I’ve been dating my boyfriend for almost all of college (we’re seniors) and he’s my perfect guy. I never believed in soul mates until I met him. We get along great, we have so much in common, we have almost all the same friends, and it’s just a great situation.
Perfect, right? Well, I thought so.
We’ve been making plans to move in together, and he seemed totally fine with that, but a couple of week ago I mentioned in passing something about getting married (I know, I know) and he threw a major curveball at me. It turns out that he won’t marry me–unless I convert to Catholicism.
I never knew this was a big deal for him. He doesn’t seem to be very religious (I’ve never seen him go to church except Christmas and Easter) and he’s never brought this up before. But when we talked about it a couple of weeks ago he was really clear that I would need to convert or else it wasn’t going to work.
I thought about it for a while. I’m not religious so I thought, hey, what the heck, maybe I should just do it for him. But then I started getting kind of mad. Why do I have to pretend I believe in something that he never even told me he cared about before? I think it would really upset my parents and, actually, I think it would really upset me, too. I don’t think I should have to pretend to be something I’m not.
I don’t know if I should be mad or break up with him before it goes any further or convert or what. Also, don’t you think it’s kind of suspicious? He can move in with me but he can’t marry me? Is this BS because he just doesn’t want to marry me?
I don’t know what to do. Any advice would be appreciated. Until then, I am
For a lot of my life, I’ve been a religious person. I went on mission trips every summer with my church, I was on my church’s Youth Board, and I attended mass every Sunday (oh yeah, I’m Catholic). So when I got to college, one of the first things I did was to see what campus ministries were available. While other girls were rolling out of bed at 1:00 pm on Sundays and going for a hungover brunch, I was in the student cinema with about a hundred other students praising God.
Because I became so involved with my campus ministry, I met a lot of friends with my same beliefs and morals. While this shouldn’t be a problem in my life, it became one almost from the very beginning. Once people find out that I’m religious, they start to make a lot false assumptions about myself, as well as my friends.
Assumption #1: We are holier than thou
The first thing I always hear is that we are “holier than thou.” I’ve learned through my experiences that a lot of other Christians have trouble going to church. They say that if they went, it would make them feel like they have to act holy all the time. So this makes it even difficult for me to really express everything I feel about God. I don’t want people pointing out examples of how I’m not leading the most holy life. And I’ll be the first to admit, sometimes it’s easier for me to pick one persona or another. Either the quiet, Christian girl who won’t talk about her problems or the troubled party-goer. A lot of people will argue that it’s not worth going to church because all the pews are filled with a bunch of hypocrites. Sure it’s a valid point, but they’re forgetting why we go to church in the first place.
We go to church because frankly, we aren’t good at being a holy people. We need God (because we aren’t perfect), so we seek Him in church. My friends and I are just like you and we won’t judge you because you might make different choices than us. I have never condemned people for their life choices, because that is one thing the Bible tells us to never do. What it does tell us to do is love everyone. As a Christian, I try to view people as God views them – with unconditional love.
[It's pretty obvious that the average CollegeCandy reader has some very strong opinions. Opinions that she likes to share with everyone on the site.We love a strong woman (unless she happens to be charging at us with her fists raised), so we thought we'd give her a real forum to discuss her thoughts, feelings, and perspectives. Every Friday I'll be featuring a hot topic (like banning 21st birthday shots) and leaving it up to you, the readers, to duke it out. So, read it and get your debate on in the comments section below!]
This week, under the category of “news that made me say WTF!” was this little story about students at Georgetown University taping their mouths and chaining themselves to a statue in front of the school in protest of the fact the Georgetown doesn’t provide or help to provide contraceptive options like condoms to it’s students. The school, a private Catholic university stands by the religious policies of the Catholic church under which it was founded and refuses to provide any contraception that prevents the creation of life. Let the debate begin!
OK, let’s go ahead and get this out before the NYC-liberal-arts-student part of me literally explodes – SERIOUSLY! Are you freakin’ kidding me?! Georgetown, a major university, which does not require it’s students to follow Catholic doctrine, is still, in this day and age, refusing to hand out condoms!? Are you gonna provide daycare, Georgetown?
Ah, I feel better now.
But honestly, there are a lot of good reasons why Georgetown should step up and help with the sexual health of it’s students. To begin with, Georgetown is located in Washington D.C. where officials have declared a citywide HIV/AIDS epidemic. That means that, completely outside of the pregnancy prevention argument, Georgetown is refusing to help it’s students protect themselves from devastating, life-changing illness. And yes, students at GU could just go around the corner to the drugstore and buy their own condoms, but as many many schools have found out, it’s a lot harder to get students to do that (when you’re this close to getting it on in your dorm, that CVS might as well be China). Read More »
Tuffy Question: Hey, where all the lesbians at?! How come I never hear from you girls?!
Dear Tuffy Luv, I have been with my boyfriend for over a year and we are just crazy about each other, but we are still virgins. We were originally saving our virginity for religious/moral reasons, but we both changed our minds on that and want to have intercourse now. However, we each live in our parents’ homes and his family is super-religious. And if someone finds out, both of us will be in deep trouble. Apart from simply waiting, what can we do?
–All revved up with nowhere to go
Dear Revved,
What can you do?! Why, many a thing, young lass! Let’s see–
But first, let lil’ ol’ Tuffy just lil’ ol’ say: ALWAYS USE CONDOMS. In EVERY situation. In ANY genital exchange, with ANY gender. Okay?! CONDOMS. CONDOMS CONDOMS CONDOMS.
Okay, that said, first, I want to say that I am writing this advice to you, girl, assuming that you are of consenting age. Okay? Please, young ‘uns, wait till you’re ready. You should never feel pressure to have sex before YOU are ready to do it. No one tells you what to do with your body–you are your own and only your own.
I really can’t give MTV’s new series “College Life” enough praise. I’m not a huge fan of the whole reality thing, but since the show is shot by the students themselves it really puts a good spin on a tired genre.
Every episode is chock-full of the real life drama of being an actual freshman at one of America’s largest party schools – the University of Wisconsin. Check out for yourself, you can watch all the episodes online in full here.
We caught up with the star’s of the show Josh, Kevin, Jordan and Andrea and asked them a few questions about hooking-up, drinking, studying and if women can be considered pimps and men sluts. Oh, you know, the important things… Read More »
Once upon a time, I cared a whole lot about my number of sexual partners. I remember hearing a girl in high school tell me she had slept with 5 people, 5 whole people, and I remember thinking, ‘WHOA!!! What a slut! I’m never going to have sex with that many people! Ever!” But, you see, that was when I was religious and very into the idea of marriage…and the idea of waiting for the ‘right one’.
So, I waited for the right one. Two years later, after we’d finally had sex, I knew he wasn’t really the one for me. It was like pushing the Go button on our sexual relationship facilitated him finally showing me who he really was. I maintained some faith and made another guy who was ‘the one’ wait. He broke up with me the day after I finally slept with him; four months into our relationship.
I started to really doubt there was a ‘ONE’ for me. But I still really wanted sex. I longed for it. I didn’t want to be tangled up in emotions anymore. I didn’t want to be a part of the pursuit of my perfect match anymore. I didn’t want to be in love. I didn’t want any of THAT anymore. I just wanted to still have sex. You know why? Cause I thought sex felt really good. Read More »
There was a time in my young life when I was super religious. Growing up Roman Catholic meant Church was always around (not to mention that my MOM taught CCD every Monday…embarass-o-rama), but right before a big surgery in junior high, I decided that I was going to seriously start getting into God.
Like most promises I make to myself, my devotion only lasted about 5 months, and these days, I find my spirituality more of the Transcendental kind.
Having said that, not being able to be home for Easter still makes me kinda sad. I freaking love chocolate eggs, and watching my Uncle cut into a giant Honeybaked Ham is one of my most favorite memories. This year, while my relatives enjoy the religious / consumer holiday, I’ll be working in an office and slaving through my graduate thesis at the same time.
Luckily the guys over at JibJab made this hilariously odd video. Nothing says Happy Easter! like chin animation.
This is awesome! Women smell better when they are menstruating.
UT – Austin surveyed 52 men who were asked to test the scent of 18 worn t-shirts worn by women in various phases of their menstrual cycle. Almost all of the guys in the experiment, 1 guy was gay – so his doesn’t really count, found the shirts worn during the girl’s period to be the most enticing.
Sadly, this is when a woman is least fertile…therefore, least likely to get pregnant.
But, when Aunt Flow comes over to stay no one is really excited to jump into bed anyway…
So, other than all those religious fundementalists who think womens’ ovulation is dirty and unnatural, every other man thinks it is when we are at our sexiest.
The question is, how eager are WE to have sex during our period?
Question?! Answer: Ask TuffyLuv@collegecandy.com.
[It's pretty obvious that the average CollegeCandy reader has some very strong opinions. Opinions that she likes to share with everyone on the site. We love a strong woman (unless she happens to be charging at us with her fists raised), so we thought we'd give her a real forum to discuss her thoughts, feelings, and perspectives. Every Friday I'll be featuring a hot topic (like 
See where 
This is awesome! Women smell better when they are menstruating.
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