Dear Dude,

When a guy says he “needs time to think about whether or not [he] only likes you as a rebound,” does that mean it’s definitely over? No hope at all?

A bit of background on my situation: I met this guy (who I’ll refer to as TJ) through mutual friends, and we started hanging out quite a bit because he was in one of my study groups. Somewhere along the line, I fell hard for TJ. One of my floormates, Carrie, found out about my crush and volunteered help me investigate whether or not TJ was interested in me. One day (out of the blue, it seemed to me), TJ asked Carrie out and they went on one date before Carrie decided she didn’t like him that way, and that she didn’t want to mess up our friendship. The night Carrie broke the news to TJ, I made the incredibly Stupid Mistake (#1) of running over to him to comfort him as soon as he texted me that he was upset. Stupid Mistake #2 was agreeing to party with him (to be fair it was Saturday night) so that he could take his mind off of her. After some, um, liquid consumption, we basically ended up in lying in the grass together, looking at the night sky and ended up bonding over meaningful conversation etc.

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Dear Dude,

Over the summer, I met this really great guy at work; there was definitely a mutual attraction between us. With every conversation we had, we found out we had a lot in common with each other. I was about to ask him out, but then found out he had a girlfriend. Needless to say, I didn’t ask him out and things stopped there.

Fast forward to 5 weeks ago. I came home for Christmas Break (we are from the same town, but go to school 9 hours apart), and found out through Facebook that he was single.  I messaged him to see if he wanted to hang out. He gave me his number, and a few days later we went out. The next night we had drinks, and drinks turned into him inviting me to go skiing and to spend New Year’s Eve with him. We spent a lot of time together over break, and he even introduced me to his family and best friends. He would call and text me almost every day, and once he came to my house to hang out and said he was disappointed that he couldn’t meet my parents because they were at work. It seemed like he was really into me by the way he treated me, and I was hopeful that we would last beyond winter break. We hooked up on New Year’s Eve and we did have sex. I don’t feel like this was the wrong move to make because we had spent a lot of time together beforehand, and he certainly didn’t treat me like I was just a random hook-up. I guess I was wrong.

We both go back to school in a couple of days, and he’s been getting more distant and less affectionate. We don’t talk that often and haven’t gone out in several days. Normally, I’d just think that this was a winter break fling and move on. The thing that frustrates me and confuses me the most is why in the hell did he introduce me to his family and friends, spend all that time taking me out and literally treating me like his girlfriend if all he wanted was a little action?

Help! I can’t handle this and the fact that classes start next week!
— Got the Blues on Break Read More »

[Got a Dude itch you just can’t scratch? Sick of getting the pity-eyes as you sift through the Self-Help section at your campus bookstore? Over wondering what those boys are thinking?  We got your back, girlfriend. Send your question (Does have have to know I've never been kissed?) over to askthedude@collegecandy.com. The Dude won’t sugarcoat it, beat around the bush, or any other weird cliche that means lie to you. Like a nice, juicy hot dog, he’ll be 100% real beef, 100% of the time.  So bring it on, ladies.]

Hi Dude,
I recently hung out with my ex – we were together for 2 years and been broken up for about 2 1/2 years. After the break-up I had a hard time and came off a bit needy. Time went by and we met up to catch up. I told him I still had feelings for him but he was dating someone and said he wanted to see where it went and that he “didn’t love me anymore.”

Well they broke up a month ago and when we hung out this last time he was completely different. We totally clicked and the whole time he kept bringing up old memories he has of me and talked about times we had sex and was a bit flirty. He also made a comment that we were “good together” but that we were just at “differnt points in our life.” Every time we’d hung out after our break up it was very awkward and this time it wasn’t at all. He even invited me out to an event and I went. He’s also helping me find a job and he always talks to me on Facebook. I still love him and care for him and I’m not sure what to think about him talking about sex and saying he hasn’t forgotten how good I was in bed and bringing up a lot of memories. It really threw me off. What does this mean?

– Broken Up and Breaking Down Read More »

You know how they say death and taxes are the only two certainties in life? Well I think there’s a third and it’s the break-up. Everyone deals with one at some point and, in a nutshell, it blows chunks. Whether you’re the dumper or the dumpee, it ain’t easy and sometimes, when you’re curled up in the fetal position with a puddle of melted ice cream next to your face, it feels as if the pain is never gonna go away.

But it does…
Eventually.

After countless sob sessions with friends, drunken “I’M SINGLE AND READY TO MINGLE” nights out that end in tears (and usually vomit), and probing anyone who will listen for healing advice, you wake up one day and realize you are OK. You’ve moved on. You can do better than that asshat who never appreciated what he had anyway, dammit.

You just gotta get to that point. And we are going to help you. Below, the CollegeCandy writers share their best advice for dealing with a break-up. Bookmark it, print it, tape it to your wall, because one day, when you’re sobbing to the tunes of The Fray while poring over lovey dovey pictures of you and your ex on Facebook, you’re going to need all the help you can get.

Sammie – Fordham: Cut him out completely.  Do not even have his number in your phone – GET RID OF THAT ISH.  You can be friends later, but right now there is no reason why you should contact him.  ESPECIALLY IN A TEXT THAT YOU SAY IS FOR SOMEONE ELSE THAT YOU SENT HIM “ACCIDENTALLY”!

Christie – NC State: BREAK UP WITH THEM AT THEIR PLACE. I can’t say this enough to my friends. Go to his place, because you can leave at any point you want to. If they are at your place, you might have to ask them to leave, which would be hurtful and awkward. Read More »

[Got a Dude itch you just can’t scratch? Sick of getting the pity-eyes as you sift through the Self-Help section at your campus bookstore? Over wondering what those boys are thinking?  We got your back, girlfriend. Send your question over to askthedude@collegecandy.com. The Dude won’t sugarcoat it, beat around the bush, or any other weird cliche that means lie to you. Like a nice, juicy hot dog, he’ll be 100% real beef, 100% of the time.  So bring it on, ladies.]

Dude,
I’m later into college and I met this amazing guy right at the beginning of my freshman year. We both had an instant connection. We were very flirty, but when I found out he had a girlfriend, I toned it down. We still talked, but never really hung out. I later found out that was because his girlfriend at the time was incredibly jealous of other girls. Well, he just recently broke it off with his LONG term girlfriend and we ended up making out soon after and more than once. He’s such a sweet/caring guy and when we’ve been together for the time we made out, we were together for SEVERAL hours at a time, and also had amazing conversation! He says that he’s attracted to me, finds me incredibly fun to talk to (he’s said that he honestly can’t think of someone he can enjoy talking for as long), that he’ really enjoyed spending that time with me and that I’m this amazing kisser that can also, well, turn him on. He’s also a virgin and not looking to have sex until marriage, so I don’t think he’s saying things to get into my pants. (Right?!)

We’re very open with each other and he’s told me point-blank that I’m not a rebound, but he definitely wants to be single for a while, which I totally understand! I think people need to take a break after getting out of a long serious relationship to find themselves.  He calls me his friend and we are, but I don’t know if it will ever progress into something else. I’m not looking to jump right into a relationship, but I don’t just mindlessly makeout with my friends, so I’m not exactly sure where this is going – if it is at all. Is it just that the timing is off or will it progress?  Maybe I should take things chill, show him I’m not the jealous type, and down the road he’ll see that things could possibly work.

I would love to here your opinion and advice!
Thanks so much,
Don’t Wanna Be a Rebound

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St.Patrick’s Day week has officially begun its course, and I am looking forward to it (since I just discovered everyone celebrates before, after and during the holiday).  Even though I do not have a lick of Irish in me, you better believe I am sporting my neon green wig and the rest of my green ensemble. From now through the end of March. And since everyone is sure to be consuming lots of green beer this weekend, it’s good to know that we’ll all be better off for it.

But, let’s try for just a few minutes before diving into the luck o’ the Irish, to look at the week that was:

- We learned Lindsay Lohan is clearly running out of the “revenue” she gained from her leggings line, because she has resorted to suing an innocent T.V. commercial. Milk-a-wha?

- We discovered jobs after college, are indeed possible! Yet another reason to celebrate this weekend.

- We welcomed back our favorite cast from the Upper East Side this week on Gossip Girl. Thank goodness, I needed a little Chuck Bass in my life…now if only I could get him in my bed.

- We looked at all of the awkward elements Facebook has to offer. Read More »

You think breakups are hard? Try rebound sex. That little activity is more difficult to navigate than an overcrowded frat party in a dark, smelly basement. Sometimes a rebound is just what we need to get out of the habit of spontaneously crying/checking our ex’s Facebook 800 times a day. Other times, rebounds just pile even more heartbreak on top of an already-difficult situation.

Here are some ground rules for having a fun and successful rebound fling.

Don’t expect to fall in love. When you’ve just gotten out of an intense relationship, it can be tempting to look for your next true love. Don’t. Rebound sex can help you get back in the game, but it’s not going to replace your ex. Expecting anything more than casual fun sets you up for another heartache.

Don’t deny your emotions. You shouldn’t be looking for your next great love right away, but that doesn’t mean you should be ignoring any emotions you have. Your first time having sex with someone new is bound to bring up some emotions. It’s better to acknowledge and deal with these, good and bad, than to deny them completely. Trust me, they always make their way to the surface eventually… and it’s super awkward when “eventually” is “while you’re on top and start crying onto his chest.” Read More »

This has been a rough month. On top of approaching midterms, stress over summer internship plans, and the most awful Political Science professor known to mankind (he legitimately looks like a cartoon character, has the intelligence of an action figure, and wears his cell phone around his neck on a rope…), it seems like half of my school has recently been broken up with. Yes, apparently Break Up Season has officially begun, and as a result four of my best girlfriends are in varying degrees of ending relationships!

Since we returned from winter break, I have been in red alert nurturing mode, making sure that chocolate, ice cream, and Sex in the City episodes are all abundant for the initial mourning process for my girls. My phone, which usually I can never even find, is on uber loud at all hours so I can be there for the melt-downs at all times. When the grieving stage has passed, I’ve been there to make sure that the random rebound hook-ups (inspired by one too many whiskey sours) don’t turn into even bigger mistakes. Read More »

March is here! More importantly, Spring Break is here!!! And even though most of us can’t wait to get off campus and onto the beach, there are a couple more reasons why I love this month of March.

1) Red Cross Month

Obama’s Presidential Proclamation last Friday marked the 66th time March has been declared Red Cross Month, and in honor of it, the American Red Cross will launch the first national Change A Life contest, running from March 2-16 (so enter now!) Just go to RedCross.org and share your story of how the Red Cross has changed your life or someone else’s life, and you could win a trip for two to Washington D.C. to join Keith Urban on his Escape Together world tour concert!

2) Rebounding

In celebration of Red Cross Month, I’m going to introduce you to a new form of the rebound – not just for sex, basketball, or even the emotional one anymore. I’m talking about the heart-healthy, original pure form of the rebound: on a trampoline. It’s quoted by NASA as “the most efficient and effective exercise yet devised by man,” and you can do it at home whilst watching TV! Unlike jogging, which for many people can cause stress on the joints, rebounding is a zero-impact exercise and is suitable for all ages and abilities. Read More »

Rebound. It’s a common move and it’s not just for basketball. Whether we’re the ones just getting over a breakup or the new partner in our life is getting over an ex, the person intimately involved with an individual immediately post-breakup is oftentimes considered the rebound.

Everyone understands and supports the need for a little rebound action. That is, if you’re honest about what you’re seeking from the reboundees.

But there’s a gray area in rebounds I’d like to discuss:

The emotional rebound.

We all know about sexual/physical rebounds. This is when your ex does a girl you know he’s not even into after you break up. It’s when you get wasted and have some good ol’ random sex during that trip back home to collect your mind. But does the rebound always have to be physical?

Is there such thing as an emotional rebound? Can an emotional rebound be someone separate from your sexual/physical rebound? So many questions! Read More »