Pillow Talk with Diana: “Is He Blowing Me Off or Am I Paranoid?”

Q: I started dating a guy I was friends with for 1.5 years.  He asked me out forever, but I wasn’t ready after a bad breakup with an ex-bf. We went out on a handful of dates and then he got distant, so I pulled the plug and we stayed friends. I stopped contacting him.

One day in September I texted him. He claims he didn’t know it was me, so I started flirting with him and it drove him nuts trying to figure out who it was until he finally guessed it was me.  We got together again in November.  He asks me indirectly what else am I doing that week, he wants to see me again.  We got together again and he’s kissing me again in public.  I feel a little shy about it.  Then we make out at his house, but we don’t have sex.

We saw each other again in a few days.  I had to travel locally for work. I come back and we go out and again he kisses me rather hard in public – but we don’t go to his house.  But something changed and lately it’s been lunch type dates.  He also claims he’s had a cold on and off for 3 weeks.  It doesn’t stop him from hanging out with other friends and he doesn’t go to a doctor for it.  He said him saying he’s sick isn’t a hidden message, and that he wants to fondle me, but having a cold puts a damper on things.

I think I’m being blown off and he doesn’t want to hurt me.  I know that I don’t get to know the reasons why.  Though I have a pessimistic attitude b/c of some past experiences,  I’m diligent not to make that someone else’s burden to carry, however.  The problem: I think I started to fall in love here.  I want to believe he is telling me the truth, but my intuition says he’s being passive-aggressive.  I just wonder if this is my pessimism at work or should I spare myself some heartache and accept that he’s keeping me at a distance and move on to someone that wants to make more of an effort to see me?

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