Question?! Forget you. No, only joking! Ha, ha! Get it?! Because–okay, whatever. Ask TuffyLuv@collegecandy.com.

Dear Tuffy Luv,
Last semester I met this guy and we started hanging out a lot. We were never officially together, but he was my first everything and we had a great time for a few months.

I made the mistake of assuming he was with me exclusively, and kind of freaked out on him when I found out he had been with other girls and still had contact with his ex who he had been with for years. But then I realized I really had no right to be mad, as he was not my boyfriend.

For the first couple of weeks this semester, things were going great between us and I was happy. Then, everything changed. He couldn’t attend our school this semester, so he moved back home. I was really sad he was leaving, but he is planning on coming back in a few months, so I thought things might work out. At first, we still talked a lot and even hung out when he came down to visit.

But then he went back home, and….nothing. He stopped contacting me. I texted him a few times and got very brief answers. I was sad, but decided to stop talking to him as well. I still liked him a lot, but I did not want to appear needy and desperate.

After he moved, I still hung out with his friends. A few weeks later after becoming way too drunk, I hooked up with one of them. Since, my relationship with his friend has turned into a sort of friends-with-benefits situation. I would never want to be with him in a serious relationship, we’re just having fun. His friend told the first guy what happened and I texted him to see how he felt about it. He seemed rather indifferent and it hurt me that he didn’t seem upset. I told him how much I missed him and that I wished he were still here.

A few days ago, I was hanging out in his friend’s room when, to my surprise (though clearly intentional on the friend’s part), the first guy showed up–he was in town to visit and no one told me. He seemed just as surprised to see me as I was him and neither of us really said anything. Read More »

Dear Dude,

I’ve been seeing this guy for about a month, roughly.  He takes me out on actual dates, always wants to hang out, and is fun to talk to. Basically, I’m pretty sure that he’s into me.  The problem is that the few times that we’ve had sex, he hasn’t finished.  We’ll go at it for over an hour and although I’ve enjoyed myself, he won’t orgasm at all!  He always initiates sex and says he enjoys spending time with me, but if he’s sexually attracted to me, then why can’t he finish?  Could it be that I’m really bad in bed?  That he isn’t sexually attracted to me?  It’s an awkward subject to bring up and I don’t want to hurt his feelings, but I don’t know how to handle it.

Sincerely,
-Can’t Get Him Off

Dude,

I am dating this guy who everyone else thinks is this amazing guy. And I guess from what they see, he is pretty amazing. He is constantly telling me how beautiful I am, how wonderful I am, and how lucky he is. Now, that’s all great and sh*t, but I guess I should tell you a bit more…

He does that stuff all the time. Treats me nicely. Takes me on dates. Cuddles with me. Blah blah blah. BUTTTTTT, there’s this other side to him that no one knows about except me.

He does NOT invite me to hang with him and his friends… ever. He never wants me around them. It’s not like his friends are drug dealing murderers, either. I’ve met a few of them and they’re great guys! Sometimes I’ll call him and he’ll say, “Well I’m just over here at Josh’s. We’re having taco night! It’s so much fun!” And on the other line I’m waiting for him to invite me over. I like tacos, too!! One night I got frustrated waiting on him to invite me so I just went over. And it was so super awkward. He like latched onto me for dear life and made me feel like I had just crashed boys night. It’s not like I was the only girl there, though! Some of their friends who are girls were there, too.

Another thing – he doesn’t spend time with my friends either. If they are around, he says things to me like, “I wish it was just us, that’s all.” My roommate is my best friend and he makes her feel uncomfortable in her own home. It sucks. I don’t know why he’s acting like that.

It’s not like we’re having some secret relationship where he doesn’t want his friends to know we’re dating. He shows me off to everyone! I just feel like a trophy girlfriend. I feel like he sees only the surface and not me for who I really am. What do I say to this guy?? Am I overreacting?? Is this normal? Do guys do this all the time? What’s really going on here???

HELP.
– Left Out Read More »

Dear Dude,

My long distance 3-year boyfriend broke up with me 3 weeks ago. We had been dating from his sophomore year in college until now; I had stayed home and he went to school 3 hours away. I would visit whenever I could, and he would come home for breaks. We became really close and honestly the relationship was really easy. He never cheated and he always called and texted. And I thought waiting for him to come home was right. Yet, 3 years later, we are both 10 min away from each other and he decided to break up with me 7 days before V-Day.  He said he was sorry because he should be feeling more confident about our relationship. He doesn’t think he’s ready for the seriousness that a 3-year relationship means. I am his second girlfriend, and he feels that he cannot become more serious until he dates other people.

Now my question is, if he broke up with me to date other people then WHY is he still acting like we did when we were dating? Instead of going out on a Thursday night with his guy friends and picking up chicks he is at my house watching TV. He texts me constantly, and is writing on my Facebook more now than he did when we were dating.

I confronted him today and asked him what was going on but all he could say is that he was so sorry and he didn’t know what he wants. I cut him off from my Facebook, and deleted him from my phone but something just doesn’t feel right. This is the first guy I have ever been with that I wanted to fight for, but I don’t see how that is going to help. I don’t know what my next steps are from here, and being out of school and stuck at home I have no rebound to consider. DO I try and be friends with him? Or cut him off and just move on?

Help me,
Confused

Dear Confused,

3 years, s’long time to be a champion girlfriend (first person who gets that reference, write in and I will personally send you a prize).

A long distance relationship for that amount of time can sometimes be seen as more of the CZ or Splenda to the real deal. A lot of people use long distance over a long period of time as a safety net from putting themselves out there. It becomes a protective bubble. This avoids the possibility of getting hurt and dealing with the complexities/intricacies/intimacies of a face-to-face relationship.  Then, when the distance disappears, the bubble bursts.

I’m not saying all long distance relationships are BS. Not in the least. I’ve known plenty where the two people involved came back together and re-discovered each other. They also discovered that how they’d grown while apart didn’t exclude them from growing together from that moment of reunion. However, I’ve known a bunch that was more like the ones described in the paragraph above. Based on what you’ve told me, yours seems to fall into the “category” of the former.

The old saying that girls mature faster than guys, well, it’s true. There’s this idea put into a guy’s head, or so it seems, that if he doesn’t have sex with at least a half dozen women or is involved in less than five relationships then there’s no possible way he can be ready to settle down into something meaningful. Now that is BS.

When you find the right person, been together for years, grown together for years, fill voids, and challenge each other into becoming the best version of yourself you’ve ever known yourself to be, then it’s right. I don’t care if that’s your first girlfriend or your hundredth. But your boy seems to have drunk the convoluted “manswer” Kool-Aid.

I think you’re on a good path. You can’t sit idly by and twiddle your thumbs while he figures out what he wants. You’ve got to determine for yourself what you want. If that is him, then by all means fight for him. If he’s not worth the crap he’s making you go through, then move on.

I’m a believer in having and making choices. No matter the situation, one’s always there. Just because right now you feel like you don’t have a rebound and you might be depressed about being back with your folks after school (which millions of college kids are doing these days, so don’t feel ashamed about that) doesn’t mean you have to take him back.

It can feel like your options are limited. It can seem like there’re only two paths and neither is appealing. It might be the reality or it might, in part, be your own judging of yourself. But you can still choose. Don’t choose out of default or feeling trapped. That will limit your possibilities and that will take away your confidence in being able to make decisions for your life.

So I say reevaluate your options, come at it from a fresh place with as fresh a perspective as you can. It sounds like you’ve already taken great steps to get there. Once you’re there, make the choice. My choice would be to move on. But only you are you. So only you can make the best choice for you.

Letting it bleed,
Dude Jagger

[He's good, right? Check out The Dude's other insights into the male mind right here.]

Dude,

So my boyfriend and I have been going strong for a few months now. Here’s the one thing that really bothers me about him, though: He was not atracted to me when we first met (last year). He said he didn’t think that I was that pretty but that now he thinks I am. I can’t get over the fact that he thought I wasn’t hot. What does this mean for our relationship?

– Budding Beauty Read More »

Our generation, the trailblazers that we are, will leave a lot of different marks on this world, but none more significant than our ability to create new (and fabulous, mind you) words. Sexting. Legit. Facebooking. Fab. Whatevs. Whether we’re abbreviating them or combining them, we’re creating them, and we’re creating them with very specific purposes in mind.

How else would you describe a friend that acts like your enemy? Someone who you think you can trust, but you really can’t? Someone who makes you feel worse while she pretends she’s trying to make you feel better? This person is not your friend. But she’s not exactly your enemy either.

She’s your frenemy.

But how can you be sure of that? How do you know that it’s not all in your head? That this person is really doing all the things you think she’s doing?  Is she really the massive bitch you’ve made her out to be? Maybe you’re just over thinking this. Maybe she’s really not that bad. Is she? Yes, she really, really is. If you’re thinking it, it’s probably true.

But just for the record, here are a few tell-tale signs that you’re dealing with a frenemy. Read More »

Dear Dude,

I’ve got a bit of a dilemma on my hands.  I’ve never had a boyfriend. I’ve come close, but no guy ever wanted to be more than a fling or something other than a friend. I have, not unlike a recent post to you, been perpetually pushed into the friend zone. Something of a specialty of mine.  I suppose in compliment to me, most guys I’ve hooked up with (I mean PG level hookup only..I’m not the type to go all the way without a relationship) in the past have always wanted to maintain an active friendship with me and are usually making the bigger effort. All the while making it clear they want nothing else.

This has been fine and it’s nice to have guys as close friends I can rely on, and feel wanted by in a respected way.  What becomes a problem is my position as not only a friend, but I tend to become a pseudo-girlfriend without any of the actual benefits or titles thereof.  Time and time again I will befriend a guy, we’ll be close and I somehow become the one he calls every Friday or Saturday night to chat. At one point, one of my best guy friends and I were around each other so much most people assumed we were dating.  Normally I’m happy to have close friendships like this; after all it gives me company too and I appreciate the friendship that’s there.

But every time without fail, no matter how long we’ve been friends, as soon as another girl enters the picture as a potential love interest or relationship everything drops off the map. A guy friend I talked to every week or for ages, all of a sudden I don’t hear from for months. No explanation, no real responses to my messages/texts, nothing. At least two of these cases it’s only me that the guy seems to be ignoring more, not his guy friends. Read More »

Dear Dude,

I’m in my first year of college, and there’s this one guy in one of my classes that I like. We aren’t what I’d call friends yet, but I’m working on the whole ‘getting to know him’ thing. So one night last week, he, I, and a couple of friends from the class went for a drink. We were discussing hair, and I was recounting a bad haircut received in my earlier youth. He replied ‘well, your hair looks really great now; you’re one of the most attractive girls on our course.’

…WTF, Dude!? I nearly choked on my drink! It literally came out of nowhere. I figured I’d just continue the becoming friends process, with few flirtations here and there. I must admit, however, I am completely terrible at flirting (I have never consciously flirted with somebody, let ALONE had a boyfriend) but I tried my best, and I thought I was getting some positive feedback…. He calls me sweetheart, I thought there was a bit of the eye contact flirty thing going on, there’s been a few more compliments, and he’s invited me to a few places. (Although with friends.)

A few days ago, we went out to a club, and I thought here was where something could potentially happen if we were all drinking. (That’s the way we all do it, right?)  Alcohol flowing through my veins, I attempted once more to be friendly, and sorta danced with him…. and…..nada. He didn’t reel back in horror, but I didn’t get the reaction I was hoping for. Same sorta thing as before, but nothing incredibly obvious. Disheartened, I tried to cover myself the day after, and blamed the alcohol.

Have I completely jumped the gun here? Because in my book (however limited) guys don’t tell girls they’re the most attractive girl in their class (which isn’t true, we have a professional model in or midst for goodness sake!) unless they’re into them.

I’ve asked my guy and girl friends for advice, and opinions on the matter are firmly divided. Some think he in into me, others think he was just paying me a friendly compliment. (Even when we weren’t really friends!) So…what should I do? Am I reading too much into this? Is he into me? What the heck is going on in this boy’s head?!

Sincerely,
Mindf*cked Read More »

Question?! Answer: Ask TuffyLuv@collegecandy.com

Dear Tuffy Luv,

I’m a nineteen-year-old sophomore.  I have been seeing this guy R for almost a year.  He doesn’t go to my college but he did go to a tech school close to his hometown.  I really like him and he really likes me (he tells me all the time), but he is really insecure and is under is Dad’s thumb. For as long as R can remember his dad has been telling him he’ll never amount to anything.  On top of that, his dad is mentally, emotionally, verbally and physically abusive towards him, his siblings and his mom.

R tells me all the time that he will NEVER be like his father (and if he starts I’ll be LONG GONE).  R’s mom doesn’t really say much but I know she thinks that I’m good for him, but his Dad has a MAJOR problem with me.  I think it’s because I ‘empower’ R to stand up to his Dad, not only for himself but for his mom (he got in his Dad’s face one day when R’s dad started yelling at his mom).  And he has given his Dad a black eye when he started messing with me.  Soooo, I think because of this, R’s dad is trying to keep me away from him.  What in the world do I do about his dad?  I am very respectful and I do as I am told (my parents’ upbringing) and I know what to do on a farm.  What do I do?

Always yours,
What’s up with him? Read More »

Sick of waiting for him to call/text/IM/GChat/email?

Today ladies, I want you to take a little trip back in time to when I was in college…way back in “the ‘90s.”  I remember meeting a super cute guy at my job on campus.  I worked at this fun little underground cafe called Dante’s (yes, as in the Inferno) where you could order sundaes, malts, soft pretzels and my friends’ all-time fav, cheesy popcorn that I would bring back to the dorm to be the most loved friend for about the six minutes that it lasted.  My reign was always short-lived as I would always be ousted by my friend Lisa who would worked at the local pizza place and brought home pizza with sauerkraut. Good times, but I digress.

At the beginning of my sophomore year, a super hottie walked into Dante’s and after a malt, cheesy popcorn and lots of witty banter, I was crushin’ pretty hard.  Problem was, I only knew his name and a little about him so I did what every other lady did back then: used my Nancy Drew-like sleuthing skills (that would have impressed the CIA) and got to work.  It took about two weeks but I found out which dorm he lived in, his major, his friend group and some other small details.  I also found out, with a little random luck, that he had a long-time girlfriend at another school.  Although slightly bummed, it was fun to have a little crush, talk about it with my friends and keep my skills sharp in case the CIA ever did come a knockin’.

Fast forward to current day and think about the exact same situation.  Now, if I would have met him, within 10 minutes I would know all the info above plus: The Hangover is his favorite movie, he is into indie rock and has a love for old school rap, that he no interest in politics and seems to love roller coasters, taco bell and Megan Fox.  I would have also seen pics of his friends (kinda douchey), his family dog (cute) as well as what could be his current or ex-girlfriend (boo).  If I dig a little deeper I can find out he is a regular on gaming sites and loves to debate the evil of mainstream music and the record companies.  PLUS, don’t forget, about 7 different ways to contact him.  Without even talking to him anytime soon, I can follow his daily life and let the crush bloom into full blown smitten.

This is where we buy the ticket to the crazy train. Read More »