Even if we’ve blocked out selective memories of our childhood (the dentist…I shudder at the thought), we all remember elementary school recess. Now that I’m through with my public school education, I’ve been taking the time to reminisce about my favorite memories from those days. Man, did I love that half hour of pegging younger kids in the head with kickballs (which they totally deserved, by the way, just for being there).

At the risk of sounding like a creeper with a window-less van parked 100 yards from a playground, here are some of my favorite games from recess that I wish were appropriate for eighteen year-olds to play. Note: I like the games…not the kids.

Name of the Game: Indian Pin (a slight variation on dodgeball)
Why it Rocked: Since regular dodgeball was banned in my school, we had to be a bit more creative with our recess games. Indian Pin was a favorite variation on dodgeball that we adapted from our gym class. The official object of the game was to knock down the opposing team’s pin, but since we had a bunch of kickballs and an unlimited capacity for evil, we would forget about the pins and just give the other team hell. Back in my tomboy days, I would pick off the other team’s members one by one. I guess I had more balls than many of the boys in my class.

Name of the Game: Four Square
Why it Rocked: Being king in a game of four square made you an automatic recess rock star. The ball was literally in your court. As there are an infinite number of possible rules for the game, from the fair and just to the downright cruel (two words: cherry bombs), the power of the king is extremely enticing. I was always partial to the “old school” set of rules – volleys, single-taps, and double-taps – since they allowed games to go on for a long time. Benevolent despotism was my style, but other rulers were not as kind. The Lemon Drop Massacre of ’01 is proof of that. And I still have nightmares.

Name of the Game: Pick-up Soccer
Why it Rocked: Although soccer isn’t known as a recess sport, it was one of the ultimate competitive games that we played in elementary school. We played in tournament style, with multiple teams all pitted against one another. The last team standing won a great deal of glory, but at a high cost: since we didn’t have referees, we could play as dirty as we wanted to with no penalty at all. The “supervising” teachers were totally clueless as to why several kids returned to class with huge grass stains on their butts and hideous scrapes on their knees. But those cuts and bruises were like badges of honor to all the soccer kids, even if we cried a little when we got them.

Name of the Game: Wall Ball
Why it Rocked: One of the privileges that came with being the top dogs of the school (i.e. fifth graders) was access to the coveted wall ball court. Dozens of kids played at a time, taking the simple tennis ball game to the extreme. Wall ball was the pinnacle of elementary school recess for us. It was the most fast-paced, most competitive, and sweatiest of all the recess games. You had to constantly be on your toes, or else you wouldn’t catch the ball making a bee-line for your head at light speed. Or at least that’s what the injured kids would cry when the ball knocked the wind out of them. A merciless game, that wall ball. To think a little tennis ball could cause so much hurt!

What were some of the games that rocked your school playground?

With all the crazy sh*t happening in the world today, we here at CC can’t help but think back to the days when the biggest issue in our lives was whether our Mom had put our favorite over-sized T-shirt (with the Coke Bears on it!) in the laundry yet.

Yeah, we’re talking about Elementary School.

And maybe we’re not even talking about the Elementary School of today, because apparently kids are alergic to everything and on mood-altering drugs and having sex at 11. We’re talking about the Elementary School of our youth. Troll Dolls. New Kids On The Block (the first time). Side pony-tails. Dunkaroos. Life was so much fun back then — or at least our nostalgia tells us it was.

In honor of our childhoods, and because we are so. drained. from a week full of political and economic strife, we’ve decided to put together the 10 Best Things About Elementary School. Feel free to add your own happy memories in the comments…

10) Lunchables

Yeah. These things were really bad for us. They were full of chemicals and sugar. Refined and processed. But hot damn, were they good.

9) Cootie Catchers

How many of these could you make in thirty seconds? How many times did you actually believe with your heart and soul that Sean, who sat two desks over, was actually going to fall in love with you because the Cootie Catcher said so? P-U-R-P-L-E…

8 ) Homework That Included Coloring

Booyah. This was the sh*t, right up there with making dioramas out of shoe boxes. Color the 50 states? Sure. Color the different parts of the flower? WHY NOT? Nothing was better than lulling yourself into a zen-like state with coloring and calling it “work”.

7) Skip-It

One time, I Skipped-It around my entire block for an hour. Exercising has only gone downhill since…

6) Yoo-Hoo

Do they even sell this stuff anymore? It’s probably known to cause cancer now, but back in Elementary School, this drink was as valuable as pure crack cocaine from Colombia. You could bargain for anything with Yoo-Hoo, including your friend’s half-baked cookie from hot lunch.

5) Trapper Keepers

If people wouldn’t look at me weird, I would still be using my Lisa Frank trapper keeper from 5th grade. That bitch held everything, even pens. Plus, you could add all the cute kitten and Troll doll folders you wanted to it and it would still close

4) Snap Bracelets

These things were outlawed in my school as soon as they arrived, but the potential to actually cut someone only made them cooler. If you sat in the back of the bus, you could watch boys having whipping contests with them — first one to shed a single tear loses.

3) Anything with Unicorns on it

Unicorns were hip in Elementary School. Especially if they had wings, or were painted in really bright colors. You could have Unicorns on your pens, notebooks, pencil cases, shirt…the list goes on. I can’t own anything with a Unicorn anymore, even though my love for them is still strong.

2) Sharkbites Fruit Snacks

Remember the white ones that tasted like all the colors combined? It was like an explosion in your mouth.

1) Recess

Tackling boys and throwing to the ground without worrying about restraining orders, getting “married” by the tire swing, testing the boundaries of your courage by kicking the tree with the bees in it; recess was pretty much the best thing the public school system ever did for us. I’ve never laughed so hard in my entire life than when I watched my friend Bobby try to jump off a swing, only to have his jacket get caught by the chain, and fly backwards like a rag doll 6 feet in the air. Oh man. Good times.