Thursday. Here’s a rundown of everything you need to know before you grab that bucket of wings/anti-anxiety medication and park yourself in front of the TV.

Some of the biggest upsets so far:

Butler over Pitt – I usually wouldn’t give a rat’s *** about anything that came out of Pittsburgh, but when an eight-seeded Butler team knocks out the first number one seed of the tournament, it’s a BFD. Especially since I probably lost a couple hundred dollars thanks to those fools. This was probably one of the weirdest game endings, ever. It came down to foul shots.

VCU over Purdue – I had never even HEARD of VCU before this tournament. The Virginia Commonwealth Rams may be the 2011 Cinderella Story. One of their own players (Jamie Skeen) even said if he was a regular person, he probably wouldn’t have picked VCU to make it to the Sweet 16.

Marquette over ‘Cuse – If you saw Marquette’s reaction at the final buzz, you’d agree with me on this one… I don’t think anyone has ever been more excited to find out they are going to New Jersey.

Games to watch:

Butler/ Wisconsin – Butler is a very, very strong 8-seed. I wouldn’t be surprised if they upset Wisconsin and made it to the Elite 8.

Florida / BYU – The Jimmer isn’t slowing down anytime soon. Going to be a great fast-paced game that you won’t want to miss.

March Madness has nothing to do with the preparations for spring break, daylong drinking holidays like Mardi Gras and St. Patrick’s Day, or studying for midterms. It is about the best three weeks of any sport — the NCAA Tournament. The best of college basketball. Even if you’ve never watched a single minute of any game all season, you can still enjoy the Big Dance. It may be the only thing your friends are talking about the next few weeks so it may be a good idea to learn some important terms.

• Sweet 16/ Elite 8 / Final Four – These are the names of different rounds of the tournament. Throw out these phrases and you may be able to impress some of the testosterone-driven so much they may remove themselves from their TV screens. It’s a long shot, but it couldn’t hurt.

• Bracket – Bracket, bracket, bracket. You’ve definitely heard this word A LOT this week. March Madness is a huge gambling event. People pick their choices to win every game. There is absolutely no science behind this. (I know people who make their picks based on school name, mascot and the uniform colors.) It may be too late to input an official bracket, but you can print one at ESPN or Yahoo Sports and make your own picks for the rest of the games.

• Bracket Buster – The upset game that ruins everyone’s brackets and their chances at a large pool of money. This may mean nothing to you now but Morehead State beating Louisville made a lot of people really, really angry. Think about it as the higher number seed (the worse team) beating the better team (the lower seed). After a really big upset you can say that your bracket is “busted.”

• Kemba Walker – One of the star players on the UConn team and sometimes referred to as King Kemba. Think, Michael Jordan. He is gorgeous to watch on the court as he blows up the boards (scores lots of points) and not bad too look at during his post-game interviews. Mmm.

• Buzzer Beater – The shot taken right before the clock runs out, when the buzzer would sound. It literally beats the buzzer. This mostly refers to the baskets that win or tie a game.

• Cinderella Story – The underdog team that should have lost in the early rounds of the tournament but managed to beat a big name team to advance. And just like Cinderella (and every other Disney princess), you can’t help but root for them.

• Buckeye – As a Penn Stater, I am ingrained to hate everything Ohio State. Ohio State received the overall number 1 seed for the tournament and many think they are favored to win the whole thing. The Buckeye is their mascot… and it’s a nut. SMH.

• The Ship – No, this is not a reference to that large cruise ship you just got off of. The Ship, or the Championship Game, will be held on April 4.

You can check out any of the games on TruTV, CBS, TNT and TBS. This is the first year that every single game is being televised so grab some popcorn, open up a cold beer, and make yourself comfortable on your couch. Or take your new-found knowledge to the bar to impress some sports fans! Either way… let the madness begin.

I still haven’t written my personal statement yet.

You know, the one that more or less says “explain yourself in 700 words or less.” The one that asks you to take the last four yours of your life and make them fit in an essay. The one that asks you to be creative, and witty, and unique, while also demonstrating your intelligence and artfully adding in all of your accomplishments. The one required for college admissions, scholarships and awards, and, in my case, the one required for grad school applications.

Yep, that one.
I just can’t seem to write it.

The truth is, I’ve never been a big fan of personal statement essays, or as grad schools like to call them, statements of purpose. (Because changing the name will differentiate them from the nightmare that was applying to college.) They all sound exactly the same, and everyone says what they think the admissions board wants to hear, and everyone talks about family history or motivation or their many deep and meaningful reasons for pursuing the career path they’ve chosen. And basically, what it comes down to is one giant cliché. And I hate clichés. And so do the admissions boards, or at least, that’s what they claim.

The personal statement is important, they tell you. We want to know more about you that what appears on your transcripts, they say. Be creative. Be unique. Be yourself. But also include all of your accomplishments in the past four years, any significant events you may have been a part of you, why you want to go to this school, what you can bring to this school, and why we should even bother to consider your application. Yes, that leaves lots of room for me to be unique, doesn’t  it? The questions are cliché, so the answers are going to be cliché. And as I’ve mentioned, I hate clichés.

But that’s exactly what I end up sounding like every try time I try to tell these people who I am and what I want to do with my life. Because the thing is, I have absolutely no clue who I am or what I want to do. Sure, I’m a college senior. Yes, I have things I’d like to accomplish. But those goals are more along the lines of “make it through 18^th Century Literature,” “improve my beer pong playing abilities,” and “stop watching Private Practice.”  They don’t exactly detail my grand post college plans, and that’s mostly because I don’t have post college plans.

So I should probably focus on the “who am I” part of the essay, right? That would be a great idea, except I just can’t seem to figure out how to go about doing that either. I’ve never been a big fan of labels, because I like to think that people are a bit more complex than that, and I don’t think the admissions board wants my age/height/weight/hair and eye color stats chart. So what are my opinions? Childhood memory that changed my life or distant relatives that have inspired me to become the person I am today?  No on those counts too. I just don’t believe it’s possible for someone to understand who I am based on a 700 word statement, or any statement for that matter. People just don’t work that way.

So what exactly is a girl to do?

Maybe I should just link them to this post instead? I mean, it’s honest and real and so full of such flattering compliments for the entire application process and everyone it involves that I’ll be admitted immediately.

OK, so maybe that’s not my best bet, but what is?

Click here to follow Jenn’s other ups and downs of senior year.

Since most of us won't get near those nasty tubs in the communal bathroom, I've got a few better ideas for relaxation...

October is a busy month. Between midterms and registration, and finding the perfect Halloween costume, things can get pretty crazy there for a while. But it’s important to remember to take a step back from it all for a while. Relax. Enjoy the little things. Relieve some stress.

Here’s how…

10. Indulge in some junk food. This probably isn’t the best advice, since eating your feelings isn’t exactly healthy, but chocolate cures all. At least for a little while. So just indulge for a little bit. Something sweet, or something salty, or something sweet and salty (chocolate covered pretzels…mmm…). Just a little pick me up. Besides, isn’t dark chocolate good for you anyway?

9. Dance it out. Yes, I am totally ripping off Grey’s Anatomy here, but the “twisted sisters” know what they’re talking about.  Dancing is an excellent stress reliever and you don’t even have to have any rhythm whatsoever. (Trust me. I would know.) Just enjoy yourself. And relax.

8. Shop. “You know that thing when you see someone cute and he smiles and your heart kind of goes like warm butter sliding down hot toast? Well that’s what it’s like when I see a store. Only it’s better.”  Oh Becky Bloomwood, I couldn’t have said it better myself.

7. Get that heart rate up. “Exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy.” –Elle Woods. (I apologize for that one but Legally Blonde was on WeTV this week.)

6. Organize and categorize. Maybe it’s just me but I’ve always found the process of putting things in order to be extremely calming. Freaking out about a big test? Make a study schedule. Nervous about a date? Plan the perfect outfit. Once you know exactly what you’re doing it will be a lot easier to get it done.

5. Get in some quality BFF time. Whether you and your friends are staying in with pizza, beer, and bad TV, or heading out in heels, a good old fashioned girls night cures all. Who cares about what’s happening next week when you’re having the time of your life right now? Let loose. Have some fun. Let your friends distract you. Nothing will seem as bad the next day (except maybe that hangover…).

4. Curl up in bed and watch a movie. Or you know, have a Gossip Girl marathon. The point is that losing yourself in someone else’s drama will distract you from your own. Whatever you have going on won’t seem nearly as terrible after you’ve seen Jenny Humphrey’s eye makeup.

3. Laugh. Search some YouTube videos. Visits Texts from Last Night. Call up your funniest friend. Look at last weekend’s Facebook pictures. Just let off some steam and enjoy some absurdity.

2. Catch up with CollegeCandy. You need some downtime to just breathe and be? Put on your favorite pair of sweats, get comfy, grab your laptop and start reading. Want to feel inspired? Check out this article. Or maybe you need a good laugh? Morning after stories will do that for you.  Or just scroll through the feed and see what you missed.

1. Make a list. Like I said when I took on this column, list making is my life. It keeps your organized. It makes you feel like you have some semblance of control of everything going on around you. It gives you a focus for just a little while. It makes you feel good when you get to cross something off.  And the results are always entertaining.

How about it, ladies? Has this week been as stressful for you as it has for me? What do you do to let off some steam? Let me know in the comments below!

I know what you’re thinking: Why would I want to read a book about paying for college when I’m already in college and I’m getting by with student loans/ my parents’ generously footing the bill /or a scholarship?

Well listen up, pretty lady – whatever your situation is you will absolutely get some insight about paying for college that will, without a doubt, help you make better decisions when it comes to financially making it through four years, as well as helping you protect your future post-grad life.

Throughout history, paying for college has been a major issue on everyone’s minds. But although it’s something everyone always seems to talk (and worry) about, it is one thing that usually gets pushed to the side in the application process. Students send their applications out, they get their acceptance letters back, and then – and only then – the question of paying for that highly accredited university to which they’ve been accepted pops up. But with the cost of a college education rising at a pace in polar opposition to our economy, financial disaster is almost inevitable.

Without a lot of financial planning, people turn to student loans, which, as any college student who has taken them out knows, are a major stress-factor that can impact the rest of your life. Not only do students feel like they have to take out more and more loans to supplement an income during college, they feel utterly lost, especially in a world where financial aid offices will tell you anything. In Debt-Free, Zac explains “The role of the financial aid office to make sure that the students the school has admitted are financially able to attend – through whatever means necessary.” Because colleges don’t work as financial advocates for students, more and more students are falling down the rabbit hole of student debt. However, consider Debt-Free as a personal guide that will walk you through all things financial in the college world, by whatever means necessary.

What makes Debt-Free so rich is that in a world where colleges and universities will blatantly lie to prospective and current students about financial options, Zac is here to dispel every rumor, every faulty piece of advice, and to actually help you out. While many financial books promise to get their readers on the right track to becoming millionaires, Debt-Free looks out for its audience by giving the cold, hard facts and a dose of reality with a bit of humor and a lot of helpful tips peppered in.

Especially in this recession, it’s hard for students not to become emotional or enraged about their college financial situations. While some students feel incredibly strongly about student loans (how else would they have gone to college without them?) and others are more indifferent, a growing number of students interested in having more financial autonomy, especially in college, is growing. Regardless of your opinion on student loans or the means to paying for a college education, Zac’s advice will cover everything you need to know to make good decisions with your money (or lack thereof).

Debt-Free covers everything and anything related to paying for college. From the beginning of the application process and how colleges reel students in with promises of scholarship money and financial aid, all the way through the hidden facts regarding student loans. Not only does he offer advice on how to pay for college without making your parents go bankrupt or ruining your financial future with monthly loan payments, Zac offers clarity about whether paying for a private college instead of big public university is worth it. He even addresses the financial situation as a whole – and offers his personal take on how they should improve and what needs to change. Instead of complaining about financial aid issues such as FASFA, Zac is outspoken about the system and how it can be more effective and fair.

All in all, what makes this book refreshing is that Zac practices what he preaches. He’s not some spoiled rich kid with parents paying his way at the University of Massachusetts – Amherst while spouting fake advice. He’s putting his money where his mouth is, and he’s advocating for students across the nation.

And considering the hundreds of thousands of dollars we’re spending on our college educations, it might be a good idea to listen.

[Debt-Free U: How I Paid For An Outstanding College Educaiton Without Loans, Scholarships, or Mooching Off My Parents hits bookstores on August 31^st. A special thanks to Maureen Cole at Portfolio/Penguin Publishing for providing a press copy.]

Long before there was Real Housewives and American Idol, the Olympics were the original reality show, with all the drama, tears, athleticism, and even the trash talking to boot.  Skeptical? Take a look at these top Olympics highlights from years past:

5. Tara Lipinski Steals Figure Skating Gold, Nagano 1998

In 1998, America was in love with Michelle Kwan. The graceful seventeen-year-old was already a two-time US Figure Skating Champion and winner of the 1996 World Championships when she took the stage in Nagano. While Tara Lipinski, then just fifteen, had a National and World title of her own, it was Kwan whose experience and artistry made her the favorite for the Olympic title. However, after a solid performance by Kwan, Lipinski emerged with this exhuberant, youthful, and technically more difficult program to clinch the gold medal, becoming the youngest Winter Olympic champion ever. Jump to the 6-minute mark to see her receive her scores, and hear the scream heard ’round the world.

4. Lindsey Jacobellis Showboats to Silver, Torino 2006

Four years ago marked the debut of a new Olympic sport, snowboard cross.  Combining the dramatic elements of  downhill skiing, the collisions of short-track speedskating, and numerous jumps and turns, bordercross (as it is sometimes called) was poised to become a newsmaker by popularity alone. But in the 2006 women’s finals, American Lindsey Jacobellis sacrificed a seemingly insurmountable lead on the final jump by showboating (adding a fancy board-grabbing flourish on the incline) and falling.  In an instant, her gold turned to silver, and her magnum opus turned into a mea culpa.

3. Dan Jansen Wins Gold After Sister’s Death and Three Olympiads, Lillehammer 1994

Jansen grew up in Wisconsin, where his sister Jane inspired him to take up speedskating as a recreational activity.  By 1988, he was already the World Sprint Champion and was favored to win a medal in the 500 or 1,000 meter races at the Calgary Olympics. However, on the morning he was set to compete, he received a phone call notifying him that Jane had died of cancer. Tortured by grief, he fell in competition and broke down in tears on the ice. Four years later he tried again, and again he fell. He found a stroke of luck–and a last chance–when the International Olympic Committee elected to schedule the Winter and Summer games in alternating four-year intervals, giving him a last shot at a gold to honor his sister just two years later in 1994.  There, after falling in the 500m competition, he had only the 1000m final remaining, admittedly not his signature event. Miraculously, he surged to a gold medal and a world record, and celebrated with a victory lap holding his infant daughter, Jane.

2. Giorgio Di Centa’s Tear-Jerking Medal Ceremony, Torino 2006

The Summer Olympics have a long-held tradition, where the marathon is held on the final day of competition and the medal ceremony is staged at the closing ceremonies to end the Games. Starting in 2006, the Winter Olympics adopted a similar tradition in which the cross-country skiing equivalent of the marathon (the 50k) takes the stage. Italians are wildly enthusiastic about cross-country skiing, so imagine their awe and pride when, in 2006, native son Giorgio Di Centi won the event by just 0.8 of a second. His medal ceremony took place at the Stadio Olimpico before a crowd of thousands of cheering Italian fans. And as if that weren’t enough to define the happiest day of Di Centi’s life, his sister Manuela–a former skiier herself and an IOC member selected previously to present the medals for the 50k event–awarded him with his gold. Jump to the 5-minute mark to see the crowd’s reception and try to hold back the waterworks as the national anthem is sung.

1. USA Men’s Hockey “Miracle on Ice”, Lake Placid 1980

Perhaps the granddaddy of all sporting victories, there are several reasons why this win holds a special place in human history.  In the midst of the Cold War, the Olympic Games became a metaphorical contest between arch rivals the USSR and the USA.  The Soviet hockey team was widely considered the best in the world, while the American team was comprised of a handful of amateur college athletes who had almost no popular recognition at all.  On February 22 in Lake Placid, the USSR and the USA met in a semifinal match, where the Americans led 4-3 with 10 minutes remaining in play (centuries, in hockey terms). Astoundingly, the Americans held off the Soviets to win the game, driving the tiny crowd in Upstate New York wild. However, the USSR still remained in contention for the gold, with two games left to play in the tournament. Finally, the Americans scored another dramatic victory over Finland to clinch the gold–the ultimate demonstration of David over Goliath, the consummate example of teamwork and fraternity.

It’s all fun and games until someone gets hurt. And in the game of Bad Habits, you will always come out a loser. As I laid in a tanning bed, I thought about how this bad habit was going to affect me in the long run. Even though I love the immediate benefits of this vice (golden, sun-kissed skin!), I can’t help but worry about my future as a leather-skinned freak. Is the bronze skin of today worth the skin cancer of tomorrow? Let’s examine the dangerous games we play and weigh whether the consequences are worth the benefits:

Tanning

Why We Do It: I am addicted to the healthy glow I get from taking a 20 minute nap in my favorite tanning bed! I feel more relaxed, have less acne, and generally feel less self-conscious. When I’m feeling confident, I can stand up straighter, smile bigger, and show off my legs without feeling embarrassed. I feel like confidence enhances my life and I don’t want to go through my heyday without it.

Why We Shouldn’t: The reality is that, while I may feel cool and confident in my 20′s, I may be hitting up the dermatologist through my 30′s and beyond. If you expose yourself to tanning beds before age 35, your risk of developing melanoma increases 75%! Not only will I be spending my health insurance on removing cancerous or suspicious growths, I’ll be looking in a mirror at wrinkles and sagging skin. So, is the confident glow I see today going to be worth the leathery cancer-face in my future?

Drinking

Why We Do It: I may be of the non-drinking persuasion, but that doesn’t mean I don’t see why others choose to do it. Alcohol loosens you up in social situations and relaxes you after a stressful week of classes. A rousing game of quarters can bring a group of people together and help you forget about that exam you may have bombed.

Why We Shouldn’t: Unfortunately, not too many college students know when to stop before getting out of control. Did you know that 31% of college students meet the criteria for a diagnosis of alcohol abuse? Each year, 1,700 students die from alcohol related causes and over 719,000 will suffer from consequences such as injury, assault, rape and unprotected sex. Drinking one too many is not only terrible for your health and safety, but what about those embarrassing pictures of you on Facebook that Jerkface refuses to take down?! When you decide to drink at a party, you may spend 3 hours enjoying yourself, but think ahead to what the consequences might be.

Smoking

Why We Do It: Nicotine creates that feel-good sensation, calming nerves in the way that adrenaline would during a terrifying public speech. After a long day of stressing out, girls reach for the cigs to chill and shake the anxiety. Some have even fallen for the myth that smoking will help you lose weight. Smoking is also considered a fun social activity that brings people together as they stand outside the smoke-free bar recounting what so-and-so just did with that blow up doll and a bottle of chocolate syrup.

Why We Shouldn’t: You may feel like that first puff is stripping away all your worries, but that’s just the endorphins talking. After that nicotine leaves your system an hour later, your problems will still be there except now you’ll have another one: poor health. And don’t think that smoking is a great alternative to getting a bod like Giselle! Once that nicotine raises your heart rate, blood pressure and labors your breathing, you won’t last two minutes on the treadmill. In fact, smoking will eventually increase your levels of bad cholesterol, damaging your arteries just like that Double-Double Burger you’ve been craving since Friday. Not to mention cancer, the stench, the expense and addiction!

Casual Sex

Why We Do It: Women have fought for centuries against the double standard and today is the first era that sexual freedom and expression has finally reached near equality. If we meet a hot guy, we can hook up and never have to call him back (especially if dude has some rank breath and a collection of anime porn mags). Some girls may sleep with a guy because they are horny, bored, lonely, drunk, like him, or want attention. A swift roll in the hay can make a girl feel empowered and desired.

Why We Shouldn’t: Aside from any moral repercussions, casual sex can reek havoc on your body and state of mind! One in four college women have an STD, but only 10% of them know it. Look around your classroom one day…several girls sitting around you will be afflicted with one of these diseases and not even know it! Makes you want to remind all your girlfriends about carrying condoms, doesn’t it? Not only can hooking up increase your chances of being a regular at the gynecologist, but it can depress you too! Having a heat-of-the-moment night may seem like a blast, but what happens if you really like the guy and he doesn’t call? Biologically, women are hardwired with oxytocin to create a bond after intercourse. If this bond is broken, it can make it harder for us to trust guys and still feel good about ourselves.

So many choices, so much to think about.

Are you able to weigh the benefits of your habit with its consequences? Have you found a successful method of changing your ways? Bottom line, do you think indulging in vices today is worth harming your future?

What’s more, the show has proven that working out can be fun, and that dancing is an excellent way to shed some unwanted pounds, build muscle, and start living an overall healthier lifestyle. I know I signed up for Zumba and impulsively bought the DWTS Cardio Dance workout DVD without batting an eye.

As DWTS has increased our awareness of fun ways to stay fit, it’s also a great vehicle to demonstrate that fitness comes in all shapes and sizes. In the past, we’ve seen DWTS combat some of the Hollywood stereotypes that distort women’s body images across the country. Remember when all 167 pounds of Laila Ali made it to the top three? How about when Sabrina Bryan, who is “chunky” by Hollywood standards, was sent home simply because everyone thought she was too talented to need their votes?

Most importantly, consider the fact that normally the beauty queens and supermodels are the first to get the boot: Paulina Porizkova, Shandi Finnessey, and Shoana Moakler are among the competitors who never saw round three, and thus, they all blend together into one generic DWTS loser, while fan favorites like Marisa Jaret Winokur show you that being skinny doesn’t mean you can move.

That being said, the enormously talented professionals with DWTS also have very different looks, which is great, because it shows that they are all very individual, not just some manufactured dancing Barbie doll. However, this season I’ve been disappointed to see the media scrutiny that Cheryl Burke has had to deal with. Just because Cheryl doesn’t have the rail-thin body of Edyta, it doesn’t mean she’s gotten “fat,” and either way, DWTS shouldn’t be the show to decide who’s fat or thin, because for several years, it’s been more about techniques and talents than the number of ribs that protrude when someone arabesques.

If I had Cheryl Burke’s body, I’d be thrilled. Not only would I look amazing, but I’d know I was in great physical condition. So why is it that two-time champ Cheryl is suddenly under scrutiny? Girlfriend can move– and isn’t this a dance competition? Karina Smirnoff and Edyta Sliwinska’s outfits are getting smaller and smaller, and our former champ, Cheryl, is being put under a microscope.

I’m not saying Edyta is at fault for being so skinny with such a huge rack, or that Karina’s to blame for making me second-guess the cheeseburger I had at lunch. I just thought that the lesson we learned from the first six seasons of DWTS was that “fit” comes in all shapes and sizes. Edyta, Karina, Cheryl, Julianne, Kym, and, this season, Lacey all put in grueling hours as they patiently teach their partners to dance like pros. Just because they have different body types doesn’t mean that one is “fat” or another is “better.”

So please, DWTS fans, media, paparazzi, and whomever else is trying to turn my favorite dance competition into an anorexia playground, just back off. I would love to have one of those girls’ bodies… but I would much rather have their talent.

Last night’s episode of The Hills was monumental. Huge. The early-20s-drama-rific equivalent to the falling of the Berlin Wall.

(Thanks to Holly’s constant pushing and manipulating) Heidi wrote LC a letter.

I know! Heidi can write?!

Well, sorta. The letter went a little something like this:

Dear Lauren,

Heidi Montag

I have so many questions, so let’s get to them. 1) When someone makes a blanket apology, does it count? 2) What exactly is Heidi including in this apology? That she left her BFF to date a total d-bag? That she turned into a plastic bimbo? That she subjected everyone to her horrible “music”? That she spread rumors about LC’s ladyparts to the entire world? 3) How many Heidi’s do you think there are sending LC apology letters that she has to sign her last name? 4) Did Heidi really write this letter, or was this whole thing crafted by Holly to get Spencer out of the picture and let everyone else live happily ever after?

Speaking of Holly – seriously, when did the girl get trendy? Does anyone else remember what she looked like when we met her, like, 3 episodes ago? And now she’s all doin’ her hair all fancy and wearing sparkly dresses…I don’t care if Heidi took her to get a makeover; no one makes a style turnaround that quickly.

But even though I think she secretly stashed a personal stylist in Speidi’s apartment, I am starting to sorta, well, love Holly Montag. The way she stood up to Spencer at the end of the episode after he got all “I’m gonna eff you up for talking about LC.” (Seriouly, I swear that dude is doing something bad to Heidi…she looked so scared of him.) I would like to think she may be the one to get rid of that turd, even though we all know good and well that he’s still around.

Oh yeah. And other things happened last night, too. Audrina went on a date with “the happiest drunk in the world.” He also looked like he showered (point), only had one name (point) and was really sweet to her (even if it was borderline pathetic, point), yet she couldn’t stop talking about Justin Bobby.

Snoozefest.

Thankfully, they will be spicing things up next week with a little skinny dipping action. Otherwise, I can totes do without Audrina and her weird bands and ridiculous body (that I could never have, even if I paid for it).