He wants to do me.

He wants to do me not.

He wants to do me…

…Then never call again, do me, then tell all of his friends, do me, then flip out about my guy friends…the list goes on. If only the “He wants to do me” sentence could exist without the predictable post sex behavior, I would be living in a much more sexually satisfying world.

The problem with most guys who I have encountered is this: They really believe that if they have intercourse with a girl, she will flip out and suddenly be in love. Maybe all of the guys I know have simply given themselves too much credit because I’m always recycling the same kind of guy over and over again: Artsy and ARROGANT.

I suppose that, for me, there’s a degree of truth to this. But at the end of the day, I don’t want to be in love with anyone. Being in love is a shamefully painful experience to me, honestly. I’d rather be in the casual sex club…but the older I get..the harder it is to stay a member of that club. Read More »

Once upon a time, I used to think I was an old-fashioned romantic. Now I know for sure that I’m not. Sure, I’d love to believe in fairytale stories and picturesque idealism – but then again, wouldn’t we all?

For the majority of us, love won’t be rosy and full of references to the likes of Cinderella and Snow White. Conversely, the composite mass of emotional mess we experience is exactly what makes love so addictive.

Alas, it is this aforementioned “composite mass of emotional mess” that I am beginning to tire of. The thought of emulating Sleeping Beauty and spending my days snoring loudly seems to be a very attractive prospect – especially to be rewarded with love’s true kiss (and more importantly, a good-looking man) for doing practically nothing. Read More »

Days as a Freshman: 95

Mood: Stuffed

“So…” I clicked the old flashlight onto a brighter option and pulled my hat farther down onto my face. “How was Thanksgiving at your aunt’s?”

Even though I had secretly wished he had forgotten, Daniel B. had arrived at my house a few minutes after 7 on Thanksgiving night, a giant blue coat around his skinny frame and a round plate covered in tinfoil in his hands. I had prepared my parents and my two sets of aunts and uncles for his possible arrival, but as soon as I saw his twitching face behind our glass door, I knew all the preparation in the world couldn’t save this night from becoming extremely awkward.

After an hour of good-natured attempts at questions around our large wooden table, I had suggested Daniel B. and I take my old dog Spud out for a walk. My dad’s bushy white eyebrows went up at that suggestion, and I did my best to shoot him a “don’t get any stupid ideas” look.

Usually, you invite a guy to take a walk at night because you want to make things romantic. This invitation had nothing to do with romance, and everything to do with alleviating some of the unwieldy tension in the air.

Once we were outside, our boots crunching against a tiny layer of snow that had fallen on the quiet street, my body started to relax and I could breathe normally again. I mean, I loved my parents, but my mom and dad were both older, around 65, and often didn’t comprehend me as well as I wanted them to. I don’t think they understood that I had I invited Daniel B. over out of politeness. I think they actually thought I liked him. Read More »

So, there’s no denying it—its Fall. The weather is cooling off, kids are pushing me down the subway stairs on their way to school, and department stores are setting their display tables with turkeys and Santa Clauses.

Those long summer nights and romantic strolls on the beach are pretty much finished (unless you like freezing water stinging your face), but just because the leaves are dying, doesn’t mean the romance has to.

Here are a few dating ideas that can only happen in the Fall.

• Apple picking: Even if you live in the city, there’s got to be an apple orchard somewhere close to you, and talking a beautiful walk through rows and rows of apple trees is simply amazing. You can soak up the Fall air, get a few apple-tinged goodies (apple cider donuts = heaven), and do something active with the one you love (or are beginning to love).

• Do the Fairs: Street fairs, country fairs, fall is the perfect time to grab your sweetie’s hand and pull them towards farm stands or a rickety Ferris wheel that looks like it might kill you both. There are plenty of fairs happening in September and October, all you gotta do is Google them. Read More »

Why the hell would you call your ex?

You just broke up a few weeks ago!

Your friends are saying you broke up for a reason, right?

It’s better left this way.

Right.

Yea, sometimes you do break up for a reason. And sometimes, your gut tells you that you are better off without him, as scary as it may be to force yourself to move on in the scary world of single people.

But sometimes, it doesn’t feel right after a break up. Or you didn’t get that closure you needed to move on. Or, you just want him back, plain and simple, can’t live without him and don’t want to.

But in order to get him back, you gotta reach out.

That’s where the Post Break-up Phone Call comes in. Get ready for some uneasy awkwardness, stuttering and lots and lots of underarm sweating!

And that’s before you even pick up the phone.

I don’t know if it’s the website for desperate people everywhere, or a website for the ultimate romantics, but GetMyExBack.com has some tips and advice for people who are in post break-up limbo. Regarding the phone call, here are the highlights, which I’ll create my own takes on:

“Let the Dust Settle.” DO NOT attempt to win him back, like, seven minutes after you break up. Emotions are still flying. You need to give it time, because you never know – after a week or so, you may not even want him back at all! Maybe you finally talked to that hot guy in your class who always looked over at you and maybe that was enough to help you realize there are more guys out there. Who knows? But calling him too quickly could be baaaad, so don’t risk it. Read More »