Every Most relationships start with one thing: Attraction. Attraction that often causes rose colored glasses and a delightful honeymoon phase. Eventually that initial intensity wears off and conflict arises between two people. It’s about this time that the real strength of a relationship is tested. Conflict between any two people is tough, but it is especially tough with someone you truly care about and have made yourself vulnerable to. So how do you handle conflict proactively in your relationship? YouTango takes to the issue to an expert. Get the full story here!

[lead image via Diego Cervo / Shutterstock]

Guys, bless their hearts, can be quite clueless as most of you probably know. We love and hate them, and they’re so infuriating sometimes! While we like to play it off that we can read minds and know everything, the truth is we can’t always read dudes as well as we think. Sure, we’re intuitive and can generally guess what’s going on in their mind (usually sex), but when it comes down to how a guy really feels about us, we can get a little insecure.

If he’s spending time with you on a regular basis, that’s a good sign. If he’s taking you out at night and wants to see you in the daytime too, even better. But what happens when you’re at that awkward stand-still where you don’t know what’s going on with a possibly budding relationship? How do you ask a guy what he wants? Is it even okay to do that? We don’t want to seem crazy, but sometimes we just need reassurance that you like us. And if you don’t then we’d like to stop wasting our time.

[Lead image via The Vow/We Heart It]

Yeah, I said it. The ‘C’ word that girls hate most: Crazy. And guess what ladies, we’ve all got a little bit of it. I don’t mean serial killer, collect people’s teeth crazy. Just that crazy we’re called when reason gives way to emotion and impulse. Those moments when we react without getting to the bottom of how we’re feeling, without really getting to the source of our frustration, and it all comes out as a disconcerted mess that makes us look more than a little foolish. Funny how that C word leads to that B word. Maybe I’m the only one?

I’ll level with you. I consider myself a confident and reasonable woman. I believe self reflection is important and a crucial part of growing into a mature individual, and that self awareness is a human responsibility. I try to judge situations fairly, and I’m generally pretty hard on myself. And you know what? I thought I was doing okay. I thought I was really making some progress away from those emotional impulses that dominated my teenage years. I was even so bold to figuratively pat myself on the back a few months ago thinking, “Man, Jenny, you’ve really come a long way. Good for you. That silly seventeen year old version of yourself? Long gone.” I think figurative pats on the back are just begging for trouble. I’m pretty sure the universe gave me a look that said, “Oh, that’s cute. Real cute.” Because avoiding situations that provoke the crazy isn’t the same thing as maturing beyond the crazy. If only I didn’t have to learn lessons the hard way. But I do, and I’ll explain.

I dated a guy very seriously in college. Thought he was the one and that we would grow old and happy together. Surprise, surprise, we went through a really ugly and painful break up. Womp, womp, we all have a similar story. I was crushed, and experienced the hardest 6 months of my life–during which I was an unrecognizable version of myself. And it was the best thing that could have happened to me. Because after 6 months of hell, and another 6 months of recovering from that hell, I emerged a much stronger ‘me’ than the girl who first entered the relationship. I finally got a point where I could look back and see how unreasonable I had been, not only in the relationship, but during the break up. No, it wasn’t all my fault. He was unreasonable, too, but at least I was able to see my shortcomings. It’s been three years since that break up, and I vowed to move far beyond that silly girl with unbearable control issues and severe sensitivity. Ever look back and think, “Why in the world did I ever get upset about that?” Yeah, I did that a lot. But I really have made progress, dammit!

Progress be what it may, sometimes that crazy rears its head in an ugly way. Or maybe it rears its head, and we choose to react in an ugly way. What I’m saying is that my crazy recently reared its head in an ugly way, and I reacted in an uglier way. For whatever reason I was feeling a bit insecure (hey, I said I was confident, not perfect!), I was on my period, and my brilliant plan to counter those things was tequila. Talk about recipe for disaster. Sometimes I’m the dumbest smart person I know. There may be no way to ever rid yourself completely of insecurities that make you uncomfortable in a situation. And ‘perfect’ is boring anyway. Am I right? You can, however, learn to control your reactions to those insecurities. Here are my “learned the hard way” tips for avoiding that crazy girl in us all!

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Before we get into the thick of this, I want to make something very clear. I am not an overly romantic person. I roll my eyes at cheesy love songs, have absolutely no plans for my wedding, and think the idea of giving each other gifts for every single holiday is not only a bit much but also expensive. I am not a high maintenance girl. I swear– you can check my references. But I’ve noticed a disturbing trend as of late that has made me stop and say something I never thought I would say…

What happened to wooing? What happened to a guy and a girl getting together for a date and getting to know each other? What happend to calling a girl to speak to her instead of sending an endless stream of texts? Why are guys trying to arrange and cancel dates via Facebook? It’s awkward and unnatural, and honestly, kind of cowardly. And completely unromantic.

Finally, a headline we’ve been waiting for since 2003: Vanessa Bryant has filed for divorce from Kobe Bryant! Like countless other celebrity/California divorces, she cited “irreconcilable differences.” Also known as “you cheated on me one too many times, so I stayed with you through all your court trials and championships so that I could get my half of it all in 2011.” Yep, the Laker who plays for $25 million per year (and counting) did not have a freakin’ prenup. Maybe that’s not something you really think about when you get engaged six months after meeting on a music video shoot.

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Have you ever been stuck in a funk that, even though your friends are concerned and your finals are creeping up, you really just don’t want to get out of it just yet? Like you just want to crawl into your Snuggie with a pint of Ben & Jerry’s and while listening to a song that articulates your inexpressible feelings so perfectly?

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Advice can often be a tricky thing. You want to listen to your mother when she tells you pleat-front khakis are becoming of a young lady. You want to listen to your best friend when she tells you you should definitely text your crush again because, like, maybe the last one didn’t go through. You want to listen to your older sister when she tells you not to mix Malibu, Natty Ice and 2 a.m. leftover pizza.

Like I said. You want to. But should you? Well, probably in the case of your dear ol’ sis. But pleat front khakis? Unacceptable!

And when it comes to matters of the heart…that sh*t cray! But one Hollywood celeb dishes out her words of wisdom, and you know what? She pretty much hits the nail on the head.

Lesson 41 – Don’t Ask For Advice You Don’t Intend On Taking

There you are, shaking your head again, because somehow (perhaps under the influence of a little Grey Goose and Sarah Dessen) you’ve wandered into dangerous territory yet again. So you fell in love with a fool. Who hasn’t? And it seems that every time you’re left to your own devices, you wake up covered in his sheets and your own shame. And even though you refer to him as a soul-sucking douchebag void of emotion, he’s always been your soul-sucking douchebag void of emotion. But just because he’s a fool doesn’t mean you have to be one too.

The way I see it is that if you’re going to go out of your way to beg your friends for advice on how to fall out of love with a man who clearly has no regard for your feelings, than you need to go out of your way to at least try and take their advice. So many times I’ve given my closest girlfriends pep talks that they’ve requested, to deter them from their loser ex-boyfriends, and so many times it’s like they haven’t listened at all as they race back to him and the bedding his mother probably purchased for him. If you have no intention of taking your friend’s advice, especially after you practically begged for it, then please do them a favor and stop asking for it. Read More »

Every girl deals with heartbreak differently. Some prefer mourning the relationship by staying in and watching The Notebook and others prefer going all out and celebrating their newly single status with shots of tequila and a Rihanna dance party. Though there’s no one right path to overcoming the first pangs of heartbreak and its inevitable aftershock, but I can tell you what I’ve done in the past to get past heartbreak and its annoying friend, pain.

Lesson 37: Tricks of the trade when it comes to breakup heartbreak.

Closure can be treacherous territory. My go-to advice for my girlfriends and for myself is to create your own closure. Too many times I watch my friends go into post-breakup coffees and lunches with guys, using the veil of closure as a chance to talk things out and get back together. Closure is one of those great concepts in theory but not so much in practice because it’s so subjective. What seems like closure to one person could become a quest for more answers for another person. You have to ask yourself if you really want to know the reasons somebody didn’t want to be with you and if so, you need to be prepared for the feelings that could come with that. Read More »