Big night ahead of you tomorrow, huh? You’ve really made it in the entertainment world now. You slipped into the spotlight when no one was looking and you almost made everyone forget about the Taxi movie.

And now you’re hosting the Emmys. The Mother-effin Emmys. The Oscar’s slightly awkward younger sister. With such a great title comes even greater responsibility. You’ve got to do your best to keep the show to 45 minutes, an hour max.  Oh, and make it funny. You’re young and you’re hip and it’s time we rewrite some of the hosting rules to keep this whole thing exciting and fresh. Fresh is a Hollywood buzzword, right?

No one wants to listen to winners spend 35 minutes thanking people with careers that most people don’t even know exist (I owe this all to my agent, my mistress, my assistant dressing room decorator who showed me that those banana yellow chairs really do help me learn my lines).

So break the rules, ignore the music cues, and make sure everyone keeps their acceptance speeches to 10 seconds. On second thought, skip the acceptance speeches. Have them wave from their seats and Tweet out anything they want to say. If LiLo can run through a therapy-session of Tweets about her Dad while high on coke prescription Adderall, then Tina Fey can do a decently witty acceptance speech in 140 characters.

Cut off the presenters when their intro speeches start sounding extra-staged. With the exception of my AOL-using Grandmother, we all know that awkwardly playful banter is scripted. I mean does anyone really believe that Sofia Vergara and that overgrown kid from Two-and-a-half Men really have that great of chemistry?

Do call out celebrities on any major scandals going on in their lives. You’ve got the mike and you’ve got total control. Use your time wisely by skipping the lame hosting jokes and pointing out all and any celebs who have landed magazine covers this year for cheating, rehab, or any combination of the two.

Don’t be shy when it comes to making fashion critiques. You’re a dude and ladies respect your opinion. No actress should get away with a horrendous excuse for a dress just because she’s an Emmy nominee.

Start rumors and have some fun. Get the camera men in on the joke by making sure that when they do the obligatory shots of Brangelina, followed by a lonely, childless Jen, that they end it with a dramatic pan over to Abigail Breslin. You’ll have all the home viewers going, “whoa, wait, is Abigail Breslin part of this love mess? Is it a love rectangle?”

Skip the miniseries segment. Feel free to post a Facebook note about it, but no one is on the edge of their seats waiting to see which PBS special brings home the trophy.

Force Glee to perform. It’s what America wants. And you don’t want to disappoint us, do you?
Stick to these ideas, Jimbo, and you most definitely will not.

Love Always,
The girl who defended you whenever you laughed during an SNL skit

[F or most college students, summer means one thing: an unpaid internship. We’ve been there and we feel your pain. Whether you’re making copies, making coffee runs, or just trying to make your mark on the industry of your dreams, it’s much easier to get through it all with a little help from your (CollegeCandy) friends. So come back every week to listen/sympathize with/vent with our anonymous intern as she does her thang at a big time magazine in New York City. Because, let’s be honest, what else do you have to do in that cubicle all day?]

It’s no secret that interning can be a dull job. In fact, sometimes internships get such a bad rep that we forgot that they can also have some pretty amazing perks. In the field of journalism and magazine writing, one of those perks is being given the opportunity to cover red carpet events. At my internship, it’s hands down everyone’s favorite thing to do and for obvious reasons. I mean, free alcohol, free finger foods, a chance to meet celebrities AND reporting credit? What could be better?

I’ve met tons of other over-eager interns out there while I’m working the carpet and while some of them try to act all cool and casual, when it comes down to it, we’re all super excited to have a chance to talk to some of our favorite celebs, especially when it’s someone we love. (When me and another intern met Ashley Olsen the other night, we were both squealing like 12-year-olds at a Justin Bieber concert).

So what’s my point? Most of the time that excitement turns into telling all of our friends, family and basically anyone who will listen to us (I slipped it into a convo with the guy serving me pizza the other day), gush about our red carpet moments. And most of the time that gushing pisses people off and makes them think that we’re name-dropping fools who can’t stop bragging about our awesome accomplishments.

Take this week, for example. It was like the holy grail for me. It began with a music event that included Jason Mraz and Trey Songz (both surprisingly very attractive and a little flirty in person); continued with a star-studded Yves Saint Laurent party where Ashley Olsen, Maggie Gyllenhaal, Alexis Bledel and Whitney Port were in attendance; and ended with an interview with Derek Jeter, one of my favorite celeb guys (GO YANKEES!). So you can only imagine how excited I was all week…. and yes, I admit to one too many Facebook status updates and to blowing up my friend’s Twitter pages with all my observations.

But I wasn’t trying to brag! Honest.

Here’s the thing: covering events is (usually) easily the best part of any magazine internship. We interns spend 10-12 hours a day in an office on a regular basis, sitting in front of a computer doing nothing more than developing a nice case of carpal tunnel, so when the time comes to get out and do some real journalistic stuff, it’s pretty exciting. All of those years of early morning college classes and hours of transcribing has finally paid off when I’m standing in front of some of my fave celebs, interviewing them. And given all of the hard and sometimes boring work we do all day (for zero pay), can’t a girl get some bragging rights?

I can’t speak for all interns, but I know for myself that these moments are so exciting I just can’t keep them in. I’m not trying to brag or name-drop or show off – I just want to share my excitement and enthusiasm (which has been pent up for days while sitting silently at a table waiting for an assignment) with anyone who will listen. And if that means spewing it all over Facebook, well, so be it! I’ve worked really hard to get these opportunities so I feel it is my right to be excited without my friends’ eye rolling bringing me down.

I mean, come on, after months of getting coffee, getting yelled at and being totally ignored by (some of) my superiors, let me have my moment of glory, will you? Sometimes it’s the only thing keeping me going.

There’s something about the Oscars that brings out the awkwardness in our favorite Hollywood stars and starlets.  On the red carpet, we get to hear the awkward comments celebs make when they aren’t scripted.  On stage, we get to hear the awkward comments the presenters make when they are scripted and given the corniest jokes to deliver.  Best of all, are the awkward pauses after those corny jokes when no one laughs. And when asked how they “feel” to be here, most nominees will respond with variations of “amazing” “speechless” and “honored.”

These are the expected/accepted answers, but even though these are the elitist of the Hollywood elite, the Oscar guests are humans after all, and they have to be thinking SOMETHING else.  So… what were they really thinking?

Let’s find out….

“These darts could poke an eye out”- Elisabetta Canalis
“Forget that. Am I still a hot older man with my grey comb over?”- George Clooney

“Gabourey, girl, you look good, but I’m still the most fabulous large-and-in-charge girl”- Queen Latifah

“I think this is how to look sexy but not slutty now that I’m married.”- Mariah Carey

“Does this dress make my shoulders look slumped?”- Miley Cirus

“It’s fine that I’m glowing orange, every guy wears make up on the red carpet.” – Taylor Lautner

“I’m glad I have these large rosettes in case people forget where my boobs are.” – Charlize Theron

“God I wish I hadn’t thrown the Heart of the Ocean overboard. I guess this giant necklace will do.” – Kate Winslet

“Make the sexy face. Maybe then no one will notice I’m too short for my dress.” – Jennifer Lopez

“I can’t wait to get married in Cinderella’s castle.”- Amanda Seyfried

“Who says you can’t do a DIY Oscar gown with an old tube top and some leftover gift wrap?” – Zoe Saldana

….But most of all, “I’d like to thank the fans.”

The Grammy red carpet is probably my favorite of the season.  Though attendees of the Golden Globes and Oscars are better dressed overall, those at the Grammys bring the good, the bad and the outrageous (and the booze).  The dramatic dressers of the music industry bring out their weird and wonderful performance-esque outfits, blurring the line between stage-worthy and red carpet-appropriate.

While the Grammy’s 52nd red carpet leaves lots for us to tweet about (including a dress with its own hash tag), choosing the best category was definitely difficult this year. Choosing the WTF, however, was a total breeze.

The Good

Rihanna looked absolutely regal in this white Elie Saab dress. Let’s be real – there aren’t many women who can have extra draping on the hips and still look totally smokin’.  Though her smile seemed strained at times, she really pulled herself together and looked somehow chic, elegant and cool all at once.

Lea Michele wore an adorable Romona Keveza feathered dress.  This Glee star opted for a simple look in comparison to a lot of red carpet beauties, but her look was far from safe.

While Jennifer Hudson’s pre-Grammy dress was a poor choice, she reemerged for the televised award show looking elegant, curvy and hot in a black Victoria Beckham dress.  Someone should really tell Mariah that this is how a real woman accentuates her goods.

The Bad

I know that J-Lo loves to push the envelope in her fashion choices, but maybe it’s time she opted for a complete dress for an award show. I can almost see Tim Gunn sitting at home with his arms crossed looking at the TV and thinking, “This worries me.”

I think we can all agree that Ke$ha brushed her teeth with a bottle of Jack before she got dressed last night. I’m not sure what’s worse: the bling-meets-Pocahontas dress, her shoe choice, the fact that she looked completely stoned/constipated on the red carpet, or the fact that she looks like a post-op tranny next to Jusin Bieber (and his perfect coif).

While I liked the cut of Katy Perry’s Zac Posen dress, there are three things I just can’t handle: its similarity to 70s upholstery, the major side boob and all that chest hair showing on her fiancee. Really? Can’t someone tell that man to button up a bit?

The WTF

Words do not even begin to describe the lack of proper clothing on Britney Spears.  And those shoes? Who is styling this woman!?

I have no idea who Nadeea is. And based on this outfit, I don’t want to.

Ciara is a beautiful girl, but I just don’t understand how she could look in the mirror yesterday and think to herself, “God I look good in this bejeweled lace pant suit.”

The Gaga

Because nothing on Gaga could make me go “WTF?!?!” anymore, she gets her own category. Seriously, I get annoyed carrying a clutch out for the night and Gaga brings along a giant, pointy snowflake? I wonder if she used that to gouge out Taylor’s eyes after she lost for Album of the Year.

OK, that’s not totally true. We just want to see what Kanye does when Taylor Swift sweeps another awards show!

We don’t know exactly how things are going to go down tonight but we know a few things for sure:

1. We’re probably going to be very, very drunk
2. Assuming he’s there, everyone’s eyes will be on Kanye whenever Beyonce or Taylor are up for an award.
3. A lot of people are going to be thanking Jesus.
4. Lady Gaga is going to do something weird. And probably shoot fireworks out of her boobs.
5. Gaga, Beyonce and Taylor will need help carrying all their awards out to their limos.

And now for the unknown: who’s gonna win? We have our list of predictions (for our favorite categories – there are seriously way too many to list) below. Who do you think is gonna take the awards?

[Check out all the nominees here.]

Record Of The Year: Poker Face, Lady Gaga
It’s not my fave Gaga hit, but you know she’s gonna take every category she’s nominated for. I mean, even Barbara Walters is fascinated by her.

Album of the Year: The Fame, Lady Gaga
The woman had four #1 hits on her debut album and she’s the first person to ever do that! She deserves the win.

Song of the Year: Single Ladies, Beyonce
Sasha Fierce is up against some heavy hitters in this category, but I think the Grammy committee’s fear of the wrath of Kanye might dictate this one.

Best Female Pop Vocal Performance: You Belong With Me, Taylor Swift
No brainer. The world has fallen head-over-heels for this girl (whether we agree or not) and she’s totally gonna take this one.

Best Male Pop Vocal Performance: All About the Love Again, Stevie Wonder
It wasn’t a Top-40 song, but it’s Stevie Wonder. The Grammy peeps can’t snub this legend.

Best Pop Performance By a Duo or Group: I Gotta Feeling, Black Eyed Peas
I’m assuming the Grammy Awards aren’t given to the most overplayed song of 2009, but somehow I still think B.E.P. is gonna take this one.

Best Pop Vocal Album: The E.N.D., Black Eyed Peas
Although I REALLY want Pink to take this one (her album is amazing), The E.N.D. took the world by storm and I gotta feeling (ayoooo!) they’re gonna get this one too.

Best Rock Performance by a Duo or Group: Use Somebody, Kings of Leon
They deserve it. The song was great…before we all heard it every 4 minutes/the dance remix came out.

Best Rock Album: Live from Madison Square Garden, Eric Clapton and Steve Winwood
I haven’t heard this album, but much like Stevie Wonder above, the Grammy Committee is going to have to award some artists that aren’t played on MTV.

Best Female R&B Vocal Performance: Single Ladies, Beyonce
Wrath of Kanye, Take 2.

Best Male R&B Vocal Performance: Maxwell, Pretty Wings
Maxwell is an R&B legend. He best be taking this one.

Best R&B Performance by a Duo or Group: Chocolate High, India. Arie and Musiq Soulchild
Never heard of this song, but I can only imagine a duet like this is worth GOLD.

Best R&B Song: Single Ladies, Beyonce
Wrath of Kanye, Take 3. Plus, I’m sure there are some single ladies in charge of the voting who feel a strong connection to this jam.

Best Rap/Sung Collaboration: Dead and Gone, Justin Timberlake and T.I.
(Secretly wishing “I’m On a Boat” wins. I wanna see those guys accept the award.)

Best Rap Song: Run This Town, Jay-Z, Rihanna and Kanye
These are the 3 biggest names in rap right now; at least according to Kanye. How can they not win?

Best Rap Album: R.O.O.T.S., Flo-Rida
I just wanna see this hottie take the stage.

Agree or disagree? Sound off below!

When it came to the fashion choices last night, the celebs pulled out all the stops…and hairspray, as they had to brave the showers to make an appearance on the red carpet.  Of course, despite the rain, they all (well, almost all) looked amazing (I’m looking at you Mariah Carey!). And the fact that they could look so beautiful while showing support for Haiti just made the couture dresses all the more fabulous in my little eyes.

There was a whole lot of awesome on the Red Carpet. From Jane Krakowski’s gorgeous purple frock to Courtney Cox workin’ it in basic black, it really was hard to find a dress I didn’t like. But, as always, the beauty is really in the details, and there were some really breathtaking details on display. Below are a few of my favorite bits and pieces from the Golden Globes Red Carpet. Click on the picture to see the deets at work in the overall look!

All year long I look forward to award show season, the best time to see my favorite celebs hitting the red carpet looking all kinds of fabulous. Sure, I love seeing who wins the awards and what the “experts” consider the best movie of the year, but everyone knows the best thing about these award shows is checking out what everyone is wearing.

What a celebrity wears on the red carpet is usually the most important thing she can wear all year. It’s always fun to point out the what-was-she-THINKING? outfits, but looking at the most gorgeous dresses is always a pleasure that everyone can indulge in. That is exactly why the majority of the female population (myself included) will be sitting in front of the TV tomorrow night with a bowl of popcorn, drooling over each beautiful dress that struts by.

So who will work the carpet the best? Here are five starlets I know will be looking divine based on their glamorous appearances from Red Carpet’s past.

Penelope Cruz
This year, Cruz is nominated for Best Supporting Actress for her performance in Nine. She always brings the Latin heat, showing off her admirable curves in classic, tasteful gowns. Cruz is the picture of red carpet elegance, and never fails to disappoint.

Kate Winslet
Although Winslet is just a presenter this year and not nominated for an award, she is sure to still be a hit on the red carpet. Winslet brings old-school Hollywood glamour to any award show she attends in simple gowns that are still classically beautiful and perfectly flatter her body

Reese Witherspoon
As a presenter this year, Witherspoon is sure to bring a girly flair to the red carpet. Similar to Winslet and Cruz, she also wears elegant and tasteful dresses, but she adds a pop of color that always complements her and sets her apart, whether it be bright yellow or deep purple.

Halle Berry
Berry’s gowns are definitely never boring. She tends to choose dresses that are form-fitting without revealing too much – just enough so we can all continue to envy her body. She mixes it up with different colors and styles, and I can’t wait to see what she chooses this year as a presenter.

Emily Blunt
Nominated for Best Actress for her performance in The Young Victoria, Blunt is sure to wear something extra fabulous this year. She has mastered the art of looking refined and elegant while still looking a young and fresh. Plus, she’s always down for some sparkle, which I’m looking forward to seeing on the carpet this year. I’m also looking forward to seeing her finest accessory of all, fiance John Krasinski (sorry, couldn’t resist!).

The Golden Globes are coming, which means the hottest of the hottest will be strutting their bad selves down the Red Carpet to talk to Ryan Seacrest and look damn fine doin’ it. And I’ll be sitting there, laptop in hand, taking notes – the kind I should be taking in class – on what everyone is wearing.

Honestly, award show red carpets are my heaven. I tune in just to see what everyone’s wearing, then tune out before the actual award show even starts. I just get so inspired by what I see on my favorite celebs and can’t wait to get a little bit of that beauty for myself. Before I know it, I’m sitting in my salon as my hair stylist is cutting me a fresh set of bangs.

And then reality sets in and I realize that red carpet styles rarely survive in real life settings. Yep, there is a reason a red carpet is not rolled out for me on my way to my Communication Studies class.

Bangs:

Red Carpet: They are cute, chic, and, like a magical power, turn every celebrity into an edgy and sassy beauty queen. Sure, the last time I had bangs was in my 3rd grade school picture (when my mom splurged to get me the laser background!), but they’re back and fabulous, so how can I resist?

Real Life: OK, bangs look great for a few hours on a red carpet, but not so much after a shower or a date with the treadmill. You have pretty much 3 minutes post-shower to get those little guys in place before you’ve got yourself a one-way-ticket to Wavy Town. And forget about rockin’ the fringe at the club.  A little perspiration and – boom – you look like that weird kid who never showered that sat in the back of your classroom sniffing White-out in high school. Soon you’re scouring the aisles at Target for cute clips and headbands to get those things out of your face.

Rompers

Red Carpet: They look so sporty and stylish on those young celebs with their perfect legs and sky-high heels.  And they are so versatile! The young and fabulous work them on the red carpet, the beach, and grocery shopping.  There’s nothing I like more than mixing it up.

Real Life: Have you ever tried wearing a romper to the bathroom? It’s like a bad party you didn’t want to be invited to. Do you mean I really have to take next to the entire outfit off to take a leak? And it’s not much better in the outside world, either. A one-piece shorts ensemble is not cute when your thighs rub together and start pushing those puppies up to your happy place. No thank you.

Strapless

Red Carpet: The strapless gown is a Hollywood classic. Celebs look elegant, sexy and chic walking the carpet in a sweetheart neckline, which also happens to be the perfect canvass for that blinging diamond jewelry.

Real Life: Yeah, everyone looks stunning in strapless…. but its hard to feel that way when you spend half your night tugging at the top to avoid a serious wardrobe malfunction. Then you pull it too high so you yank at the bottom. Then it starts to fall and you grab at the top. Then the bottom. Then the top. Then you start feeling the pinch of that awful strapless bra you’ve got on underneath. It’s not pretty. At all.

Super High Heels

Red Carpet: The red carpet dresses may be gorge, but it’s the shoes that always make the outfit. The taller the better when it comes to the carpet; there is just something so much more fabulous about a woman in a tall pair of heels. I drool over the red bottoms, how long and lean they make everyone’s legs look, the embellishments on the front…. Sigh. I could just do a little dance.

Real Life: But don’t try doing the little dance while actually wearing them. These things are lethal for walking purposes, and your feet haven’t hurt this bad since the day your mom strapped them in a pair of jelly shoes that were far too tight. Seriously, I bet those Hollywood A-Listers kick those $1000 bastards off their feet as soon as they hit their seats…then subconsciously pray they don’t win so they don’t have to put them back on.

Thigh High Boots

Red Carpet: Who doesn’t love how hot Kim Kardashian looks in a pair of over-the-knee boots? She’s like a sexy, real life Cat Woman. Meow.

Real Life: Obviously, Cat Woman didn’t need to worry about pairing those hot leather boots with jeans. Us real ladies can barely shove our jeans into those things without getting all bunchy and gross,  and if you finally succeed, they are always a slouchy disappointment.

Everyone wants a little Hollywood glamor in their own lives, but maybe it’s time we all take what we see on the red carpet with a grain of salt. Or find ourselves a way to afford a team of stylists to keep everything in place and designer goods made just for our bodies.

This is just bad.

Pamela Anderson tries another path…

Let’s put an end to camel toe!

I don’t want this Santa in my chimney.

This is why birth control exists.

Who the eff is styling Rihanna these days?

Taylor Swift takes home the big award.

But who dressed the best on the CMA Red Carpet?

Don’t get in a car with this woman.

Kristen Stewart proves the 80s are back.

Shorts for a holiday party? Yes. You. Can.

15 signs you and your love are meant to be.