Dear Residents,

Now that your boxes are unpacked and you’ve begun sneakily drinking and smoking illegal substances in your rooms, I feel it is time we had a little chat. There are a few things that we need to get clear right now so that we can all happily coexist for the remainder of the year.

I’d discuss all this in a hall meeting but it seems damn near impossible to find a time that works for everyone (even though we all agreed to that one time and then only 9 of you showed…awesome), so I’ll do it here instead. Lord knows you spend most of your day reading online anyway….

So here goes:

1.  I am NOT out to get you in trouble. In fact, I do everything I can to help you not get in trouble, because it makes my life easier. Every single time that I have to write somebody up for quiet hours violations, drinking in the dorms, or whatever stupid rule is being broken, that instantly translates to extra paperwork that I have to do. Plus, let’s face it (for the most part) I like my residents, and I don’t want to make your life any harder either. Not to mention that I don’t agree with these rules any more than you do. Seriously, why in the world should someone be sent to judicial for playing their music a little too loudly at night?! That’s bulls**t in my opinion, but I’m not the one who made the rules – I just got stuck enforcing them as part of my job.

2. I am not stupid. When I see you with a huge group of girlfriends, all wearing sequined tops & heels and walking out of the building at 11pm on a Saturday night, I know that you’re not going to the library or for a late night snack. Girl, please.

3. I am not your mom. I love you. Really, I do. But I am not your mom. Cut me a little bit of slack and realize that there are a lot more things in my life than (all 70 of) you. That doesn’t mean that I don’t care about you, it just means that I don’t have time to tell you how to get a sangria stain out of your shirt or help you find your cell phone.

4. I am not going to date you. Come on, boys. Regardless of how adorable and funny you are (and trust me, it seems like there are somehow more attractive new men in this freshman class than in the rest of our university as a whole), you’re still not worth me losing my job (and housing!). If you’re REALLY that in love with me, Facebook me next year.

5. Even though I sometimes wish I could, I am not going to party with you. Even if you have a bottle of Grey Goose hidden in your closet.

Look, at the end of the day I am here for you. I am happy to be your resource, whether you need someone to vent to about your roommate who doesn’t shower (I REALLY wish that that wasn’t a real life situation I’ve dealt with), if you need help with your Humanities homework, or you just need some chocolate and a shoulder to cry on when your boyfriend decides that long distance isn’t working anymore. That’s why I’m here, so use me. Just don’t abuse me.

XOXO,
You R.A.

As I danced through (and let me say, there was a lot of dancing on the weekends) my spring semester of freshman year, everything came to a screeching halt when I returned from class one day with the word bitch written in big letters across my whiteboard. My first intention was that my friends did it as a joke – no big deal. But when I asked them about it, they had no idea what I was talking about.

And then it happened again. And again. And nearly every time I left my room. It turned into this monotonous cycle, where bitch turned into other words, and when I say ‘other’ words I am talking about every negative synonym under the sun. Then messages were left letting me know that I was disliked, “hated” in fact, around campus. My door decorations disappeared or were ripped up. My name was even blacked out on the community bulletin board for my hall. Eventually, my whiteboard disappeared into the grungy abyss of my neon green hallway. Every time I shut my door or pretty much blinked, I had to prepare myself with what would be there next.

As it happened, over and over again, I reported it. Each and every time. I had no idea who would spend so much time doing something so crude over and over again. The first few times were laughable, but then the consistency of the messages and removal of my property alarmed me. I felt like I was being watched. So, I talked with my hall RA and the head RA of the building, and then I followed up the line with the Area Coordinator of Housing and Residence Life on campus, the Dean of Students, and Campus Safety. Everyone told me that I was being too paranoid, that it was just a prank, because no one could actually be that mean on campus.

This all started in January, but the worst of it came in April of 2007. Returning back to my hall after a party in my best friend’s room, there was a trail of banana’s coming from my door. Walking closer, I realized that not only were banana pieces placed outside my door, but they were smeared on the bottom of the door, and they coated my door knob. Anyone who knows me knows that banana’s make me sick. The smell of bananas immediately makes my stomach turn, and within seconds of standing at my door, I threw up.

Running to get an available RA, I brought her to the witness the disgusting display of the yellow fruit. After opening my door, we realized that someone actually slid banana pieces through the crack of my door, so that the smell would get into my room. Expecting the RA to help the situation, she instead, stood there with her boyfriend and told me to clean it up – despite seeing how sick it was making me. She didn’t even help besides glaring at me. I could not believe what was going on, so I started taking pictures of the banana’s to send to my parents and the administration. Telling me to stop taking pictures, the RA snapped and told me that I needed to stop being so ridiculous because they were just banana’s. Cleaning up the mess, I continued to gag and get sick without any help from her.

Immediately, I reported it to EVERYONE that I thought should be informed in a higher position on campus. Monday morning, I received a knock at my door by the Area Coordinator. “I got your e-mail this weekend, where are the banana’s you said were smeared on your door?” Looking at her, I could not believe she would have actually thought I would have let the bananas fester in the hall for an entire weekend. When I told her I cleaned them up, she skeptically looked at me like I made up the story as a piece of fiction.

Later that day, I had a meeting with the Dean and the head of Housing. They told me that they didn’t know why I was so worked up over the incident. To them, it was just a prank. By this time, I had 14 documented accounts of vandalism and messages left on my whiteboard – yet it was still a prank for someone to take time out of their life to personally affect me? It didn’t make sense to me as they told me this, and it doesn’t make sense to me today.

The more I fussed about the situation, the more they pointed the finger at me. The administration told me they thought my friends did it – even though I was with them all night. They told me that no one would do that at our university. They pulled out their favorite card: “What did you do to deserve this? What did you do to make someone want to put bananas on your door?”

Although I told the administration I felt like I was being harassed and bullied, they told me to basically shut up and let it go because in their eyes, I wasn’t being treated any differently on campus. Right, because everyone has bananas and the word bitch smeared all over their door day after day? They said they couldn’t do anything. However, they chose not to do anything. Any reputable college would work with a student to make them feel safe on campus, especially to prevent such attack again (the banana episode sadly wasn’t the last thing to happen to me).

My school did not.

If you know of someone bullying someone else or harassing them, even in subtle ways like writing nasty comments on their whiteboard, you as a student have a responsibility to speak up. I am sure that someone on my hall saw someone write a message or put the bananas out, but they didn’t object or question the situation.

It’s not right for a student to fear opening their door or being alone on campus, especially when the administration is hush hush about the situation in the first place. What I found to be important with this issue was speaking up. Telling as many students as I could about it, so they knew that such incidents actually happened on campus. Even on a small campus, such as Hollins. Students have the right to know what’s going on – whether it is the administration ignoring another student or what happens in their dorm buildings on a Friday night.

1. We can do just about everything (shop, date, job hunt, talk to professors) in our underwear

2. We can procrastinate on everything in favor of the endless entertainment the inter-webs provide.

The sheer number of blogs and awesome websites out there is astounding…and nearly impossible to navigate. Which ones are good? Which ones are bad? Which ones will flash giant naked men on our screen? (Editor’s Note: Those are my favorite!) Which ones talk about all the stuff I want to hear?

That’s why we are here.

There are so many great college blogs out there and we want to share them with you. Because, after all, we college kids gotta stick together. So, here are a few of our favorites for today:

1. Student Charade - Whoever is behind this blog is super fabulous, fun, smart and basically everything we want in a BFF. Megan, call us!

2. Dorm Gear- Everything you need for your dorm.

3. R.A. Tales - Life according to an R.A. Funny, honest, and makes you hate yourself for being such a dorm dwelling idiot.

4. College Fashion - This girl knows fashion and she knows college. So, she’s basically perfect.

5. College Reflections - Thoughts, lessons and ideas for college and beyond.

Vanessa Hudgens is a lucky bitch

The Dr.’s guide to the Shocker..

Cuddle up with Obama or McCain (…or Palin if that’s your thing)

1200 pound man gets married. And I’m still single.

The new, HOT way to take out the trash…

Baby, you can vote howeva you liiiiiike..

Celebrities in costumes: WTF is Amy Winehouse supposed to be?

Make your own energy bars!

Papa Lohan apologizes for the mean things he said about Linds’ girl…

Tales of an RA. Hilarious.

Wash your body for a cure.

Happy Birthday to our favorite bisexual Vietnamese bombshell

Sure, you’re excited to meet new people, take classes you chose out of your course catalog, and maybe even explore a new city. But there are things to worry about. A lot of them. Maybe it’s that you’re living away from home for the first time, or living across the country. There are more things you need to be prepared for than just athlete’s foot in the communal showers (plastic sandals will take care of that).

As someone who survived four years and two colleges and managed to graduate with all four of my limbs and at least a bit of dignity, I feel I should imbue on you, humble reader, ten important lessons and tips to help you enjoy college safely and happily, from picking classes to surviving alcohol poisoning.

1. Make orientation week count. I skipped a lot of the activities scheduled for orientation week and later came to regret it. I didn’t want to wake up at 9 AM to go on a tour of Boston, but what I didn’t realize is that a lot of people did wake up at 9 AM to go on a tour of Boston and, in doing so, met all those other people who got up at 9 AM to go on a tour of Boston. You’re not going to meet people if you hole up in your room, so go out as often as you can.

2. Taste-test classes. So you didn’t get into that History of Watching TV class you really wanted to take, go to the first class or two anyway. You’ll be amazed at how many people drop out of the class and a space for you may become available. The same goes for a class with a bad teacher. If sucky prof is teaching a general ed class you have to take, visit the same class taught by a different teacher. In my experience, a great teacher can make any class interesting and enjoyable.

3. Just because you can drink an entire keg doesn’t mean you should. I have too many friends who ended up in a hospital after a night of binge drinking to take alcohol poisoning lightly. If you drink a lot and start throwing up, your body is rejecting what is in it. There’s no other way around it. If this happens to you, you need to start downing water like you wouldn’t believe. All that liquid you’re throwing up is dehydrating you and you need to re-hydrate your body, so drink lots of good H2O, and eat some bread to help absorb some of the alcohol.

If you continue to throw up and it feels like you’re expunging your stomach lining, you need to go to the hospital. Don’t worry about getting into trouble. A scolding from your RA isn’t nearly as bad as, let’s say, DYING. For next time, it’s okay to get drunk; it’s okay to drink a lot, but slooooowwww down. You’ve got to find that perfect place where you’re drunk but you’re not dead. It takes practice but it’s worth drinking only one or two an hour to get there.

4. Friends don’t let friends get date raped. This is an even more horrible experience I’ve seen friends go through. The statistics around this are astounding. Something like one in ten women will be date raped, mostly while in college. But this doesn’t mean you’ve got to become a recluse in order to stay safe. First, buddy up. Don’t go to a party alone and always go with a friend who will make sure you stay safe. She should never be out of your sight for more than a few moments. Preferably, one of you will be sober sister, or at least semi-sober sister. Second, never, NEVER go upstairs, outside, in a car, or home with a guy you don’t intend on sleeping with. And even if you do intend on sleeping with him, tell your friend where you’re going and with who. If you don’t know his name, he shouldn’t be in your bed.

5. Just because it’s consensual doesn’t mean it’s safe. Use a condom. Every time. Without fail. Don’t let him convince you not to use a condom. If he says they’re too tight, buy Magnums (it’s a compliment!), if he says sex just doesn’t feel good with one tell him no sex doesn’t feel good either. The only time you should have sex without a condom is when you’re in a committed, monogamous relationship with someone you trust, when you’ve both been tested, and when you’re on birth control. Find your local Planned Parenthood. They can give you STD screenings and birth control, often for free.

6. Stay safe on campus and off. Many colleges have nighttime car services free of charge to students. Find out about yours as soon as you get to school. They will often pick you up within a certain range of campus and escort you home. It’s like a free taxi ride, so utilize it. Also, having the phone numbers for a few regular taxi companies in your cell will definitely come in handy when it’s three AM and all you want is your bed and a huge glass of water.

7. Keep your RA’s phone number in your cell. You never know when you’re going to get lost in China Town or need bailing out of jail. It’s a good number to have in case of an emergency.

8. Ruthlessly use your college’s free services. Now that I don’t have the luxury of a school gym, career, or counseling center, I’m regretting not using them as much. Your tuition is paying for these services, so use them.

9. The most important four-letter word of all time: TUMS. My friend’s carry a roll of Tums with them at all times. Whether it’s to cure you of cafeteria-induced food poisoning or to help settle your stomach after you’ve mixed tequila with beer in an attempt to create an inventive cocktail, tuck this miracle worker in your pocket next to your Chapstick.

10. If you do drugs, do them safely. Drugs are a reality of college. I could just tell you to say no and stay away from them, but that wouldn’t be very honest or helpful of me. If you do choose to do drugs, there is a way to do them safely. Don’t take drugs from someone you don’t know or don’t trust, don’t take drugs alone, and don’t mix drugs. If your friend takes drugs and you don’t, don’t ditch her just because you don’t approve. Be a good friend, stay with her, and have a conversation about why her drug use bothers you after she’s come down.

And most importantly, enjoy yourself. You’ve worked your ass off for the last eighteen years to get here. Have fun!

[Photo courtesy of sobersensor.com]

There are several types of college relationships that have an urban legend-esque feel to them: the sexy school girl and the married professor, the sexy school girl and the teaching assistant, and, of course, the sexy school girl and the resident assistant.

I have never hooked up with one of my RAs, but that’s because I’ve only ever had female RA’s. Still, I know plenty of people who have dabbled in these waters. I’m not here to condone or condemn the practice, because I’ve certainly had my fair share of regrettable trysts, but I am here to lay out some of the baggage that comes with such a hook up.

First of all, consider the fact that even inter-floor mating can lead to year-long awkwardness. If you fear the inevitable walk of shame, imagine the anxiety that comes with the chance that one of your floormates sees you leaving the RA’s room in last night’s bar clothes. Even if you survive the W.O.S, you risk the rumors and reputation — people are more apt to label someone “the girl that banged the RA” than “the chick who nailed whatshisname in 5B.” Even worse, if you can’t handle the tension of a chance meeting on the elevator (or on the way to the showers), you are biting off more than you can chew with by shacking up with your RA.

Your RA is someone you will probably have to turn to throughout the year. He’ll be the one to let you into your room when you are locked out wearing only a towel. This means he also has the master key to your room (not implying anything, just saying). He’s also someone who will have to keep tabs on you throughout the year. He’ll be writing you up for dorm parties, open containers, and that hole in your wall that you forgot to fix before move-out day. This fact alone can open up a brand new can of worms in Relationship Land.

If he feels insecure about the hook-up, there’s a chance he goes on a power trip to get even. I’m not saying all RA’s are scumbags, but it’s a possibility. There’s also the possibility that you feel insecure, and blow things out of proportion: Is he writing me up because I never called him again? Yet another possibility is that you are overly confident: He won’t write me up, because I slipped him some poon, and end up getting yourself into trouble by thinking dorm rules don’t apply to you.

If you do get busted by your RA after having (or continuing to have) a relationship with him, it makes him doing his job more personal as well. Maybe he stops by to say hello and notices a box of Franzia on your desk on your “dry” floor. He puts his job first and makes you pour it out and writes you up. Do you really want any more emotions stacked on top of the pain of losing all of that perfectly good alcohol?

On the other hand, RA’s are people too. Many of them sign up to save money on housing– and I think saving money in college is something we can all relate to. I’ve known some really cool RA’s in the past, and some of them are so laid back, you don’t even realize that technically, they are in charge of the floor. If there is a real connection between you and your RA, who’s to say it can’t work out? Besides, he’ll most likely have a single (a rarity in dormland), so you won’t have to worry about a roommate barging in. In that case, I recommend having an adult conversation and weighing the pros and cons of pursuing your feelings, or even looking into swapping floors for future semesters. You might also want to find out if he has a reputation for seducing his advisees Van-Wilder-Style before you get in too deep.

In my experience (or my friends’ experiences, rather), the RA hookup is a bad idea. There are plenty of other fellas on campus to make regrets out of, so why make a mistake with someone who is pretty much in charge of your living quarters? Still, it’s always best to trust your intuition, and see where that takes you.

For the record, I also don’t advise going shot for shot in a foreign country with your orientation leader, but that’s a whole new set of wisdom.

If you’re tired of asking Mamadukes and Pops for some cash (or if they just plain won’t give ya any), a part-time job is necessary. Some college jobs can be a total buzzkill (hello scrubbing dishes at the dining commons), but others turn out not too shabby. Here’s a few I suggest:

1. Library. Every campus has one and there are TONS of jobs that need filling. It’s convenient, generally in the heart of the campus, AND it beats working for the dining halls. I spent my four years of college working for the Special Collections and Archives Department where I made around $10/hr, which was more than any other on-campus position around. I could work in between classes and I wound up making one of the best friends I have at that job, not to mention some excellent recommendations when real-life job time comes around. Try it, peeps. Head to the Circulation Department of your Library (or the college job website – there is one, if you didn’t know!) and see what departments are hiring.

2. Restaurants/Bars in town. Every campus has a “downtown” or “uptown” – the happening place on a Friday or Saturday night. If you can’t afford to spend money on drinks, get a job where your friends go; you can make loot and enjoy their company. It’s the best of both worlds. Just pop in to your favorite night hot spots and pick up some applications!

3. College Admin Office. Whether it’s the Administrative Office, the Bursar Office or another department in the Academic and Billing section of your campus, you can find a job that is accommodating to your schedule and pays decently. A friend of mine worked at one of the offices in the billing building and for graduation her boss got her a white gold necklace. Score!

4. Entertainment. Is there a movie theater/arcade/golf course by your campus? I lived in an apartment complex my junior year and a neighbor of mine ran a mini-golf and driving range venue a few miles from campus. He’d go to class then head straight to “work,” which consisted of him hitting golf balls and hanging out with his friends for a decent hourly wage.

5. Starbucks. This place is great because they’re always hiring and they are always around college campuses. And you get free coffee.

6. Delivery. Pizza delivery people – while stuck in a car for a decent time – get invited to the best parties dropping off pies and get to take home whatever he/she wants. Plus, if you’re a female delivery person, think of all the drunk, horny male attention you can get dropping those pizzas off at 2am. Wink wink.

7. Skilled? Got a special skill people on campus could benefit from? Are you an excellent diver and could give lessons on how to master than double flip pike dive? Send out a campus wide email, post fliers up around campus or take an ad out in the school paper and charge for your talent!

8. Parlez-vous le français? Speak French (or Spanish, Italian, Chinese, Latin, etc, etc, etc)? Language requirements can be a royal biotch and lots of students need help. If you’re a pro at rolling your tongue in the French language, tutor! You can make serious BANK and help someone out!

9. RA. Being a Resident Advisor requires some work – weekly meetings, one night a week doing dorm duty and some serious floor socials – but it has its perks too. For one, you get your own room for FREE (!!!!), as well as a bi-weekly stipend. Not to mention, you get to bust all the freshman for drinking in the dorms and hand out free condoms late at night to intoxicated teens who you know will regret their decisions in the morning.

10. Retail. When in doubt, you can always turn to retail. Clothing stores around campus can be local, a way to get great outfits for your nights out at a discount and a good way to socialize with people of the area. Who knows? You could wind up an assistant manager in a year or two and make some decent dough while cracking those books.

So, time’s a wastin’. Go grab those apps and get to workin!

(photo courtesy of wikimedia.com)