Before we get into the thick of this, I want to make something very clear. I am not an overly romantic person. I roll my eyes at cheesy love songs, have absolutely no plans for my wedding, and think the idea of giving each other gifts for every single holiday is not only a bit much but also expensive. I am not a high maintenance girl. I swear– you can check my references. But I’ve noticed a disturbing trend as of late that has made me stop and say something I never thought I would say…

What happened to wooing? What happened to a guy and a girl getting together for a date and getting to know each other? What happend to calling a girl to speak to her instead of sending an endless stream of texts? Why are guys trying to arrange and cancel dates via Facebook? It’s awkward and unnatural, and honestly, kind of cowardly. And completely unromantic.

But it’s happening.

Social media has really changed the dating game. Not only does it create a need for instant gratification, but it also creates a whole new set of barriers between people. Why bother making the effort to call a girl when you can just text her? Or better yet, text three girls at the same time? Why try to think on your feet and be charming in person, when you can analyze your every word before sending a carefully worded Facebook message? And most importantly, why bother getting to know a girl when you can just look at her Facebook profile?

A few months ago one of my friend’s Facebook friends added me on Facebook, because he “thought I was cute.” Or at least that’s what he told my friend who told me beforehand.  He friended me, messaged me, and then began talking to me as if he already knew me. As if this is a perfectly normal way to meet someone, instead of, oh, I don’t know…at a bar or in line for coffee.

Call me old fashion, but I think the weirdness of these interactions should at least be addressed. By stalking me via my friend’s Facebook, he essentially picked me out of a catalogue. Then he assumed I would go along with it. There was no wooing whatsoever, no lead up or getting to know each other. There was no effort at all. He just skipped that stage and assumed he knew me, because he glanced at my Facebook profile. And when he did ask me out, for the same night, he was offended that I already had plans. And that “ask out” was for drinks. I’m sorry but when did dinner become out of the question? Are you really supposed to get to know someone in a crowded bar awkwardly sipping a cocktail as you try to decide if you should go ahead and get that third drink?

I mean how much quicker can we make the dating game? Has the need for instant gratification become so great that we don’t even think its worth sharing a meal with a person if we don’t know for sure that it will work out? Technology essentially makes it effortless for guys and girls to get in touch these days. So why not put in a little effort somewhere else? Like on the actual date.

Why not, dare I say it, add a little romance?

Jenn is a communications grad student and social media fanatic who spends her free time reading, writing, watching too much tv and shopping for shoes she can’t afford. At least that’s what her Twitter bio says. Follow her @jenninzetta. 

Dear Tuffy Luv,

I love my boyfriend. We’ve been together for seven months and we hang out every day. I’m a sophomore and he’s graduating this year but plans to stay nearby (out college is near his hometown). Our relationship is great and I couldn’t ask for anything more.

The other day I was visiting his parents with him and we went out to eat. We ran into his mom’s coworker and his mom introduced me as “my son’s friend.” This is totally freaking me out. Then I thought about it and now I’m worried that his parents don’t realize we’re dating. What if he never even told them? Should I say something? To his parents? To him? It’s totally freaking me out!

Not Just A Friend

Dear Not Just A Friend,

Um, first of all, chill.

This is, like, an older person thing, dig? In Tuffy’s bestimate, your bf’s mom felt weird calling you his “girlfriend” because of the implied promiscuity. (I know. Not now. But for the older crowd.) Seriously. She probably just felt awkward, seeing as you were being included in a family outing (and probs staying at their place? maybe in his room?) without a ringyding.

Okay, but I don’t know this for sure. So let’s say, for a moment, that your paranoid fantasy of HE’S KEEPING OUR LOVE A SECRET is true. I mean, who does it hurt, really? If he doesn’t want his parents to know officially, BUT he still brings you around and takes you to family crap, don’t you think that implies they know you’re a couple? I mean, if not in words, then in actions?

Either way, I don’t think it’s worth getting into a tizzy over. And it’s certainly not worth sabotaging your currently-lovely relationship over some crazy crockpot worry that doesn’t affect you or your relationship with him even if (and HUUUUUUGE if) it were true. Don’t get needy. Don’t get crazy. Don’t get weird.

IF he was like, what the floop, stay out of my personal life and never meet my family or my friends or go anywhere I go–then YES, that would be awful and I’d say dump that ashhole. But it’s so not that way. So, geez. Chill and enjoy your excellent relationship.

Hearts & Skulls,

Tuffy Luv

Question?! Answer: Ask Tuffy Luv. Eating faces since 2008.

[Lead image via Warren Goldswain/Shutterstock]

Proposition 8 was overturned, and now we have to see that lesbian comedienne Ellen Degeneres as the new face of JCPenney? Where on EARTH will I shop now? Ladies, we’ve got to do something about this. Let’s protest that crazy talk show host so that her homosexuality doesn’t taint all our kids’ back-to-school clothes and our Christmas shopping.

Okay, so maybe I’m exaggerating the thought process of a member of One Million Moms, a conservative group that’s got their high-leg briefs in a twisted bunch because out and proud Ellen Degeneres is the new JCPenney spokesperson. The group issued a statement following the company’s announcement:

“Funny that JC Penney thinks hiring an open homosexual spokesperson will help their business when most of their customers are traditional families. More sales will be lost than gained unless they replace their spokesperson quickly. Unless JC Penney decides to be neutral in the culture war then their brand transformation will be unsuccessful…By jumping on the pro-gay bandwagon, JCPenney is attempting to gain a new target market and in the process will lose customers with traditional values that have been faithful to them over all these years.”

Fox News contributor Sandy Rios, who supports the One Million Moms perspective, summed up this week’s Hot Button Issue while on The O’Reilly Factor: ”The problem is that Ellen DeGeneres has chosen to act out her lesbian lifestyle and marry her partner, it’s what that represents,” she said. “And the fact that JCPenney is supposed to be middle America, the place where families shop…and people who believe that marriage is between a man and woman and children should not be exposed and propagandized in homosexuality have a moral problem with that.”

Well I’m sorry, Sandy, and the members of One Million Moms, but America—the land of opportunity, the land of the free and the home of the brave—is changing. And for the better. Thank goodness it’s been allowed to change, or else women would never be able to proudly make a buck in any workplace and we’d still stupidly have slaves everywhere who each only count as three-fifths of a person. Though the country has managed to acknowledge the basic human right of being considered an entire person to these minority groups, why can’t such a given be also applied to those who aren’t perfectly heterosexual? Those who choose to be both free AND brave?

If you’re protesting Ellen’s employment with JCPenney, you’re asking that the company discriminates based on her sexual orientation. Hm, discrimination definitely sounds like one of “the negative influences our children are forced to contend with”—you know, the part of society’s “filth” that you should be working to fight, rather than avoiding the hilarious and kindhearted Ellen Degeneres and every product she’s ever endorsed. I’m guessing you’re missing out on the greatness that is CoverGirl LashBlast Mascara and the daily dose of awesome on The Ellen Degeneres Show. Oh man, your kids must have never even seen the movie Finding Nemo! Do you tell them that they can’t go on the Submarine Voyage ride at Disneyland because that funny blue fish is the voice of an evil lesbian?!

Oh, and by pushing Ellen down and calling her names, you’re being a bully. That’s right, One Million Moms, all 40,000 of you are guilty of anti-gay bullying.

Thankfully, the group’s protests and cries were no matter for the department store, as the company stood behind their decision. And yesterday, the free and brave Ellen Degeneres addressed her haters and, therefore, her motivators, on her talk show. ”I’m proud and happy to say that JCPenney stuck by their decision to make me their spokesperson. Which is great news for me because I also need some new crew socks.”

On a more serious notes, she continued, “I really want to thank everyone who is supporting me…Here are the values I stand for. I stand for honesty, equality, kindness, compassion, treating people the way you’d want to be treated and helping those in need. To me, those are traditional values. That’s what I stand for.“

To be honest, I’m surprised that One Million Moms even had the time to jumpstart a JCPenney protest. The group has also requested action against Macy’s, ABC’s Modern Family and Mattel. Don’t shop at Target for promoting the destructive program that is Degrassi, don’t watch Dancing With The Stars because the show “aired a definition of ‘transgender’” and don’t support Ben & Jerry’s because of their “tasteless” ice cream flavor names. Thank goodness—that means there’s more Schweddy Balls for me!

Watch Ellen’s full speech now. It’s hilarious, it’s heartwarming, it’s all things Ellen Degeneres.

Should JCPenney be concerned about losing conservative customers? Or will they gain more respect for taking a stand?

Ashley is a UC San Diego grad who is holding on way too tightly to a potential career in magazines and goes to Vegas all too often. She’s fascinated with celebrities and strawberry beer and doubles as a pathological texter/emailer/blogger. Feed the addiction with tweets @cashleelee. Thanks in advance.

It’s not easy being gay. In a world where heterosexuality is the norm and homosexuality has often been seen as more than just a religious taboo throughout history—you know, when legitimately recognized at all, that is—the LGBT community has worked tirelessly to declare that sexual preference is not a “preference” at all; instead, the nature vs. nurture arguments now lean more toward a “I’m on the right track, baby, I was born this way” mantra. However, is it necessarily a winner-takes-all conclusion in the homosexuality debate? According to Sex and the City actress Cynthia Nixon, maybe there’s more than one way to be gay. And ton of people are pissed off about it.

I’m pissed off too, to be honest. I’m pissed off at the people who are pissed off about it. In this week’s Hot Button Issue, I invite you to read the following carefully, because a lot of vocal opinions on the Internet are getting it all just a little bit twisted…in my opinion.

Actress Cynthia Nixon, whom we know as Miranda Hobbes on Sex and the City, has always been a peculiar case study for the LGBT community: she was happily in a relationship with a man for 15 years (they even had two kids together), but she’s been dating a woman since 2004. Though her sexual orientation seemed to have made a switch, she has said in the past that she didn’t feel like she was necessarily lying to herself or hiding anything. ”I’d been with men all my life, and I’d never fallen in love with a woman,” she told The Daily Telegraph in 2007. ”But when I did, it didn’t seem so strange. I’m just a woman in love with another woman.”

Many gay activists call her midlife switch in sexual orientation disingenuous, and Nixon chose to defend her relationship by controversially stating that for her, homosexuality is a choice. She explained to the New York Times Magazine:

“I gave a speech recently, an empowerment speech to a gay audience, and it included the line ‘I’ve been straight and I’ve been gay, and gay is better.’ And they tried to get me to change it, because they said it implies that homosexuality can be a choice. And for me, it is a choice. I understand that for many people it’s not, but for me it’s a choice, and you don’t get to define my gayness for me. A certain section of our community is very concerned that it not be seen as a choice, because if it’s a choice, then we could opt out. I say it doesn’t matter if we flew here or we swam here, it matters that we are here and we are one group and let us stop trying to make a litmus test for who is considered gay and who is not.”

Opponents argue that defining Nixon’s gayness isn’t about Nixon at all; it’s about how she’s abusing her elevated platform as a celebrity with comments that can not only further confuse young people who are struggling with their sexuality in silence, but also give conservatives some free ammunition to use against the LGBT community as they continue to fight for equal civil rights. Unfortunately, this is partly true, as people who are famous for something seem to automatically become spokespeople and advocates for something else (Demi Lovato fighting eating disorders, Rihanna speaking up against domestic violence, etc.). Cynthia Nixon just wants to worry about Cynthia Nixon, but she may have given up that right when she signed on for her first big acting role.

The thing about Nixon is that she refuses to call herself bisexual; she genuinely states that she was straight before, but she’s gay now. Political blogger and gay activist John Aravosis called her out on the supposed misnomer of her sexual orientation: “It’s not a ‘choice,’ unless you consider my opting to date a guy with brown hair versus a guy with blonde hair a ‘choice.’ It’s only a choice among flavors I already like.  And if you like both flavors, men and women, you’re bisexual, you’re not gay, so please don’t tell people that you are gay, and that gay people can ‘choose’ their sexual orientation, i.e., will it out of nowhere.  Because they can’t.”

Supporters of Nixon’s views say that whether people of the LGBT community say their sexual orientation is rooted in nature or nurture, it won’t actually make a positive difference in fighting the good fight. “Ask African Americans if they think being ‘born that way’ helped during the hundreds of years they fought for equal rights, or ask women about being born that way and how that helped get the right to vote or other rights,” wrote Windy City Times editor Tracy Baim in The Huffington Post. She also pointed out that religion is also a ‘choice’ that right-wing opponents seem to recognize, but ignore that of gender or sexuality. “If they hate us, they hate us, and how we got this way just doesn’t compute in their narrow minds.”

And after seeing both sides of the Hot Button Issue and agreeing with all the good intentions on the table, I feel like these members of the LGBT community are simply arguing over technicalities at this point. If being gay means something different to Cynthia Nixon than it does to John Aravosis, then can’t both definitions exist? She isn’t attacking anyone else’s sexuality; she’s only speaking out about her own. Why attack a fellow soldier whose sword isn’t even threatening you at all? Like Tracy says, there’s a different enemy that the community might be losing sight of, because of this.

Actually, both sides seem to still have a common goal in mind: so many say that these comments will confuse young kids who are currently debating and simply trying to figure their way around what they’re feeling, but what seems to be more confusing to me, a straight person in shock of all this controversy, is how these people of the LGBT community seem to be attacking each other’s worth. Does this environment seem like a safer place than the world where one is held against a harsh heterosexual standard, a place where you won’t be judged by your sexual orientation? Even more so, maybe Nixon’s controversial comments will actually help those young people out there who actually hope to choose to be gay but didn’t know they could! Can people still explore their sexuality after being in a heterosexual relationship or two? Yes, says Cynthia Nixon, you can, and it doesn’t necessarily negate the love you had for those of the opposite sex at the time.

And if we’re gonna get technical about timelines and titles, is a virgin who has never been in a relationship still straight, even if she’s never found a man she’s been attracted to? Just a thought.

I know it’s an important conversation, but it’s not that important and worth fighting over to the point where people forget what is actually worth fighting FOR. And sadly, that greater fight is still far from over. Whether “born this way” or bred into another, Cynthia Nixon is simply saying that we are who we are, right here, right now, and that’s all that matters. That’s all that needs to be accepted, at any point. “Why can’t it be a choice? Why is that any less legitimate?” Nixon asked in the NYT interview. “It seems we’re just ceding this point to bigots who are demanding it, and I don’t think that they should define the terms of the debate.”

Who is to say who we’ll be attracted to tomorrow, and who is to blame for who you were attracted to yesterday? Whether straight, gay, bisexual, or still figuring it out, your sexual orientation is yours and yours alone, and the only person who could ever have any kind of definition on the matter is the one you love, because that person’s gender—not their opinion—might change that label.

Can homosexuality be a choice for some people? Are Cynthia Nixon’s comments completely out of line, or are John Aravosis’ blogs overstepping personal boundaries?

Ashley is a UC San Diego grad who is holding on way too tightly to a potential career in magazines and goes to Vegas all too often. She’s fascinated with celebrities and strawberry beer and doubles as a pathological texter/emailer/blogger. Feed the addiction with tweets @cashleelee. Thanks in advance.

Finally, a headline we’ve been waiting for since 2003: Vanessa Bryant has filed for divorce from Kobe Bryant! Like countless other celebrity/California divorces, she cited “irreconcilable differences.” Also known as “you cheated on me one too many times, so I stayed with you through all your court trials and championships so that I could get my half of it all in 2011.” Yep, the Laker who plays for $25 million per year (and counting) did not have a freakin’ prenup. Maybe that’s not something you really think about when you get engaged six months after meeting on a music video shoot.

More power to you, Vanessa! Keep your head held high, and put your fist up in the air — you know, the one with that 8-carat purple diamond ring on it that’s worth $4 million alone. Collect your spousal support, take care of Natalia and Gianna and enjoy the fabulously single life, because your divorce is one of the Most Necessary Breakups of 2011 (well, in general, really)…congratulations!

Who else made the list? You know, all those whose headlines kinda made you smile with relief and gave you hope in humanity again. Let me refresh your memory…

initiating the gallery...

Who else thankfully called it quits? And who do you think still needs to? Hey, the year isn’t over yet, there’s still a chance they’ll come to their senses!

Ashley is a UC San Diego grad who is holding on way too tightly to a potential career in magazines and goes to Vegas all too often. She’s fascinated with celebrities and strawberry beer and doubles as a pathological texter/emailer/blogger. Feed the addiction with tweets @cashleelee. Thanks in advance.

Last week I was home for Thanksgiving, going through old yearbooks, blaming the dirty dishes in the sink on my siblings and getting nostalgic for everything else from my childhood.  My mind went from Beanie Babies (tags on, obvi) to my American Girl dolls and then onto weirder things like Ask Jeeves and his search engine. Now it’s hard to believe there was anything before Google. But back in my middle school days, Ask Jeeves was a fricking genius and there was no one I trusted more.

So I did what any girl with an old crush would do. I started tweeting. And while it started out on a promising note (and dare I say, flirtatious!), it went downhill pretty quickly.

Check out the gallery below to see how my high profile romance went sour so quickly.

I only have one question left…hey @AskJeevesDotCom, why did you lead me on? Make me fall in love? And then dump me so quickly!?

Dear Tuffy Luv,

My roommate forced me to get an account on plentyoffish.com, where I actually met a really nice guy, Ryan.  We started talking and I found out that we went to the same high school, and graduated the same year (coincidence!).  We talked on Plenty of Fish for a few days and then I gave him my phone number (we did go to high school together, after all).

Everything was going GREAT and we really hit it off.  He’s Catholic, I’m Catholic. He’s a Republican, I’m a Republican.   He works construction, and he seems like a really nice person.  We have a lot in common and we remember each other from high school, kind of.

Here’s the PROBLEM. Every time we make plans to hangout, he ALWAYS backs out.  I mean I talk to the guy for at least an hour a day (texting, calling, Facebook, etc) and he won’t meet up.  He asked me out on a date once and I said sure and then we decided to meet at this concert we both wanted to go to. I told him to bring a friend, and I brought a friend…he never showed.

He always asks me out and asks me to hangout with him but then when we plan on meeting somewhere he stands me up or complains because he doesn’t want to meet my friends because it would be “awkward.”  YES of course it will be awkward at first, but have a few drinks, loosen up!

I think it would be awkward if we met just the two of us for the first time (since high school) without friends or at least alcohol present.  Am I wrong?  Should I meet him for lunch just the two of us, or should he just grow some BALLS and suck it up…meet my friends and ME?

I have a feeling that he might be the one…just from what we talk about and everything, but if we never meet, how can we have a relationship? Do I stop talking to him? On the other hand if I pass him up, I might regret it for the rest of my life. Opinion pleasee?!

-Stood up and Shot down.

Dear Stoop up and Shot down,

No! Bad girl!

In other words:

SIT THE FLOOP BACK DOWN.

Something is obviously SERIOUSLY wrong. He won’t meet up. He’s canceling or just not showing. In spite of you saying that you’re uncomfortable meeting solo the first time, he is insistent (and, in fact, unbudging) in his need to meet you by yourself.

SHADY SHADY SHADY.

No no no, girl. Don’t meet this guy without a friend. I am getting a BAD BAD vibe.

Okay, to be real, he is probably not a serial killer. He’s probably sinister in a much more minor way.

But why take the chance?!

Look, either way, he is purposely making you uncomfortable by insisting you do something you’ve already said you don’t want to do. If he’s already this creepy and pushy and controlling, how do you think he’s going to be in a relationship?!

And you want to MEET this guy?!?!!?!?!

No, girl. Sit. Heel. Stay.

Hearts & Skulls,

Tuffy Luv

Question?! Answer: Ask Tuffy Luv.

Why do we make noises during sex?

Uh oh: The Nielsen Company knows how often you look at porn

Signs he may be cheating on you

When you’re too tired for sex

What’s the freakiest sex you’ve ever had

Why is the HPV vaccine freaking everyone out??

Why he won’t commit

How much lying is too much in online dating?

Question?! Answer: Ask Tuffy Luv.

Dear Tuffy Luv,

Here’s what’s up. I need you to help me. I NEED you to tell me if I’m being crazy (probable) or right (….also probable *sad face*). So a mere 3 weeks ago, I decided to date one of my best friends. We’ve been close friends for 5 years, best friends for 2 of those years, and he’s liked me for 3. HOWEVER, we never dated because, despite caring about him more than anyone ever, I was never sexually attracted to him. But recently I said, “what the fudge?!” and agreed to date him, and on our first night out as bf/gf, I glanced over, we locked eyes, and WHAM. It hit me. I’ve been in love with this dude for 5 years. This was baaaaaad.

Fast-forward 3 weeks and here I am. Wondering if he likes me. I question every little thing he says, or should I say, DOESN’T say. We never talk anymore!! He always apologizes, saying he just doesn’t have anything interesting in his life (understandable. it’s the summer), but I’m afraid there’s something more going on. We sit there for five minutes without saying anything, and while it’s not awkward, it’s torture on my poor soul! He notices this and tries to make me feel better (he even wants us to do read together so we have something to talk about!), but then we’ll slip back into silence.

Not to say our whole relationship is silence. We’ll have little 20 minute spurts of relationship gold where we make jokes, laugh, delight in our amazing chemistry, we hold hands and he talks about how it’ll be when we’re married, but lo and behold: ANOTHER SILENCE AWAITS just around the river bend…….

So am I crazy or has he really lost hope in trying to date me? Is the fact that we’re still together proof that he still likes me? Is he just nervous/out of things to say? Or do I bore HIM?

Help please : (

Love,
Unluckily Lucky.

Dear Unluckily Lucky,

Girl, you have got to chill out.

I’ma take a leap here and say the weirdness you’re noting in him is actually a reaction to the weirdness you’re giving off.

I mean, you sound totally panicked. Like every time you’re with him, all you can think about is whether or not he loves you.

Girl, you have got to cut that shoop out.

You’re clearly making him uncomfortable, because you’re being weirdly overconcerned with how he sees you/your relationship/EVERYTHING. Then HE acts weird, because you’re acting weird, and then you get worried that he’s weird so you act even WEIRDER and suddenly it’s all silence.

So, okay. Here’s what you should remember.

He likes you for YOU. He’s been in love with you for 3 years as YOU, not as some hyper-worried Stepford Girlfriend who wants her man to be PLEASED WITH HER ALL THE TIME.

Take a deep breath, get your you back on, and go be yourself!!!

I promise if you can do that, your relationship will be the awesome thing it’s meant to be.

Maybe you just need to give yourself a little pep talk. Look yourself in the mirror every time you’re about to see him. Lock eyes with your reflection. And say the following five times, slowly, out loud: He likes me for me.

I swear this works. It’s called a mantra. That’s the power of the mind, kids.

So do the mantra, chill, and be yourself. And go have fun with your guy, for crap’s sake!!!

Tuffy Sez: You can do it. Rah and shoop.

Hearts & Skulls,

Tuffy Luv

Getting dumped sucks. The only thing worse is getting dumped with some vague, cliché breakup line. You know the kind – they’re sugar coated, indirect, and straight from a Friends rerun. We can thank TV and movies for offering a plethora of lame excuses to the male population to recycle over and over again instead of offering us the real reason why they are ending our perfect romance.

Sound familiar? Luckily, these lines can be decoded, so grab that pint of Phish Food and read on for some clarity.

You’re Too Good For Me

Translation: I’m Too Good For You
He thinks he deserves someone better and is attempting to slip out of the relationship without having to do too much damage control. Whether or not he really means it, you probably are too good for him.

It’s Bad Timing Right Now

Translation: You’re Not Worth the Effort
What’s better than having a girlfriend at your side during a stressful off-season, a nasty econ class or whatever else college throws your way? Nothing, if you actually value the relationship. When life gets hectic, you make time for the important stuff and tend to get rid of the things that don’t matter much, like a girlfriend you’re not super excited about.

It’s Not You, It’s Me

Translation: It’s Not Me, It’s All You
Ah yes, the classic. We’ve all heard of someone using this, or worse, muttered those words ourselves (guilty). Sure it’s a gracious attempt to ease the pain but really just kind of lame. When someone says this they really mean to say, “When you get super jealous all the time it pushes me away,” or “I am just not that into you,” but self-blame seems to be an easier way out. It’s over so move on.

I Don’t Want To Lose My Best Friend

Translation: The Sex Really Wasn’t As Hot As I Thought It Would Be

It’s plea to go back to the friend zone, which may or not may be possible. He may love venting to you and discussing his problems, but the sex was just terrible. The friend to girlfriend development just didn’t pan out as he’d hoped.

I like You So Much, But I’m Scared of Commitment

Translation: You’re Cool But I’d Rather Hook Up Whomever I’d Like Until Someone Great Comes Along.
He doesn’t feel like committing to you while he can still attract all of the other babes on campus. Why attempt this? Because without the title he gets you (while you wait for him to change) and he can act as he pleases at all of the college parties. Then when someone does tickle his fancy or he gets tired of the lonely frat-star life, his fear of commitment will suddenly change. After you of course.

This Is Moving Too Fast

Translation: I’ve Got A Stage Five Clinger!
Excessively sending FB relationship requests and dropping the word boyfriend before officially having “the talk” pushed him far away. He wanted to keep things casual but that’s not what you were hoping for. Result? Break up.

I’m Not Looking For a Relationship Right Now

Translation: I Am Looking For a Relationship Right Now, Just Not With You
You don’t want to waste your time in a relationship that won’t go anywhere anyway. It’s not right, so call up the next hottie in your contacts list.

Look, these may sound harsh, but the truth hurts. And you know what? So does getting dumped, no matter how it’s packaged. So accept the harsh reality and move on. The quicker you get over it (and get your head out of that brownie sundae) the sooner you’ll find the guy that will love everything about you enough to never utter these bullsh*t excuses.