I might be twenty-two years young, but I’ve had my share of relationships, and I’d like to think I’m a pretty decent ex. I don’t harbor bad feelings toward anyone I’ve dated, even the really douchey guys (you know who you are). Sometimes you can manage to be friends with an ex. For example, I’m really good friends with an ex of mine, and it’s not weird at all. And then sometimes there are those exes where you want it to be weird, because maybe they’re a little bit into you still, and you’re not feeling it.

It’s pretty much a guarantee that I can make any situation awkward if I try. What’s that saying? It’s only as awkward as you make it? Well, my friends, I can make it awkward. And so can you! There are a ton of ways to make things awkward with your ex.

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[Images via We Heart It]

Caitlin is a senior at the University of Alabama who has an obsession with cupcakes, coffee, and Harry Potter. She always has random fun facts on reserve and aspires to be a professional blogger, social media bug, and/or James Franco’s assistant. Follow her fabulous life @caitlincorsetti. You’re welcome!

I’ve heard this story way too many times: Two people meet online somehow. They exchange contact info, and they fall into a loop of talking to each other all day and night via texts, IMs, and/or phone calls. Maybe they end up meeting in real life, but the vast majority of their communication is virtual. They feel like they’ve really scratched the surface and gotten to know each other on a profound level. Naturally, there’s probably some sexting, maybe even declarations of love. There’s definitely some semblance of a bond there. Then, one person reveals they weren’t nearly as invested as they appeared to be. They have a significant other or they suddenly start becoming a vulgar Twitter flirt, or they just decide to fall off the face of the earth. And then the other person is left hurt, confused and disappointed.

I would never deny how wonderful technology is. It’s awesome that I can easily contact my friends 2000 miles away, that I can quickly shoot a text off to my boyfriend asking him to bring home gummy bears, that I can meet new friends via social media. It has truly enriched the world in a way that I could never properly express. That said, technology can also create a connection that feels deeper than it actually is. The thing about written words is you can attach meaning that isn’t there. It doesn’t help that our language is riddled with hyperbole. That chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream is amazing. That new episode of Parks and Rec was phenomenal. My new skirt gives me life. Of course this hyperbole extends to the way we communicate with each other, and when you’re in that heady honeymoon period of crushing, you don’t realize that “I love you” doesn’t necessarily mean “I love you for all that you truly are” – it actually means something closer to “I love the idea of you that I’ve built up in my head because you’re more of a fantasy and not a real person with real person feelings.”

Technology can warp the way that we relate to each other. It lulls us into opening ourselves up far more quickly than we would in real life, creating an elevated sense of closeness, while conveniently allowing us to mask the worst parts of ourselves and gloss over our flaws.  At the same time, getting swept up in a relationship is more exciting than acknowledging that no one is nearly as perfect as they may try to present themselves. It’s important to approach online relationships with a healthy skepticism. If they flourish into something more substantial and real, that’s awesome. But at their core, they are superficial and barely scrape the surface.

Have you ever been in a virtual relationship? What do you think makes them easier than “real” relationships? Can they be successfully transitioned offline and into the real world?

[Lead image via Andy Dean Photography/Shutterstock]

I have a confession. I am a pop culture junkie. I watch way too much television — more than the recommended amount — and I own way too many DVDs because I have a weird tick where I need to own every movie that I love. This also leads me to be very emotionally invested in fictional characters. If one of my favorite TV couples finally gets together, I shed tears of joy and then troll Tumblr for amazing fanfic and gif sets of the first kiss. I am fully aware that this is not healthy, but I can’t help it!

I love TV and movies, and I love the characters in them. If there weren’t people like me, there would be no Finchel or Jam or “Ross and Rachel”! And yes, that’s a good thing! How else would any of us create unrealistic expectations about love and relationships if these couples didn’t exist?! Exactly.

Who are your favorite fictional couples?  Let us know in the comments! 

Katie is finishing up her undergrad at North Central College in Naperville, Illinois. She enjoys wasting hours on Facebook and tweeting things no one cares about. When asked the question, “Do you do marathons?” She promptly responds, “Of course! Which show?” Follow her @KatieGarrity! Or read her personal blog where she talks about Ryan Gosling and hummus a lot here! 

There is a lot of emphasis on chemistry in relationships. It’s that undefinable, inexplicable, completely random spark that binds two people together. Sometimes it’s purely physical, sometimes it’s deeply emotional, and sometimes it’s just a sense of warmth and amorphous attraction. There’s nothing intrinsically wrong with craving sparks, but I think a little too much significance is placed on chemistry.

The thing with chemistry is, it requires no effort. It’s either there or it’s not. You can’t really conjure it up out of nowhere, and when it’s gone, it’s virtually impossible to capture in its original, organic form. So when people talk about how important chemistry is to them, it almost seems like they’re trying to completely absolve themselves from having any agency in building a connection with another person. How many times have you heard someone talk about a date or a hookup and they’ve raved about it, but then said they had no interest in following up because “there was no chemistry.” Even when there’s a perfectly solid foundation to build a potentially worthwhile relationship, people will forgo it in search of immediate sparks, which I think can be ultimately detrimental.

I’ve been dating my boyfriend for over two years. I had gone into it with a high level of cynicism, after a series of less than ideal dalliances. He seemed like a perfectly nice guy, and I had a good time, but I wasn’t head over heels smitten immediately. I took our burgeoning relationship one day at a time, partly out of fear, but mostly because I didn’t want something that caught fire quickly and burned out just as fast. I gave bits and pieces of myself to him, he returned the favor, and we steadily built a sturdy mutual support system. This isn’t to say that instant chemistry and substantial/long-term/worthwhile relationships are mutually exclusive, but  a lot of times, people forget that chemistry can be created.

The idea of working to make chemistry flies in the face of the way our society frames it. Chemistry is supposed to be overwhelming and all-consuming. It’s supposed to sweep you off your feet and make you feel like you’re in a Nicholas Sparks movie. But chemistry alone can’t sustain a relationship. The people involved have to be willing to exert themselves by communicating honestly, being willing to compromise, and keeping expectations in check.

[Lead image via Pedro Salaverría/Shutterstock]

While Mother Nature may still be busy making up her mind, one thing is for certain: spring is here. It’s safe to say we can finally store our UGGs away for the season and bring out our flip-flops and dresses from the closet. With a salute to spring, we can finally relax and enjoy the great warm-weather activities that make the spring season so great. In describing her perfect date, Cheryl Frasier (aka Miss Rhode Island) said in Miss Congeniality, “A perfect date is not too hot and not too cold. All you need is a light jacket”. And she’s right. And what better way to celebrate spring than with your significant other? Steer away from the cheesy dinner-and-movie dates and think outside (literally) the box with these fun date ideas.

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[lead image via Sweetlana / Shutterstock]

Dear Tuffy Luv,

I’m almost 21 and have never had a boyfriend! I went to an all-girls high school and never socialized with guys. My circle of friends consisted of girls and this carried on as I entered university.

It’s not that I’ve never been approached before. I just think I have never met a guy I’ve genuinely been interested in. Of course there have been the occasional crushes, but those never went beyond physical appearances. I think I have high standards and easily pin point flaws in guys that immediately turn me off from the idea of being with them (eg: they lack manners or smoke), but it’s because I’m not interested in anything casual. If I am going to commit to a relationship, I have to be convinced we can make it last. Is it too much to ask for a guy who is kind and makes me laugh? (And who accepts me and my quirks?)

I don’t think I lack confidence and I don’t think I’m hideous looking. I think my problem is I don’t know how to act and talk to guys. I can be myself, but sometimes I can be blunt and lack empathy. My friends find my deadpan humor funny, but I think others don’t get it and it turns them away. To give you a better idea, I believe I may have Asperger’s Syndrome. I haven’t been diagnosed, but when I read about it, I can relate to, 95% of the signs and symptoms! I find whenever I talk to guys and people I don’t know very well, I have a difficult time holding my end of the conversation. I either don’t know how to engage the person or don’t know the appropriateness of the topics I can share.

I guess what I’m trying say in all of this is that I have issues with how to act like a normal and appealing young lady while still trying to be myself. I need some advice, pointers, and conversation topics that will get things rolling. Anything! Your opinion, stories you may have, etc.

Sorry for the long email. I’m sure I could have written this in five sentences, but I felt it was probably important to give you a sense of my history and personality to avoid the vague and typical answers.

Thanks,
Ass Burgers

Dear Ass Burgers,

Well, okay, first of all, let’s not diagnose you on an advice column.

[Lead image via CREATISTA/Shutterstock]

For those of you not in the know, Mayo Clinic sez: “Asperger’s Syndrome is a developmental disorder that affects a person’s ability to socialize and communicate effectively with others.” It’s sort of like really high functioning autism, in Aunt Tuffy’s understanding of it.

That being said, Aunt Tuffy ain’t Doctor Tuffy. And you ain’t Doctor Ass Burgers. Soooooo…

If you really think you have Asperger’s, get thee to a doctor, honey!! Said doc can help you understand your symptoms and give you various therapies to make life so much easier. In the meantime, while you’re still undiagnosed, let’s assume you’re just, like, a little socially awkward. With that being the case, there are so many ways you can help yourself.

Numero uno, of course, is developing those listening skills. This is a talent our society seems to shoop upon, but listening to other people–like, truly, actually LISTENING to other people–makes them *GASP* like you.

So when you meet guys, if you find yourself blabbering on, let them get in on the action. A conversation should generally be 50/50: you talk half the time, they talk half the time. Be engaged in what you’re saying AND in what the other person is saying.

And be more sensitive. If they tell you something that’s important to them, don’t make a joke about it. This, my dear, is just common decency. Yes??

As for your high standards–yes, of course you should have them!!! And, yes, absolutely, you deserve to be with someone who is kind and who makes you laugh–as long as YOU are kind to THEM and YOU make THEM laugh. You get what I’m saying here?! It’s give and take. 50/50.

And sometimes you don’t know if a guy is going to be good until you get to know him better. So a first date here and there is in order. I think your idea that you’re “not interested in anything casual” is just an excuse to opt out of dating. How the floop do you know what someone’s like before you’ve hung out with them?! Seriously. A dinner here and there is not a big deal. That is really not worth whining about how you don’t want to “commit.” You can’t “commit” to salad AND an entree?! Just have coffee, then. It’s really not so much to ask to give the guy a half hour. GEEZ.

Okay, and so, on to topics. Let’s get back to this 50/50 idea, right? Ask him questions about himself. That is 100% guaranteed to get the conversation going. Hopefully you’ll find out something you have in common. If not, hopefully he’ll have something interesting to say about stuff he likes. So, questions you can ask:
-What kind of music do you like?
-Have you seen any good movies?
-I just read about [topic]. Have you heard about that? / What do you think?

Or you can take the route of telling him something about yourself and seeing if there’s any common ground there. For instance:

-You know what I just got into? [thing you got into]
-I’ve been watching [thing] and I thought [stuff]…

And if you’re really brave or really bored:

-What do you think about the government / religion / gender roles?

Good luck, kiddo.

Hearts & Skulls,
Tuffy Luv

Qvestion?! Ansver: Ask Tuffy Luv by emailing us at TuffyLuvCC [at] gmail [dot] com.

Guys, bless their hearts, can be quite clueless as most of you probably know. We love and hate them, and they’re so infuriating sometimes! While we like to play it off that we can read minds and know everything, the truth is we can’t always read dudes as well as we think. Sure, we’re intuitive and can generally guess what’s going on in their mind (usually sex), but when it comes down to how a guy really feels about us, we can get a little insecure.

If he’s spending time with you on a regular basis, that’s a good sign. If he’s taking you out at night and wants to see you in the daytime too, even better. But what happens when you’re at that awkward stand-still where you don’t know what’s going on with a possibly budding relationship? How do you ask a guy what he wants? Is it even okay to do that? We don’t want to seem crazy, but sometimes we just need reassurance that you like us. And if you don’t then we’d like to stop wasting our time.

[Lead image via The Vow/We Heart It]

What happens?

I mean, seriously, what happens? Something must. Something changes. Everything started out so well–the great sex, talks that lasted until sunrise, spooning ‘til class at noon, clothes were optional, and fun was constant. You clicked. You had the best start to a relationship you could have imagined. Fast forward and you’re alone again. Back to the original question: What happens?

There are plenty of reasons that a great relationship breaks apart. There are all kinds of circumstances: distance, time, stress, and so on that push two people, who collided with enough force to give a hiccup to the sonic barrier, into opposite directions. But the number one killer of a great relationship is simple: You Start Expecting.

There’s no greater killer of a beautiful bond between two people than expectations. When you start looking for something to go wrong, expecting something to change, or develop a time-line for how things are going to “progress,” you might as well just walk out the door and de-friend him on Facebook. Neuroses is a tricky animal. We all have our issues. We’re a psychologically oriented and, one can make an argument, obsessed at times. And our psyches can create havoc when we start to hope, because the flip-side of hoping is being afraid.

When there’s no commitment, there’s less pressure. When there’s pressure, there’s the fear of loss, because suddenly you have something. And when you have something, most people try to figure out what you do with it, where to go with it, avoid letting it slip through your cracks, and there’s nothing worse than when we begin poking holes into the fabric of our hopes.

The secret to overcoming our fears and not getting in the way of our own happiness is to simply accept what we can’t control. You can’t make a relationship last longer than it’s meant to. You can’t force it to be better. You can’t manipulate it or schedule it to progress and evolve in a certain way that you think it should. You have to let go of the phrase “supposed to” and just be content in “this is this.”

You give in to a relationship, you don’t get one.
You accept that it’s a partnership, you don’t need to worry about carrying the burden of its success or failure on your own shoulders.
You take it one day at a time and don’t give over to worries about tomorrow, next week, or next year.
You put some faith in yourself and the other person.
You put some faith into the relationship.
You let things happen instead of making them happen.

And those steps right there are how you can walk out of your own path to having a long lasting relationship. Don’t judge your neuroses, don’t ridicule your fears, accept them as they are parts of what make you you. But you don’t have to let them control you.

Communicate. React. Adapt. Move forward with the present circumstances, not what you prefer the present circumstances to be.

We all want things to work out. We all have to work at relationships to have them work out. Just don’t assume there’s only one way for it to work out. That’s all I’m saying. Let it happen.

Enjoying It While It Lasts,

The Dude

[lead image via Yuri Arcurs / Shutterstock]

In every relationship, one of the inevitable question you get asked is: “Who’s wearing the pants?” Why? Because pants used to be considered a signature masculine piece of clothing and men were considered the dominant partner. Because of his dick. Yes, by sheer virtue of having a member, he was considered the member of a special club: The Pants Wearing Club. Well, times have changed. Times have most certainly changed. And things we used to consider being strictly feminine, of the “weaker sex”, guys are dabbling in and some have already cannonballed into. Let’s face it, Ladies, some of your boys act more like the “girl” in the relationship. Here are 8 signs that you’re wearing the pants:

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Now look, we could go on and on and on and on and on listing, discussing, dismissing, and reminiscing about all the times you killed the cockroach while he was standing on a chair. But we’ve all got sh*t to do, and I don’t want to take up more than a thousand words of your time. From here on out, it’s your job to chew my ass for perpetuating gender stereotypes or to add some anecdotal tidbits to this bad boy. I’ll say this for the girly men, they usually pick the strongest women to latch onto. Take it as a compliment.

Running wild on you!

Dudeamania

Boys. Not always quite as reliable as we would like, are they? I blame rom coms for raising my expectations when it comes to relationships. The truth is that a guy is probably never going to chase me to the airport to stop me from leaving, or beg for my forgiveness on his knees, or dance like Hugh Grant in Love Actually. But that’s ok, I guess. Because I’ve got my phone. That’s right. Here are 10 reasons why my BlackBerry is way better than my boyfriend.

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