Soda flavored what now?

Pete Wentz feebly attempts to be badass

Who says bye-bye to the Hef?!

Perez gets even less likable

Oh snap!  Miley outsells Madonna

Frankly, I find this hard to believe…

No more Slut Machine?

Dakota Fanning: a breath of fresh (and normal) air

What a fantastic, eco-friendly hobby!

Disturbia, indeed

Who you gonna call?

Harvard grad proves grade inflation really does exist

Can’t…stop…watching

Finally, the rest of the world realizes America’s Next Top Model is boring

To sleep or to lift, that is the question

Maybe Liz Lemon will finally get some designer duds now!

Take that, obnoxious Mac Guy

What doesn’t kill me…might just ruin me

50 Sexiest Music Videos of ALL TIME, people!

Amy Winehouse loves her Jack Daniels…48 times over

“Dude—what is up with gas prices??”

This is the question on all of our lips in one form or another. Different people will give you different answers. – “It’s the damn OPEC countries!” “It’s the evil oil execs!” “Stop the speculators!” And so on.

At the end of May, the Bigwig Execs of all major American oil companies attended a Senate Judiciary Committee hearing on price gouging in the oil market.

Oil Exec J. Stephen Simon had this to say:

In 2007, the average price per gallon of regular gas was $2.80. About 58% of this price reflects the cost of crude oil. 15% of the price reflected taxes, the remaining 27% goes to refining, marketing and transportation translating to “earnings of only about 10 cents per gallon of product sold”.“Since last year, the increase in gasoline price – and more – can be attributed to the rise in the cost of crude oil.” Other product prices have not risen as much therefore Exxon’s margins have been reduced. Current earnings are down to only 4 cents a gallon.

According to Simons, therefore, we should feel sorry for the poor oil companies—and should see them not as immoral pocket liners but rather as brave American businessmen, competing in a tough international market for the good of the country.

If his take seems a tad bit skewed—congratulations—it is! In February 2008, Exxon Mobil made history by reporting the highest quarterly and annual profits ever for a U.S. company—$11.66 billion during the fourth quarter of 2007. It also set an annual profit record of $40.61 billion.

Apparently Mr. Simon and his Exxon buddies inhabit a world in which billions and billions of profits can still represent a loss. What a world. Read More »

Get your news groove on with Kandy Korrespondent!

According to a recent report by Human Rights Watch, at least two-thirds of Guantanamo inmates are at high risk for mental breakdowns. The report states that 185 of the 270 detainees at Guantanamo spend 22 hours in tiny cells, with little to no fresh air and light, with only the Koran to occupy their time.

Moreover, as Jennifer Daskal, senior counterterrorism counsel at HRW notes “Guantanamo detainees who have not even been charged with a crime are being warehoused in conditions that are in many ways harsher than those reserved for the most dangerous, convicted criminals in the United States” i.e. “supermax” prisons.

U.S. inmates of the supermax prison system include, notable Mafia leader Sammy Gravano, bomber Eric Robert Rudolph—responsible for the 1996 bomb at the Atlanta Olympics, and Terry Nicholas—the coconspirator to the Oklahoma City bombing in 1995.

In Other News:

On Monday, Ohio Democratic Representative Dennis Kucinich called for the impeachment of President Bush. Kucinich said that he will proposed over two dozen charges centering on Bush’s “calculated and wide-ranging strategy” to trick Congress and the American Public into launching the Iraq War. This symbolic resolution is expected to dead end in the same manner as Kucinich’s similar call for the impeachment of Vice President Cheney in April 2007. Read More »

Bonjour!

Here’s your daily dose of news with Kandy Korrespondent:

Presidential hopeful Barack Obama beat Hilary Clinton by SEVEN votes in the Guam Democratic presidential caucuses on Saturday. Each of the eight delegates from Guam gets ½ a vote at the convention. US citizens in Guam do not have the right to vote during the actual presidential election in November.

In related news, if Congressional democrats are any indicator Barack-Hilary fight won’t be over any time soon. According to Reuters, a total of 97 Democrats have endorsed Senator Obama while 98 have endorsed Senator Clinton. Eighty-six remain undecided. All members of Congress have super delegate status and as such will play a major role in the potentially painfully narrow delegate count during the DNC convention in August.

In Other News:

A pipe bomb exploded outside of a downtown federal courthouse in San Diego, California. The blast occurred just before 1:40am on Sunday morning. There are no reported injuries and so far no arrests have been made. Read More »

April Fools’ day and I have never gotten along.

In second grade, my Elementary School decided it would be cute to ring the warning bells every five minutes—you’re late for class… APRIL FOOLS’!

Middle School saw surprise pop quizzes—it’s worth 90% of your grade and you didn’t study—APRIL FOOLS’!!

High School? College? More of the same…

This morning, at midnight on April 1st, my boyfriend paused on the sidewalk, looked at me significantly, and said “Suzie, I’ve decided to go to Med School”—APRIL FOOLS’! (he’s applied to grad and law school so for a minute I was like… omg!– then I saw his smirk and was like… oh right… )

When I saw the Reuters article on pranks this year, however, I had to chuckle at the new heights of advertising that this day of strange glee has allowed two Australian companies to ascend:

Google Australia announced a new feature enabling one to search the Internet for future content, including sports results…

Australian airline Virgin Blue took out ad space in newspapers offering special “Stand Up fares” complete with complimentary calf massages for flights longer than two hours. Read More »

The term Black Monday refers to a Monday during the Wall Street Crash of 1929. As we all learned in high school, this Crash ushered in the Great Depression during which food was scarce and jobs scarcer, crime flourished and investors sky-dived off high rises. I distinctly remember the picture by Dorothea Lange in which a mother stares hopelessly into the distance with a young boy on either side of her, their faces buried into her shoulders.

So when on Monday, March 17th, as I drove up to visit my dad I heard the NPR Marketplace analyst use the term Black Monday and Great Depression to describe the worries surrounding the current downward spin of the Stock Market of which the Bear Sterns crisis was simply the latest manifestation, my heart skipped a beat.

I’m about to head off to grad school this fall, I thought…my whole life is ahead of me…and suddenly my mind inserted my face into the Dorothea Lange photo desolation, destruction, depression…the end.

Okay yeah…so I’m a bit dramatic (very dramatic), but chances are you shared at least a bit of the panic I felt last Monday. The truth is, however, that the economy is far from the state of the 1929 crash but it is important to know what’s going on and how you should react in order to protect yourself. Read More »

Does anything this guy does shock anyone anymore??

David Copperfield, cheesy magician extraordinaire and island owner, can now add two more titles to his resume; possible rapist and certifiably crazy guy.

A Seattle woman is claiming Copperfield raped her in the Bahamas (perhaps on one of the 5 private islands he currently owns?), and last Thursday, FBI officials searched Copperfield’s Last Vegas warehouse of tricks in connection with the claim.

The magician’s attorney explained to Fox News that his client is aware of the charges, stating, “unfortunately false allegations are all too often made against famous individuals” and going on to say both he and Copperfield are “confident” everything will “conclude favorably.”

There’s something else Copperfield is confident about, however, that makes me wonder just how sane he actually is. Aside from being confident that he’s not going to jail for rape, the wacky magician is also confident that he’s found the Fountain of Youth on one of his tropical islands.

“I’ve discovered a true phenomenon,” Copperfield told Reuters last August. “You can take dead leaves, they come in contact with the water, they become full of life again. … Bugs or insects that are near death, come in contact with the water, they’ll fly away. It’s an amazing thing, very, very exciting.“

Finding the Fountain of Youth is certainly something a guy should be congratulated on—that is, if the damn thing was actually plausible. Read More »

• Like this t-shirt is any worse than “Cinco de Mayo” or “Irish I Were Drunk“? (kctv5.com)

• If you’re going to rob someone of all of their worldly possessions, the least you could do is tidy up. (Yahoo!)

• The following gallery is a case of “So Ugly It’s Cute”! Be warned! (The Sun)

• Not only are these inmates eco-friendly, but they’re making ice cream! Italian ice cream! Mmmm (Reuters)

• Things to do when your… stoned? (COED Magazine)

Guys, if any of you are reading this, you may want to stop right now.

Seriously. Honestly. Look away.

No? Alright…

A Russian woman set her ex-husband’s penis on fire last Wednesday while he sat naked in front of the TV, enjoying a nice glass of vodka.

“I was burning like a torch” the injured man is quoted as saying (undoubtedly through a waterfall of tears), “I don’t know what I did to deserve this.”

No word on how she did it, but the ex-husband’s prognosis does not look good. When asked about his chance of a full recovery, a police spokeswoman admitted it was “difficult to predict”.

I’m not quite sure how one recovers from a burnt penis.

Reuters is reporting that the attack happened after the divorced couple spent three years living in the same apartment, a common occurrence in Russia where “property costs are very high”.

Perhaps Mr. Naked had sat spread-eagled in front of the TV one too many times. Perhaps he had a nasty habit of finishing off the house vodka. Or perhaps he was a horrible person. Read More »