Needy. Ugh. That one word can make any guy run for miles, and being labeled as such is every girl’s worst nightmare. It’s funny in the movies; we can all ROTFL when a character leaves a guy seventeen voicemails in a row (“How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days”) or assumes that an invite to a party is a declaration of love (“He’s Just Not That Into You”), but the reason it is so funny is because it’s based in some very real, very painful truth.

But being that needy in real life, is not funny.

The problem is that so many girls in our generation are so terrified that some boy might call them needy that the line between being needy and having respect for oneself has blurred. A friend, let’s call her Laura, currently has those two confused, and she is driving me insane. Laura has been kind of in a thing (i.e. the college version of dating) with this guy, we’ll call him Brad, since some time in April. Brad is, to put it nicely, not the world’s most considerate guy. He’ll make plans with her and bail at the last minute, say he’ll talk to her tomorrow and disappear for a week with no communication, hell, he almost forgot to even say “Happy Birthday!” to her.

It is painful to watch Laura let this guy treat her like that, and we’ve all tried to help her see how poorly he’s treating her on her own. The problem is that she has been a little needy in the past, and she is so terrified of being labeled ‘needy’ again that she won’t even stand up for herself!

The poor girl just doesn’t see the difference between being needy and getting a the respect she deserves.

Needy is expecting to hang out with the person you’re dating all the time.
Needy is being mad that he won’t skip boys’ night to try a new sushi place with you.

Needy is not expecting the guy you’re dating to call when he says he will.
It is not needy to expect him to follow through on what he says he is going to do, or call him out on it if it happens frequently.
It is not needy to want a defined relationship status so you know what’s going on.

There is a gray area somewhere between being WAY too needy and having no self respect, and it is in that area that real, healthy relationships lie. Where there’s some give and take, some compromise and some mutual respect. Laura and Brad are not in that area and I just need to find a way to show her that it exists and that it’s not “needy” to want to be there.

A good rule of thumb is that whoever you’re having sex with — be it a boyfriend or a friend of yours, constantly ensure there’s a certain level of mutual respect. In following that rule myself, I’ve avoided a lot of really awkward situations and a lot of hurt feelings. But I’ve seen so many ladies in my life (and so many ladies that write for CC) both treat others and be treated like garbage after giving it up. And I gotta stand up and say that it ain’t right!

So many people point fingers at sexual activity as the reason for low self-esteem, but it’s not quite that simple. Even doin’ it, putting your clothes back on, and leaving right after can be a positive experience. It’s not about the sex, per se, it’s about how we feel we’ve been treated during the whole interaction.

As easy as the whole hook-up thing seems, once you’re in it, it turns out it’s pretty murky water to navigate through.  The NSA scene that’s been showing up everywhere horny young adults tend to congregate seems to have killed the part of college culture that encourages us to treat our sex partners with respect.

Yes, sometimes sex happens randomly with people we would not be having sex with if there wasn’t whiskey sour coursing through our veins. But, that doesn’t mean that they’re not worthy of being treated like people. Even if you are “using” someone for sex, it’s typically nicer not to treat them like that is the case. Sure, don’t fake feelings, don’t pretend it’s something it’s not, but there needs to be a certain level of decency.

There’s nothing wrong with casual sex so long as the people involved have agreed that it’s casual. I can’t tell you how many times friends (or myself that one time) have been involved in situations where one person assumes it’s casual and the other assumes it’s leading to more. As most of you have probably realized, I’m a big proponent of honesty, and leaving out something like “I just want to f*ck you, and that’s it” tends to lean not only towards being dishonest but also being disrespectful.

Ladies, if you’re going to let some guy put his P in your V (even if it’s just for one night), make sure it’s someone who deserves to do so. It’s possible to have casual sex while still being honest, mature and respectful. It can be a damn good experience if those factors are involved, and a really sh*tty one if they aren’t.

There’s nothing wrong with saying hello to your Friday night booty call when you see him in the hallways. There’s nothing wrong with starting a conversation at a party with that guy you hooked up with that one time. There is something wrong though, with having sex with someone and then pretending they don’t exist. It’s possible to be decent without seeming like you have ulterior motives. People, even the ones that you take home while drunk, are still people, and they deserve to be treated just as well (if not better) than people you haven’t had sloppy sex with.

When in doubt, just think “what would Tucker Max do?”… and then do the exact opposite.

Earlier this month, we were asking where chivalry had gone – and I’m down with that, I’d like to know where the little sucker slipped of to, too. But what I want to talk about now is, if chivalry is gone, do we really want it back? And should we expect it?

No matter how you slice it, chivalry always smacks of gender inequality. And yeah, it’s a lot harder to complain about inequality when you’re the one benefiting from it, but shouldn’t we still stand up against it? Are we hypocrites if we don’t? Add to that the fact that most of the little things we ascribe to the idea of chivalry (flowers, love tokens, professions of undying love) are all essentially just methods of winning over or even buying our affections. Isn’t that something that we in the post-feminist era should rebel against on principal?

We’ve fought for years to say that we’re just as good as men, that we shouldn’t be treated differently – and now, like it or not, this lack of chivalry is basically just guys treating us exactly like they treat each other. Hello, feminist victory here!

But at the end of the day, say what you like about feminism, we aren’t all the same. Genders are different, not better or worse, but different and we will always, in some ways, want and need to be treated differently. Beyond that even, when you really break it down, chivalry is a respect thing – it’s good when a guy will respect you enough to at least offer to pick up the tab at dinner or hold out a chair for you. I mean, ultimately, chivalry is as much manners as anything else, and what’s wrong with expecting a guys to have manners?! There’s nothing inequitable or anti-female about wanting and expecting a certain level of manners and courtesy!

OK, on one side, I’m a Southern girl and I was brought up with a definite emphasis on manners so chivalry has always been up there on my list of things a good guy should have. But, at the same time, I’m also a modern girl and I really don’t care who opens the door – if you get there first, open it – no big, right? Are these contradictory ideas? Can we really have our cake and eat it too?

What do you think ladies? Does the idea of chivalry just hold us back? Or are we taking the whole gender equality thing too far when we can’t even be treated special?

Duke it out!

Alright, we’ve been through this familiar phase one too many times. There’s that cute guy in your English class, you make eye contact, exchange a few words, and then you call every single one of your friends to fill them in with excruciating detail. Then, a few weeks go by, nothing happens, and this routine soon becomes much too unexciting for you.

So…what happens next?

Is it okay to wait for English cutie to make a move, or should you be that bold girl who walks up to him and shatters his expectations? And if you do make that “forbidden” first move, does that mean you’ll be making moves for the rest of the relationship? That you’ll be in charge? That he can just sit back and enjoy the ride?

That’s what some people think, but I am not one of them.

I’m a big believer in going for what I want, because if not now, then when? If that were me, I wouldn’t hesitate in asking English cutie out to lunch because I’ve really got nothing to lose.

The problem is, many people fear “breaking the rules” of typical relationships or taking charge changes each partner’s roles in said relationships, too. Many people also fear that a woman who makes the first move is then in control of the relationship as a whole and no longer needs to be courted or romanced.

I simply do not agree. Despite the fact that I may ask out English cutie, when we do go out, I will still expect him to open the door for me, treat me like a queen, and, most importantly, to make the next move if he likes me back.

No, I am not a stuck up girl who expects every guy to bow down to me. That’s ridiculous. What I mean is that I am confident with myself and I know what I deserve from guys. Simply because I decide to change up the game does not mean that I have decided to lower the level of respect I both expect and deserve. Why? Because having a guy open the door for you does not mean you can’t open it yourself, it means that he thinks you’re amazing enough to go out of his way and do it for you.

Sure, saying that guys need to maintain their respective role in the relationship can conflict with gender stereotypes. I understand that. But does the modern woman becoming more confident and self-assured mean losing the respect that was once there? Are all the go-getter type of women suddenly seen as less respected, intimidating, and less than worthy of a little romance?

The answer to these questions will never be clear cut, but one thing is for sure: regardless of what changes our dating world is going through, it is important to realize that no woman should ever lower her standards just to keep herself in the game. It’s not the things that guys buy you that represent the respect in a relationship, but simply their behavior and mannerisms around you. I’m not saying dump him if he refuses to pay for your dinner or doesn’t bring flowers on the first date, but just follow your gut. Does he make you feel special or are you always initiating the moves?

For example, I once dated a guy where I made the first move in getting his contact information. Yet, after the relationship progressed, I noticed that he always forgot our month anniversaries, only called every so often, and consistently put his friends before me. This was definitely a red flag of disrespect! I was constantly questioning my happiness with him because I was more content hanging out with my friends than going out on a date with him. Not willing to be the relationship ring leader (or the only one who was even really there), I ended things with him. I went into the relationship because it was something I had initiated and wanted, but I left the moment I felt unappreciated.

So ladies, do your thing that makes you unique and exceptional from the rest. Be fearless in making your moves, flirting your way to his heart, and following your gut. But stop for a moment and make sure you’re getting as much back as you’re putting in. It’s fine to take charge (in fact, it’s exhilarating to go for what you want!), but you deserve a whole lot in return.

And to all those guys who can’t take a hint, get this: I may not be shy to ask you to hang out, but that doesn’t mean you should stop trying to court me like the gentleman you are. Bring on the flowers, dinner dates, cute texts, and late night phone calls…if not, I’ll find someone else to put the moves on.

Things are starting to fall back into their old routines, but it’s not the same. You’re an adult now, a house guest in your own home. Your house doesn’t really feel like your pre-college home anymore and the rules have all changed… or have they? Check out these Home-for-the-Summer House Rules:

Curfews. Yes, I understand that most of us are way too old to have curfews. This isn’t about that. It’s rude to stumble in at 1 in the morning and wake up the entire house. And regardless of whether you’re 12 or 22, you should probably give your parents a heads up if you’re planning to stay out late. Your parents will always be your parents and if their baby is still out “missing” with no warning, they’re going to worry/call the cops.

Chores. Just because you’re an ‘adult’ now (especially because you’re an adult now) doesn’t mean you can laze around all summer. Your mother is not your maid. If your parents are feeding you and letting you live rent free for the summer, the least you can do is pick up after yourself and help around the house. Chances are, the rents have realized that you’re going to be around for awhile and they’ve already put you to work anyway.

Visitors. Again, clear it up with your parents before you invite your entire sorority over for a midnight bash in your basement. Even if it’s just a couple of study buddies who want to hang for the night, be respectful about it. Poor granny might be trying to sleep in the other room!

Smoking/Drinking/Drugs. You need to accept that you’re not on campus anymore. “Experimenting” the way you do in school is not okay during summer break… especially not at 10 am in your living room. It’s disrespectful and it makes your parents question whether or not they’re wasting money on your education.

Er… Sleeping Buddies. I’m not knocking it, but I really don’t know why you’d want to have sex with someone while your parents are in the room down the hall. I mean, if that’s your thing and your parents are perfectly cool with you having sex under their roof, then, by all means, enjoy it. But make sure they’re okay with it. (Note: I have no idea how to broach this topic.) If you get the green light, remember to always warn them when you have a guest over – you don’t want your daddy to bust in swinging a bat because he heard some strange “thumping noises” coming from your room.

Sadly, the rules have not changed. Your parents can still pull the whole, “You live under my roof, you live by my rules” speech and as long as that’s true, you can’t do a thing about it. But don’t worry – only a few more months til jailbreak!

[I’ll be the first to admit that I’m not the epitome of prim and proper- heck, who really is nowadays? But looking around at the misguided youths of today *ahem drinking buddies*, I’m starting to think that Miss Manners might have been onto something.

While you may never need to know how to greet a duke or how to tell which fork is REALLY the oyster fork, knowing how to deal with people whom owe you money, how much to tip, and how to address the ever annoying licorice-in-teeth conundrum without being rude might actually come in handy in the real world. I'm not trying to be your mother - oh goodness, no - I'm just here to help you out of those little etiquette dilemmas. So here goes: a quick lesson in etiquette. The sh*t you might actually need to know.]

I’m going to be honest: my last break up was over four years ago. So when my editor suggested I do a Miss Manners piece on break ups (“because we all suck so badly at that”), I really had to rack my brains for “polite” ways to conduct a break up. What I found was:

There is no polite way to break up with someone.

Yes, the cold, hard truth is, breaking up with someone is dirty business and – unless the relationship really wasn’t that serious – one of you is bound to end up looking like a mess. While there is no set in stone way of saying, “Hey, it’s over,” or “Sorry but I’m leaving you for your brother,” there are some more or less common sense rules to abide to:

Break up face to face. I know it’s tempting to pick up your iPhone and send a quick “ITS OVER. C U,” at him, but if your relationship meant anything to you at all (or if, you know, you value being a decent human being) you at least owe him that much. Same goes for IMs, and emails. Oh and changing your Facebook status to “Single” before you tell him/instead of telling him is probably not the best way to go about it either. Take him somewhere. It doesn’t have to be romantic, but it does have to be private. Don’t break up with him in a room full of people unless you want to cause a scene. Plus it’s so humiliating when you’re forced to bawl your eyes out in front of total strangers – or worse, people you actually know. Trust me, I’ve been there. Bad times to drop the bomb on him? On his birthday, Christmas, Valentine’s Day, at family parties, etc. You get the point.

Do it privately.

Timing is crucial.

Avoid cliches. “It’s not you, it’s me,” is so overdone and transparent. What it really means is, “It’s soo you” and everyone knows it. The most important rule of etiquette is to be honest, just not brutally honest (read: “I can’t stand the sight of you naked. It makes me want to hurl.”). Tell him how you feel, where it’s all coming from, why the relationship won’t work out, etc., and let him ask questions. Let out everything that you need to say and try to walk away from it with all your issues resolved.

Don’t ever suggest break-up sex (first).

Don’t tell him he’s not good enough.

Don’t say “I love you” unless you actually mean it. Don’t tell him you still love him because you think it’ll cushion the blow. It really doesn’t.

Don’t hook up/get caught with another guy too soon. He’s hurting and he needs time to heal – and the best way to do that is to think you’re hurting too. Flaunting your new boy toy around town will make you seem heartless and it will only break his even more.

I guess the main message here is to Be respectful – as respectful as you can, anyway. Remember that his heart and his dignity are at stake and, honestly, if your relationship was real, it deserves a real ending. Even if the relationship meant little to you, remember that he might feel completely different about it, so don’t be so quick to brush him off. You respected him enough to date him, now respect him enough to man up and end it with dignity.

If I remember correctly, these rules should serve you well, but I need your feedback. Have I been so out of touch with the breakup/makeup world that I’ve completely forgotten how it works? Please share: leave a comment on the article, tell me about your own breakup stories, remind me if I’ve left anything out, or tell me if I have it all wrong. Whatever it is, just share! I’ll be waiting to hear from you!

[I’ll be the first to admit that I’m not the epitome of prim and proper- heck, who really is nowadays? But looking around at the misguided youths of today *ahem drinking buddies*, I’m starting to think that Miss Manners might have been onto something.

While you may never need to know how to greet a duke or how to tell which fork is REALLY the oyster fork, knowing how to deal with people whom owe you money, how much to tip, and how to address the ever annoying licorice-in-teeth conundrum without being rude might actually come in handy in the real world. I'm not trying to be your mother - oh goodness, no - I'm just here to help you out of those little etiquette dilemmas. So here goes: a quick lesson in etiquette. The sh*t you might actually need to know.]

Just for fun, I’ve decided to lighten up this week’s column with an article on urinal etiquette. I get such a laugh every time a guy friend walks out of a public restroom screaming, “He was staring at my penis!! EVERYONE KNOWS YOU DON’T LOOK AT ANOTHER GUY’S SHLONG!” Come to think of it, this seems to happen an awful lot. Hm.. what does this say about the company I keep? Perhaps I should work on being a little more suspicious of my friends..

Anyway, while I do that, here is some suggested reading for you guys (and interested gals). Since I lack the appendage in question, I had to enlist my dear friend and urinal expert, Justin G., to clue me in. Enjoy! ** Warning: This post is pretty crude. If you’d much rather learn about something a lot daintier, feel free to read up on how to be a good house guest or what to do when you meet his family.

Guy: Say you’re at a baseball game. The team you’re cheering on is on a roll, home run after home run. Despite not wanting to miss the moment, nature’s call begins to take its toll on you, and you run as fast as you possibly can to the restroom. You’re lucky; no line means a quick trip back to the ballgame, but the stalls are broken down. The urinal is your only option.

Say someone else runs in with the same intentions. Left with the same options, he takes his place at the urinal next to you. [WRONG! See rule 5] What follows is a long, awkward absence of speech, with the only sound being the constant pattering of your internal water supply splashing on the cold, white marble. Unable to stand it, you quickly tuck yourself back in and (after washing your hands, of course) you rush out the door- only to realize that you still need to pee. Sucks, huh?

Moral: There’s a proper etiquette to using public urinals with an audience. Following these unspoken rules can help avoid awkwardness and can lead to a pleasant, uneventful bathroom break.

Don’t Make Eye Contact - Nothing is weirder than taking a glance over at your neighbor, let alone making full eye contact. Maintaining it for the duration of your trip, however, makes the act downright disturbing and could potentially qualify as sexual harassment. Instead…

Look straight ahead. No glancing around at anyone else’s business. Stare at the wall in front of you. Mentally write your lab paper. Daydream. Think of the Family Guy episode you just watched. Read the graffiti. Trust me, the sh*t people write is so much funnier than what’s going on next to you.

Speaking of funny, Don’t Make Jokes. Randomly saying “Dropping the kids off at the pool, too, eh?” does not help you bond with your neighbor – it makes you creepy. This goes for random bursts of laughter too. Unless you’re drunk, that definitely does not fly, especially if the jacked guy right next to you thinks that you’re laughing at him.

Whether there are 3 urinals or 30 empty, pick the one furthest away from me. I hate it when there are like 7 empty urinals and I go to the one all the way in the corner and then someone follows me to that corner. . WTF? Go away! Why would you want to plop your penis RIGHTNEXT to mine??

Oh, and don’t be the ass who picks the middle urinal if there are only 3. That leaves the guy after you only two options, neither of which are pleasant. He could hold his pee until you finish OR he could say screw it and decide to relieve himself next to you.

If your only option is to pee between two guys, leave. Stand outside the door if you like and wait for one of them to come out. No point in squeezing your way in and subjecting yourself to twice the awkwardness.

Use the barriers. I hate it when people don’t use the barriers properly. Like when they stand super far back from the urinal and I can see their entire package out of my peripheral. I especially hate this because it almost always leads to drippage- where they MISS and the pee hits the barrier before spraying all over the place. Also high on the list: when they’re standing so far back from the urinal (extra douchebag points if they’re also leaning back) that their golden shower falls short of the urinal and rains down onto the ground…splashing my new Jordans. Accidents only happen if you let them. I once had the unfortunate experience of someone urinating on my leg. Granted, it was a “friend” that did it and it certainly wasn’t an accident.

No noises. Yeah, I’m glad you can finally relieve your bladder but don’t start making any satisfied noises. No sighs. No moans. No “Ahhhhh”s and “Oooohh”s. And definitely no “Oh yeah”s. I don’t ever want to hear another man moan while my pants are down and my penis is exposed. Oh, and for heaven’s sake- no grunting!

Don’t poop in the urinal. I’ve never actually seen this one happen, but my friends swear to me that they have. Gross. Urinals are for number 1, guys, not 2.

Wash your hands. I’ll admit that I’m lazy. Sometimes I wear the same outfit for a week, sometimes I “forget” to shower, and, when the remote is all the way across the room, I call up my roommate and make him get it. As lazy as I am though, I ALWAYS (okay, mostly always) wash my hands. You should too. Sorry, but I don’t want to shake your hand right after you’ve held your penis. Stay out of the bowl of nuts on the bar too, people actually eat those.

Skinny jeans. I don’t know if this counts, but I can’t stand it when other guys wear skinny jeans that are so tight that they have to completely pull down their pants to take a piss. When I walk into the bathroom, I don’t want to be assaulted by the image of your bare ass as you pee. It’s a bathroom, keep it classy (well.. as classy as it can get in the guys bathroom, anyway).

… and that’s all for now folks.

Whew! I never thought being a guy was that hard. Really, I thought being able to stand up and pee was the best thing since cupcakes. Looks like the boys have a lot more to worry about in the bathroom.

Now it’s your turn – any embarrassing bathroom stories you’d like to share (girls welcome too)? Do you have any other tips that weren’t mentioned? Ever been peed on? Tell us in the comments section!

It was Sunday night, which meant a spread of Diet Root Beer, a chopped green apple, a turkey sandwich and my TV tuned to VH1′s Tough Love. Heaven.

Last night we saw Steve challenge the girls to be low maintenance. According to him, if these women want to snag a man, they’ll need to prove they can hang with the boys and not worry about breaking a nail or looking less than picture perfect. I totally get that – whiney girls are unattractive to everyone…even me – but this specific challenge did seem a bit much for me. Why do the girls have to do all the changing? Why can’t guys just accept the delicate flower that is their manicure-loving lady?

Anyways, during a pick-up game of football with some random bachelors, Taylor (Gold Digger) left me with my jaw on the floor…but for doing something good! Girl was throwing caution to the wind and actually enjoying herself. A girl who can rough it up in the mud with boys while wearing pajamas and a “wet hat” is A-OK in my book. And that’s most likely the kind of chick a guy would enjoy spending time with. Especially since she didn’t stop running the ball just to ask some guy how much money he made.

Then the girls went out on some dates. After being on a “You Go Girl!” high from Taylor’s enviable self-assurance on the football field, my positive outlook was deflated once Arian sat down with her man. It took only moments before she was comparing herself to a prostitute, saying it’s okay to be called crazy as long as your boobs are huge and bragging about her “oral talents.” Her date was obviously uncomfortable and didn’t know how to react. Right there, I lost all respect for Arian. But, at this point, I doubt she even cares if anyone respects her. She may as well just wear a sign that says, “All I Have To Offer Is My Body…and Some Mad Skillz in Bed.”

Does she really think that rubbing some random guy’s thigh and telling him he’s gonna get laid (if he gives her $5) is going to help her find real love? It’s sad and embarrassing and hard to watch. This girl needs to find some love for herself before she can ever find someone else to love her because she’s making it mighty hard for anyone to care.

And then there was Jody. Things had been going well for her and her date since their liplock last week and I figured it would continue to move forward. However, Jody’s insecurities came out in a cigarette-craving rage last night when she grossly misinterpreted an innocent question from her date. Meant as a compliment, her date wondered why she was single because she just seems too good to be true. Jody’s hangups replaced her logic and instead of feeling flattered that he thought she was a rare find, she took his comment as “You’re single, so there must be something wrong with you.” And she. went. nuts.

My confusion must be the same kind of flabbergastedness that men feel when women fly off the handle at the tiniest thing. I’m noticing that watching these women is like stepping back from the bigger picture and being able to see things from a man’s persepctive. A guy says, “You look nice,” and we think, “Just nice? Why not amazing? Is it my outfit? Maybe he doesn’t like me.” We let our insecurities read too deep into what men do and say, and that’s where miscommunication and hurt feelings come from. You know, men are actually pretty simple to read. They say what they mean and that’s that.

During the therapy session, Steve called Arian out and actually verbalized what I had been thinking; with the way Arian acts, she is putting herself at risk to be physically taken advantage of or contracting an STD. I’m definitely not saying that Arian deserves this Fortune Cookie of Tough Love, but it is the reality of her future if she doesn’t make a change. I get an image of her at a Frat party, drink in hand and tossing out big boob jokes while sloppily laying across a guy’s lap. Next thing you know, the guy could easily restrain her and do so many unthinkable things.

She needs to learn to respect herself, make safe decisions and realize that her behavior could potentially put her in danger.

Next week’s episode looks to be the juciest one yet! Especially because tonight’s episode concluded with the ever-enticing “To Be Continued…” credit. So, was anyone else as appalled at Arian like I was? Has Taylor finally charmed her way into your heart like she has with me?

Gossip and rumors are main staples on college campuses across the nation, and the website Juicy Campus (which was recently shut down), shows just how far people are willing to go to spread gossip. At some point in everyone’s life, gossip comes up – good or bad. Gossip, in moderation, can be just another thing, but in a culture that obsesses about pop culture and dishing dirt (think of websites like Perez Hilton), the fixation of dishing dirt about someone else isn’t going away any time soon.

Although many of us love to gather on Monday nights to watch Gossip Girl and watch the scandals of the Upper East Side unfold, no one likes it when their own personal life is exposed in the cafeteria over wilted lettuce or when private information rolls off the lips of classmates before the professor starts the class. While gossip may seem like something that comes and goes, it can leave its dirty scars behind all too often.

Maybe because it’s an all-women’s college and women often use each other to bring others down, or maybe it is the size of the university, but the Hollins rumor mill never seems to cease on campus. It constantly peeks its nasty little head around the corner for students that least expect it. Whether it hurts friendships, ruins reputations, or isolates students from campus events — gossip can cause tremendous damage.

Remember when my mom and I met with the President to discuss the bullying that happened my first year? Well, upon arrival at Hollins for my sophomore year, the student body buzzed (never to my face, though) with the rumor that Hollins implemented a bullying policy because of me… being a bully. No one knew that my mom and I brought forth the issues that happened with me because of a bully on campus, demanding the President to come up with a bullying policy. No one knew what happened to me as a first year. However, everyone seemed to accuse me of things that I did not do.

Time after time, I have met girls on campus who tell me how “mean” I sounded from other students’ tales of meetings with me. One of my friends was even warned by another student to not be my friend. Whenever I hear these stories, the people who spoke out against me are always peers I have never met myself. They are usually students who I have never had contact with. How can anyone pass judgment before they have met someone else, especially in the context of putting someone else down? I don’t know how anyone could go around talking so negatively about someone else, when they have never personally had an experience with that person.

I have seen gossip make people unable to maintain decent friendships on campus, as well. For example, this girl named Emma (name changed) was known around campus to have a “private jet,” an extensive collection of designer apparel in her closet, and people even talked of her having major connections to the sports industry. Girls on campus thought they would take advantage of Emma by befriending her, only to go into her closet and steal her designer clothes. Not only would they go and steal her stuff, but they would talk about taking from her because she deserved it as a “rich kid.”

Truth is, Emma does not have a private jet (although her dad is a pilot), she doesn’t have immediate connections to the sports industry, and the only designer clothes she owns come from outlet malls. Now, whenever students meet Emma for the first time, they can’t get past her “rich kid” reputation. How can Emma expect to make friends on campus when everyone seems to focus on what they heard about her, instead of actually getting to know her?

Talk spreads like wildfire. I see it all the time. Just walk into the cafeteria on Monday morning and other people know where you were over the weekend. How? My first reaction to this, when it happened to me, was that those who were asking found out from Facebook. Since then I have had to make my Facebook entirely private, along with many other students on campus, in order to have any privacy. Though the gossip has not ceased.

Worst of all, it doesn’t help when the administration plays into the whole “Guess what I heard about you” game. On more than one occasion I have heard of students going to speak with the Dean of Students or head of Residence Life, only to come out with gossip from other students told to them by the authority figure who uses the gossip against them. If the administration lends an ear to gossip, of course the student body is going to keep it up.

I have heard many rumors about myself here at Hollins, and 99% of them never happened, resemble nothing from the truth, and have no merit. At first, I am not going to lie, the rumors really bothered me. A lot of them were hurtful, and a lot of them have stuck (despite not being true), but there comes a point when you have to displace yourself from that, even when it seems like everyone is talking about you. There have been so many times when I have seen my fellow peers break down about something that was said about them, and even though you want to stand up and say “No – that’s not true! That didn’t happen!” you can’t, and it doesn’t seem right or fair.

If sisterhood exists at Hollins, then why does gossip own the souls of most students? Whenever someone hears something that is obviously not true, no one speaks up – they just go along with it, and that is unacceptable. I am sick of hearing gossip about people and myself, especially at a school that talks about the loyalty and respectfulness of its students. If Hollins continues to let rumors take hold of the student body, I believe there will be no way to return to a clean, respectful state in the student body. No one will be able to avoid it, and that just seems entirely too extreme.

I know Hollins isn’t alone in this gossip battle – tell me about your school and how big of an impact gossip has on the student body? What is the worst rumor you have ever heard about yourself or someone else? Do you think gossip, in moderation, is healthy or just vicious in any degree? Time to share your story!

When it comes to breaking up, dudes take no consideration to the fact that the holidays are coming up and they leave you stranded during the most romantic time of the year! *ahem* Bastard *ahem*

Well we here at CollegeCandy say “Eff ‘em! We refuse to let boys ruin our holiday fun.”

So stop blasting the most depressing break up songs (Sinead O’Connor’s “Nothing Compares” = waterworks) and rocking yourself to sleep clutching a box of tissues. Instead try dancing by yourself in your room to these empowering songs that are sure to have you over the d-bag that dumped you and making out with some hottie hot-hot under the mistle toe in no time:

No Doubt – “Don’t Speak”- A little slow, and a little depressing, but everyone deserves one sad moment. “…don’t tell me cuz it hurts!”

Pink – “So What”- But you’re over it…you’re still a rockstar and he’s not.

Kandi – “Don’t Think I’m Not”-What does he think? As if YOU don’t have guys lined up around the block? Psh, boy, pleassseeeee.

Blu Cantrell – “Hit ‘em Up Style”- Wouldn’t you like to take a shopping spree courtesy of D-bag??

Frankee vs. Eamon – “F*ck It/ F*ck You Right Back”- …and I quote, “I had better sex on my own.” ‘Nuff said.

Pat Benatar – “Love Is A Battlefield”- Heartache to heartache WE STAND!

Whitney Houston – “It’s Not Right, But It’s OK”- Self-explanatory.

Beyonce – “Ring The Alarm”- Beyonce just sounds so angry it makes you angry, and anger is much better than weepy pain.

Alanis Morissette – “You Oughta Know”- I want you to know that I’m happy for you…NOT! I HATE YOU!

Britney Spears- “Stronger”- “Hush. Just. Stop.”…a little bubblegum pop is always uplifting

Nancy Sinatra – “These Boots Are Made For Walkin’”- One of these days these boots are gonna walk all over you(r face).

Destiny’s Child – “Survivor”- “Now that you’re outta my life I’m so much better!”

Aretha Franklin – “Respect”- Find out what it means to me, a-hole!

Chirstina Aguilera – “Fighter”- You are a strong woman, regardless of that guy. And you can totally fight him (if it came to that).

Gloria Gaynor – “I Will Survive”- Ultimate empowerment song. You will survive!