Hey Dude,

I just broke up with my boyfriend of more than 6 months (who keeps count these days anyway?), and it’s been a rough time. Mostly, I think, neither one of us wanted to break up but we had been growing apart for sometime. New changes in his life prompted him to cut the cord, and we went our separate ways…kind of. In reality, as soon as things were officially over (I’m talking next day here), he and I went back to normal. We started texting nonstop again, calling a few times a day just “because this song reminded me of you,” or because “you’re going to die of laughter when you hear about my dinner mishap.”

Aside from the fact that we were no longer together absolutely NOTHING had changed… It’s as though all of the pressure of a formal relationship was suddenly off and we were that fun and exciting couple again…minus the couple.

I think you should know that we haven’t had to face the issue of hooking up yet because he lives in a land far far away (but really only like an hour and some change) so I don’t know how that little taboo will work out when we next see each other.

Now, I never wanted us to break up, I just wanted us to take some time to cool off and reconnect. So, as you can imagine after how well things have been going, I want us to be together again. Is this silly, is it time to start getting over him or should I continue to cling to the hope that it’s all going to work out?

-Ex-girlfriend

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You know what you can do with your bleepbleep questions?! You can take your bleepbleep questions and shove them in…my inbox. TuffyLuv@collegecandy.com

Dear Tuffy Luv,

There are few things more frustrating than wanting to have sex and not being able to. While this sometimes can be self-inflicted (still not getting any, btw), this week we’re going to talk about low libido and the reasons that sometimes women just can’t get in the mood – no matter how hard they or their partners try.

This problem is much more common in women than it is in men (although it does happen in both sexes). While initially this might seem like a slight inconvenience but NBD, ladies that deal with this often feel alone and frustrated. We all think that we’re supposed to be sex machines, and when that just doesn’t happen, it results in a feeling of failure, and even depression. The inability to sustain a healthy sexual relationship can be a real downer if not handled by two people that have an understanding of what’s actually going on.

Of course, sometimes a person just doesn’t have a high sex drive, and that’s okay. Lack of libido only becomes a problem if it’s affecting you negatively or causing problems in your relationship. So are you supposed to grit your teeth and bare it, for the sake of being GGG and to make your partner happy? While this might work for a little while, eventually resentments can kick in and the whole “grin and bare it” thing won’t work anymore. Read More »

Summer can cause a lot of confusion when it comes to you and your man.

Sometimes you unexpectedly meet that new, painfully good-looking, charming guy on the beach and don’t know how to nicely break the news to your boyfriend. Other times, the relationship can really suffer when friends from home, jealousy, and work get in the way and it can be hard to tell just when exactly you should finally call it quits. But if you’re not the initiator in the situation and find yourself suffering from the breakup blues, it’s important to still take care of yourself and realize what’s a normal reaction to a breakup and what’s just totally not.

People always have tons of different advice as to how to recover from a breakup but forget about all that. You wanna survive heartache? Get. In. The. Kitchen. Cooking allows you to satisfy that desire to stuff your face but also keeps you  busy. And when you’re no longer getting busy, staying busy is what your mind needs. Luckily, I’ve found the perfect, simple recipe that will not only keep your heart from talking so loudly to your head, but will stimulate a major convo with your stomach instead.

Because boyfriends are nice, but they aren’t nearly as sweet as bananas and chocolate.

So I don’t know if I’m just PMSing or tired, but I’ve been kind of a moody bitch to my boyfriend lately. We’ll be having a perfectly normal conversation and suddenly we’re arguing about the silliest thing. What’s terrible is that I know what we’re fighting about isn’t important. I mean, just because he would rather spend his Sunday night watching TV instead of going to my friend’s BBQ doesn’t really make it OK for me to get annoyed. He’s being honest and I don’t want to drag him along to something that he’s not in the mood for. Right?

Why can’t I just accept this and move on?

As someone who always likes to do a little investigating to ensure personal growth, I researched ways to control my immature and unwarranted reactions. And what I came across has definitely cleared a few things up.

Number one, regular exercise is essential when it comes to a good mood. Physical activity, whether it involves cardio or strength training, produces those fantastic feel-good neurotransmitters known as endorphins. They boost seratonin levels to improve your mood naturally. Because of a busy and stressful week of late, I made zero time to work out. So this has definitely been a factor in my irritability. Sorry Zach.

Number two, taking 1,200 milligrams of a calcium supplement daily has been proven to reduce PMS symptoms by 48%. Um, yea. I definitely haven’t been doing that. Read More »

You know those people that always seem to be in love? Annoying, right? But even more annoying, and frustrating, are those people that not only love freely but have their sentiments reciprocated. They bounce from one long-term, healthy relationship to another seamlessly, never regretting the past or even pausing for a good cry and a pint of Ben and Jerry’s.

And they make the rest of us look like emotionally immature, sexually frustrated, constantly single idiots.

But hey, you know what? Single’s not the worst thing. Because beneath the sun-touched, crystal-blue emotional coastline of those happy loving couples, there are gloomy storms. There are flashes of suspicious lightning and sudden tidal waves that crush the fishing canoes of stability on the rocks of impatience. There are the riptides of boredom that drown the surfers of passion. There is a dead seagull in the reeds, and it is gross and smelly.

Sexy and Stressed-out

One rather obvious downside of monogamy is that it isn’t polygamy. You can’t just go jumping every pile of bones in sight. And that might not a downside to some, since a sudden increase in sexual partners can turn your genitals into a giant bullseye for emotional instability, STDs and scary unwanted babies. But even if you aren’t planning on turning your dorm room into an all-hours Orgy 101 lab section, a monogamous relationship can turn even the most innocent girl-boy relationships into a nervous stressfest.

Maybe you’re visiting the guy you’ve been chums with since second grade, when you broke your hand launching your Big Wheel off of ramps you begged your dad to build. Maybe you’re going to catch a movie with an old friend who didn’t just bring his girlfriend — he brought the engagement ring to show off, too. Maybe he brought his boyfriend. The most physically intimate act you might commit is a badass fist-pound when you cut some guy off at a light. And yet, when you turn your cell phone back on, you’ve got four missed calls, a jittery text saying “were r youu!!!” and a voicemail that’s nothing but incoherent, angry sobs. And you’d say it’s paranoid and crazy, but at the same time, you know you’d be doing the same thing if he were having “a movie night with Katie” or whatever. People in relationships get protective, and it’s easy for that to damage long-standing — often longer-standing than the relationship — heterosexual friendships. Read More »

I get it. Guys like sex…and guys like competition. So naturally, guys make it a competition to see who has more sex. Whether it is a points game (extra points for threesomes or two girls in one night-obvi) or just listing off their sex stats. Guys go out in search of a hookup to add to their list.

And so, the number-game-guys seek out one of us girls to take home. And we ladies cast the fact aside that he is, admittedly a huge MW (Man-Whore), and strip right down to our Hanky-Panky’s. I mean, clearly if everyone else wanted him, there must be something appealing that we should want too. And naively we think we will be the one to change him and tame him. Right?

Soooo Wrong. Read More »