"I'm smiling but if she doesn't take out the garbage soon I'm going to punch her in the face."

Did you ever wake up, peer out groggily from under the sheets at your roommate who is still passed out in her bed across the room, and wonder why the eff you two are living together? Sure, it seemed like a good idea last year when you perused flea markets for cheap futons together. It even seemed to still make sense just a month ago when you were first getting used to each others’ loveable quirks. But then one day, it just hits you, like a shot of tequila.

Who is this girl that you thought you knew?
Why does she do that weird sh*t all the time?
Most importantly, how are you going to survive the year without completely snapping and throwing a beer can at her head?

I really hope none of you are going through this, but if you are, I can relate. As I type this, I am being serenaded by Lauren, my cute-as-a-teacup friend and roommate. I’m not sure what song it is, but I’m fairly certain it’s from the musical, Rent (I loathe musicals). She has a lovely voice, and who doesn’t enjoy the occasional serenade, right? Well, it happens to me probably three to five times a day on average, and it’s ALWAYS when I’m trying to actually accomplish something school-related. I don’t know why she can’t sing at me when I’m procrastinating, painting my nails, watching It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia online, or just sitting around, which, realistically, is 75% of the time. Why is it always when I’m busy? Read More »

Someone needs a little more 'bux in her cram sesh.

College. Sigh. It’s unlike any other time in your life. It has its own set of rules, its own unique circumstances. And it’s not always easy to navigate. Enter…me!

Every week I’ll be tackling your questions about college. From classes to keggers, I’ll do my best to respond and be your Pez dispenser of collegiate wisdom. Got questions? Unsure of a decision? Just wanna talk to a pretty cool lady (if I do say so myself)?

Hit me up in the comments or shoot me an email at melanie@collegecandy.com

How can I cram for a test effectively?
Okay, first of all, cramming and effective should not go in the same sentence. But if you lost track of time (or couldn’t pass up a week-long Beer Pong tourny the week of exams…) and you must cram, pick a place that’s quiet and distraction free. Preferably the library or a Starbucks. Load up on caffeine, make an outline of the most relevant points that are going to be on the test, make flashcards, whatever; just writing down the information will help you learn it. If you’re in a time crunch, skip the excess and read (and read again and again ) summaries and Sparknotes.

Cramming is different for everyone. Personally, I crack open a red bull and hide in a deserted classroom and make absurd nmenumic devices. If Redbull’s not your thing, snag the most expensive drink at Starbucks. It’s a 13 shot venti soy hazelnut vanilla cinnamon white mocha with extra white mocha and caramel. $13.76 (with tax). Gross, right? Read More »

While signing my life away last year… I mean, my apartment lease… many things crossed my mind:

1)   No more crappy cafeteria food!
2)   Yay for bonding! We’ll be all up in each other’s business all the time.
3)   We’ll have so much in common – we all have boyfriends!

Now this has become two (sorta) truths and a lie. I went from cafeteria food to massive amounts of frozen food shipped from my loving mother. (What can I say? She refused to let me live on Ramen.) And being all up in each other’s business turned out to be more than I bargained for. Think assigned chores, paying rent, and dealing with cockroaches when we moved in (still makes me shudder!). And as you may have already guessed, the boyfriend and I broke up. So that leaves (put your hands up!) a single, independent woman who apparently makes references to Beyonce songs when she talks about herself.

Yes, I’m single and living with three other girls in relationships. Read More »

[It's pretty obvious that the average CollegeCandy reader has some very strong opinions. Opinions that she likes to share with everyone on the site. We love a strong woman, so we thought we'd give her a real forum to discuss her thoughts, feelings, and perspectives. Every Friday I'll be featuring a hot topic (like a textbook throwdown!) and leaving it up to you, the readers, to duke it out. So, read it and get your debate on in the comments section below!]

Two weeks into the semester and most of my friends are already sick enough of their new roommates to have practically moved in with their boyfriends. All this shuffle got me to wondering – wouldn’t it be easier if they could all just live with the boys the way they almost are now?

Turns out that I’m not the only one thinking along these lines. In fact, murmurs have been floating around for the last couple of years about some schools that are not only making their dorms coed, but their dorm rooms.

That’s right, mixed gender roomies. Read More »

You finally made it over to the bed. His shirt is off, your underwear is soaring across the room. The lights are dim. The bed is quickly being destroyed. Lips are locked and you’re ready for sexy time. And then you hear the tap, tap, tap at the door.

Ah, interruptions during sex.

Everyone hates it, but in college, it seems unavoidable.  Maybe college students just don’t have the decorum to realize that if the door is shut, locked, and the person inside is yelling and pleading for you to go away, you should just walk away. Or perhaps since most college students are used to sharing everything from computer labs to showers, they think trying to walk in on their roommates sexy time is a-ok.

Seriously, whenever my boyfriend and I are trying to have some alone time, one of his three idiot roommates ruins the moment. It is usually like clockwork. If one of them isn’t sliding pennies under the door (yes, this happens. It’s strange, I know) to get my boyfriend’s attention, it is his annoyingly pompous roommate knocking to “inquire” about a bill. Oh, and my personal favorite is when they need to borrow my boyfriend’s stapler. It’s 1am on a Saturday, why the hell do you need a stapler?

If we wanted them to join, I’m sure we would leave the door open. But we don’t. And I don’t get it. If we just said goodnight twenty minutes ago, why are you sliding pennies under the door? What is it that makes people so oblivious to the need of alone time with a significant other? Maybe human beings secretly enjoy ruining the moment for someone; a little satisfaction knowing that a simple interruption can make a couple lose the desire for the moment. Or maybe that need for the stapler really is that imperative. Read More »

Ah, it’s almost back-to-school time. August is quickly coming to a close and I can practically smell summer ending. Although it’s hard to part with backyard BBQ’s and cut-off shorts, the end of summer also ushers in something I enjoy equally as much: The return to campus.

But not everybody is headin’ back to a cramped, 8×10 box that college officials have dubbed “ the dorm.” Nope—some of you ladies (myself included) will find yourselves hunched over textbooks in more reasonably-sized quarters. Yes, I’m talking about off-campus houses and apartments! Although living off-campus for the first time is exciting, there are a couple things you definitely need to know when preparing to live on your own for the first time.

1. Grocery shopping sucks. At first it sounds freakin’ sweet to be able to grab a cart and throw whatever goodies your little heart desires into it. It’s so much fun to ogle all those fresh fruits and veggies and delicious frozen pizzas. The first time. But going grocery shopping when you’re hungover/starving/lacking caffeine is not fun. It’s a tedious, exhausting and costly activity. Find someone else to do it for you. For real.

2. Signing a lease is like signing over your life. It is HARD WORK to break a lease. Once you sign your name on that dotted line, you’re at the mercy of your (slum)landlord. Although there are ways to get around it (like by having a good lawyer, or a REALLY sh*tty landlord), most of the time you’re locked in until your move-out date, sister, regardless of your personal issues. Read More »

A trip to the campus bookstore is an exercise in self-assurance. When you spot an intriguing book that you cannot wait to read cover to cover, you may or may not have the cajones to bring it up to the counter. Why, you ask? Hmm, maybe because its entitled The Going Down Guide: Tongue Tips and Oral Techniques for Men and Women!

Sure, it may be full of exclusive tips that you are dying to learn and try out on your man, but can you really muster the moxie to pay for it along with a bottle of water and box of pens?

“What if the cashier thinks I have an oral-fixation that I need to feed in between classes by learning how to properly fellate a fellow?” The embarrassment would be akin to buying the economy-size box of tampons at the grocery store while still in your PMS PJs.

But, now I wonder: what other hidden treasures can I find in the bookstore that I’m too scared to plunk down the cash for in public?

Unhooked: How Young Women Pursue Sex, Delay Love, and Lose at Both
What it’s about: So, do you think that by hooking up you’re being sexually empowered and going after what you want for a change? Not so, says Laura Sessions Stepp. She “follows three groups of young women over the course of an academic year to discover what hooking up is all about. She attends class with them, parties with them, and listens to them talk about their sexual encounters – coming away with some enlightening and disturbing insights into sexuality.”

What it tells the cashier: I am sorta slutty and I want to know the repercussions.

Read More »

This past Sunday was by far the most stressful night of my entire life. Not only was Desperate Housewives new for the first time in months, but Melissa Joan Hart’s movie was premiering and the Natalie Holloway story was airing. Now I’m not a mathematician or even a biochemical engineer, so figuring out how to schedule all these things onto my DVR within the same two hour period was quite the challenge. But after a half hour of concentration (and realizing MJH’s movie My Fake Fiance runs back-to-back for four days) I figured it out.

I  had assumed that I would watch the Natalie Holloway movie and My Fake Fiance in private while my roommates were at class so I wouldn’t have to hear them make fun of me for days on end (I’ve spent the entire year pretending not to know that we have Lifetime Movie Network). But then someone threw a joking reference out about My Fake Fiance and I latched on. It’s not that either of us thought it would be anywhere near good, but we both knew that it was going to be so bad that it would be hilarious. And then, like a gift from heaven, another friend wanted to watch the Natalie Holloway story. And before I knew it, there were 5.5 (the .5 is for the neighbor that got stuck watching but didn’t appreciate it for the art that it was) of us sitting around watching this marathon of horrible-yet-addicting TV. Read More »

Your 10 page paper on the complete works of Shakespeare is due in less than a week. You vowed to spend all of Sunday at the library working on it, but an impromptu beer pong tournament broke out at your house on Saturday night and you were so busy eating Oreo Cakesters and chugging Vitaminwater that the entire day passed you by. Now it’s crunch time and you have no choice but to bang it out.

You decide not to waste any time, so you skip the long walk to the library and work at home. You tell your roommates not to bother you, lock the door to your room and settle in for some serious paper writing.

Only your desk is really messy. You can’t focus when you don’t even have space to spread out your books. So you clean it. Twenty minutes and a garbage can full of papers later, you decide to take out the trash. But before you do that, you might as well make sure there isn’t anything else that needs to be thrown away. You begin to clean your room. Once it is clean, you tell yourself, you will be able to focus. Read More »

[It doesn’t matter what school you go to, what state it is in, how big it is, whether it is public or private, all girls or coed…there are experiences that all college students share.No matter how crazy you think your personal situation is, it is not just you. So, let’s bring it all out in the open. Right here. Because you are not alone - we’ve all been there before.]

It might be your roommate’s birthday, or your birthday, or just another Saturday night on campus. Either way, you are currently standing in front of your over-stuffed closet in a towel with wet hair dripping down your back. You’ve got your pre-party mix blasting from your laptop as you scan your closet for something to wear.

To the left is a pile of jeans. 13 pairs of jeans to be exact. Dark wash, light wash, skinnies, trousers, wide leg, bootcut. To the right hangs your shirts: long sleeve, short sleeve, camis, halters, all in every shade of the rainbow. Read More »