Qvestion?! Ansver: Ask Tuffy Luv.

Dear Tuffy Luv,

I kind of hate my best friend.

It’s not her fault. She’s fine. She’s nice to me. She’s nice to our other friends. I’ve been living with her since Freshman year (we’re Juniors now) and she’s good as a roommate. But I just can’t stand her. She’s just always on my nerves. She complains about everything. I used to think it was funny but now it just brings me down. And if you ever say you like something, she always has to tell you why it isn’t worth liking until you can’t stand it either.

The rest of our friends still hang out with her but only in groups. They don’t come to our room anymore to hang out because she’s always complaining. I get stuck with her because I live with her, and I don’t want to sneak out too much or I think it will hurt her feelings. She’s not a bad person. She’s actually really thougthful and smart. She just really brings me down, and I feel terrible about it. What do I do?

Bad Friend

Dear Bad Friend,

That flooping sucks. There are some people (okay, many people) who just suck all the air out of the room. Some people call them psychic vampires. Those people are annoying too. People who are a bummer but who are otherwise great people are that much more of a bummer. You want them to be the cool person you know they are, but here they come again, dragging everyone down to their complainy depths. And it sucks, because it sounds like you totally like her. She is, after all, your “best friend,” and she’s definitely your roommate.

But you’re in luck, because lil’ ol’ Tuffy actually has a really good idea for you: SET HER UP! No, not for a crime. SHOOOOOOOP. Set her up on a DATE. In other words, find her a guy. Or at the very least, set her on the path to finding a guy.

This is good for several reasons:

(1) She’ll have someone else to complain to.

(2) It frees you up to hang out with your friends who aren’t downers. And

(3) She might actually get happier!!

This is win-win for both of you. Otherwise, I suggest, since she’s your best friend, that you sit down and talk to her about it. After all, maybe she just needs a supportive friend. And, as her bff, that should really be you. By the by, if you think she’s depressed, please help her get some help. Find out about the counseling services at your school and take her there yourself. Be a good friend, but don’t get pulled down in the process!

Hearts & Skulls,

Tuffy Luv

All hail Parents Weekend! At some colleges, parents have already graced your dirty dorms with their angelic presence, while other schools celebrate this unofficial holiday in early and late October. Regardless of whether mom and dad have come and gone or have yet to come, we’ve got all the basics to keep floating well above the water during Parents Weekend!

When I was a freshman, I could not wait to see my parents. It was the first sight of normalcy I’d seen in weeks after living with my super crazy psycho roommate. Seriously guys, don’t screw this up!

First, there are a couple of simple rules to follow when hoping to master Parents Weekend. Since mom and dad are going to spoil you silly with gifts, homemade favorites, dinner at your restaurant of choice (we all know you’re picking the most expensive) and maybe even a mini-shopping spree to get you those must-have dorm and wardrobe necessities, we’ve got a detailed list of a few subtle ways to give back.

1. Do take your parents on a tour of your school. Whether or not it’s walking around your inner campus or actually going through the buildings and pointing out which class takes place where, it’s a no-brainer that parents love this. Show them the places where you grab lunch and/or snacks, what your fitness facility looks like, where you go to enjoy some down time with friends in between classes.

Don’t admit to them how many classes you’ve skipped to get belligerent, or how many times you “accidentally” slept through class, or which classes you already know are going to interfere with Tuesday 2-for-1s and Friday afternoon Happy Hour. While mom and dad might expect you to skip a few classes here and there, make sure you throw in the safety line, “the syllabus says that we can miss up to three classes before we lose any credit.”

2. Do clean up your room and throw out your trash before you parents get to your dorm room. If you’re a real pig, start preparing for parents on a Monday and hopefully by Friday you will be able to find the floor again. Go through your drawers and even if you’re not going to bother to fold your clothes, at least stuff them far enough into each drawer that you can’t tell it’s a war zone inside. Remember that vacuum your mom just had to get you? Here’s some advice: use it. Moms can tell. They can always tell.

Don’t hide your lucky stash of condoms under your pillow. If you’re a procrastinator and wait until Sunday morning at 10am to start going through your mess, you’d be better of shoving those baby protectors into a sock at the bottom of your closet. Here’s the problem with stuffing them under your pillow. Sometimes parents need to sit down and that seat might just be found on your bed. Another reason: if your mom is anything like mine, she will want to make your bed. It’s just a thing moms do. So while mom is busy fluffing and patting down your sheets the last thing she needs to find is a whole bin of Magnums.

3. Do make reservations at a nice, causal restaurant in whatever town or city your school resides. It’s nice to take your parents into the center of your community and show them the fun things they can do while they come to visit, as well as the fun ways you stay busy when you’re not overwhelmed by classes and homework. Choose a restaurant or pub that seems like it will fit your parents’ taste as well as their wallet. You’re not trying to break your parents’ bank on the first night!

Don’t take your parents to your school cafeteria. I always wanted to smack the kids that I saw doing that. While I totally understand living and working on a budget, there are other ways to provide your parents with a good meal that doesn’t involve sitting between animals scarfing down all-you-can-eat burritos. If you’re going on a budget, buy some sandwiches and take your parents on a picnic at a local park, or grab some appetizers to share at a small, inexpensive café downtown. Remember, you have no choice when it comes to eating college cafeteria food, and while you might find it tasty enough to keep down, your parents should not be subjected to that same kind of torture.

4. Do get tickets to a sporting event that is taking place during parents weekend. If there’s not a sporting event happening (like if you go to a school that has no major football or soccer team), research other opportunities for your parents to see all there is to see at your school. Maybe there is a play or a barbeque for your major. Keeping your parents enclosed in your dorm room all afternoon might not be the best idea. For example, I went to college at UVM. While we didn’t have a major sports team (my dad loves football so, no football, no-go!), there were tons of things to do in Burlington to keep them busy: hiking, apple picking, walking along the water, etc…

If you’re taking mom and dad to, say, a football game, don’t bring a water bottle full of your favorite liquor. I don’t know how your parents get down, but chances are it’s not like that. Also, don’t sit them in the same section as the rambunctious lunatics that shotgun a beer every time your team tackles someone. Wait until you’ve securely tucked your parents in for the evening at their hotel room and then go out and play as hard as you want. Be careful how hard you go though, the last thing you want is a buzzing iPhone flashing your mom’s number while your head is submerged in a communal bathroom stall.

5. Do introduce you parents to your roommates and their families and spend some time letting them get to know each other. It’s okay if you find your roommate’s dad’s voice about as stimulating as watching paint dry, just remind yourself that you need to give your parents ample time to figure that out, too. Your parents want to know what type of family your roomie comes from, what her morals and values look like, how she was raised, you know, all that stuff you don’t really care about at 11 in the morning.

Don’t tell everyone in the room who’s listening that embarrassing story where your best friend walked in on your dad using the bathroom, or that time when your mom pressed the gas instead of the break. Big no-nos! While it’s okay to share those stories with your roommates, your parents are going to be merely acquaintances and don’t need to know anything beyond the basics. Since being friendly and not friends is where your parents’ relationships may begin and end, don’t invite everyone to join you guys at dinner. Your parents drove all this way to visit you and spend time with you.

Our friends are supposed to be the ones we come to in our most dire times of need. The people who hold our hair back after a long night of Nuvo, the ones who we have on speed dial – right after mom and Chipotle pick up. Anyone lucky enough to have a good friend knows that if done correctly, friendship can be everything. Just not a living arrangement.

Now correct me if I’m wrong (and I know that CollegeCandy readers aren’t afraid to do this!), but friends do not make good roommates. Hanging out with friends at school is fine, lunch dates are cool and visits are awesome. But a year-round sleepover is a huge mistake!

If you get tired of being around your younger sister for 24 hours, imagine being around your bestie. You know little sissy’s deep, dark, disgusting habits and preferences – the way she leaves the carton of juice on the table after breakfast, how she hogs up the bathroom in the morning because “she wants to feel fresh before school,” how she sleeps with her closet light on because it reminds her of sunset – the list goes on and on. You don’t know every single annoying thing that your best friend does, and trust me; you don’t want to find out. You can expect the worst from your siblings because you’ve unfortunately seen it all by now. And if you’re lucky, one door slam makes it all go away. Getting adjusted to those close living quarters and your friends’ habits may be too much at one time.

Besides unexpected revisions to your internal best friend encyclopedia, expect to get tired of your home girl. The prospect of going to school with someone who is close to you is great, don’t get me wrong – especially if you’re coming from out of state. But imagine riding to school with her. Unpacking with her. Sleeping in the same room. Washing up together. Going to breakfast, going to class and going to the same social events. Amiga overload, much? I’ve seen it happen so many times; people come to school with pre-determined cliques and never take the initiative to meet new friends.  That’s a huge part of the college experience that shouldn’t be wasted.

Friends get into the hugest fights after living together. They can be over the smallest things (like sleeping arrangements or channel preferences). Those small problems have the potential to turn into bigger problems over time.  You don’t want to lose your friend over a miniscule issue – true buddies are harder to find as we get older. Maintaining a good, solid friendship is tough work. Adding a bunk bed and a small closet into the mix can throw things in the wrong direction.

I implore you to let your housing office do the choosing. Take a chance! If your friend is a good one, she’ll be waiting in the wings.

Disagree? So did Meg! Read her pro-living-with-high-school-friend post right here. Had your own similar experience? Tell us below.

[Life after college is hard. Like really hard. But it's not so hard that you should curl up in a ball and watch E! marathons all day long. Not only are we covering the experience from a first-hand perspective, but we're now covering it from a how-to-survive-it perspective. Every week, we're going to bringing the best advice to getting through your first post-grad year. Because sometimes, your grandmother's "just go to law school" advice just doesn't cut it.]

Choosing a roommate in college was easy. Your best friend, duh. But choosing your real world roommate gets a little trickier. Why? Because you’re an adult now and you need a roommate who acts like an adult. And sometimes, your very best friend doesn’t always act like one– and there’s more than your sleep and study space at stake now, it’s important things like your credit.

So how do you choose a good roommate and start off your grown up living situation on the right foot? Follow these guidelines and you’ll be living fight-free!

1. Discuss Money: Not to say money isn’t an issue in college, but it’s definitely not as much of an issue. There was one “nice” restaurant near my college campus and that meant the meals were $11 total. But in NYC, where I currently live, meals can range from $1 to $1000. Suddenly  money means a lot more and you need to discuss what you’re comfortable spending with your roommate. Give your roommate an idea of how much you’re making. Chances are that if she makes more, she’ll be comfortable spending more on things like rent, shared groceries, apartment cleaning, cable plans etc. Let her know off the bat how much you are willing to spend each month on the basics. Maybe you should buy your own groceries. Perhaps you should pro-rate the bedrooms depending on size. There are lots of options for living  on varied salaries within the same apartment, but if you don’t discuss it beforehand, things can get awkward. No it’s not a fun conversation, but it’s much better to have it before you start fighting over buying organic peanut butter.

2. Find someone responsible: Because there’s nothing worse than having to remind your roommate again and again to pay the rent every month. Or to set up the cable appointment. Or not to spend her paycheck on clothes. You want to live with someone who handles their money like an adult. And I’ll tell you why. Your rent is constantly late? That’s your credit. Electric bill in your name and it’s way overdue? Your credit.  This stuff follows you for the rest of your life and you don’t want to let it slide. It sucks, but it’s the truth.

3. Drop the school year mentality: Bad roommate in college? No worries, it was only for 9 months and you had a few big breaks during the school year. But in the real world, leases are not only for a year, but you tend to stay in one place longer. Moving is expensive and there’s a strong chance you’re not going to want to move each year. Oh, and unlike college, your lease cycle is most likely going to be different than your other friends. So you can’t switch up roommates that easily. This is why I emphasize the importance of thinking long and hard about your roommate choice. Do you want to see this person everyday for two years? If you already get annoyed with one of her quirks, then wait until you see her every single day after you come home from a long day at the office. Choose someone who you think will want to live with long term.

Follow these simple guidelines and I can almost promise things are going to go smoothly. I’m speaking from my own experience…the kind where I didn’t follow this advice and I ended up living with someone who constantly is late on rent, eats my food and calls me stingy when I won’t spring for the pricey toilet paper.

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[There are over 100 million sites on the Internet. 100 million! You might think you know about all the important ones (CollegeCandy, Gmail, Google, Facebook…), but there are thousands of other sweet sites out there (like Teach Parents Tech, We Are Hunted and Paper Back Swap) and more showing up every day! We get it – it’s not easy or fun sifting through the crap and porn to find those gems, so we’re gonna bring the gems to you. Just sit back, kick up those feet and allow us to introduce you to the diamonds in the internet rough.]

Winter Break is awesome: there are no tests to study for, you get to spend time with your friends and family, and you can get lots of sleep. The worst part of Winter Break, however, is that it just seems to go by too quickly. Sooner than you probably want to think about, you’re moving back into the dorms, buying books,  and dropping those 9am discussion sections you got stuck with. However, the process of preparing for the upcoming semester doesn’t have to be a hassle.

With Stingy Campus, planning your semester is easy, because everything you need is in one place!

Stingy Campus allows you to search housing, roommate and job postings and browse the online marketplace to buy and sell items (such as old textbooks or furniture). Utilizing the listings on Stingy Campus will not only save you a bunch of time by putting everything in one place, but it will also save you time (and money) by allowing you to connect with people on your campus or nearby campuses to buy and sell items, instead of having to wait for and pay shipping on an online order.

Stingy Campus also helps with the academic aspect of college. There’s a searchable database for class notes, in case you’re too hungover sick one day and can’t make class. They also offer a “rate a professor” system, which can help you choose classes based on what other students had to say about the professor. You can help out your fellow students, too, by uploading your own notes and contributing to professors’ ratings.

They also feature some pretty sweet giveaways. They just gave away an Android Netbook, and they’re currently running a contest to win an iPad! You can learn more about how to enter that contest here.

Stingy Campus makes getting ready for school/life faster and easier — so you can spend more time working on that Spring Break bod or, dare I say it, reading for pleasure!?

You fight to keep your eyes open as you take the elevator up to your room. As you round the corner and get closer to your room you grow more excited to kick off your shoes, peel those skinny jeans off your legs (you swear they weren’t this tight when you bought them…) and take a one way ticket to Snoozetown.

And then you see it. Scribbled on the dry erase board tacked to your door: come back later.

The writing is messy, but the message is loud and clear. Your roommate’s got someone in there and you are not welcome.

Angry, you stand there for a few moments taking it all in. It’s late on a weeknight. Everyone else is already asleep. And how long have they been in there?  Where the hell are you supposed to go? When can you come back?

You scan the hallway. Yup, everyone’s doors are closed and the hall is quiet. You are going to have to find somewhere else to pass the time. You take the elevator back down to the study room on your dorm’s main floor. You’re exhausted, but you decide you’ll do a bit more reading and try the room again in a half hour.

When you walk in you find another student in there reading on a couch.

“You too?” You ask. She nods.

You head towards one of the over-stuffed chairs but reconsider and move towards a table. The last thing you want is to get too comfortable and fall asleep down here. You unpack your textbook, grab a highlighter and start reading. But after getting through 3 pages and realizing you have no idea what you just read, you close the book and start chatting it up with your fellow Sexilee. You vent, you complain, you commiserate. Then you see a boy walk past in the hallway and, thinking that must be the man of the evening, take that as your cue to head back upstairs.

When you approach the door you notice the note is still on the dry erase board but you reason that your roommate must have forgotten to wipe it off. To be safe, you knock. You hear some giggling.

“Come back in five minutes!” Your roommate calls from inside.

“Come on! It’s late!” You call. You know you sound ridiculous, but you just want to go to sleep, damnit.

“Five minutes!” You’re tempted to throw open the door and break up the little party, but the fear of seeing some guy’s bare butt stops you. So you put your bag on the floor, pop a squat and wait it out.

Not five, but fifteen minutes later, the music stops and the door opens. Startled (it seems you have dozed off) you jump up. Your roommate laughs and shoos her guest towards the elevator. You gather your things and drag yourself towards your bed. Finally, you can get some sleep.

Well, after your roommate gives you the 20 minute rundown of her evening romp, that is.

—

Yeah, we’ve all been there.
It’s annoying, it’s infuriating…but it feels DAMN good when you can get sweet Sexile revenge.

What a bitch. Seriously, the next time you see her you are going to open a major can of whoop ass and tell her everything that is on your mind: she’s a crappy friend, you can’t trust her, and those jeans you told her you liked? Yeah, they make her look FAT!

You sit in your room waiting for her to come home, stewing. Each passing minute brings out more and more anger, and you think of more things you can’t wait to say to her. You have never been this angry. You are afraid she is going to cry. You have been waiting to say these things for a long time and there is no telling how it is all going to go down.

You hear her come home. She drops her things and comes and finds you in your room.

“Hey!” She says, in that annoyingly chipper tone.

“Hey,” you reply.

“What’s up?”

“Nothin’, just studying. How was your day?” So, you chicken out. She just looks so normal and happy and you don’t know how to verbally bitch slap someone to her face. You know she doesn’t mean to be a bad friend, and you feel bad unleashing all that anger on her. And having to watch her reaction.

She starts talking about your other friends and the things they are saying about you, and you begin getting angry again. How could you not confront her?! But you can’t. Not to her face. She eventually makes her way back to her own room and signs online.

You see her name pop up on your Facebook chat list and that is when you let it all out.

“You know how I said I was fine? Well I’m not fine! You are a crappy friend….”

Sure, she was just in your room. Yeah, she can hear you tapping your foot through the wall. Ok, so you couldn’t say this stuff to her face; it is just so much easier online! Why have to tell her something to her face when you can hide behind your MacBook and not have to see her reactions? There is nothing wrong with doing it this way, is there? You will get it all out and then have the make up hug in person; it’s basically the same thing.

Actually, it’s better. You are getting it all off your chest and this way you have time to think about what you want to say and feel so much more comfortable saying it online. You’re protected and safe making you much less likely to pussy out of saying what’s really on your mind, and you can do it all with sad/angry music playing in the background to set the mood. (Try doing that while talking to someone face to face.) Plus, there are emoticons, which are basically like talking to someone in person. Right? Right. Anyways, you do everything else online (like shopping, researching and telling boys you like them), so why not this?

Eventually, fingers cramped and armpits sweaty, you say what you need to say. She says what she needs to say. You both throw a few “XOXO smiley face” IMs in there and it’s over. You both get up from your computers, meet in the kitchen for a snack and carry on as if nothing ever happened.

—

Don’t worry; you’re not alone. In fact, I’ve got the Kings of Leon blaring as I’m having an online fight with my BFF right this second. In 2011, I feel it’s the only way to go.

Dear Tuffy Luv,

So to start, this is humiliating, but last Friday night I peed my bed. I’m a 24-year-old grad student and live in the dorms at my school. I have no idea what happened, and this was a completely random event. Anyways, my roommate found out (it was pretty easy, she was awake when I woke up soaked…), which was even more embarrassing. I got up, took my wet pajamas off and went to take a shower. When I got back to the room, I stripped my sheets and took everything to wash. When I got back, I sprayed my mattress with Lysol…I think I handled the situation very responsibly.

But Monday, I got an email from my RA, requesting a meeting with me, my roommate, and her boss, who runs the whole dorm. Come to find out, my roommate had taken pictures of my wet bed and clothes. In the meeting, they expressed their concern that a girl my age was “still wetting the bed,” which is apparently how my roommate explained the situation. My RA’s boss said I had to pay for a new mattress and am required to have a waterproof mattress cover on the new one. Having the mattress cover isn’t a big deal, but paying for the new mattress caused my account to be billed and now my parents are aware of the incident. My roommate also told EVERYBODY in our hall about my accident, a rumor that has circulated to many more people on campus and made me the target of many snide remarks. Up until now, we had a great relationship. But I have no idea what to do! This has been the most humiliating few days of my life. I really don’t want to live with her anymore-should I request a room transfer or what? I cannot believe this has become such a big deal!

If you could offer advice, I’d really appreciate it,
Thank you,
BW

Dear BW,

Oh, man. That sucks.

Well, these things happen, no? Once in a while, some horribly embarrassing incident occurs, and, happily, you really did deal with it well. As you say, you were responsible, and you were also considerate.

Unfortunately, we can’t say these things about your roommate.

Okay, first let’s get this part out of the way: health stuff, yes? I’m glad to hear this is the first time it happened. Probably it was just a total fluke. (Were you drinking? That’ll do it.) But if it happens again, you should go get it checked out by a doctor. There are, Tuffy just learned, a number of things that can cause a person to wet their bed even when they’re otherwise healthy. So, seriously, if you find yourself in the same situation again, get thee to the college clinic.

In the meantime, your roommate is a total bootch and you should definitely move out.

There is no way to salvage your relationship with this girl. Instead of asking if you were okay, she went behind your back and told everyone a very embarrassing and personal thing. Karma will get her; you just get out. Don’t just request a room transfer. Transfer out of the building. There is really no way for you to recover from this. Something crappy happened to you, and then your roommate made it crappier. I’m not telling you to run away from it, but I am telling you to GET away from it. Cut your losses and move and then never speak of it again.

As for the haters who bring it up, I’d just put on a sad face and say, “Oh man, I was really sick that night” and refuse to give any other details. Hopefully they’ll feel messed up for bringing it up (which they are) and, either way, you know not to deal with said individuals again.

And your roommate? Eff her in the ear. Don’t speak another word to her. Ever.

Sorry, man. Feel good.

Hearts & Skulls,

Tuffy Luv

Like a little pain? Get more Tough Love right here.

The Textaholic. The movie you’ve been dying to see for weeks now is about to begin and the message comes up on the screen reminding everyone to turn off their cell phones.  The movie starts and as you’re trying to enjoy Jacob’s shirtless bod in Twilight, you’re interrupted by the constant sound of clicking coming from behind you.  It’s two hours tops, people— put the phone away!  If something is really that important, take it outside.

Resolution: Texting Support Group. Enough said.

The Stinker. It may be your best friend or maybe even some random guy in line in a store, but either way— they stink.  Unfortunately, they are so used to their extreme body odor by now that they don’t even notice it anymore.  People may have even told them and they still refuse to jump in the shower once every few weeks.

Resolution: Febreze isn’t just for your mildewy apartment anymore….

The “Do You Like Seafood” Eater. I love to eat and I’m sure a lot of other people do too.  The thing I don’t like about eating is when I’m with someone else and they shovel food into their mouth, start talking, and their food ends up on my plate.  Sorry, do I look like a baby bird that enjoys eating pre-chewed food? No.

Resolution: Ever heard of an etiquette class? Sign ‘em up! And if that doesn’t work, getting a table for 6 when it’s just the two of you and sitting at the other end should send the message loud and clear.

The Less-Than Stellar Roommate. They sound like a wildebeest when they snore, leave sandwiches with living things starting to grow on them under the couch, and make you listen to lovely animal-like grunts coming through the walls (or better yet, across the room in a dorm) when you’re trying to get a good night’s sleep.

Resolution: Two words: Air horn. And I would also highly suggest purchasing ear plugs unless you feel like learning to enjoy noises straight out of the Discovery Channel.

The Attention Whore. Do you know someone that constantly needs all eyes on them 24/7 and expects everyone to drop what they’re doing and focus on them and only them the second they enter a room?  We all do.  Sadly, some people need a wake-up call to realize the world doesn’t always revolve around them.

Resolution: Don’t acknowledge them every second that they expect you to.  After awhile of this, they might have a revelation and suddenly discover that other people in the room may have things to say too! Crazy, I know.

The Creeper. Sometimes it’s hard to resist the urge to stare at people (especially if it’s a cute boy) while you’re hanging out at the mall, or anywhere for that matter. I have to admit, I’m an avid people-watcher myself, but sometimes it gets a little creepy.  Especially if there’s an old man sitting across from you that wouldn’t turn his head away if his life depended on it.

Resolution: Stare back! With big eyes. If he likes it, run away.

The Gossip Girl. She spreads rumors and tells secrets she’s supposed to keep to herself.  There’s nothing more annoying then someone who thrives on causing drama and on top of that, loves every second of making other people’s lives miserable in the process.

Resolution: Give her a taste of her own medicine. I’m not saying go spread around that she’s pregnant with a criminal’s child…but you catch my drift.

The Borrower. One of the best parts about having friends is being able to borrow cute clothes from them.  When someone borrows something, it’s expected that it’ll get returned, but there are always those people who keep “forgetting” that they have something of yours and only give it back when you go fetch it yourself.  And you usually have to rip it out of their dead, lifeless grip.

Resolution: “Borrow” their stuff….and accidentally spill red wine on it. Woops!

The New Year should be full of lots of surprises and lots of fun people.  What are some other annoying people that need a kick in the butt for 2011?