Dear Dude,

When a guy says he “needs time to think about whether or not [he] only likes you as a rebound,” does that mean it’s definitely over? No hope at all?

A bit of background on my situation: I met this guy (who I’ll refer to as TJ) through mutual friends, and we started hanging out quite a bit because he was in one of my study groups. Somewhere along the line, I fell hard for TJ. One of my floormates, Carrie, found out about my crush and volunteered help me investigate whether or not TJ was interested in me. One day (out of the blue, it seemed to me), TJ asked Carrie out and they went on one date before Carrie decided she didn’t like him that way, and that she didn’t want to mess up our friendship. The night Carrie broke the news to TJ, I made the incredibly Stupid Mistake (#1) of running over to him to comfort him as soon as he texted me that he was upset. Stupid Mistake #2 was agreeing to party with him (to be fair it was Saturday night) so that he could take his mind off of her. After some, um, liquid consumption, we basically ended up in lying in the grass together, looking at the night sky and ended up bonding over meaningful conversation etc.

The day after, things were a bit awkward (even though we didn’t hook up), but a few days later TJ started doing things that made me think he liked me (ex: coming over to my workplace to see me even though I work the graveyard shift, writing me a song and singing it to me etc.). Fast forward a week, and we’re dating full time: intimate dinner dates, movie nights together, holding hands at the park, you name it. There were a few incidents where he chose playing Halo/Starcraft with his buddies over hanging out with me, but otherwise TJ was pretty consistent in his affections. It would have been perfect, except all the while he didn’t want us to “go public” and make our relationship official. However conflictingly, he also introduced me to his friends (and met mine), and would voluntarily talk about how next semester he would officially ask me out on our dates.

Then summer came, and so did the big news…the day before I was getting ready to go home (I’m out of state and he’s local), TJ basically tells me he’d prefer if we didn’t talk that much over the summer so he can think about whether or not he only likes me as a rebound because “it’s hard to think objectively” when I’m around him. Like a fool, I acted like the no contact request was mutual.
Now it’s almost July, and I really haven’t heard from him at all. I feel really weird because we have lots of mutual friends and he’s on Facebook chat quite a bit-just not talking to me.
The optimistic part of me wants to believe that he’s really using this time to clear his head and try to forget Carrie/other girls because he’s the type of guy that is so blunt/straight forward that he offends people, but the pessimistic part of me feels like he’s using the summer apart to break it off with me in a nice way.

Why Dude, why, would a guy make all of these promises and give me all this hope by acting like my boyfriend, and then want the summer to think about whether or not he wants me?!? I understand that I was dumb for bringing the rebound status upon myself, but it just seems too cruel, for him to leave me wondering all summer without a single text. I’m trying to keep myself busy, but when I’m not with friends or at work, my situation really bums me out, to say the least.
Should I wait for him to cash out on his promises next fall, or just move on and try to forget this mess ever happened?

Thanks,
Confused Rebound Girl

Dear Confused Rebound Girl,

The answers to your questions are no and yes. Do not wait on him. Move on. Unfortunately, you’ll never forget this mess ever happened. That’s not a bad thing, that’s a good thing. Because it means you’ll be able to learn from it and make sure that you never find yourself in this sorta pickle ever again.

Yes, you’ve been used as a rebound and you seem pretty aware that you’ve allowed yourself to be used as such. A lot of people have been rebounds at one point or another. The real question is, why?

What’s so appealing about being the rebound? Fulfilling someone’s needs? Being able to take care of another person? Being with someone who’s just gotten hurt makes him seem less likely to hurt you? Maybe it’s one, the other, or a combination of all of the above. And you know what, some rebounds turn into long-term, healthy meaningful relationships. A lot of them turn into regrets.

What’s he doing to you is treating you as a personal crutch. He’s leaning on you. Hard. You’ve been a placebo girlfriend and now he might be ready for the real thing. Unfortunately, the way he’s handling it, sounds like he doesn’t think you can be the genuine article. And how he’s treating you is absolute 100% pure Grade A BULLSH*T! And you’re letting him. The first thing you’ve got to do is take control for your own situation. Fortunately, this distance he’s dictated you two have over the summer is ideal opportunity for you to get your feet under you.

Use this time to get busy working on you. Branch out, reach out, explore something you’ve been putting off or afraid of. What you can take out of this crappy situation is a hell of a lot of righteous rage! And there’s no time to feel like you’ve got the right to take a chance than when you’re a little angry. I’m not suggesting you take a seven iron to his balls the next time you see him. But metaphorically, why not? If you see him again. If it’d be worth your time, which it probably wouldn’t. What’s worth your time is to run with the freedom you’ve got this summer. Explore some hobbies you’ve only dabbled in, hang out with someone you can count on rather than who depend on you to be focused only on him.

Take this lemon and squash it. The best way to get out of being a rebound is to not let you be cast in that role anymore. This is your time! Use it! Don’t let your life’s happiness depend on his “inner conflicts.” If he doesn’t “know” whether he wants you after all this time, dollars to doughnuts he doesn’t. It feels like crap now, but honestly, it’s your ticket to getting out from under the emotional rock you’ve gotten squeezed under. WAKE UP GODDAMN IT! This is your life. Time to start living it for what it is: a chance to grow as your own person.

Dismissed!

Sergeant Dude

Dear Dude,

Over the summer, I met this really great guy at work; there was definitely a mutual attraction between us. With every conversation we had, we found out we had a lot in common with each other. I was about to ask him out, but then found out he had a girlfriend. Needless to say, I didn’t ask him out and things stopped there.

Fast forward to 5 weeks ago. I came home for Christmas Break (we are from the same town, but go to school 9 hours apart), and found out through Facebook that he was single.  I messaged him to see if he wanted to hang out. He gave me his number, and a few days later we went out. The next night we had drinks, and drinks turned into him inviting me to go skiing and to spend New Year’s Eve with him. We spent a lot of time together over break, and he even introduced me to his family and best friends. He would call and text me almost every day, and once he came to my house to hang out and said he was disappointed that he couldn’t meet my parents because they were at work. It seemed like he was really into me by the way he treated me, and I was hopeful that we would last beyond winter break. We hooked up on New Year’s Eve and we did have sex. I don’t feel like this was the wrong move to make because we had spent a lot of time together beforehand, and he certainly didn’t treat me like I was just a random hook-up. I guess I was wrong.

We both go back to school in a couple of days, and he’s been getting more distant and less affectionate. We don’t talk that often and haven’t gone out in several days. Normally, I’d just think that this was a winter break fling and move on. The thing that frustrates me and confuses me the most is why in the hell did he introduce me to his family and friends, spend all that time taking me out and literally treating me like his girlfriend if all he wanted was a little action?

Help! I can’t handle this and the fact that classes start next week!
— Got the Blues on Break

Dear Got the Blues on Break,

SON OF A BITCH!

Just when you thought it was safe to go back into the water dating pool…The point of this story isn’t the mystery. What happened, happened. You wanted something more, he wanted a fling.

He probably toyed with the idea of getting serious but when your lives dictated going down two divergent paths, he decided to hedge his bet. Oh, sure, he’s busy getting ready to get back into the swing of things. He’s distracted. He’s preoccupied. He’s got a hectic mess of a life as most do when starting up second semester. However, the fact remains, if you were a priority of the girlfriend persuasion he’d most likely not be giving you the brush off. Not that this necessarily needs to be the end of everything between you, but it’s definitely being dialed down. I repeat, SON OF A BITCH!

Was he playing a long con on you? If he did, he’s a sadistic SON OF A BITCH! However, in all fairness to you and him, he probably wasn’t sure what he wanted until the two of you got further along and time became a factor. He’s getting out of a relationship, you might have been part of his rebounding. You needn’t blame yourself nor should you feel like you were necessarily duped for the sake of duping.

Since the mystery’s conclusion was anticlimactic, what matters is what you take from the experience and how you use that information/insight in the future.

Next time, if you feel like things are getting serious and you want them to get serious, then you need to check in with him. Next time ask the guy where he sees things going. Next time protect yourself. It’s about communicating. This clarifies the boundaries with what you have. I will say that it takes some guts and willingness to take control of the situation, but making sure you’re both on the same page is what (generally) prevents misreading of the signs.

It’s not easy to be the collateral damage of someone else’s life. Let’s not even pretend any form of fairness is involved. You got the short end up the rear end undeservingly. People aren’t guarantees. We’re all variables. There’s not a lot of justice involved. Mostly tears, tubs of ice cream, solace from your friends, and lessons learned about yourself.

Take comfort in that you’re on the threshold of a beginning, not an ending. Every choice will lead to at least one other choice. Next time, hopefully, you’ll choose to use what you’ve learned to make sure you take care of yourself better. Whatever else, don’t close yourself off because of that SON OF A BITCH!

Class is in session,
The Dude, Male Perspective 101

[Don't you just love him? Wish you could get more? You can! Check out The Dude's other insights into the male mind right here.]

[Got a Dude itch you just can’t scratch? Sick of getting the pity-eyes as you sift through the Self-Help section at your campus bookstore? Over wondering what those boys are thinking?  We got your back, girlfriend. Send your question (Does have have to know I've never been kissed?) over to askthedude@collegecandy.com. The Dude won’t sugarcoat it, beat around the bush, or any other weird cliche that means lie to you. Like a nice, juicy hot dog, he’ll be 100% real beef, 100% of the time.  So bring it on, ladies.]

Hi Dude,
I recently hung out with my ex – we were together for 2 years and been broken up for about 2 1/2 years. After the break-up I had a hard time and came off a bit needy. Time went by and we met up to catch up. I told him I still had feelings for him but he was dating someone and said he wanted to see where it went and that he “didn’t love me anymore.”

Well they broke up a month ago and when we hung out this last time he was completely different. We totally clicked and the whole time he kept bringing up old memories he has of me and talked about times we had sex and was a bit flirty. He also made a comment that we were “good together” but that we were just at “differnt points in our life.” Every time we’d hung out after our break up it was very awkward and this time it wasn’t at all. He even invited me out to an event and I went. He’s also helping me find a job and he always talks to me on Facebook. I still love him and care for him and I’m not sure what to think about him talking about sex and saying he hasn’t forgotten how good I was in bed and bringing up a lot of memories. It really threw me off. What does this mean?

– Broken Up and Breaking Down

Dear Broken Up and Breaking Down,

You know that movie where the guy and girl spend their formative/experimental years together in that perfect first love? What was it called? You know the one, where they’re together but they eventually grow apart, life taking them down different paths. The guy goes off and finds somebody else for a while, the girl does the same. They had written off their love as teenage frolicking fancy. Then fate winds them around into a head on collision. But oh no, he’s still with someone but then they break up and the rumblings of rekindling the past passion becomes unbearable. And the whole time you were watching them and really hoping they got back together, and they did, and they lived happily ever after!

Remember that movie? What was it called? Damn…oh wait…it was called, something like-NOT REALITY.

I’m not knocking the idea that some people will find each other ten years down the road and fall back in love. However, it generally happens after both of them have moved on and reestablished who they are on their own terms (can anyone guess the movie I paraphrased that last part of the line from? Because that makes you cool…to me…).  Which, to be honest (brutally so, I admit) it doesn’t sound like you were ever able to do.

Your boy’s on the rebound and he’s going to Old-Reliable to get his fix. Now, he may not think of it that way himself. Plenty of guys will convince themselves they’re reinvigorating past feelings when what they’re trying to do is escape into something safe, comfortable, familiar, and with an expiration date. He’s getting over someone and you’re convenient. That’s a harsh pill to swallow and from the tone of your message, I’ll bet you’re going to be resistant to my diagnosis. Let’s make a deal: If you can admit the plausibility of my theory, examine the situation you’re in with some objectivity – disqualifying your feelings of longing – then I will be happy to entertain the possibility that maybe this is the 1 time out of a 100,000 where there’s a happy ending brewing.

I want to ask you some questions: Did you ever get over him in the last 2 and a half years you’ve been apart? Have you attempted to actually be vulnerable and cultivate a connection with someone else in that time? What wasn’t working with your relationship before? What, if anything has changed in him to make you think it wouldn’t end differently? If you were to say no right now, while he’s still getting over this other girl, would he still be interested in you?

Take a sober look at the answers you can dig out of yourself. It doesn’t take an Intersect to see the story behind the story behind the question. I need you to realize the danger of the situation you’re putting yourself into. If you go back down that road and let yourself become vulnerable again, then he breaks your heart (again), how much more devastated might you be? This about your self-preservation. Remember the old adage: if it seems too good to be true, then it probably is. He’s searching for some comfort and he thinks you’ll make a fine hump pillow. He may not want to hurt you but it doesn’t sound like he understands how much you’re still invested in what you had 3 years ago. Worse, he might recognize that and is taking advantage of it. Tread carefully, or your won’t just be broken but battered to a bloody pulp (emotionally speaking of course).

Showing you the forest from the trees,
The Dude

But it does…
Eventually.

After countless sob sessions with friends, drunken “I’M SINGLE AND READY TO MINGLE” nights out that end in tears (and usually vomit), and probing anyone who will listen for healing advice, you wake up one day and realize you are OK. You’ve moved on. You can do better than that asshat who never appreciated what he had anyway, dammit.

You just gotta get to that point. And we are going to help you. Below, the CollegeCandy writers share their best advice for dealing with a break-up. Bookmark it, print it, tape it to your wall, because one day, when you’re sobbing to the tunes of The Fray while poring over lovey dovey pictures of you and your ex on Facebook, you’re going to need all the help you can get.

Sammie – Fordham: Cut him out completely.  Do not even have his number in your phone – GET RID OF THAT ISH.  You can be friends later, but right now there is no reason why you should contact him.  ESPECIALLY IN A TEXT THAT YOU SAY IS FOR SOMEONE ELSE THAT YOU SENT HIM “ACCIDENTALLY”!

Christie – NC State: BREAK UP WITH THEM AT THEIR PLACE. I can’t say this enough to my friends. Go to his place, because you can leave at any point you want to. If they are at your place, you might have to ask them to leave, which would be hurtful and awkward.

Nina – Michigan State University: DO enjoy a dessert that says “F**k Him” in icing on the top (True story – I have some great friends). DO NOT get jealous when he moves on. He will still have the same flaws with a new girlfriend!

Brittany – University of Saint Thomas: My honest rational? Delete him from your newsfeed, channel your anger/sadness into a good run, get your hair and nails did. Then watch ‘The Stepfather.’ Because that woman has it a lot worse than you do.

Ricki – University of Michigan: No hooking up with your ex-boyfriend.  If your friend has to hold you back, fine, but do not even go there.

Meg – University of Delaware: Spite. The happier you are, the hotter you look, the more confident you are, the better you’re dressed- do it in spite of what just happened. The better you’ll feel about the breakup, and the more he’ll regret it.

Sarabeth – University of Texas: Since break-ups can get ugly, DON’T take anything mean he says to heart. Most likely, he’s just trying to hurt you.

Norah – Drake University: Diet and exercise. The path to mending a broken heart revolves around feeling content in who you are, and looking great, and feeling those endorphins will jump-start that.

Kim – Stanford:  Don’t take everyone else’s advice just because they are telling you it is the right way to act. Your girlfriends love you, but they may not actually know whats best for you…even if they think they do.

Sara C – Fordham: Give yourself a solid week to wallow, if need be. But do something physical, like riding a bike, going to the gym, or going for a run, to sweat it out. You’ll not only get an endorphin boost from exercise, but you’ll be doing your body a favor, too. And if you want an extra kick in the rear, listen to Bob Dylan’s “Positively 4th Street.” Pure, unadulterated, gritty angst!

Alex – Lakehead University: Best piece of break-up advice, hands down: don’t drunk dial. In fact, completely remove his number from your phone. Case in point: my 19th birthday (woo hoo Ontario!) I ended up sobbing in a closet, drunk-dialing my ex-boyfriend and making very little sense. What little shred of dignity I had was gone.

Charlsie – Hollins University: After a break-up, do whatever you can to NOT post hundreds of Twitter tweets about it.

Cristina – Michigan State: Let it all out.  Vent to your friends and give yourself an ALLOTED amount of time to heal, and then stop.  Stop thinking about it, stop talking about it and keep yourself busy.  Never waste time thinking about a guy who doesn’t know what he has when he has you.  Also, instead of eating your feelings, exercise them away, because nothing is better than looking amazingly toned the next time you run into him, instead of looking like you’ve been crying over a bowl of cake batter for months.

Jessica – Delaware: I always say, the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else!

Rachael – University of Miami: Chocolate, a hot shower, loud rock music, and awesome friends can cure anything, even a broken heart. Also, always remember that you’re better off now instead of being involved with someone who didn’t appreciate you or wasn’t right for you. You now know more about who you are and what you want, so you’ll find someone who will love and respect you the way you deserve.

Caitlin – University of Alabama: Do keep yourself busy to take your mind off things by hanging out with friends, doing fun things around your city, working, etc.  Do not eat an entire pack of Oreos in one sitting because those 2600 calories will not help the pain of a break up, trust me.

Hannah – Assumption College: It is totally acceptable, in fact, almost necessary to indulge in a post break-up shopping spree. Treat yourself to some new clothes. Look better, feel better.

Alex – Florida Atlantic University: The best thing to cure the break up woes is to find a distraction–may that be diving into your schoolwork, creating the perfect resume, or even finding the infamous rebound. Nothing’s better than showing up to a party and having a piece of eye candy on your arm, all the while your ex is trying not to stare at you from the other side of the room.  A piece of advice, don’t sweat your break up–simplify your life and enjoy the perks of being a single girl for a while.

What’s your biggest piece of dating advice?

[Got a Dude itch you just can’t scratch? Sick of getting the pity-eyes as you sift through the Self-Help section at your campus bookstore? Over wondering what those boys are thinking?  We got your back, girlfriend. Send your question over to askthedude@collegecandy.com. The Dude won’t sugarcoat it, beat around the bush, or any other weird cliche that means lie to you. Like a nice, juicy hot dog, he’ll be 100% real beef, 100% of the time.  So bring it on, ladies.]

Dude,
I’m later into college and I met this amazing guy right at the beginning of my freshman year. We both had an instant connection. We were very flirty, but when I found out he had a girlfriend, I toned it down. We still talked, but never really hung out. I later found out that was because his girlfriend at the time was incredibly jealous of other girls. Well, he just recently broke it off with his LONG term girlfriend and we ended up making out soon after and more than once. He’s such a sweet/caring guy and when we’ve been together for the time we made out, we were together for SEVERAL hours at a time, and also had amazing conversation! He says that he’s attracted to me, finds me incredibly fun to talk to (he’s said that he honestly can’t think of someone he can enjoy talking for as long), that he’ really enjoyed spending that time with me and that I’m this amazing kisser that can also, well, turn him on. He’s also a virgin and not looking to have sex until marriage, so I don’t think he’s saying things to get into my pants. (Right?!)

We’re very open with each other and he’s told me point-blank that I’m not a rebound, but he definitely wants to be single for a while, which I totally understand! I think people need to take a break after getting out of a long serious relationship to find themselves.  He calls me his friend and we are, but I don’t know if it will ever progress into something else. I’m not looking to jump right into a relationship, but I don’t just mindlessly makeout with my friends, so I’m not exactly sure where this is going – if it is at all. Is it just that the timing is off or will it progress?  Maybe I should take things chill, show him I’m not the jealous type, and down the road he’ll see that things could possibly work.

I would love to here your opinion and advice!
Thanks so much,
Don’t Wanna Be a Rebound

Dear Don’t Wanna Be a Rebound,

Will you live happily ever after? That is the question du jour. Last week we talked about going back in time and starting over, this week we must gaze into our crystal ball to see the future. The problem is: no one’s dealing with the present!

First of all, bravo to the boy in question for getting rid of his paranoid schizoid ex. A lot of men fall into the traps of possessive women. In my experience it’s a sign of a fully grown backbone and self-confidence to leave a crappy relationship. A lot of people can’t seem to believe there’s someone else out there that would respect and trust her/him enough to have her/his own life. The girlfriend/boyfriend who’s threatened by every member of their gender should be stamped with a Surgeon General’s warning. Having the guts to escape from his cell is a big check in the plus column for your Prince Charming candidate.

I am skeptical of a man that says he’s saving himself for marriage; that’s the cynical agnostic in me. I’ve met a guy or two that have used that line as a form of foreplay toward his conquest. However, to be in a long-term relationship and still claim you’re a virgin seems counterproductive, therefore let us take him at his word (you do realize that virgins take time to ripen into proficient lovers, right?). Still, men saving themselves for marriage seem like masochistic submissives unless it’s some sort of a Lent bet (ala Josh Hartnett in 40 Days and 40 Nights, a movie that could have offered so much more than Vinessa Shaw’s cleavage).  Just my personal opinion, don’t take it for gospel.

Your virgin Marvin (instead of Mary, get it? Get it?…my apologies to the Catholics) is in a vulnerable spot. After being a “we” for a long time one feels the need to reconnect with who “me” is. By allowing him room to breathe you’re upping your market value, however, some other fish could snap him up. In the wise words of Sarah Walker, “don’t freak out!” You’ve got options:

Cut out the kissing: You’re not pressuring him for any kind of relationship so he shouldn’t expect you to put yourself out there. This might further entice him as well. Spending time with someone you want to hook up with, but knowing you can’t, can be a turn on. Ah men, how simple we are. Once we have a bite of the carrot all you need to do is dangle it in front of us and we’ll follow unto our doom (or bliss).

Silent treatment: If he wants space then give him space, from you! Perhaps he can’t bear your loss. Perhaps he comes crawling to your door saying he can’t live without you. The flip side is he could distract himself with a bunch of ho’s and forget your number.

Florence Nightingale Syndrome: Nurse him through the post-break up stage. However, you’ll have to set the boundary that neither one tells the other about anyone else you drunkenly make out with. This leads me to your final choice…

Make him jealous: Go out on a couple dates with a hot guy and DON’T TELL HIM ANY DETAILS. The less you say other than, “it was great,” the more his imagination will drive him mad with scenarios where you’re humping his competition in a waterbed with awesome Superman sheets. This insanity will drive him to act. However, this is extremely manipulative terrain.

For my money, I’d go with #1. He’s been honest with you and you should be with him. Be there as a friend, but treat him like one as well. Don’t let yourself be taken advantage of – don’t be a door mat and don’t be a booty call either. Be the person you want him to be with, the one he’s yet to find a way to resist: be yourself. Let him know your feelings toward him and then be patient, you can’t force timing. You can’t see where this is going to lead. You can put yourself out there, relax, and enjoy the ride. Don’t worry, my Spider-sense sees the two of you tearing each other’s clothes off on a rainy night within the next 3 months…or was that the movie I saw on Cinemax at 3am?

I wish you love,
Nostra-Dude

But, let’s try for just a few minutes before diving into the luck o’ the Irish, to look at the week that was:

- We learned Lindsay Lohan is clearly running out of the “revenue” she gained from her leggings line, because she has resorted to suing an innocent T.V. commercial. Milk-a-wha?

- We discovered jobs after college, are indeed possible! Yet another reason to celebrate this weekend.

- We welcomed back our favorite cast from the Upper East Side this week on Gossip Girl. Thank goodness, I needed a little Chuck Bass in my life…now if only I could get him in my bed.

- We looked at all of the awkward elements Facebook has to offer.

- We looked at the best commencement speakers (and the luckiest bastards who get to hear them) of 2010.

- We were disturbed by the thought of condoms for kids. Barf.

- We discovered that some students have started grading their professors. And it’s about time!

- We began following one College Candy author in her attempt to make fitness fun.

- We established the ‘rules of rebound’ so we could handle it like a champ.

- We watched Kathryn Bigelow make history and saluted her for being such an inspiration to women everywhere. And for getting a seat in front of her ex husband at the Oscars!

So here’s to another great week [raises glass of homemade green beer].
Cheers!

Here are some ground rules for having a fun and successful rebound fling.

Don’t expect to fall in love. When you’ve just gotten out of an intense relationship, it can be tempting to look for your next true love. Don’t. Rebound sex can help you get back in the game, but it’s not going to replace your ex. Expecting anything more than casual fun sets you up for another heartache.

Don’t deny your emotions. You shouldn’t be looking for your next great love right away, but that doesn’t mean you should be ignoring any emotions you have. Your first time having sex with someone new is bound to bring up some emotions. It’s better to acknowledge and deal with these, good and bad, than to deny them completely. Trust me, they always make their way to the surface eventually… and it’s super awkward when “eventually” is “while you’re on top and start crying onto his chest.”

Don’t settle. Don’t hop into bed with the next man you meet just because you’re anxious to get back out there or, worse, you think that’s the answer to all your problems. Wait for someone you actually want to be with, or you’ll end up regretting it in the daylight.

Don’t compare to your ex. At least, not out loud. But really, it’s not going to be the same. It takes time and effort to get to the comfort level most couples reach. Rebound flings don’t usually make it that far, and that’s okay.

Use protection. This is especially important if you weren’t using condoms because your last relationship was monogamous. You won’t know your next partner’s history nearly as well as you knew your ex’s. Go pick up some condoms, now!

This has been a rough month. On top of approaching midterms, stress over summer internship plans, and the most awful Political Science professor known to mankind (he legitimately looks like a cartoon character, has the intelligence of an action figure, and wears his cell phone around his neck on a rope…), it seems like half of my school has recently been broken up with. Yes, apparently Break Up Season has officially begun, and as a result four of my best girlfriends are in varying degrees of ending relationships!

Since we returned from winter break, I have been in red alert nurturing mode, making sure that chocolate, ice cream, and Sex in the City episodes are all abundant for the initial mourning process for my girls. My phone, which usually I can never even find, is on uber loud at all hours so I can be there for the melt-downs at all times. When the grieving stage has passed, I’ve been there to make sure that the random rebound hook-ups (inspired by one too many whiskey sours) don’t turn into even bigger mistakes.

I have absolutely no problem taking care of my friends, but seeing their raw pain after a break up is heart wrenching for me. It makes me flash back to how upset I was when I broke up with the boy I dated for three years. I had never understood before why some people became so upset over a break up. Then it happened to me, and I collapsed. I was a sh*tshow (and not in the fun, had one too many cocktails kind of way…) for way longer than I’d care to admit, and sometimes I still don’t know how I survived that. I have the best friends in the world; otherwise I would’ve long gone insane.

Seeing so many good friends upset over some a**hole move a boy pulled makes me not want to ever talk any male ever again, let alone date one. I’m not usually the cynical, bitter type, but I do not ever want to be in a position to be hurt like that again.

You know how people say that it is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all? Well, the mood I am in tonight makes me want to punch those people. Because when you’ve never fallen for a guy, you don’t know what you’re missing out on. Now I look back on that ignorance as bliss.

And that’s all I have to say about that. It’s time for this (temporarily cynical and bitter) single girl to put another upset, drunk, newly single friend to bed.

1) Red Cross Month

Obama’s Presidential Proclamation last Friday marked the 66th time March has been declared Red Cross Month, and in honor of it, the American Red Cross will launch the first national Change A Life contest, running from March 2-16 (so enter now!) Just go to RedCross.org and share your story of how the Red Cross has changed your life or someone else’s life, and you could win a trip for two to Washington D.C. to join Keith Urban on his Escape Together world tour concert!

2) Rebounding

In celebration of Red Cross Month, I’m going to introduce you to a new form of the rebound – not just for sex, basketball, or even the emotional one anymore. I’m talking about the heart-healthy, original pure form of the rebound: on a trampoline. It’s quoted by NASA as “the most efficient and effective exercise yet devised by man,” and you can do it at home whilst watching TV! Unlike jogging, which for many people can cause stress on the joints, rebounding is a zero-impact exercise and is suitable for all ages and abilities.

3) New Funny Men

Ok, maybe not so new. But after Paul Harvey, one of America’s most beloved broadcasters in television history, sadly passed away over the weekend, don’t you want to hang onto the familiar? And while Conan O’Brien may be leaving Late Night, he’ll be sticking his late-night gig out on the Tonight Show, which is currently still hosted by Jay Leno. After Leno ends his contract in May, he will then be placed in the 10 o’clock comedy spot, an hour before his former show at 11. The totally new guy coming in will be Jimmy Fallon, an SNL alumnus, who will start hosting Conan’s Late Night tonight! It’s kinda confusing, but the main message is that you’ll still be able to watch your favorite late-night funny-men, just at different times. And if you’re in the mood for something new, tune in to see if Fallon can fill Conan’s (rather big) shoes or not.

4) Levers

No explanation needed. Just click here and play. (*Warning: may be as addicting as Jetman.)

5) The Couch Dress

Obviously the name isn’t as cool as the Snuggie (which is still at the top of my shopping list), but The Couch Dress is aptly named because it fits directly over you and onto your couch, so you can always blend in with your favorite piece of furniture! (Which is… awesome?)

6) Watchmen Hits Theaters March 6th

For all the comic book geeks out there (and the rest of us who simply like men in tights) director Zach Snyder has transformed this graphic novel into a big screen production. Not only does it have an 81% rating on Rotten Tomatoes (a pretty good critic rating), but even the director says it’s “a weird movie.” Now I HAVE to go see it. Plus, it’s a great alternative to seeing that Jonas Brothers 3-D bullsh*t that is also sweeping theaters this month.

7) MARCH MADNESS IS HERE!!!

Duke basketball is going all the way. Need I say more?

A big birthday Shout-Out to Dr. Suess, one of my favorite authors ever! Now go make some green eggs and ham and have a merry March.

Everyone understands and supports the need for a little rebound action. That is, if you’re honest about what you’re seeking from the reboundees.

But there’s a gray area in rebounds I’d like to discuss:

The emotional rebound.

We all know about sexual/physical rebounds. This is when your ex does a girl you know he’s not even into after you break up. It’s when you get wasted and have some good ol’ random sex during that trip back home to collect your mind. But does the rebound always have to be physical?

Is there such thing as an emotional rebound? Can an emotional rebound be someone separate from your sexual/physical rebound? So many questions!

I spent the last two months with a guy who had been out of his two year relationship for 5 months. It seemed moderately safe. I already knew of a girl he’d been hooking up with in between his ex gf and myself, so I figured that his ‘rebound’ period was over. And yes, we had sex. Amazing sex. But there was more than that. There was him staying at my apartment for days on end. Cooking me meals. Giving me massages. Introducing me to his mom and old friends. Making plans to travel with me.

We went on, dating in bliss, for two months. He told me he wasn’t sleeping with anyone else and would prefer it if I didn’t. Any girl in this situation, I feel, would have the right to assume that something substantial was developing. But boy was I wrong. I found out he was much further away than I pinned him for. Once sh*t hit the fan, he told me he didn’t see potential in me and was just having fun. In fact, he went as far as to tell me that he always knows ‘immediately’ if he’ll fall in love with a girl (and I wasn’t one of those girls, apparently). So what did he want with me?

It’s easy to say sex. That’s fine. But what about all of the other crap? I can’t help but feel like I was an emotional rebound for him, in addition to a sexual one. Has anyone else had a similar experience?

I wanna know what you think!