No, it’s not a joke. We can actually learn a few things from our favorite heiress, who was robbed last night while she was out at the clubs. (Ok, so we don’t know where she was, but it’s a pretty safe assumption, no? Where else would someone be at 5am on a Saturday morning?!)

The robber got into her house through an unlocked front door and got away with around $2 million worth of jewelry that was just, you know, hanging out in her room.

So, yeah, we can definitely learn a few things from Ms. Hilton:

1. Don’t leave $2 million worth of jewelry just sitting out on your dresser. And if you don’t have $2 million worth of jewelry (pauper), don’t leave anything valuable sitting out. I left my iPod in my living room once when my neighbors were having a party only to wake up in the morning and find it missing (and our thermostat turned up to 95…why?).

2. Lock your front door. Not sure why this one isn’t obvious, but Paris and many of us tend to be more trusting than we should be. Keep the front door locked to keep out the robbers, creepers and random drunk people who are just looking for a warm place to pee. Especially if you have $2 million worth of jewelry sitting on your dresser.

3. Hit the clubs to stay safe. Who knows what could have happened to our dear Paris had she been home when this robbery occured? Clearly staying out late getting drunk and dancing on tables is the ultimate strategy for self-defense. Swap out the pepper spray, ladies, and opt for a bottle of Ketel One instead!

According to an article on ParentDish, a nine-year-old Girl Scout was recently selling cookies in a supermarket when two teenagers snatched her money (a little over $150) and ran. The teens were later caught, providing a few classic quotes, such as “We went through all that effort…and we had to give the money back.” Yeah, that sucks, doesn’t it?

I think we can all agree that this is a “WTF” moment. You don’t steal money from a Girl Scout, no matter how stupid you are! Girl Scouts, in the eye of the American public, are on approximately the same level as troops in Iraq or bald eagle chicks.

Plus, how traumatizing would it be for the Girl Scout to watch her hard-earned money be plucked away like that? True, I can think of worse things, but not many.

I was a Girl Scout once. Not for long, because I hated wearing the uniform and I wasn’t girly-girl enough to hit it off with all the other girls, but I know what it’s like to shoulder the doom and responsibility of big-ticket cookie profits. Read More »

• Like this t-shirt is any worse than “Cinco de Mayo” or “Irish I Were Drunk“? (kctv5.com)

• If you’re going to rob someone of all of their worldly possessions, the least you could do is tidy up. (Yahoo!)

• The following gallery is a case of “So Ugly It’s Cute”! Be warned! (The Sun)

• Not only are these inmates eco-friendly, but they’re making ice cream! Italian ice cream! Mmmm (Reuters)

• Things to do when your… stoned? (COED Magazine)