I frantically searched for my phone in my mess of blankets. Must make it stop ringing before head explodes. “Hello,” I croaked when I found it, barely able to get the words out of my parched mouth.

“We are ridiculous,” Sara groaned from the other end, sounding equally as down for the count as me.

“This needs to stop,” I agreed, as I knocked over the glass of water on my nightstand. The glass of water I had meant to down before I passed out with my clothes still on (somehow I took my contact lenses out, go me!).

Yet again Sara and I had gone out agreeing we wouldn’t drink a lot, and yet again some kind stranger had bought us round after round of shots. And we accepted (because I’m pretty sure there’s a law that says you can’t turn down free alcohol). And yet again we were paying for it; and regretting it.

So, we decided we’d go two full weeks without drinking. Two weeks proving we could have fun without going out and going crazy. Two weeks without waking up with pounding headaches and feeling like we need to stay in bed the entire day. Two weeks without having to call each other first thing in the morning to find out exactly what happened the night before and wondering just how big of fools we had made of ourselves. We are getting too old for this ridiculousness. We wanted to see if we could go two weeks without drinking at all.

“OK, let’s do it,” I said, knowing I would have no problem swearing off alcohol. The thought of drinking was already making me sick.

“Yes!” Sara replied, “except I probably can’t this weekend, I’ve got plans.” Her high school friend was coming to visit and they were planning to go out on the town.

“Ooh and I have to go to my family reunion vacation for a week,” I realized. Not drink on that vacation? Not an option.

We mentally went through the rest of our summer calendars and realized there was no good two-week spread in which we could not drink. I mean, it’s the middle of summer; so precious and so fleeting. There are only so many days where margaritas and mojitos are acceptable. And we want to force ourselves to throw that all away? Was this drinking hiatus really necessary?

By the next day, fully recovered from our hideous hangovers and ready to sip some sangria on Newbury St. we had changed our minds completely. We decided that what we need is simply to drink more responsibly. No more shots. No more full bottles of wine before going out. Stopping when we have a good enough buzz going on.

Drinking responsibly will prove more than just stopping cold turkey, right?

So, the drinking hiatus only lasted 5 minutes, but it allowed my friend Sara and I to have a serious chat about our summertime habits and come to terms with the fact that we’re growing up and should probably start changing our wild ways.

Of course, drinking a bottle of wine before going out is fun sometimes and seems perfectly reasonable when you’re dead-sober and have completely forgotten what a hangover feels like. And that’s OK, especially when you’re with friends who you can trust not to leave you in any sketchy situations. But that bottle of wine should probably be reserved for special occasions and celebrations. Instead of celebrating every Friday night, maybe we’ll stick to celebrating every other Friday night for now. Baby steps, baby steps.

I’m currently writing this as I sit by the lake while on my family reunion with a pomegranate vodka martini by my side. Trust me, I’m trying to be responsible. I’m trying. But family reunions are no time for that. Right?

Like most people under the age of 30, St. Patrick’s Day is one of the top 3 holidays of the year, after Christmas (or Hanukkah) and before the 4^th of July. It is a day spent celebrating St. Patrick, one of the Patron Saints of Ireland.

Or, a day getting completely shitfaced and waking up in the morning with green teeth.

Which presents a problem on years such as this one when St. Patrick’s Day is on a Monday. Meaning, classes are in session.

I’ve been there. And I learned some difficult and painful lessons that I think everyone can – and must – learn from. Because when your friends decide to skip lecture and attend Keg and Eggs at 6am it will be hard to say no. You will rack your brain trying to come up with reasons why you too should not throw caution (and your Philo book) to the wind and partake in the festive meal. You will tell yourself that it is just one beer and you will be fine to make it to that review session/presentation at 4.

But take it from me. You will not be OK. It will not be one beer. And there is no way in hell you will be ready for anything besides cheese fries come 4pm.

You, like me, will spend your morning getting wasted on any green hued cocktail you can get your hands on. You will wash down those cocktails with tasty snacks as you make your way from bar to bar to party to bar. You will start with cheese fries, move onto candy bars, and round off your morning with a nice big slice of pizza. You will skip (literally) around town in a drunken stupor taking pictures with your friends and stopping to play beer pong with the random guys on the corner who bought a regular keg of beer and made it green by adding too much food coloring.

You will then realize that it is already 3PM and it is time to sober up and prepare that presentation your asshole prof assigned for 4PM on mother-fucking St. Patrick’s Day. So you will head to the nearest dining establishment – say, an ice cream parlor – and start loading up on food in order to make it to class and not completely fuck up the assignment that is worth 25% of your grade.

And you will stumble into class with your milk shake, green teeth and the extra dry mouth that comes with hours of drinking/the beginnings of a hangover and attempt to make everyone in the room think you are totally fine and responsible and are not actually coming from your sixth game of Beer Pong, but from the library where you have been studying all day. You will convince yourself that you are fine because you have everything typed up and all you have to do is read.

Until you realize that the room is spinning and you cannot stand up let alone see the 12 point Times New Roman filled pages you hold in front of you. You bluff your way through the assignment, excuse yourself to get a drink of water, then take a nap in the back of the room until the class ends.

All this is rewarded by your professor with a big, fat “C”.

At least that is how it all went for me.

I am not saying don’t drink on St. Pat’s Day; obviously it is an important holiday that should be honored with cheers and keg stands. Just don’t think for a second that you will be able to enjoy the holiday and take part in your regularly scheduled life.

St. Patrick’s Day is an all or nothing choice. You either do school or you do celebrations; but not both. Both didn’t work for me and my GPA and it won’t work for you.

Simple ingredients, easy to make, tasty, and above all—fun. Whether you’re out with your girls or hanging inside the dorm celebrating the end of a horrible midterm, fun shots that won’t break the bank are the way to go.

Here’s a two-ingredient shot that tastes awesome. It’s named after one of the best ice cream treats of all time, and, vodka has almost no carbs, so you can have your treat without feeling guilty.

…Although I would never advocate for the total elimination of ice cream from your diet. Ice cream is holy.

Banana Split

1 oz. banana liqueur

1 oz. good quality vodka*

maraschino cherries (optional)

Add the liqueur to your shot glass after the vodka. Stir once and drink. Bite into a maraschino cherry afterwards to take some of the edge off.

*Getting into the habit of buying good quality liquor is something I recommend. While drinking too much will always get you sick, the better quality of your liquor, the less likely you are to feel completely terrible the next day. Plus, good liquor goes down much smoother, and doesn’t have the grainy aftertaste of the cheap stuff.

In the past, most of us fell into our beds on Friday night, the long week taking it’s toll on our brains and energy.

But these days, pour a little of that strange tasting liquid into a glass, and suddenly, we’re ready to run around campus in high heels, without a jacket, yelling loud hellos to whoever we happen to jump over.

If this week has been as long for you as it’s been for me (who gets sick twice in one month?!) take a shot of this before the clock strikes eleven tonight.

You should be rearing to go in no time.

Cherry Bomb

1 oz cherry vodka

3 oz Red Bull

1 splash grenadine syrup

Pour your vodka and Red Bull into a small glass. Add grenadine slowly so it sinks to the bottom for a cool layered effect.

Turn up some Journey, clink glasses, and get the night going!

…just remember, not even the power of amazing 80’s hair bands can save you from the spins.

You’d go to the grocery store or movie theater as a kid, see those giant contraptions, and just need a gumball.

You’d die without a giant multicolored ball.

But your mom would always tell you no. And you’d hate her for awhile, because like, how could she deny you that amazing jolt of sugar?!

These days, I take a look at those huge gobs of processed chemicals and thank God my mom kept them away from my teeth.

As great as they tasted, I’m sure I’d have dentures by now had I always gotten one when I begged for it. This shot is an homage to those days spent screaming and stomping for a quarter:

Gumball

1 oz Jagermeister

1 oz Blue Curacao

1 splash Red Bull

Pour equal parts Jagermeister and blue Curacao into a cocktail shaker with some ice cubes. Add a medium splash of Red Bull. Shake briefly; strain into a shot glass, and serve…no whining required.

…Just remember, nothing makes you seem like an annoying 3-year-old like getting so drunk you cry over a chipped nail.

You have everything that was ever good stuffed together and covered in chocolate. You are my favorite candy bar. You are even better frozen.

But alas, you hate me. You do! Why? Because of how many calories are in you. Because eating you will give me all the fat I need in one day.

And yet, you tempt me so.

What’s a girl to do? Make a shot that’s the closet thing to your fat-abulous goodness, that’s what.

Snickers Bar

• 1/3 Frangelico

• 1/3 Kahlua

• 1/3 Bailey’s Irish Cream

Take a rocks glass (bigger than a shot glass, smaller than a plastic red cup) and fill it with ice. Pour your Frangelico and Kahlua into the glass, and then “float” the Bailey’s on top.

The best way to “float” a liquor is to hold a spoon upside down and drip the alcohol into you glass drop by drop. It takes a while, but it’s worth it—plus, you look cool.

…just remember, that coolness totally goes out the window as soon as you get so wasted you start wearing your skirt as a hat.

That being said, there’s always something impressive about a girl who can deal with heavy duty alcohol. Taking a ‘manly’ shot is a surefire way to impress whoever you happen to want to impress, and helps you feel like a badass—at least until it hits your throat and burns a thousand fires.

In honor of tough girls everywhere, this week’s shot is full of grit and bite, and definitely not for the faint of heart.

Silver Bullet

½ oz. vodka

½ oz scotch

Poor good quality vodka in your shot glass, top it off with a good quality scotch (skimping on cheap liquor will only make this a more difficult experience), give everyone your best tough-chick stance, yell “I’m not afraid of pain!!” and throw it down the hatch.

…just remember, nothing says “I can’t handle my liquor” like getting so wasted start dancing to music only you can hear.

Hollywood has always struck me as a place where people, regardless of gender, drink things with lots of liquor and sugar.

The Tinseltown of old may have enjoyed their whiskey and scotch on the rocks, but this generation is all about make-up, highlights, and sour mix.

Aiding my hypothesis are the ingredients for this common shot:

The Hollywood

1 part vodka

1 part peach schnapps

1 part chambord

1 part pineapple juice

Layer your shot glass with the liquids in order (beginning with vodka, ending with pineapple juice), toast to your millions, and drink up.

…just remember to be responsible. If too much partying can make Lindsay Lohan look bad, just imagine what it can do to you.

Even though it won’t get chilly for another few weeks, the mere promise of shorter days, schoolwork, and winter hats constantly ruining perfectly styled hair is enough to make me a little depressed…at least until fall fashions go on sale.

For many of us, Labor Day is a last hurrah; our last 24 hours to wear white pants (which perhaps some of us shouldn’t be wearing in the first place?), last day to barbeque without standing by the grill in a jacket, and last 3-day weekend for a while.

It’s also a party, whether we’re partying with friends or throwing our own personal celebration that consists of doing absolutely nothing—and enjoying the hell out of it.

In honor of Goodbye-To-Bathing-Suits weekend, I’ve found the perfect cocktail to commemorate a summer gone by.

Frozen Watermelon Margarita

* 2 1/2 cups seedless (or seeded) watermelon, cut into 1-inch cubes

* 3 tablespoons freshly squeezed lime juice

* 4 ounces tequila

* 2 ounces orange flavored liqueur

* 1 3/4 cups ice

* lime wheel or watermelon wedge (for garnish)

Stuff all ingredients into a blender and puree until smooth. If desired, add a bit of sugar to the rim of each glass before garnishing with a lime wheel or a watermelon wedge. Serve immediately.

…And remember, not only are the cops out in full force this holiday weekend, but ruining a good time by getting yourself wasted is a lame way to end any celebration. Just ask Andy Dick.

One of those movies you can’t help but fall instantly in love with.

The horrible, melodramatic acting, the weird, convoluted plot, those magnificent songs…it’s the type of movie you used to watch on those sick days from elementary school, complaining to your parents that it was ‘the only thing on!’ but secretly loving every single baroque minute.

In honor of that fantastic film, here’s an equally ornate shot of the same name. Mix the drink up on Monday, every 9 to 5er’s legitimate sick day, and pop in the movie and chug till your tongue turns purple!

Purple Rain

1/2 ounce Blue Curaçao

1/2 ounce Coconut Rum

1/2 ounce Vodka

1 splash Grenadine

Shake Curaçao, Rum, and Vodka in a mixer with a medium amount of ice. Strain into a shot glass and add a splash of grenadine. Mix it together quickly and serve—if done correctly, the liquid will turn a nice electric blue / purple color.

…And much like Prince with those strange demands of his, watch out for too much of a good thing. Belligerent drunks only think they’re everyone’s best friend.