Will Smith is hot.

But let me tell you why. Even since his days as “The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air,” Will Smith has oozed sexiness like whoa. Yes, even with the neon sweatsuits. But he was never that cocky-hottie sorta guy: he is and always has been a family-loving gentleman and an all around good guy.

I mean, the guy even did rap music respectfully. He took home a couple Grammy’s and never once did he mention “b!$#@es n’ hoes” in his lyrics. Sure, that may have led him to undergo some bullying from hot shots like Eminem (remember the line, “Will Smith don’t gotta cuss in his raps to sell records, well I do so F*ck him and F*ck you too!”), but we have a soft spot for the underdogs!

But music isn’t all he does; Mr. Smith is a super talented actor. With hits like “Bad Boys,” “Independence Day,” “Hitch, “The Pursuit of Happiness,” and, who can forget, “Men In Black,” Smith has more than proved himself to Hollywood. And he looked damn good doing it! WOWZA!

What makes Smith even more effable is his soft side. He and wife, Jada, recently donated $1 million to a school of Scientology to help with school supplies and organic meals. Yes, it’s creepy Scientology, but it was still a donation to benefit kids and nothing is hotter than a guy who loves kids.

Will Smith is 100% the complete package…and I’m sure he’s got a complete package, too, if you know what I mean. Ayooo.

To top it all off, the idea of effing Will Smith is actually doable. Apparently he and Jada have some strange agreement that they can do the naughty with whomever they want as long as they don’t tell each other about it. I could be that person. I COULD BE THAT PERSON….if I ever meet him (or even see him).

Drum roll please…

It’s the news with Kandy Korrespondent! (wild applause) anyways:

The California Supreme Court has overturned the state’s same-sex marriage ban by a vote of 3-4 stating that gay unions must be given the “respect and dignity of marriage” and that same-sex couples should be permitted to wed. Governor Schwartzenagger said on Thursday that he will respect the court’s ruling. Meanwhile, Los Angeles Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa told reporters that he will gladly officiate at same-sex weddings.

This ruling is the first to apply arguments typically used with regards to the protection of gender and racial rights to the issue of same-sex marriage.

In Other News:

On Thursday, the House of Representatives voted 149-141 against giving the Pentagon an additional $162.5 billion to keep fighting the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq through mid-2009. Most significantly, 132 Republicans voted “present”– neither yes nor no. Such numbers are revelatory of the widening gap between the Bush administration and the rest of the GOP.

Earlier this week, Congress voted in favor of ordering the Bush administration to stop depositing oil in the national reserve for the remainder of this year. The Senate voted 97 to 1 while the House voted 385 to 25. No one denies the fact that this move is anything other than a quick fix to placate constituents. The US Energy Information Administration predicts that this move will only take at most 5 cents off the per gallon price.

In related news, according to a MasterCard Advisors report, American consumers have decreased their demand for gasoline by 1% so far this year.

As you may remember from Econ 101, gas is considered an inflexible good—meaning that demand will not fluctuate with rising prices. So for total American consumer demand to drop by 1% is totally in violation of this principle.

The death toll following the May 3rd cyclone in Myanmar is now 78,000 with 56,000 still missing. During the past week, several aid planes have been allowed to land in the country but for most members of the population, help remains far off. The military junta government insists on retaining control over distribution—a task for which they are ill prepared—the country only has five working helicopters. The government has also refused international offers to send in search-and-rescue teams and disaster responders.

And Now for Something Completely Different…

Robots take over yet another part of the music industry! A 4 ft 3in tall robot named Asimo conducted the Detroit Symphony this past week in their performance of “The Impossible Dream”. Asimo was built by Honda and designed to mimic the motions of the orchestra’s education director. According to the musicians what the robot lacked in communicability it made up in its fluidity and human-like conducting motions.

That’s the News!

I mean, I’ve heard of being afraid of intimacy before, but this guy takes it to a whole new level. This guy built a robot girlfriend.That’s right, a robot girlfriend. Dude was a 33-year-old virgin until he met (read: MADE) Alice, his robot girlfriend who includes a chatbox to talk through and a teledildonic device, which, I assure you, is exactly what it sounds like.

I’m sorry, but this is straight out of a Philip K. Dick novel. I find it really frightening that there are actual people who are so emotionally and sexually disfunctional that they need to build robots to have relationships with.

Yeah, it’s the relationship part that freaks me out. You wanna have sex with a hunk of metal, by all means, be my guest. It’s the idea of forming a loving relationship with an inanimate object that you have made to look and seem like a human woman that freaks me the frick out.

I just hope this guy doesn’t go on a killing rampage or something. I mean, to me, this goes beyond innocent virgin needs an outlet, builds a robot, gets busy. To me, this suggests more of a mental problem, an inability to interact and to love other people. And that is really scary.

Am I overreacting? Or is this totally freaky?

Seriously.

According to Oliver Curry of the London School of Economics, by the year 3000, “the human race [will] peak”, and people will start to become much choosier about their partners, “causing humanity to divide into sub-species”.

“The descendants of the genetic upper class would be tall, slim, healthy, attractive, intelligent, and creative” Curry insists, while the “underclass” will have “evolved into dim-witted, ugly, squat goblin-like creatures.”

Curry goes on to explain how women will look in the distant future, and while I’m sure his description is based in science, I can’t help but wonder if he’s not letting just a little bit of male fantasy slip into this description.

“Women…will develop lighter, smooth, hairless skin, large clear eyes, pert breasts, glossy hair, and even features”.

So basically, we’ll look like a combination of a hot robot and an Anime character. I suppose in 1,000 years it’s going to be hot to be a character with no character? What distinguishing features will we have besides smooth legs and bugged-out eyes?

Will it be like this?

Could be worse, I guess.

Our futuristic hotness (or notness) won’t come without a price, however. Curry warns that what we gain in physical beauty, we may lose in emotional inclinations, leaving us unable to feel things such as “love, sympathy, trust and respect”. We also may become so “dependent on technology” that we resemble “domesticated animals.”

Hmm. Hot, heartless, and stupid. Sounds like an ex-boyfriend of mine.

…Maybe he was from the future?