It’s weird when you think about it – the way a simple word can gross you out as much as watching those nasty surgery shows on TLC or stepping over fresh puke on your way to class on a Monday morning. But it happens. A lot. There are just some words that give us all the heebie-jeebies and after my mother used the word moist to describe how amazing her brownies were this morning, I decided 1) I’m too grossed out to eat a brownie right now and 2) it’s time to make a list of the words that make me feel icky, uncomfortable and downright dirty.

Yeah, I guess I’m a masochist.

Crusty: I know that crusty bread can be a good thing, but that’s usually not what I’m thinking about when I hear this word. Hard as I try (and trust me, I try!), I can’t get “crusty underpants” out of my head.

Panties: Ask me how many times I’ve uncomfortably giggled when the older, voluptuous lady at Victoria’s Secret offered to show me where the ’5 for $25′ panties were. Is it possible for a 20-year-old girl to feel like a dirty, old man at the mere mention of the word??

Facial: A big thanks to the porn industry for ruining one of the most relaxing spa treatments known to mankind. Never again will I be able to comment on “the best facial I’ve ever had” without feeling absolutely disgusting.

Moist: “Mmmm, these muffins are really moist.” Shudder.

Supple: If you are writing a super market romance novel, this word is perfect. “The supple young woman walked over to the counter while every men’s gaze was glued to her.” Anything else is just plain wrong.

Wet: This term not only describes something that is covered with liquid but also what is not dry. Yes, wet can be used to describe a counter top, or a plate. But it is also used to describe other things: “Did you hear that slimy, wet fart?”

Ointment: The word itself sounds like an infection. Which makes me think about all the gross, oozing things that you’d need ointment for. Which makes me want to barf.

Yeast: Even seeing it on a recipe card for some yummy homemade bread just makes me think of…. down there. And no one wants to put some fresh jam on that ish. (Editor’s Note: And if they do, well, double ew.)

Pimply: I don’t know if it’s the combination of the “p” and the “l” or if it’s the mental image of some poor soul whose entire face is covered by those juicy pimples, but yeah – I kind of threw up in my mouth.

Tits: Boobs, breasts, lady lumps….they all sound so much more pleasant than ‘tits.’ It’s just so derogatory and ugly. As are the people who would actually use this term.

Chunky: Think about it – is there anything positive in this world that can be described as ‘chunky’??

What words give you goose pimples? (Ew. Pimples.) Share ‘em below and maybe together we can forge a campaign to rid the world of this nastiness once and for all.

Instead of educating myself with the help of intellectual books, I have spent my whole life devouring romance novel after romance novel, missing out on some much-needed sleep and creating completely unrealistic expectations about men and love.

After spending ten years with guys named Damien and Chace who lock eyes with a woman across the room, embark on rocky waters, and finally end up in paradise with the one and only person who could make them change their playboy ways, I began to crave a bit of reality in my life.

After all, how many men could there possible be with the “largest piece of manhood she’d ever seen,” who were also rich, gorgeous, and emotionally accessible only to me?

Yeah, it was time for a heaping tablespoon of reality and Jane Green served it to me. Narrated by Tasha, a woman who sleeps with men to overcome her emotional issues Straight Talking “sets the record straight regarding the real world of dating,” and deals with real people and real problems that people who date in real life encounter. Tasha and her three best friends mimic the Sex and the City group, meeting up for weekly get-togethers and dishing on their latest men.  However, their men mirror ones encountered in reality.  They date salesmen and accountants, not professional athletes and sexy policemen.  They stumble upon issues like sexual intimacy and picking between Mr. Right and Mr. So-Hot-It-Hurts.  Their stories mesh together to create a novel that any type of girl can relate to, from thel hook-up-every-night chick to the one saving yourself for marriage gal.

Tasha’s flashbacks on past relationships allow readers to see how even the most seemingly insignificant of men leave a lasting mark on a woman’s outlook towards dating and love, and how even a small three-month relationship can break your heart.  If you have ever felt like crying in the middle of class or stared at your cell phone wondering why somebody hasn’t called you, Green’s characters empathize as they try to outsmart the men who have all the tools to break their hearts.  She looks at heartbreak, friendship, and sex the way that real people do.  Read More »

Some girls want roses and romantic music. They want Prince Charming to sweep them off their damn feet and whisper sweet nothings into their ears. They want sex to be the ultimate expression of love and passion; candles lit and wine. They want their man to go slow and worship every inch of their body one minute at a time. But those aren’t most girls.

Sure, sure, this sounds good to most girls…but only as an occasional thing. Who wants THIS every night? (Besides the aforementioned ‘some’ girls)

Some new research has been released that testifies to the fact that most people — women included — want their sex to be rather simple. This survey was led by sex therapists across the US and Canada and the results are in: Most people consider 7-13 minutes of sex desirable. 3-7 minutes is apparently ‘adequate’ and 10-30 minutes is said to actually be ‘too long’.

So what happened to all of the damsels in distress who crave long love making sessions? Are they just too busy now? I mean, lets face it, women certainly do have more opportunities across the board these days to work whatever job they want and to pursue whatever else in their free time. Maybe women don’t care about how long their man spends smooching their thighs anymore because they simply have better things to do than have Romance Novel sex with a wanna be Fabio?

What do you think? What’s YOUR desired sexy time??

Cosmo, the magazine I just love to hate, recently ran an article creatively called “Sex Tips From Guys.” The tips weren’t so much “tips” as they were things a few random guys constituted as “hot”, and the descriptions were so laughably romance novel that I had to repeat them here—with a few additions.

• “Wet your lips and moan that you can’t wait to taste me” – Sam, 22 – Hey Sam, your “tip” makes me think you’ve been watching a lot of porn lately. That’s cool and everything, but I think it’s time you realized that being so specific is one of the fastest ways to piss off your partner. Do you want me to move my head 90 degrees to the left as well?

• “This chick leaned against a dresser and stuck her butt out for doggie style. I definitely obliged” – Glenn, 23 – I’m sure this “chick” is super thrilled that you remember her sexual positions better than her name, Glenn. Also, three points for using the words “butt” and “obliged” in the same two sentences. How colloquially poetic of you.

• “My ex would splash her tee shirt with water while washing dishes. As soon as I saw her nipples through the fabric, I’d have to touch them” – Bart, 22 – Are you sure she was splashing her boobs on purpose, Bart? Maybe she just accidentally got water on herself from all those dirty plates you left in the sink for her to clean. Read More »