I’m convinced that food service has to be the first circle of hell.

When I was an undergrad, I worked at a local restaurant for about two years until my manager caught me trying to drown myself in a deep fryer (okay, so maybe not. But I sure thought about it). One night during homecoming (also known as our busiest night of the whole freaking year, folks!) this guy asked me for another set of silverware and I told him very genially that he could grab a set from the very next table. I was delivering food to a huge table now, mind you, so I couldn’t very well bend over, pick up the silverware and hand it to this guy.

He looked like I had slapped him and his wife exclaimed “You are so rude! How dare you speak to a man that way!” In my nicest waitress voice, I said, “Well excuse me, I’ve got to get back into the kitchen, where I belong.” and, under my breath, “Don’t choke on your food, now!”

If only I had known about Bitterwaitress.com then! It’s a website where waitresses can go to share their customer horror stories and list their crappiest tippers. There is often the odd encounter with a rude celebrity recounted on the website, too, like this run-in with Dan Marino, who, according to the waitress, tried to charge kids for his autographs. Read More »

How many times have you talked about it with your friends or even your partner, extolling the virtues of ‘make-up sex?’

Correct me if I’m wrong, but I recall Sex and the City dedicating an entire episode to this very subject. Before getting into the nitty-gritty of why this foodie believes that make-up sex stinks, I want to make two things clear. First, I am not denouncing make-up sex. If it works for you and your partner, go for it! By all means! As for me, a self-declared foodie, I’d rather mend things over appetizers and a well-shaken martini. Second, and you can all breath a sigh of relief, I refuse to moralize about the matter. Instead, I wanna put forth an epicure’s perspective, and hopefully entice those “jump-in-the-bed-as-soon-as-he-says-sorry” types to consider this option. Read More »

I finally broke down and tried online dating.

Now, before you start judging me, hear me out! I too was of the “online dating is kind of weird and creepy” mentality, until a good friend of mine gave it a try and met a really sweet, funny, cute guy. Totally not creepy at all!

Maybe I could give it a try…I mean, I could just create a profile, no obligation to go on any dates at all. I’ve been feeling stuck in a rut lately–I seem to meet the same guy over and over. We like each other, we’re attracted to each other, but he doesn’t want a relationship. The online dating community, I figured, is full of like-minded people, people who are looking to meet someone and really date, instead of just hooking up.

I created a profile and tried to pick out some flattering-but-accurate photos. I listed my interests, what I like to do, and picked out a few criteria for my potential man (non-smoker please!) One click, and I was done.

I got a few messages from guys I wasn’t really interested in. I had decided that, since I was just testing it out, I wouldn’t actually search for anyone, I would just have a look at whoever expressed interest in me. Finally, a few days later, I got a note from a cute guy. He had taken my little “about me” section and modified it so it was about him. Funny! His profile was witty, and we shared a lot of interests. He had a few pictures posted, and he looked totally my type–skinny, tall, glasses.

I figured, what the heck, why not? I responded. We exchanged a few clever e-mails back and forth before finally deciding to hang out. We picked a restaurant, a day, and a time. So far, so good. Read More »

Eggplant parmesan… the words make my mouth water, and for good reason. Eggplant parmesan is generally thought of as restaurant food, and seems a little ambitious to make it at home—let alone for just yourself.

But not anymore! This recipe takes prep time, but makes up for it in the simplicity and health factors (it’s all baked, not fried in gallons of grease).

You’ll need one baby eggplant (about half the size of a regular eggplant), like this graffiti eggplant.

You’ll also need one large, fresh tomato (chopped), a little salt, about 3 tablespoons of olive oil, half an onion, one garlic clove, ½ teaspoon oregano, ¾ teaspoon basil, ¼ teaspoon pepper, and 2 tablespoons of parmesan cheese. Read More »

The other night, while eating dinner with a friend at one of the 4874 Thai restaurants in my neighborhood, we got into a discussion about being single.

“I’ve decided that deep down, no girl really wants to be alone,” my friend announced as she cut into her spring rolls. “Even if she says she doesn’t want a boyfriend, if the right guy stepped into her life, she’d take him.”

“What about So-And-So?” I asked, naming another mutual friend. “She kept saying how happy she was without a guy, and how she was too busy anyway. She seemed fine.”

“Didn’t you hear? Last month she landed a dude.” My friend handed me half of her spring roll, using the other half to point in my direction. “She bumped into this guy at a party and two weeks later she was updating her Facebook status to read So-And-So is totally in love.”

“Ew. Really?” Inwardly, I was jealous. When was the last time I had updated my Facebook status to say I was totally in love? Never, I realized, since the last time I was in love, Facebook hadn’t even been invented.

“Really.” My friend declared. “Us women all need to face the fact that being single just isn’t our natural stasis.” Read More »

Hooters? Depressing? You don’t say. All I’ve ever had to do was take a look at the horrible orange and white paint job adorning the outside of most Hooters restaurants to know those places are a bevy of bad taste and depression.

Oh yeah, and fifteen year olds.

In my town, Hooters was the place adolescent boys with fake IDs and too much cologne spent their Friday nights when no one their own age would date them.

Hooters was the place high school’s biggest assholes went to feel superior to women who would never look at them in real life, as well as the place a friend’s friend once tried to work at but quit after some perv threw a popcorn shrimp at her boobs.

In conclusion: Hooters is drenched in grossness. Read More »

I know for some people it ranks right up there with eating bugs, but I’m a sushi lover and proud of it. From tame tuna to eel and octopus, I’m a fan of it all. Eating sushi at least once a week for years, I’ve picked up some tips in order to not look like a fish out of water when ordering sushi.

So, next time you’re out at a sushi bar or Japanese restaurant, put down the fork you’re using to stab at your sushi with reckless abandon, and impress your friends with the following rules of sushi etiquette. You’ll look like a pro, even if you’re a sushi virgin.

When in doubt, ask the chef.

If you’re new to sushi or just looking for some new flavors, park your rear at the sushi bar instead of getting a table. Most chefs would be happy to introduce you to their favorites.

Don’t ask “what’s fresh today?”

Assume everything you see in front of you is fresh—or else they wouldn’t be serving it. If you were having dinner at a friend’s, would you ask them if the meal they prepared is fresh? Same concept. If you’re not sure what to order, ask the chef (or waitress, if you’re at a table) to bring their favorites. If you have control issues, you can also offer your preferences as to level of spiciness or certain types of fish you like and dislike. Read More »

Stock your dorm with water and canned goods because civilization as we know it has officially come to an end.

No, my friends, aliens have not landed nor has Y2K returned. The situation is much, much worse. Girls Gone Wild is becoming a restaurant chain.

Yes, you heard me correctly and I sh@! you not.

According to Stuff.co.nz, “A restaurant chain under the Girls Gone Wild brand name is being planned by Joe Francis, whose Mantra Films’s has built a $US100 million business videotaping and selling the DVDs featuring young women exposing their breasts.”

I mean, is this really necessary? Is there a void somewhere I don’t know about in the American Dining Experience that Hooter’s has failed to deliver? I guess only time will tell.

To celebrate this joyous occassion, we here at collegecandy.com would like to offer the following menu suggestions:

• The Double “D”-licious Burger
• Chicken McNip-lets
• The Vanilla Shake-Your-Ass
• and the ever popular Pink Taco Plate.

Click here to read the article.