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Size really does matter in the bedroom.

Aretha Franklin shows us hats are back.

Get free make up!

The Asahi Beerbot makes drinking beer even more fun.

Ed Westwick and Chace Crawford love to keep us guessing.

Senator Kennedy rushed to hospital during Inauguration luncheon.

NBA stars pay tribute to Obama.

Nicole Bridger’s eco-friendly designs aren’t just for hippies.

Kate Winslet confuses her husbands.

I’m not joking. Seems like scientists have recently discovered how to get cute little monkeys to control a small robotic arm to help them grab food. A small grid “about the size of a large freckle” was surgically implanted in a few macaques, allowing them to use cognitive thinking to make a robot arm grab stuff they want. Scientists believe this is a huge step towards finding better ways to help human amputees.

Dr. John F. Kalaska, a neuroscientist at the University of Montreal, believes this new experiment, no matter how young, might someday help “patients with severe motor deficits to interact and communicate with the world not only by the moment-to-moment control of the motion of robotic devices, but also in a more natural and intuitive manner that reflects their overall goals, needs and preferences.”

I’m sure Kalaska and all the other scientists are right, but for some reason, I just can’t stop thinking about monkeys in sunglasses systematically destroying the earth with giant, mind-controlled machines of death.

…I guess I need to lay off the SciFi channel.

I mean, I’ve heard of being afraid of intimacy before, but this guy takes it to a whole new level. This guy built a robot girlfriend.That’s right, a robot girlfriend. Dude was a 33-year-old virgin until he met (read: MADE) Alice, his robot girlfriend who includes a chatbox to talk through and a teledildonic device, which, I assure you, is exactly what it sounds like.

I’m sorry, but this is straight out of a Philip K. Dick novel. I find it really frightening that there are actual people who are so emotionally and sexually disfunctional that they need to build robots to have relationships with.

Yeah, it’s the relationship part that freaks me out. You wanna have sex with a hunk of metal, by all means, be my guest. It’s the idea of forming a loving relationship with an inanimate object that you have made to look and seem like a human woman that freaks me the frick out.

I just hope this guy doesn’t go on a killing rampage or something. I mean, to me, this goes beyond innocent virgin needs an outlet, builds a robot, gets busy. To me, this suggests more of a mental problem, an inability to interact and to love other people. And that is really scary.

Am I overreacting? Or is this totally freaky?

Or, that’s what I would be saying if I was a dude upon learning about rubbot.com and their plans to design a revolutionary new sex toy aimed at men.

Hands-free orgasms! It’s like having a girlfriend — minus the girl! Which, depending on who you ask, isn’t always a bad thing.

The design kind of reminds me of those water snakes I had as a kid. They fold into themselves and move very fluidly…much like…genitals? Perfect! This is called the “Inch Worm Effect” and is effective at getting dudes off. And fast.

The guys behind Rubbot are looking for beta-testers too! Know a guy who’s in a rut? Be a pal and send the info along…at least you won’t have to hear about he’s not getting any for awhile.

Now, I’m not here telling you girls about this miraculous invention because your boyfriend needs one (although if you want to buy one for the two of you…more power to you!). At the risk of sounding like a brain-dead sex obsessive, I just feel that, much like taking a look though your guy’s porn collection, it’s important to know what makes him happy when you’re not around.

So when you are? He’s a little more than happy.