Every Most relationships start with one thing: Attraction. Attraction that often causes rose colored glasses and a delightful honeymoon phase. Eventually that initial intensity wears off and conflict arises between two people. It’s about this time that the real strength of a relationship is tested. Conflict between any two people is tough, but it is especially tough with someone you truly care about and have made yourself vulnerable to. So how do you handle conflict proactively in your relationship? YouTango takes to the issue to an expert. Get the full story here!

[lead image via Diego Cervo / Shutterstock]

Guys, bless their hearts, can be quite clueless as most of you probably know. We love and hate them, and they’re so infuriating sometimes! While we like to play it off that we can read minds and know everything, the truth is we can’t always read dudes as well as we think. Sure, we’re intuitive and can generally guess what’s going on in their mind (usually sex), but when it comes down to how a guy really feels about us, we can get a little insecure.

If he’s spending time with you on a regular basis, that’s a good sign. If he’s taking you out at night and wants to see you in the daytime too, even better. But what happens when you’re at that awkward stand-still where you don’t know what’s going on with a possibly budding relationship? How do you ask a guy what he wants? Is it even okay to do that? We don’t want to seem crazy, but sometimes we just need reassurance that you like us. And if you don’t then we’d like to stop wasting our time.

[Lead image via The Vow/We Heart It]

Yeah, I said it. The ‘C’ word that girls hate most: Crazy. And guess what ladies, we’ve all got a little bit of it. I don’t mean serial killer, collect people’s teeth crazy. Just that crazy we’re called when reason gives way to emotion and impulse. Those moments when we react without getting to the bottom of how we’re feeling, without really getting to the source of our frustration, and it all comes out as a disconcerted mess that makes us look more than a little foolish. Funny how that C word leads to that B word. Maybe I’m the only one?

I’ll level with you. I consider myself a confident and reasonable woman. I believe self reflection is important and a crucial part of growing into a mature individual, and that self awareness is a human responsibility. I try to judge situations fairly, and I’m generally pretty hard on myself. And you know what? I thought I was doing okay. I thought I was really making some progress away from those emotional impulses that dominated my teenage years. I was even so bold to figuratively pat myself on the back a few months ago thinking, “Man, Jenny, you’ve really come a long way. Good for you. That silly seventeen year old version of yourself? Long gone.” I think figurative pats on the back are just begging for trouble. I’m pretty sure the universe gave me a look that said, “Oh, that’s cute. Real cute.” Because avoiding situations that provoke the crazy isn’t the same thing as maturing beyond the crazy. If only I didn’t have to learn lessons the hard way. But I do, and I’ll explain.

I dated a guy very seriously in college. Thought he was the one and that we would grow old and happy together. Surprise, surprise, we went through a really ugly and painful break up. Womp, womp, we all have a similar story. I was crushed, and experienced the hardest 6 months of my life–during which I was an unrecognizable version of myself. And it was the best thing that could have happened to me. Because after 6 months of hell, and another 6 months of recovering from that hell, I emerged a much stronger ‘me’ than the girl who first entered the relationship. I finally got a point where I could look back and see how unreasonable I had been, not only in the relationship, but during the break up. No, it wasn’t all my fault. He was unreasonable, too, but at least I was able to see my shortcomings. It’s been three years since that break up, and I vowed to move far beyond that silly girl with unbearable control issues and severe sensitivity. Ever look back and think, “Why in the world did I ever get upset about that?” Yeah, I did that a lot. But I really have made progress, dammit!

Progress be what it may, sometimes that crazy rears its head in an ugly way. Or maybe it rears its head, and we choose to react in an ugly way. What I’m saying is that my crazy recently reared its head in an ugly way, and I reacted in an uglier way. For whatever reason I was feeling a bit insecure (hey, I said I was confident, not perfect!), I was on my period, and my brilliant plan to counter those things was tequila. Talk about recipe for disaster. Sometimes I’m the dumbest smart person I know. There may be no way to ever rid yourself completely of insecurities that make you uncomfortable in a situation. And ‘perfect’ is boring anyway. Am I right? You can, however, learn to control your reactions to those insecurities. Here are my “learned the hard way” tips for avoiding that crazy girl in us all!

initiating the gallery...

Before we get into the thick of this, I want to make something very clear. I am not an overly romantic person. I roll my eyes at cheesy love songs, have absolutely no plans for my wedding, and think the idea of giving each other gifts for every single holiday is not only a bit much but also expensive. I am not a high maintenance girl. I swear– you can check my references. But I’ve noticed a disturbing trend as of late that has made me stop and say something I never thought I would say…

What happened to wooing? What happened to a guy and a girl getting together for a date and getting to know each other? What happend to calling a girl to speak to her instead of sending an endless stream of texts? Why are guys trying to arrange and cancel dates via Facebook? It’s awkward and unnatural, and honestly, kind of cowardly. And completely unromantic.

But it’s happening.

Social media has really changed the dating game. Not only does it create a need for instant gratification, but it also creates a whole new set of barriers between people. Why bother making the effort to call a girl when you can just text her? Or better yet, text three girls at the same time? Why try to think on your feet and be charming in person, when you can analyze your every word before sending a carefully worded Facebook message? And most importantly, why bother getting to know a girl when you can just look at her Facebook profile?

A few months ago one of my friend’s Facebook friends added me on Facebook, because he “thought I was cute.” Or at least that’s what he told my friend who told me beforehand.  He friended me, messaged me, and then began talking to me as if he already knew me. As if this is a perfectly normal way to meet someone, instead of, oh, I don’t know…at a bar or in line for coffee.

Call me old fashion, but I think the weirdness of these interactions should at least be addressed. By stalking me via my friend’s Facebook, he essentially picked me out of a catalogue. Then he assumed I would go along with it. There was no wooing whatsoever, no lead up or getting to know each other. There was no effort at all. He just skipped that stage and assumed he knew me, because he glanced at my Facebook profile. And when he did ask me out, for the same night, he was offended that I already had plans. And that “ask out” was for drinks. I’m sorry but when did dinner become out of the question? Are you really supposed to get to know someone in a crowded bar awkwardly sipping a cocktail as you try to decide if you should go ahead and get that third drink?

I mean how much quicker can we make the dating game? Has the need for instant gratification become so great that we don’t even think its worth sharing a meal with a person if we don’t know for sure that it will work out? Technology essentially makes it effortless for guys and girls to get in touch these days. So why not put in a little effort somewhere else? Like on the actual date.

Why not, dare I say it, add a little romance?

Jenn is a communications grad student and social media fanatic who spends her free time reading, writing, watching too much tv and shopping for shoes she can’t afford. At least that’s what her Twitter bio says. Follow her @jenninzetta. 

Finally, a headline we’ve been waiting for since 2003: Vanessa Bryant has filed for divorce from Kobe Bryant! Like countless other celebrity/California divorces, she cited “irreconcilable differences.” Also known as “you cheated on me one too many times, so I stayed with you through all your court trials and championships so that I could get my half of it all in 2011.” Yep, the Laker who plays for $25 million per year (and counting) did not have a freakin’ prenup. Maybe that’s not something you really think about when you get engaged six months after meeting on a music video shoot.

More power to you, Vanessa! Keep your head held high, and put your fist up in the air — you know, the one with that 8-carat purple diamond ring on it that’s worth $4 million alone. Collect your spousal support, take care of Natalia and Gianna and enjoy the fabulously single life, because your divorce is one of the Most Necessary Breakups of 2011 (well, in general, really)…congratulations!

Who else made the list? You know, all those whose headlines kinda made you smile with relief and gave you hope in humanity again. Let me refresh your memory…

initiating the gallery...

Who else thankfully called it quits? And who do you think still needs to? Hey, the year isn’t over yet, there’s still a chance they’ll come to their senses!

Ashley is a UC San Diego grad who is holding on way too tightly to a potential career in magazines and goes to Vegas all too often. She’s fascinated with celebrities and strawberry beer and doubles as a pathological texter/emailer/blogger. Feed the addiction with tweets @cashleelee. Thanks in advance.

Have you ever been stuck in a funk that, even though your friends are concerned and your finals are creeping up, you really just don’t want to get out of it just yet? Like you just want to crawl into your Snuggie with a pint of Ben & Jerry’s and while listening to a song that articulates your inexpressible feelings so perfectly?

Let me tell you, as a newly single girl, I know the feeling. I thought I practically invented this ritual until I realized that this guy named Brandyn Burnette is actually exploiting it by mashing together two of the most overplayed tracks on my “Feel Sorry for Myself” playlist.

Burnette released the video for ‘Rain Over You’—a mashup of ‘It Will Rain’ by Bruno Mars (from the Breaking Dawn soundtrack) and Gavin Degraw’s ‘Not Over You.’ He’s an NYU student who’s already made Internet waves with viral covers of Demi Lovato and Lil Wayne, and thankfully, he’s signed to Warner Bros Records and currently working on his debut album.

But until that’s released, enjoy the video below. Over and over again. Heartstrings, beware.

Have you heard of Brandyn Burnette before? And am I missing out on any other amazing YouTube cover artists?!

Katy Perry previews her new music video.

Emma Stone has found the most f**king perfect guy.

Kim K returns to LA, chaos ensures.

3 signs you need to walk away from him.

Can’t get enough Parks and Rec? Watch spinoff episodes here!

Mariah Yeater revealed.

This new sex toy for men looks horrifying.

Rosie Huntington-Whiteley covers German Vogue.

Katherine Heigl rocks some budget fashion.

Advice can often be a tricky thing. You want to listen to your mother when she tells you pleat-front khakis are becoming of a young lady. You want to listen to your best friend when she tells you you should definitely text your crush again because, like, maybe the last one didn’t go through. You want to listen to your older sister when she tells you not to mix Malibu, Natty Ice and 2 a.m. leftover pizza.

Like I said. You want to. But should you? Well, probably in the case of your dear ol’ sis. But pleat front khakis? Unacceptable!

And when it comes to matters of the heart…that sh*t cray! But one Hollywood celeb dishes out her words of wisdom, and you know what? She pretty much hits the nail on the head.

Lesson 41 – Don’t Ask For Advice You Don’t Intend On Taking

There you are, shaking your head again, because somehow (perhaps under the influence of a little Grey Goose and Sarah Dessen) you’ve wandered into dangerous territory yet again. So you fell in love with a fool. Who hasn’t? And it seems that every time you’re left to your own devices, you wake up covered in his sheets and your own shame. And even though you refer to him as a soul-sucking douchebag void of emotion, he’s always been your soul-sucking douchebag void of emotion. But just because he’s a fool doesn’t mean you have to be one too.

The way I see it is that if you’re going to go out of your way to beg your friends for advice on how to fall out of love with a man who clearly has no regard for your feelings, than you need to go out of your way to at least try and take their advice. So many times I’ve given my closest girlfriends pep talks that they’ve requested, to deter them from their loser ex-boyfriends, and so many times it’s like they haven’t listened at all as they race back to him and the bedding his mother probably purchased for him. If you have no intention of taking your friend’s advice, especially after you practically begged for it, then please do them a favor and stop asking for it.

By now we all know your friends are your friends and they just want what’s best for you. When they go out of their way to give you thoughtful advice, that you ignore the minute you smell so much as a hint of your ex’s cologne, the least you could do is make an effort to take it to heart. The blunt and honest truth is that nobody likes the friend that makes a huge deal of asking for advice about her romantic troubles but who, upon receiving said advice, pretends like she never asked for it in the first place.

Often girls justify going back to their exes with the fact that they’ve listened to advice suggesting they don’t, convincing themselves they’ve heard out both sides of the story. The problem lies in asking for advice out of ritual and never actually processing and internalizing it. And sure enough the vicious cycle begins, you run back to him and then to your friends for more advice that you don’t intend on actually taking as you rush back to him the minute you’re alone again.

Maybe some girls have a reservoir of advice to give out to girls like it’s candy on Halloween night, but when I take the time to dole out advice to my girlfriends, I put thought and consideration into it and, above all, energy. Energy that could’ve been spent doing things that are actually useful to my own life, like studying or playing Dance Dance Revolution. As a general rule of thumb, don’t ask for advice because you like the attention, or because you want to feel less guilty about not making any true efforts to move on from your ex. If you’re not going to consider your friends’ advice out of respect for yourself, then at least do it out of respect for your girlfriends.

Got it? Feel empowered? Good. Now get the first 40 rules of the Single Girl Society

Every girl deals with heartbreak differently. Some prefer mourning the relationship by staying in and watching The Notebook and others prefer going all out and celebrating their newly single status with shots of tequila and a Rihanna dance party. Though there’s no one right path to overcoming the first pangs of heartbreak and its inevitable aftershock, but I can tell you what I’ve done in the past to get past heartbreak and its annoying friend, pain.

Lesson 37: Tricks of the trade when it comes to breakup heartbreak.

Closure can be treacherous territory. My go-to advice for my girlfriends and for myself is to create your own closure. Too many times I watch my friends go into post-breakup coffees and lunches with guys, using the veil of closure as a chance to talk things out and get back together. Closure is one of those great concepts in theory but not so much in practice because it’s so subjective. What seems like closure to one person could become a quest for more answers for another person. You have to ask yourself if you really want to know the reasons somebody didn’t want to be with you and if so, you need to be prepared for the feelings that could come with that.

The danger lies in relying on someone else to give you a feeling of security. If you’re serious about seeking out closure, start with yourself. The sooner you accept that sometimes relationships just don’t work, the easier it’s going to be for you to put down the breakup ice cream and pick up the pieces of your life and move on. Trust yourself enough to be on your own so that you can rely on yourself for security and not the guy who just walked away from you.

Next, you don’t have to forget a relationship to get over it. Still fresh from a breakup, blocking a guy out of your mind can be the hardest thing in the world, partially because you’re not ready to imagine your life without him but also because you’re stuck in that “remembering to forget him” phase. Stop stressing over whether or not you’re thinking about him too much, and allow your mind to go there if you can’t help but think of the memories you have of your relationship. At the risk of sounding cliché, time really does get you over a breakup. But at the same time, make an effort to go out, focus on new things that have nothing to do with your ex, be it school or your friends or your hobbies, and in time, the heartbreak that you thought you’d cling onto desperately will slip through your fingertips.

As much as you can’t fathom the thought of never thinking of him, over time, you will think of him less and less, even if it’s gradual. Believe me, if the relationship is something worth being heartbroken over, you’ll never fully forget it, but you can move past it. You can grow and learn from a past breakup, and even though it doesn’t seem like it now, you may even be able to look back on it fondly.

Breakups, whether you feel them coming or they catch you totally off guard, can really shake up your entire life. They remind us that at any point in our lives we can feel lost, rejected, and miserable. While the initial pangs of heartbreak make me the epicenter of a storm perfectly capable of complete destruction, I’ve found a sense of stability in knowing that heartbreak, as awful as it seems, is a pretty small problem to have considering the amount of pain out there in the world. There’s nothing more grounding than remembering that there are people in the world who wished that heartbreak was the worst of their problems.

I’ve been active in volunteer work almost my whole life and I’ll be honest that most of the volunteer projects I’ve picked started as a result of heartbreak. And even though this goes without saying, the time I’ve spent volunteering post-breakup never falls to the wayside once I’ve gotten through the heartbreak. Look, I’m not proud to admit that it sometimes takes me going through pain to realize that others feel worse pain, but I’m very proud of the person my breakups have molded me into. Heartbreak keeps me grounded and reminds me that even if the world throws heartbreak my way, I can peel myself off the couch, away from that sixth pint of ice cream and I can do my best from preventing pain in another person’s life.

So if nothing else you try seems to work, give paying it forward a chance because as much as heartbreak has the potential to be cyclical, so does happiness.

Got it? Feel empowered? Good. Now get the first 36 rules of the Single Girl Society