I was one of the fortunate fanboy fanatics to have seen the 12:02am showing of Marvel’s The Avengers last Thursday. And HOLY SH*TBALLS!

The number one reason, Ladies, why you should go see this movie – and you DEFINITELY should run to see this movie – is because…IT’S A GODDAMN GOOD MOVIE! (Apologies, Allfather for the blaspheming.)

Joss Whedon’s pulled off one of the greatest magic tricks in the annals of cinema. It’s a movie filled with leading men who already have their own following, epic stakes, monsters, and still manages to be character-driven.

What you’ll take away from the film aren’t the explosions resulting from an alien invasion, it’s the explosions of personalities colliding and finding ways to not just co-exist but connect to one another. Ladies, let me give you the rundown of “must-see” reasons that this film is for you:

Strong female protagonist:
Scarlett Jo. It’s no secret that she was shoehorned into Iron Man 2. While getting a decent treatment, she was a pawn in an overcrowded and overburdened sequel. Here, Whedon goes back to his bread and butter, crafting a performance tailored to an actor’s strengths, and those strengths include intelligence. Just when you think he might have let her go and given her a plodding plot-driven moment to get from point H to point I, he gives you a reversal that makes you realize that The Black Widow’s been done more justice in this film than in the majority of her comic book career.

The Chris’s:
Evans ass in lots of it in blue spandex…some even in khakis. And Hemsworth’s divine biceps. Whedon has definitely given more eye candy for y’all than for us…and we were given Scarlett Jo and Cobie Smoulders – I mean Smulders. Ladyboners galore await you.

The bravery to have fun:
The dialogue crackles louder than the gunfire…and Robert Downey, Jr. being, well, Robert Downey, Jr. Rarely do you see a big budget studio mandated popcorn flick that provides a master class in comedic timing. Half of this movie is spent in anticipation of the punchline, and they’re almost all perfectly timed.

It’s made for you:
It’s a movie that doesn’t talk down to its audience. Action films, particularly those associated with comic book properties, have a stigma that they’re dumbed-down storytelling. Popcorn flicks. Folks, this is the rare popcorn flick that is absolutely filling. Whedon’s at the top of his craft. The care given to character, a camera that is almost always checking in so that you never get lost, and capturing the moments it needs to keep everyone engaged. No character is forgotten for the sake of pacing and every featured character has AT LEAST one moment that allows them to not just play a part, but inhabit a human being that has needs, wants and fears.

Joss Whedon’s made a damn near perfect genre film. Whedon is completely in tune with what the audience is expecting, what we want, and when to give it to us. And even gives us a few extra gems that we didn’t know how much we’d enjoy.

Fantastic performances from the principles and the supporting cast. Real people amidst a fantastical world that’s been finally cemented after years of hype. A razor-sharp script that treats its audience with respect and passion. This isn’t a movie, it’s an experience…with a vengeance!

Joss Whedon: I kneel before the master.

Assembled,

The Dude

[Lead image via lev radin/Shutterstock]

The Avengers comes out this Friday, and we here at CC couldn’t be more excited. So much hotness all in one movie – could it be too much? Psh, who are we kidding? Of course not! Each day, we’ll be celebrating the upcoming movie by dedicating an entire gallery to one of the film’s sexy male stars.

First up: Robert Downey Jr., as Iron Man. Though we’ll be lusting over him in both his regular RDJ form and as his robot-y alter ego.

Robert Downey Jr. is a lot of things: detective, superhero, sex symbol. But a tattletale he is not. Celebrity scandals are definitely wacky, but this one is the strangest I’ve heard in a while. Apparently, there’s a mysterious internet commenter who’s been leaving extremely detailed comments about some Hollywood stars on a gossip blog. The person, Himmmm, previously stated that they were ”4 guys who were all pals and worked together DEEP inside the biz. Two were famous (rock star and movie star) and the other two were true creative geniuses.” Does that username remind anyone else of the villain from the Power Puff Girls?

Himmmm posted a series of comments chronicling a story that involved Kirk Douglas, Natalie Wood, Ryan O’Neal, and Natasha Gregson Wagner (Wood’s daughter). It had some crazy details like that Ryan O’Neal impregnated an underage Drew Barrymore and that Kirk Douglas raped Natalie Wood. Himmmm left Natasha Gregson Wagner’s phone number as a reference, claiming that she would back up the story. How does Himmmm know all of this information? Well, the commenter states that he starred in a film with Wagner and Heather Graham in the ’90s, which would be Two Girls and a Guy. That would make Himmmm Robert Downey Jr.

But don’t worry, Robert Downey Jr. is calling bull on this one. His rep said that Robert had no knowledge of this and he’s not Himmmm (that’s getting confusing, eh?). Oh and also, “Robert’s a much better writer than that.” So if this isn’t one for the books, I don’t know what is. I don’t think Robert Downey Jr. has enough time on his hands to even consider trolling the internet or that he would in the first place. It’s just another wacko looking for their fifteen minutes.

Do you think Robert Downey Jr. is Himmmm? How crazy is this story?

Caitlin is a senior at the University of Alabama who has an obsession with cupcakes, coffee, and Harry Potter. She always has random fun facts on reserve and aspires to be a professional blogger,social media bug, and/or James Franco’s assistant. Follow her fabulous life @caitlincorsetti. You’re welcome!

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This week, the Golden Globes happened along with a lot of other fun stuff! Celebs got pissed, celebs got engaged, celebs broke up, and some celebs even had secret babies! All in all, a well-rounded week, I’d say.

Back To The Semester Parties

1. You’ll probably never see Ricky Gervais at the Golden Globes again. Despite the fact that he did a hilarious job of hosting the Golden Globes, which would have been utterly dull without him, Ricky Gervais’s jokes are being slammed by the majority of Hollywood. Why? I guess because he made fun of both Angelina Jolie and Johnny Depp within the first five minutes (I guess Hollywood royalty isn’t used to being picked on…), he trashed the members of the Hollywood Foreign Press, and according to some people, he just went ‘too far’ with the jokes he made about Robert Downey Jr., Bruce Willis, and Tom Cruise. There were tons of rumors that he was asked to never return – but apparently, Ricky has made that decision on his own. Can we pull the stick out of Hollywood’s Botox-injected butt, please?

2. Halle Berry is having baby daddy drama. She’s going into a custody battle with her ex, Gabriel Aubry, over their daughter Nahla. He wants to be officially declared the father, and wants joint custody of his daughter. Can’t really blame the guy, can you? Their break-up seemed pretty friendly, but let’s see what happens when the court gets involved.

3. Anne Hathaway had a great week – not only has it been announced that she’ll be making an appearance on Glee, but she was also cast as Catwoman in Christopher Nolan’s The Dark Knight Rises. I guess we’ll find out if Anne has the vocal ability to hold her own on Glee, and the body to pull off that catsuit. All that and the fact that she gets to host the Oscars with James Franco AND got to make out with Jake Gyllenhaal for a movie makes me kind of hate her… and want her life.

4. Kanye West is PISSED. Earlier this week, the rapper made a little joke on his Twitter about Britney Spears: “I’mma let you be #1, but me and Jay-Z single is one of the best songs of all time!” Britney’s manager replied with, “Thanks for letting us be #1. Much appreciated.” The whole thing was obviously a joke, with Kanye kind of making fun of himself. But the media blew the entire thing out of proportion (WHAT? I know, that never happens), and Kanye was not very happy about it. He wrote a little blog about it, saying “This sh*t takes the air out of my lungs sometimes from blogs to news reports… enough already!!” Amen, Kanye. AMEN.

5.  Nicole Kidman had a secret baby. Kind of. She and Keith Urban welcomed a daughter born through a surrogate mother. No one knew it was happening, so it was pretty random. Too bad this didn’t happen last week, when everyone in Hollywood decided to get pregnant.

Back To The Semester Studying

1. Regis Philbin is retiring. He’s leaving his long-standing post as the host of Live! With Regis and Kelly. Everyone is already wondering who will replace him… but no one seems to be too surprised. That dude is OLD.

2. The Coachella 2011 lineup was announced. If you live in California or near this area, just know that I am extremely jealous of you. Set to perform are Kanye West, Arcade Fire, Kings of Leon, Lauryn Hill, Interpol, Neon Trees, Jimmy Eat World, Duran Duran, and soooo many more. Tickets are almost $300 for the 3-day concert, but it’s also an amazing celeb-and-music filled event that everyone should experience. Like I said… jealous, from cold New York.

3. Jake Gyllenhaal was spotted with Camilla Belle, and the dating rumors immediately flooded the Internet. It WAS kind of a weird coincidence that right after he breaks up with Taylor Swift, he was spotted with her reported ‘enemy’. Oh man, I can’t wait to hear this song.

4. Don’t worry, ladies and guys – Pauly D is still single, as is January Jones. January Jones and her boyfriend, SNL star Jason Sudekis, broke up this week. Honestly, I had no idea they were dating (shameful for me to admit as a gossip blogger), but that sucks because she’s beautiful and he’s funny. And if you were hoping to run into Pauly D at a club and make out with him, you still can. He denied that he’s dating both Chloe Sevigny and Brittany Gastineau.

5. Two more Hollywood engagements: Jodie Sweetin, former Full House star, got engaged. Aw, Stephanie Tanner! But I can’t say I’m happy for these other two – Jesse James and Kat Von D. Ew. You deserve each other. (Sandra, you’re so much better).

All I want to do right now is compose a love letter to Robert Downey Jr. Instead, I have to slaughter his new movie, Due Date, so that you lovely people don’t waste your money on it. But afterward, I fully plan on writing a Taylor Swift-esque ode to an aviator-clad Robert Downey Jr.

It’s lucky for me that the plot can be summed up in one sentence, because it makes my job oh-so-easy. Unfortunately, that’s not so lucky for the audience of this film. After an airport mishap, Peter (Downey Jr.) is forced to travel across the country with Ethan (Zach Galifianakis) in order to make it to LA in time for his child’s birth… and nothing funny ensues. It’s Planes, Trains, and Automobiles, minus the comedy.

I laughed out loud twice – seriously, twice – which is pretty bad for a movie that delivers one-liner after one-liner and unrealistic situation after unrealistic situation. There is a clever line or two in there, but not clever enough for me to remember what they are off the top of my head. People may say that I sound like a bitter film critic, but I’m talking about a movie that INTENTIONALLY parallels itself to Two and a Half Men. They had it coming, and they freaking knew it.

Robert Downey Jr. is the saving grace of this film. No, not Galifianakis who plays Ethan in a way that’s completely interchangeable with his character from The Hangover. If Downey Jr. had not been in this film, I can guarantee that I would have walked out within the first half hour (actually, I probably would have walked out anyway if I didn’t have a review to write…). He plays the straight man to Galifianakis’s outlandish aspiring-actor character very well. It also doesn’t hurt that he’s damn sexy when he gets angry. And in a suit. And in aviator sunglasses.

Jamie Foxx also makes a quick appearance, (I’m pretty sure I audibly sighed in relief), but unfortunately his role is small therefore he can’t help carry the film. There is a beautifully shot scene that takes place in the Grand Canyon, which doesn’t even feel like it belongs in this movie just because of how extraordinarily it is filmed.

I really wasn’t lying when I said that Due Date intentionally parallels itself to Two and a Half Men. I honestly laughed out loud more when I read that Speidi was bankrupt than when I was watching this movie. Seriously, if you want to laugh, do yourself a favor and just re-watch The Hangover on DVD instead.

Click here to get Meredith’s take on other new releases.