Dear Dude,

I’m a college sophomore and still a virgin.  I’ve had my fair share of “almosts” and do enjoy the occasional heavy petting but I have yet to go “all the way.” I’m not waiting for marriage but I am waiting for a serious relationship with someone I can trust. I used to be confident in my decision (I mean, so what?) and felt no pressure to lose my virginity but lately I’ve been feeling like being a virgin is hurting my chances of finding that someone.

The problem is the handful of boys that I’ve started relationships with in college (emphasis on the word started because it never gets very far) initially say they respect the fact that I am a virgin. However, when that boy finds out that I’m REALLY not going to have sex with him (like never, ever) I don’t hear from him again. And when I try to hide the fact that I’m a virgin guys get mad at me for being a “tease” and disappear, too.

So basically I don’t want to lose my virginity because I’m waiting for “the right” relationship but I feel like being a virgin is preventing me from having ANY relationship. It’s a never ending cycle! Everyone around me is telling me to stick it out and wait for “the one,” but the thought of going through my college career without a real relationship is depressing. So dude, why do guys run away when they find out I’m a virgin? How does a virgin get a guy to stick around? Should I just give it up and get it over with? Or should I start filling out applications for the nearest nunnery?

Sincerely,
Not Necessarily DTF Read More »

Dear Dude,

I’m a first year college student. I’d never been in love…until recently. I met this guy in October and he seemed like everything I always wanted–cute and smart and boy, could he make me laugh. It wasn’t long before I started seriously falling for him.

Then, the snowball began to spin out of control. I did nothing nor said nothing while he flirted with a million other girls, even though I wanted to die a little. I did nor said nothing when he asked me to be his girlfriend in November then changed his mind a few weeks later without telling me. I did nor said nothing while he was leading me on, telling me we’d have a future but never committing to me NOW.

The last time we spoke was a few days ago. He was talking about our future. The day after that, he has a new girlfriend. I’m so beyond angry at him. Part of me never wants to talk to him again, despite the fact that we were quite close. The other part is still crazy about him even after all he did to me. Everyone said to stay the hell away from him because he would break my heart. I never listened. Turns out it was true.

We’ve hooked up a few times, which makes this so much worse for me. So much more painful because I’d never done any of that stuff before him. I’d never wanted to, until him. Please, Dude, just tell me why he did this to me. I feel so horrible, like I’m not good enough. I need answers or else I’ll go insane, I know it.

Sincerely,
Can’t Stop Crying Read More »

Qvestion?! Ansver: TuffyLuv@collegecandy.com

Dear Tuffy Luv,

I’ve been with my boyfriend for about two and a half years and although I don’t really believe in soul mates, I can honestly claim that he is mine. I try to think reasonably and tell myself that this can’t be real love but after all this time I still believe that there will never be anyone as right for me as him and that he is the man I want to have a life with.

I never wanted anything serious with the guy. I was only turning seventeen when we started going out and never expected for the whole thing to go so well. Even though I noticed that I had a connection with him that I’ve never had with other guys, I always thought that we could break up over some stupid thing and I never thought ahead as far as our relationship went. But then came the “I love you,” and the first time (for the both of us), and we got accepted into the same college and things kinda got serious. Those were the happiest two years of my life – we have never had big fights, only insignificant quarrels and I can’t see a single thing about him that would drive me away. Now he wants us to move in together next semester and I realize that I want to live with him, too.

There’s just one problem. I used to be a real shut-in in high school and didn’t really get around as much as others my age. I only ever had one boyfriend before him and am not exactly very experienced in these kinds of things. Now that I’m in college and I’m a lot more outgoing, adventurous and, well, hotter than I used to be, I find myself wishing I was single just so I could try all this stuff college girls do – go on dates, have one-night stands, you know, things like that. I’m just a huge romantic and I used to dream of exploring new emotions and having a little drama in my life, because that’s what college is, right? I feel like if I stay with my boyfriend, I will grow into an old woman years before other girls my age and will always wonder what life would have been like if I had broken up with him.

I guess in this particular case it really isn’t him; it’s me that’s the problem. I just don’t want to lose the nicest, smartest guy I know who happens to adore me, but I’m afraid after a couple of years I might start hating him for making me lose the best years of my life. If there is such a possibility, should I risk it and end it now, or should I leave things the way they are now?

Sincerely,
Stupid Heart Read More »

Dear Dude,

Over the summer, I met this really great guy at work; there was definitely a mutual attraction between us. With every conversation we had, we found out we had a lot in common with each other. I was about to ask him out, but then found out he had a girlfriend. Needless to say, I didn’t ask him out and things stopped there.

Fast forward to 5 weeks ago. I came home for Christmas Break (we are from the same town, but go to school 9 hours apart), and found out through Facebook that he was single.  I messaged him to see if he wanted to hang out. He gave me his number, and a few days later we went out. The next night we had drinks, and drinks turned into him inviting me to go skiing and to spend New Year’s Eve with him. We spent a lot of time together over break, and he even introduced me to his family and best friends. He would call and text me almost every day, and once he came to my house to hang out and said he was disappointed that he couldn’t meet my parents because they were at work. It seemed like he was really into me by the way he treated me, and I was hopeful that we would last beyond winter break. We hooked up on New Year’s Eve and we did have sex. I don’t feel like this was the wrong move to make because we had spent a lot of time together beforehand, and he certainly didn’t treat me like I was just a random hook-up. I guess I was wrong.

We both go back to school in a couple of days, and he’s been getting more distant and less affectionate. We don’t talk that often and haven’t gone out in several days. Normally, I’d just think that this was a winter break fling and move on. The thing that frustrates me and confuses me the most is why in the hell did he introduce me to his family and friends, spend all that time taking me out and literally treating me like his girlfriend if all he wanted was a little action?

Help! I can’t handle this and the fact that classes start next week!
— Got the Blues on Break Read More »

Question?! Answer. Ask TuffyLuv@collegecandy.com.

Dear Tuffy Luv,

After coming home for my first winter break, I’ve noticed a trend among many of my high school friends. Many of them are becoming “the other woman/man” to their new college love interests. Upon further inspection, I realized some of them have even cheated on their significant others from high school, even with people they went to high school with. One friend’s new college boyfriend even cheated on her while he was in the same room as her, and she took him back. All of this new information makes me wonder: Why do people cheat? Is cheating more socially acceptable in college than it was in high school? Is cheating ever socially acceptable? Do people feel guilty when they cheat? Is it better to confess to cheating or to never tell someone it happened? Is once a cheater always a cheater?

The reason why this personally affects me is because I met a boy I like in college. We’ve been dating since the beginning of the year and I trust him completely. He’s a great guy. He calls me when he says he will, tells me that he loves me, and never pressures me to do anything I don’t want to. But I also thought my high school friends are good people. Am I just a bad judge of character? Should I be suspicious of him? Or is my loss of innocence about my friends making me paranoid towards my boyfriend?

I realize this is a pretty loaded letter, but it’s really bothering me that I might just be the only naive person in the world that thinks monogamy is possible. I’d really appreciate your help.

Thank you,
Naive Freshman Read More »

Hey Dude,

I just turned 20 and am a sophomore in college. I have plenty of friends, but I have never had a boyfriend. Many of my close friends have the same problem, and we dwell on it all the time. We go out to parties, socialize, and have fun. I have guy friends that are my best friends so I do not think I am shy around them. I have hooked up with random guys, with only one being “considerable” for something more.

We were set up and hit it off right away, however it all changed when I asked where it was going (relationship or hook up) after a month of us going out. I know this was straight-forward, but I needed to know! Was this the wrong thing? Is there something that college guys look for in a girl to become a girlfriend? Being 20 and never having a boyfriend concerns me.

— Forever Single but not Forever Young Read More »

Ask Tuffy Luv. If you dare. TuffyLuv@collegecandy.com

Dear Tuffy Luv,
It’s my freshman year of college and I started spending a lot of time with this boy on my floor. By a lot I mean we stay up until 3 a.m almost every night talking and he comes over to my room unannounced just to hangout, he texts me on weekends after I’ve gone out to hangout, and he flirts with me on the regular. Needless to say, I like him. The only issue is he has a girlfriend. They have been dating for 2+ years and she is still in high school, a junior to be exact.

One weekend (with a little too much alcohol in my system) I told him how I felt, and he replied by telling me he liked me but was still in love with his girlfriend and he could not break up with her. Two nights later while he was intoxicated, he loudly announced to the room how attractive I was, and that he would like to spend the night in my room. We talked about both nights and he said he would rather us just be friends and forget any of our conversations about liking each other ever happened. I am not sure what to make of this. Things cooled down for a few weeks but he is starting to spend a lot of time with me again. It’s hard to think about when his girlfriend comes to visit or he goes home for the weekend.

I think I am the better fit for him right now – he is in college and needs a more mature girlfriend – but I can’t tell him that without harming our friendship so I try to be supportive. But it sucks. Should I just move on or tell him how I feel (again)?

Please help,
I Do it Better Than Her Read More »

[The following post was written by dating coach, Kira Sabin, a keg of dating and relationship wisdom. She's been helping people find love for years so we thought we'd tap this keg and see what sort of brilliant advice she has for the CollegeCandy readers. Drink up, ladies.]

Ah resolutions… Once the hangover is done by the 2^nd and you are seriously bored at home, nothing seems more perfect than to sit down, contemplate your life and make some resolutions for 2011.  With passion in heart and pen in hand we write down our best intentions for the New Year promising ourselves that “Things Will Be Different!” The problem is that most of the time by January 5^th that new fitness program, study routine or other resolution has already been kicked to the curb.  About as long as it takes to make our resolutions, we have already hooked up with our ex, ate a full pie and were way too busy to exercise since we had to re-watch the last season of Greek on demand. What?!  I love me some Cappie.

To make you feel a little better, only about 12% of people who make resolutions actually follow through on them, so you are in good company.  I would, however,  be a pretty sucky life coach if I congratulated you on your lack of commitment.  I do believe it is important to stop and take stock of your life occasionally and look at what changes need to happen to get us in our happy place (mine has roller coasters and unicorns).  I also believe in this area of your life it is OK to bring on the lazy. Read More »

[Got a Dude itch you just can’t scratch? Sick of trying to come up with a not-totally-crazy-girl way to bring it up to your guy friends and get their take on things? Totally over over-analyzing the cryptic messages he leave on your Facebook Wall?  We got your back, girlfriend. Send your question over to askthedude@collegecandy.com. The Dude won’t sugarcoat it, beat around the bush, or any other weird cliche that means lie to you. Like a nice, juicy hot dog, he’ll be 100% real beef, 100% of the time. So bring. it. on.]

Hey Dude,
This is my freshman year of college and before I was really nieve. I’ve hooked up with plenty of guys here, but I had a really fun night a few months ago and the guy and I started talking on a regular basis. He always texted me first and invited me to do things with him or him and his group of friends. I was really excited because he was my ideal guy and I (now regrettably) kept on telling myself he was better than me.

We were hooking up for five or six weeks and I went further with him than I ever have with anyone (not all the way). Talking during the weekdays became really sparse because he was getting “busier” with sports and classes. I was totally okay with it but after one night we spent together we ended up not talking at all for over a week and a half.

I texted him to go get coffee and when we met we talked about how we both were getting busy and we better end this because A. it’s not the right time for a relationship and B. we didn’t want it to get messy as FWBs. I was fine with it being over, but now over a week later I can’t stop thinking about him and how much fun we had together. I really want to see him again and ask if we could give it a shot.

I have no experience with relationships or guy thoughts in general, but I was wondering if it sounds like he’s totally checked out or if maybe there’s still a chance. What’s the best way to approach this? Let it go or ask if we can try again?

Sincerely,
Missing What We Had Read More »

Someone once told me that the reason I’m still single is because my standards are too high. I laughed in her face, flipping through a mental catalog of the disgusting creatures who’ve woken up in my bed.  “Au contraire,” I told her. “I think my standards are non existent.”

But last night, as I enjoyed a large DQ Blizzard while watching the latest drama on The Real Housewives of New York, I started reflecting on my dating past and why none of those boys are in my dating present. I grabbed a piece of paper (Ok, the back of a takeout menu…it was closer) and began listing all of the guys I’ve met/gotten naked with.

To my horror, the list had more dishes than the Chinese menu it was written on.

Next to each name I wrote down why that particular dude didn’t work out. Over half of the list consisted of “d-bag didn’t call me back,” or “don’t know his real name,” but the rest were my own doing. And after seeing it all written down on paper, I began to see my friend may have been right.

Reasons I’ve rejected boys: Read More »